Still Surviving (28 page)

“Yeah?” Our eyes met, and she smiled.

“Thank you.” The words were quiet as I kissed her cheek.

We ordered drinks, and we started over.

I took a deep sip of Jameson as the silence between us all started to pulse.

My father broke through the tension first. “I’ve screwed up, I get that. I need you to know that. But, being alone and fending for myself, it’s all I know. I want the best for you and Jeff. It’s why I did what I did; it’s why I worked to get back everything we had stolen from us.”

“You can’t shut Jeff out because he chose a different path. You can’t shut me out because I want to as well. You’re just as bad as her, Dad, can’t you see that?” Tiffany covered my hand with hers on the tabletop, giving me a bit of her strength.

He let his gaze fall to his empty glass. “I don’t see it that way, Seth.”

“How can you—“

“Don’t interrupt me.” The clipped words were rushed. “I don’t see it that way, but I know I need to change. I need to let you boys make your own choices and mistakes. Jeff is already riding his own path, and so far, it’s working for him, and now you want the same thing, and it scares me.” He cleared the emotion from his throat and sat taller.

“You need to tell this shit to Jeff, you need to help him out. No matter what the fuck happened to you, no matter what you think is right, Jeff needs his dad and Maria needs her Grandpa. Don’t worry about me. I’m still figuring my head out, but Tiff… I love her, she’s helped me.”

Tiffany’s intake of breath drew my father’s attentions away from me and on to her. “It seems that way, doesn’t it?” His lips hinted at a small smile. “I did the best I could with you boys, and I may have let my own pain dictate my rules, and I’m sorry if that hurt you.”

“I think we’ve all had enough, Dad… I think it’s time to move on.” I turned and immersed myself in her gaze. Tiffany’s proud smile pulled broadly as her eyes narrowed in on my mouth. The din of the restaurant faded as we absorbed the moment. I mouthed the words thank you, and she whispered I love you.

“Maybe it is, son, maybe it is.”

The night hadn’t been a total win; my father had so many years of bullshit clogging his veins. But, at least he could see himself for what he had become. At least, he agreed to let Jeff back in his life more. He’d apologized to Tiffany for his behavior and spent the majority of dinner talking art with her. He only asked about her family once, and when Tiff said she didn’t really have any, he dropped it.

After he paid for the bill, which he never did, we said our goodbyes with an agreement to have dinner as a family soon. Jeff needed that, and I hoped my dad would keep his word. It felt good to finally be honest with him, to show him how he had royally fucked us up. He needed that long, hard look in the mirror, and I was grateful that Tiff had given me that push to tell him the truth.

The ordeal was finally over, and I was driving Tiff home. I couldn’t seem to shake the shitty feeling I had. She lowered the music on the car stereo. “What’s up, you’re quiet. Dad stuff?”

“Not really, I feel good about that actually.” I’d felt fine until we were in the car. I didn’t want to admit it, but the idea of dropping Tiff off and going home alone was eating away at me slowly. “I think I’m officially pussy whipped.”

Tiffany’s eyes glittered, as she laughed harder than I’d ever seen her laugh before. Her arms wrapped around her stomach as she tried to control her breathing. “Oh god, that’s…that’s so funny,” she stammered.

I bit the side of my cheek, trying to suppress my grin. “I’m glad I amuse you.”

“It’s just crazy. I never would have ever… I mean, there you sit in this extravagant as hell car with all your tattoos and muscles, and… God, that smile, Seth, it’s enough on its own… and you want this.” She pointed at herself and frowned.

I held the steering wheel with one hand and wrapped my other around her thigh. The fabric of her skirt moved easily as my fingers drifted along her skin. “Why wouldn’t I want you, Tiffany? The way you create, your passion for your art, it’s the same way I feel about music… you’re gifted. You’re sexy as fuck… you taste like sin, and I can’t get your smell out of my head. Just thinking about you gets me going.”

I wanted to show her. I wanted to pull over on the side of the road, bury my face between her legs, and taste that sinful as hell pussy again and again until she couldn’t take it, until she begged me to stop.

