Still Surviving (23 page)

“What I’ve been dying to do since the moment I saw you, Seth.” Tiffany gave me a shy smile as she lifted her shirt over her head.

I glanced around quickly to make sure no one could see her. We were alone, in the rain, and I was about to finally have what I’d wanted for so long. She was stunning. The ink of her tattoos stood out against her pale flesh. The rain created rivulets of water that snaked along the curve of her breasts, making me jealous. My mouth ached to be wrapped around them.

I sat inside the car as she approached me, my body turned so that my feet were resting on the damp grass. I was soaking wet, but I couldn’t give a shit. Tiffany rested her hand on the top of the open car door as she stood between my legs.

“Get in here.” I swung my legs back into the car and pushed the front seat back as far as it would go, making room for her to straddle me. She shut the door to the car as she positioned her legs on either side of my body. I pushed the wet fabric of her skirt up along her thighs. I hadn’t seen the new geometric lace like patterns she’d permanently etched on her left leg. The tips of my fingers ran along the lines, and she shivered.

I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it aside. The back of the seat was still up right and her bare breasts pressed against my chest as I took her mouth to mine with a groan. I would never get tired of kissing her. Every time my mouth enveloped hers or her teeth pulled against my lips or my tongue tasted her, I regretted all the wasted years I had denied us this connection. I was angry I’d let myself live so long without this sensation in it. I should have always been kissing Tiffany; I should have worshiped her mouth, her flesh, every day of my life.

She rolled her hips against me and I inhaled a sharp breath. I took her breast in my mouth and sucked at the peak. The sweet floral taste of her skin made me fucking dizzy. She sighed, and I was ready, ready to be inside her… to know every part of her. Our eyes met, wordlessly pleading to each other that we needed more. Tiff unzipped my pants and tugged them down just enough as I lifted my hips. Her hands moved across my chest in slow waves, pulling her thumbnail down my stomach making the muscle twitch.

My hands skated down the curve of her hip, and my fingers wrapped around the thin fabric of her panties. One hard tug and she was bare to me. I thought for a moment I should push the back of the seat down, but I liked this, being face to face. Another first for me. Tiffany had all the control as she stroked her hands up and down my cock, my body, making me feel more than I ever had.

She lifted her hips and I aligned myself at her entrance, watching as our bodies slid seamlessly together. My head tipped back on its own accord as the muscles in my body tensed. My teeth raked along my bottom lip trying to suppress the groan. The sensation of slipping inside of her was overwhelming and my fingers dug into the flesh of her thighs. I was still trying to maintain some control, but her body was breaking me down. She leaned against me as she set the slow, tortured pace, pulling me in and out in a mellifluous beat.

She placed her hands on my face and locked her eyes on mine. We watched each other with deep abandon; her lips trembled as she got closer, and my jaw tightened as her body dipped and shuddered against me. She bit her lip just like I knew she would, and the skin from her chest up to her cheeks was a perfect pink blush.

“I need to fucking kiss you.” My voice wasn’t mine; it was weak and I didn’t care.

My hips thrusted against her pace as my thumb circled her clit. Our mouths crashed, collided, nipped, sucked, and the sound of her voice as she came pulled me over with her. The scent of orchids, sex, and rain hovered between our bodies as we both clung to each other. Tiffany’s fingernails gripped my shoulders as she rode out her climax. My hands tangled in her hair, the loose bun now completely undone. Our mouths never separated, our bodies still connected… shuddering and damp with perspiration.

I’d never had sex like this. I’d never been with a girl without a barrier, her riding me, keeping me still. I’d never felt the pride of coming inside someone, letting her body know I was hers to keep; she was mine to have. She and I together, her breathing matching mine, my forehead now resting against her chest, we weren’t animals. We were in love… and for the first fucking time, I got it… I understood how a woman could destroy a man, because in this moment, I’d give anything, any-fucking-thing, to stay like this forever.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Tiffany

M
Y LEGS ACHED AS
they trembled against Seth’s body. His forehead rested against my chest, and his strong hands gripped either side of my ribcage, his breathing rapid. I brought my fingernails gently up his spine, and he shuddered.

