Stepbrother Bastard (20 page)

“
Don
’
t
worry Dad,
”
Cash
says through gritted teeth,
“
I gave up on trying to
save you a long time ago.
”

Wordless
rage smothers John
’
s response. The weathered
old man spits on the grass at his feet and turns away, storming off into the
house. I cringe away as he brushes past me, my whole being repulsed by him. He
doesn
’
t
know the first thing about his oldest son. How noble he really is. And to
think, he and my mother are the reason we
’
ll
never be
together the way we want.

Maybe
they really
do
deserve each other.

“
Thanks,
”
Luke says gruffly,
rubbing his shoulder,
“
For the assist, I mean.
”

“
Of
course,
”
Cash says,
matter-of-factly,
“
You may be a big dumb
jock, but you
’
re still my brother.
”

Luke
lets out a short laugh and, to my surprise, throws his arms around Cash. They
hug quickly, fiercely
—
pounding each other on
the back before breaking away. Luke doesn
’
t
even look at me as he takes off around the house. I have the feeling his mind
is otherwise occupied. As he rounds the corner and disappears from sight, the
fear and anxiety that I
’
ve been holding back come
flooding through my body. I sink down onto the porch steps, letting my face
fall into my hands. Tears stream through my fingers, unable to be contained, as
Cash rushes to me.

“
It
’
s
all right,
”
he
murmurs, wrapping me up in his arms,
“
It
’
s
all right, Maddie.
”

“
H-how
can you say that?
”
I sob, curling against the shelter of his
body,
“
Everything
’
s
going to shit, Cash.
”

“
Last
time I checked,
”
he replies, smoothing the hair out of my
face,
“
Everything
’
s
shit more often than not. Guess I
’
m
just used to it.
”

“
But
why
,
”
I
insist, pulling back to look up at his gleaming hazel eyes,
“
Why
get used to it? Why settle for being miserable your whole life?
”

“
I
didn
’
t
realize I was living such a miserable life,
”
he says, jaw pulsing.

“
Your
dad just tried to beat the shit out of you and Luke,
”
I cry,
“
He
’
s
invited a woman you barely know to live in your home
—”

“
This
isn
’
t
my home, Maddie
,” Cash
tells me firmly,
“
And
that man I just kept from punching Luke
’
s
teeth in? He may be my father, but I gave up on him acting like a decent dad a
long time ago.
”

“
So
you just don
’
t care?
”
I press him, pulling away
from his tight embrace,
“
Our parents are ruining
any chance of us being in each others
’
lives once this trip is
over, and that
’
s just fine by you?
”

“
Last
I heard from you, that was out of the question anyway,
”
he shoots back angrily,
sitting back away from me.
“
You made it pretty clear
that you didn
’
t want to see me again once we leave
here, Maddie.
”

“
I
thought that
’
s what
you
wanted,
”
I tell him,
“
Shit,
Cash. This thing between us was supposed to be a one night stand. No strings
attached. How was I supposed to tell you that I was starting to fall for you?
”

His
gaze is hard on my face as I realize what I
’
ve
said. What I
’
ve owned up to.

“
You
should have just told me,
”
he says firmly,
“
That
’
s
what you should have done. Instead of trying to guess at what I wanted, or just
assuming that I wanted a quick, easy fuck
‘
cause
I
’
m
a guy. That
’
s where you fucked up, Maddie.
”

“
I-I
’
m
sorry,
”
I tell him, blinking back
the next wave of tears.

“
I
’
ve
always been honest with you,
”
he shoots back, his face stony,
“
I
’
ve
been more honest with you than anyone. Ever. Why don
’
t
you trust me enough to do the same?
”

“
I
didn
’
t
know I
’
d
be able to trust you, Cash,
”
I say around the knot in my throat,
“
You
were just a handsome stranger at a bar. I didn
’
t
think you
’
d turn out to be
…
you
.
”

“
And
now?
”
he demands, planting his
elbows on his knees,
“
Do you trust me now?
”

“
Of
course,
”
I breathe, placing my
hands on his arm. But he tugs away from me; my fingers close around air.