She was quiet, and I took my eyes off the road to look at her. Her cheeks were flush, and her breath came quicker with each second of my stare. “You make me crazy, too.” She looked up at me from under her long, thick lashes, and I smiled.

“You have no clue, Angel, what I could show you…” I brought my eyes back to the road but slid my hand further up her thigh, and she shivered.

She let her head fall back against the seat as she opened her legs just enough for me to slip my hands between them; her mouth parted as I pulled my fingers across the center of her panties.

“Show me, Seth.” She bit her lip as I added a bit of pressure.

There wasn’t a rush; I didn’t need to greedily take every minute. I had her in this moment. I had her now and planned to have her in my life as much as possible… That shitty feeling I had earlier completely dissolved.

We had all the time in the world.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Seth

T
HE SNOW WAS FALLING
pretty damn hard as I pulled into the driveway. One of these days, I needed to trade in this car for a four-wheel drive. I couldn’t believe it was almost February. These past three and half months had been fucking golden. The Heathman account was acquired. The money I’d get from that would be rolling in soon, and I’d be able to make a real life for myself. My father was slowly figuring out that I wasn’t going to be spoon-fed his shit anymore, and he was really trying to make things work with Jeff and me.

Hopefully, in the next two weeks, I’d have enough cash to buy out Frank and make Blue Bar Music mine. Frank was getting old, and Todd was always complaining how Frank couldn’t keep up with the trends and that the business was becoming harder on him. Todd and I discussed becoming partners more than a few times, and after Tiffany left to work at Magnolia full time, Frank was more than happy to discuss retirement.

The car idled as I watched the fat, wet flakes fall onto my windshield. The Christmas lights were lit on the gutters, and the wreath that Lily had placed on the front door shook in the icy wind. Todd’s lazy ass still hadn’t taken down the Christmas decorations. It didn’t bother me though, the holidays made me think of
her
. My mind was always on Tiffany these days. She was this permanent fixture that was always shining behind my eyes. We’d shared so fucking much of each other in this short span of time that I wasn’t sure how I’d ever lived the life I had before her. How had I lived for so long without breathing, without seeing, without fucking tasting this unspoiled reality? I was glad that Tiff was the only woman to have ever shared my bed, because all those girls before her didn’t exist anymore, and I was glad that I didn’t ever have to picture them there. She was my only one…
my only one
.

The snow started to accumulate on my side view mirror. Tiffany was supposed to come over later, but this weather was starting to get worse. It looked as if I was going to pick up Tiff after all. I didn’t like the thought of her driving in this at night. My plan for tonight was to surprise her by taking her to look at the house I put an offer on up in the Avenues. The neighborhood was nice, and Tiff had mentioned a few times she loved that area.

We trusted each other, we had faith in our relationship, but I wasn’t stupid. We both had years of pain that was finally and gradually starting to ease. Each step for us was big… first birthdays, check; first Christmas, check; moving into together… the jury was still out. Living alone was something I was okay with; I just wasn’t sure if I was ready… or if she would even want that. Tonight would… I hope, hold some answers.

The driveway hadn’t been shoveled, and my boots fell deep into the new powder. Todd needed to come shovel this shit. Lily was really starting to show now that she was moving into her last trimester, and Todd was working overtime so she could stay home more. That meant I really needed to get the hell out of here — secure the place I’d been looking at this past week and get the full burden of Blue Bar music off of just Todd’s shoulders.

The condo was a bit chilly because Lily was always hot. Today was no different as I walked through the front door.

“Oh God, just leave it open. It’s stifling in here.” Lily was sitting on the couch in shorts and a tank top, her hands resting on her round belly.

“It’s freezing in here, baby, you’re gonna get sick.” Todd walked out from the kitchen and handed her a bowl. “How was the firing range? Guess you had to shoot inside today?” I shut the door and shrugged my coat off and hung it on the wooden rack.

Lily took the bowl from his hand and smiled at me awkwardly.
Hell no
. “Are you eating my fucking cereal?”