“Tiffany.” His voice was rough. Seth pulled away slightly so he could look at me.  The blue in his eyes was electric. I rolled my hips and he hissed. “Fuck.”

My lips spread into a grin. I loved this. I loved being seated on top of him, having him inside me, making him feel for once. I was the one who brought him to his limit — it was my body, my pace, and my love that made him fall. It made this moment something I’d never forget. Seth was a part of me; I couldn’t deny that. I’d fallen head over heels for him ages ago, but now… now I knew this was it. He was it.

“Seth.” I raked my fingers through his hair before letting my palms settle against his cheeks. He looked so vulnerable as he searched my face. His brow was barely furrowed as if he was confused, his cheeks still flushed.

“This… you’re…” He inhaled deeply. “… you make me feel things…“ He pulled my hands from his face and placed them against his chest over his heart. The hard, fast thud was unmistakable. “You feel that?” He pulled the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip, and I moaned. I was beginning to love the familiar gesture. His heart rate increased under my hands, and a faint smile crossed his lips. “That’s all you. You, Tiff. You fucking own that, this heart… it’s yours and I… I’m not fucking sure how this happened, but I want you to have it. You make me feel worthy; you make me feel better than the fucking animal I’ve become.”

Tears brimmed and spilled down my cheeks. “You’ve never been an animal, Seth.”

He wiped the tears away and cast his eyes down. “You have no idea what I was, Tiff, what I am capable of. I’ve done such stupid shit, wasted my goddamn time. This whole time… it’s been you and I—“

“It’s been me?” My eyebrows creased. All this time he’s wanted me too?

“The moment I saw you… that day at Blue for the interview… you were so different. You looked at me with those big ass doe eyes, and I was sold. I just… I’m so fucked up.”

“You’re scared, Seth. You’ve always been scared. What your mother did to you… to your family. I don’t blame you. It’s how you coped. You fucked easy chicks, and I cut myself. If that makes us animals, than I’m just as much of an animal as you are. You had to lose yourself in other people, and I had to lose myself in pain. It’s who we are, and, honestly, I wouldn’t want you any other way. You’re it for me, too. My heart is your heart.”

My hands slid up his chest and tangled in his hair as he crashed his mouth against mine. He sucked my bottom lip, and I rocked my hips, capturing his groan in my mouth. Our bodies had never parted, and I felt him come to life inside me again. This time was different from the first. It was urgent, fast, and hard. His one hand fisted in my hair while the other wrapped with gentle pressure along my throat.

“Tiff.” His hand tightened in my hair as I ground my hips down in a circular motion. He trailed his free fingers down my chest between my breasts, past my stomach, resting them between my legs with a pressured pulse. My body heated, and my thighs began to constrict as I gave myself over to him. “That’s it… come for me.” His thrusts pushed him deep inside me, and I cried out. He pulled my head back and nipped at my jaw, my neck. The sensation was too much and my muscles clamped down, making him growl. The warmth of his release filled me, and my entire body shivered.

The music was pale, and it was as if our harsh breathing was the only sound in the small space of his car. The outside world meant nothing to me… to us in this perfect moment. He kissed me deeply, his mouth slowly devouring mine with lazy precision. “All day, Angel, every day, I could spend like this. Buried inside you.” He grit his teeth as he pressed his hips up against me. “Feeling you… taking you… making you shake like this… I’ve only just started.”

The seductive threat sent goose bumps across my flesh. I placed a kiss to his swollen lips and smiled against his mouth. “My heart, Seth, it’s yours… you have all the time in the world.”

“Mmm. I can’t wait.” He nipped my upper lip and smiled.

The sun broke through the rain clouds, casting a dim ray of light into the car. “We have to go, don’t we?” I frowned at the oppressive sunshine.

“I should probably feed you. I mean, isn’t it customary to feed your date?” Seth chuckled, and I snorted.

“I’m pretty sure I should have let you feed me before we—“

“Fucked… twice.”

“Nice.” I laughed at his unabashed candor. It was one of my favorite things about Seth; he didn’t filter himself. He just said what he was thinking, point blank. I gradually moved my body over to the passenger side of the car. My legs burned from being in the same position for so long. I let my skirt fall before I sat down completely. My torn panties were laid out in the center console, and I grimaced.