“
Then
why don
’
t
you tell me what it is you actually want here, Maddie?
”
he says, his tone cool
and measured,
“
No games, for once. Give me the
truth. Do you want to cut this thing off when we leave here or not?
”

“
Even
if we both wanted to see this through,
”
I begin shakily,
“
It
’
s
out of our hands, now. Our parents will be living together, Cash. As a couple.
Don
’
t
you know what that means? We can
’
t
keep seeing each other, let alone
—”

“
That
’
s
not what I asked, dammit,
”
he growls, shoving a hand through his dark
curls,
“
I
asked what
you
wanted, Maddie.
”

“
How
can I know that?
”
I cry, exasperated,
“
The
thing I would
really
want isn
’
t
even possible any
—”

“
Just
say it,
”
he presses, hands
clenched angrily,
“
What do you
want
.
”

“
I
want you to have been a stranger,
”
I say in a rush, reaching
for his hardened fists,
“
I want you to be anything
but a Hawthorne. I want to be anything but a Porter. But there
’
s
nothing we can do to change that, Cash. Nothing.
”

“
It
’
s
not as cut and dry as that,
”
he says, grabbing hold of my hands,
“
We
don
’
t
have to give them that power over us. You can
’
t
choose your family, Maddie. But you can choose to leave it behind.
”

“
What?
”
I breathe,
“
What
do you mean, leave it behind?
”

“
Just
what I said,
”
he
goes on fiercely,
“
We don
’
t
owe them anything, Maddie. Our parents. We
’
ve
had to fend for ourselves all this time, keep afloat however we could. They
’
ve
only ever weighed us down. Why not cast them off?
”

“
You
really think you could do that?
”
I challenge him,
“
Cut
your father out of your life, just like that?
”

“
He
cut himself out,
”
Cash says firmly,
“
I
don
’
t
mind returning the favor.
”

“
And
your brothers?
”
I
demand,
“
You
could turn your back on them, too? Luke and Finn, the men you
’
ve
been protecting your whole life?
”

“
I
don
’
t
—
I
wouldn
’
t
—”
Cash stammers, his voice
faltering for the first time since I
’
ve
known him.
“
They
’
re
not a part of this.
”

“
We
all are,
”
I tell him, my voice
heavy with remorse,
“
You can
’
t
just carve out part of your family, without hurting the lot of them. You know
that, Cash.
”

“
I
don
’
t
know any such goddamn thing,
”
he snaps back,
“
But
at least
I
’
m
willing to figure it out. I
’
m willing to try for
you
,
Maddie.
”

“
You
say that
…”
I say softly,
“
But
I can
’
t
shake the feeling that I know how this will end, Cash. If we try to keep going.
It
’
s
going to end in us getting hurt.
Bad
.
”

“
So
you
’
d
just as soon give up,
”
he says. It
’
s
a statement, not a question. And a statement I have absolutely no response to.

“
Cash,
”
I plead,
“
Please,
try and understand. This thing between us
…
it
’
s
huge. The kind of huge that could make or break a lifetime. And right now, we
’
re
toeing the point of no return. If we take one more step, we could ruin each
other
…”

“
Or?
”
he says, his voice low
and rasping.

“
It
’
s
too hard to think about
‘
or
’
,
”
I whisper,
“
Because
I know that
‘
or
’
could be the best thing
that ever happened to me
…
but I
’
ll
never get to know for sure.
”

“
So
I don
’
t
get a say in this,
”
he snarls, tearing his eyes away from my
face,
“
You
’
re
just going to do whatever the hell you want, is that it? Whatever keeps you
from feeling an ounce of pain? Jesus, Maddie. Getting anything at all worth
having
is gonna hurt like a bitch. I know you
’
re
strong enough to take it. Why can
’
t
you just trust yourself to be
—”