“Reese’s Puffs are the only thing I can eat that’s sweet and doesn’t make me still want to hurl,” she whined, and I tried to feel bad, but I didn’t.

“Get your own damn cereal.” Yes, I was being a child, but fuck; don’t touch a man’s food.

“Are you seriously arguing with a pregnant woman over food?” Lily cocked her eyebrow at me as she spooned a mouthful passed her lips.

I huffed and ignored her, letting my annoyed glare fall on Todd. “Yeah, we shot inside. It was cool. Jeff and I need to hang out more. We haven’t done that in a long time.”

“I’m sorry I ate your cereal.” Lily didn’t look sorry. “Again.” She smirked, and I almost did as well. She was like the sister I never had or wanted.

“Don’t say sorry to this shithead.” Todd pushed me hard on the shoulder. “Dude, I’ll buy you more.”

“I know. It’s just… it’s mine.” Lily rolled her eyes and continued to shovel down my goddamn cereal. I suppose I deserved it though. I messed with her a lot. I guess this was payback for the frozen underwear. “You working tonight, bro?” I asked as I dropped down onto the couch next to Lily. She squeaked as the milk from her bowl spilled, my weight on the cushion caused her to lose her balance and her hold slipped on the spoon. I couldn’t suppress the laugh as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Sorry, Hell Cat.”

She grumbled under her breath, and Todd gave me a dirty look. “Yeah, Tiff coming over?”

“She should be. I may go pick her up instead if this weather doesn’t let up.” I switched on the TV and started to zone out when Lily jumped.

“Holy hell, he’s getting so strong.” Lily’s smile was so big there was no way I could stay mad at her.

She jumped again. “Seth, give me your hand.” Her voice was childlike with excitement.

I was confused. “Why?”

“I want you to feel the baby.” She gawked at me like I was an idiot for asking.

“Uh, hell no. That’s fucking weird.” My lips pulled down into a frown as Lily gave me an annoyed glare.

“Oh my god, give me your freaking hand.” She placed her bowl down and scooted to the edge of the couch.

“There is no way I’m fucking—“ Lily grabbed my hand and placed it against her stomach. I felt a small kick, and I swallowed. Lily’s smile grew.

“You feel that, Seth?” She locked eyes with me. The unique yellow color was vibrant as the unshed tears pooled at the corners of her lids. I nodded. She took my other hand in hers and placed it on the other side of her belly.

It felt as if something was rolling inside her, and then the small sensation, the gentle bump against the palm of my hand made me smile without my permission. “Holy shit, Lily.”

“Crazy, huh?” Her lips spread into a grin. She titled her head down, a few tears trickling down her cheek, and whispered to her belly. “Hey, baby boy, this is your uncle Seth… better stay away from his cereal okay?”

Lily’s laugh was full and it caused the baby to move; she cringed. I immediately moved my hands. “You okay?”

“He just got a rib.” Lily scooted back into the couch, and I handed her the bowl of cereal.

“You have a human… inside you.” The words came out before I could stop them. “That’s so fucking strange.”

“Isn’t it?” She chuckled, and Todd cleared his throat. “Should we tell him the name then?” Lily smiled up at Todd, and he nodded.

“We’re naming him Lyric A. Dixon… A for Alistair which is Todd’s middle name and his Dad’s name… which you know…” She gave me a worried look, “…well what do you think?”

“I think Seth is a much better name than Lyric.” My face was deadpan serious.

“You’re an asshole.” Todd shook his head and grinned.

My mouth separated into a broad smile. “Always, bro… always. It’s never going to change.”

T
HE COLD AIR OF
the condo caused the steam to linger as I pulled my heavy, dark red sweater over my undershirt. My hair had gotten long on the top and hung down well into my eyes, the sides still short. My fingers ran through the wet strands as I pushed them to the side. My blue eyes glanced quickly over my appearance in the mirror. I hadn’t been nervous with Tiff in a while, but tonight felt important, and I couldn’t shake the edgy feeling that was building just underneath the surface of my skin. My phone vibrated and drew my attention away from my anxious stare.