Stepbrother Broken (The Hawthorne Brothers Book 2) (21 page)

“
Or something,
”
Mom bubbles, smile widening. She has that mischievous
glint in her eye that almost always spells trouble. A cold spike of dread
pierces my gut as she goes on. Have I completely misjudged this situation? And
if so, what fresh hell is she about to spring on us?

“
Actually
…”
Mom trills, glancing around at us conspiratorially,
“
God, I feel like a teenager again, dishing with you
girls like this. But actually, things have been going so well for me and John
here that he
’
s
…
he
’
s invited me to stay!
”

I
feel the wind rush out my lungs as my body goes stone still. The alarm that was
only a whisper moments ago raises its voice to a keening wail. And all it keeps
saying is,
“
NO. NO.
NO
.
”

“
You mean like, for another couple
of weeks
…
?
”
Maddie
asks quickly.

“
And another, and another,
”
Mom beams, oblivious to the distress on her daughters
’
faces. As fucking usual.

“
Mom, just cut to the chase, OK?
”
I snap at her, my heart dashing itself against my
ribcage,
“
Exactly how long are you going to
stay here playing house with John?
”

“
Watch your tone,
”
Mom shoots back at me, her airy demeanor suddenly run
through with fire,
“
But since you ask, I
’
m planning on staying indefinitely.
”

There
it is. The nail in the coffin. Not only can Luke and I not come forward about
our feelings now, I
’
m not sure we can even be a
“
we
”
anymore. If Mom and John are
taking the next step in their relationship, if this isn
’
t just a fling after all but a full-fledged
relationship
…
there
’
s
no way Luke and I can keep pretending that what we
’
re doing isn
’
t wrong.

For
the first time since meeting Luke, acidic shame starts to eat away at me. This
incredible, life-changing thing we found in each other has, in a moment, become
something sick. Something we should be embarrassed about. Something we should
bury deep inside ourselves and never drag out into the light of day again.

And
I
’
m not sure I
’
ll ever be able to forgive my mother for that. 

“
But
…
You
don
’
t live here,
”
Anna sputters, sounding far younger than her years,
“
You live in Vermont. In our house.
The house we
’
ve always lived in.
”

“
Yes, dear,
”
Mom snaps impatiently,
“
I
know. I have been living in that house much longer than any of you. And since
you
’
re planning to move out to go
‘
find yourself
’
,
Anna, I
’
d soon be living there all alone.
Or I would have been, if John hadn
’
t offered
—”

“
Are you
…
Selling our house?
”
Maddie
cuts her off.

“
I am planning to sell the house,
yes,
”
Mom replies without ceremony.

“
But that
’
s
—
you can
’
t
—
were
you even going to talk to us about it?!
”
I shout, feeling the world
fall away beneath my feet.

“
That
’
s what I
’
m doing now,
”
Mom sighs, exasperated,
“
Not
that I need your permission, but I
’
m taking my time weighing the
decision to
—”

“
Really? Because it seems to me like
you
’
ve already made your choice,
”
I cut in,
“
We love that house, Mom. Our whole
childhoods, our entire lives with Dad was there. That place is all we have left
of him. We can
’
t lose
—”

“
Don
’
t tell me about loss,
”
Mom
spits back at me, her entire demeanor transforming. All week, we
’
ve only been seeing her bright and cheery side. But
now that dark streak of hers has come out to play.
“
I know all about loss, thank you. Your father was the
love of my life, from the time I was just a girl. You
’
ll never be able to feel the loss of him the way I
have.
”

“
Christ, Mom
…”
Maddie says disgustedly,
“
Are you seriously making our grief into a pissing
contest right now?
”

“
Of course not,
”
Mom replies sharply,
“
Because
it
’
s no contest whatsoever. Your
father is a part of your past. You can all move on and lead long, happy lives
now. But he was my future. My entire future. I
’
ve lost more than you can possibly imagine, losing
him.
”

Maddie
falls back against the chair, shocked by our mother
’
s unfeeling, deluded response. But honestly? I wish I
was surprised by her callousness. By now, her disregard for us isn
’
t shocking. It
’
s just disappointing as hell.