“I’m not sorry about that.” He picked up my panties and grinned. I snatched them playfully out of his hand. He laughed as he dressed himself.

“I’m not sorry either.” I felt my cheeks heat, betraying my overly simulated hormones. I cleared my throat. “I’m thinking take out. I’m pretty sure we could both use a shower. You want to go to my place?”

The humor left his eyes and his face turned serious like the question I’d just asked was pivotal. He took a few short seconds to answer. “I think… I think I’d like it if you’d come to my place.”

“Okay, whatever works? I’ll borrow something of Lily’s.” I smiled, and he watched me for a moment more before he backed the car out.

He rested his hand on my thigh and kneaded the muscle. The relief was sharp as his firm touch pulled the ache from the overworked muscles. “My place it is.” He gave me a small smile, but his voice held conviction. Seth was taking me in, making me his, bringing me into his private world. It had taken me a second to figure that out. He was taking me home. He was letting me in… his heart was my heart. His pain was my pain. This was all new to us, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate. These past three years all belonged to him whether he knew it or not.

“This day, everything, it was exactly how I’d hoped it would be.” I took his hand in mine. The confession slipped from my mouth before I could stop it. He glanced at me while he drove. “Thank you for giving me today, Seth. For trusting me with all of you, for giving me another
best.
”

His smile lifted with my intake of breath. Out of all the
bests
he’d given me, this one, this day, was my favorite.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Seth

T
HE ENTIRE RIDE HOME
all I could think about was how fucking good this felt. How being inside her was the only place I ever wanted to be. There was no way I could survive the loss of her; she was it, and I was in fucking love with her. She was every high standard I’d ever set for myself; she was living music.
How had I let this happen?
This wasn’t what I thought I ever wanted, but I should have known. I was so out of control with Tiffany; when her skin was against mine, her taste spilling across my lips, her body taking everything I had to give… I was lost… lost to the melody of everything that was her. The only other time I felt like this was when I was playing music. I had learned her notes, and now I wanted to make every part of her mine. I should have known the day I first saw her, the day she captured my attention, I would eventually,
finally,
give myself over to her.

The condo was empty once we arrived. Todd and Lily were at work, and I was thankful. Tiffany and I needed this time, this time to be just us.
Shit.
If I could, I’d tie her to my bed and never let her leave. The thought made me smirk. Tiffany tied up. I’d file that away for another day.

“You want to shower first, and I’ll order dinner. Thai okay?” I asked while I flipped on the lights in the front room. Tiffany gave me a curious look, her mouth twitched and she bit her lip. “What?”

“You don’t want to shower with me?” She furrowed her brow, but a smile played around the edges of her lips.

Tiffany… fully naked… in my shower. I was instantly hard. “I figured you’d want your privacy… girl shit.” I shrugged my shoulders.

She laughed loudly, bringing her hand to my shoulder. “Seth, are you serious right now?”

“I’m out of my element.” My honest words made her chuckle.

“I’m cold, my clothes are sticking to me in all the wrong places, but all I can think about right now is you. All I want is you.” She pressed her body along the length of mine and brought our mouths together. She pulled gently at my lip with hers. The way she kissed me, the way she licked at the seam of my mouth, opening me up, filling me with her sweet taste. It was an unhurried passion, a slow… slow ache, and I became lost to her touch. She paused, “Shower with me.” The request whispered against my cheek.

I nodded and took her hand in mine. My bathroom was in my bedroom. I’d never, not once, had a chick besides Lily in my room. My heart started to pound in my chest, and my ability to breathe became a talent I no longer possessed. I stopped outside my door and anxiety flooded my veins.

“Seth, are you okay?” Tiff’s hands framed my face. “You’re pale. Are you sick?”

I was sick. I was everything she shouldn’t want… I was her shadow. I shouldn’t do this. My eyes fell to hers. They were wide and shining. She was seeing me for my flaws, she was seeing me self-destruct. But, I needed her in my life; she was
it
for me. “I want to let you in.”