“
What would you even know about what
we
’
ve all been going through since Dad
died?
”
Maddie says softly,
“
In the past three years, you haven
’
t bothered to check in with any of
us about how we were doing. Not once. You don
’
t know the first thing about how his death has changed
our lives.
”

“
Please,
”
Mom says, waving her hand dismissively,
“
I think I know my own daughters
—”

“
Did you know I
’
ve been seriously depressed for the last three years?
”
Maddie cries,
“
Did you know that I barely made it
through the first semester back at school after he died? That I almost dropped
out just before graduating? I talked about being a literature professor like
him for my entire life. Did you ever wonder why I suddenly changed my mind and
punted to marketing? It
’
s because reading the books he
loved, following in his footsteps, was too painful for me once he was gone. His
death has changed my entire life. My entire future. Not a day goes by that I
don
’
t think of him. And all that's to
say nothing of your other two daughters.
”

I
stare up at my big sister, my heart wringing painfully in my chest. I
’
ve never heard Maddie speak so bluntly about her own
struggles with Dad
’
s death. While I was off working
through my own grief, she was all alone on the West Coast with no one to help
her through hers. Mom
’
s body goes rigid as she throws her
gaze my and Anna
’
s way.

“
Is this how you girls feel as well?
”
she asks us,
“
That I
’
ve been
‘
negligent to your needs
’
since Archie passed away? Hmm?
”

Anna
’
s blue eyes harden to stone as they fix on Mom
’
s face.
“
I don
’
t know if you can say
‘
negligent
. Since you never considered our
needs in the first place. I
’
d say indifferent, if anything.
”

I
stare at my little sister, taken aback. She never calls Mom out on her shit,
preferring to protect her feelings and let her keep on living in the fantasy
world she
’
s created. Christ, do I know
anything about my sisters at all?

“
That
’
s ridiculous!
”
Mom says heatedly.

“
Why bother asking if you
’
re just going to shoot us down?
”
Anna shouts back,
“
The
truth is, Mom, that we
’
ve been taking care of you since
Dad died.
”

“
Especially Anna,
”
I say, finally picking my jaw up off the floor,
“
I got to run off to drama school and deal with shit on
my own, but she was left to pick up the pieces while you collapsed. We know
that Dad
’
s passing was hard on you. Of
course it was. But how can you say that we didn
’
t feel it too? How can you know so little about your
own kids and not even care?
”

“
Well,
”
Mom says, rising to her feet,
“
If this is the way you feel, then I
’
d think you
’
d be happy to be rid of me. I
’
ll stay here with John, and take myself off your hands
for good.
”

“
For good?
”
I cry, pulling all the punches now,
“
Mom, be serious. You
’
ve had plenty of flings since dad died. How is this
one any different? You
’
re putting our family, our home,
everything at stake for him. Please, just take a second to consider
—”

“
You
’
ve given me plenty to consider tonight,
”
Mom interrupts me,
“
I
’
ve apparently failed you as a
mother, isn
’
t that right? You
’
d be better off without me?
”

“
That
’
s not what we
’
re
saying at all, Mom,
”
Maddie whispers,
“
What I
’
ve wanted more than anything else
since dad died was my mother. I
’
ve always wanted you to be a part
of my life. Please don
’
t make that impossible.
”

“
I see,
”
Mom replies with disdain,
“
Well, girls. Thank you for making this decision so
easy for me. Since I
’
m apparently incapable of being a
good mother to you, I
’
ll just go ahead and bow out.
Seeing as I
’
m impossible. Anna, you
’
re more than welcome to stay at the
Vermont house until it
’
s sold. Though I suggest finding
other accommodations quickly. I
’
m sure that property will get
snatched up quick.
”

With
that, she turns away and leaves us there on the porch. Here one moment, gone
the next. Same as ever. Only this time, she has no idea of the heartache she
leaves in her wake. The world goes blurry around me as tears flood my vision,
coursing hotly down my cheeks.

“
I just
…
I can
’
t believe her,
”
I mutter.