Still Surviving (21 page)

T
HE HOUSE WAS PACKED
. Everyone was here and everyone was coupled. Elizabeth and Sawyer. Cam and Colby. Todd and Lily. And now… Seth and me. The fear of feeling like an outsider subsided quickly after we’d walked in. The smell of Liz’s home cooked meal, the welcomes and happy well wishes for Seth and me made it seem like I’d always been a part of who these guys were. It helped that Liz’s daughter, Sailor, was pretty much the most adorable kid I’d ever seen. Todd’s daughter, Molly, wasn’t here tonight, so I could say that and not feel guilty.

Seth seriously almost had an orgasm over the fact that Liz made Philly cheese steaks, and I think I laughed for a solid five minutes over his reaction.

“Don’t judge me until you try them. Sin on a plate. That’s all I can say.” Seth scowled at my laughter.

“He’s right, these sandwiches are fucking legendary.” Todd clapped his hand on Seth’s shoulder.

“Oh my God, Todd, you’ve
got
to stop swearing in front of Sailor. She’s gonna say that word, and it will totally be your fault.” Cam’s sweet voice echoed over the chatter of the house. I’d only met her a few times, but I still couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. She was so tall and had long, thick strawberry blonde hair, not to mention all the curves to go with it.

“She’s not even in the room, Cammie, so shut the hell up.” Todd shoved her playfully.

“She’s right, bro, how would you like it if I always swore in front of Molly?” Seth’s eyebrow rose in question.

“That’s different,” Todd said.

“How?” Cam looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“She’s old enough to understand shit. Sailor still drools and barely has teeth, let alone the ability to say fuck.”

“Watch your mouth, brother.” Sawyer’s deep masculine voice boomed, and Todd cringed.

“Sorry.” Todd gave him a repentant look, and Seth laughed behind his closed fist.

“What? You’ll listen to him?” Cam was incredulous.

“He’s her dad.” Todd’s smile widened.

Cam huffed. “I’m practically her aunt.”

“Not really,” Seth said flatly without real emotion, and it made me giggle. He was trying to stir the pot.

“Whatever.” Cam stormed out of the room and the boys all laughed, including Sawyer.

“Cam’s so cute when she’s angry.” Todd’s shoulders shuddered with amusement.

Seth laughed and took my hand in his “You hungry?”

“I’m starving,” I replied.

Dinner was as Seth had described it.
Sin on a plate.
Elizabeth was such a good cook. Not one person spoke at first when we sat down to eat, but after the first few bites were eaten, the dining room slowly filled with the murmur of conversation.

“Are you liking the tattoo shop, Tiff?” Elizabeth asked as she pushed a piece of her wavy chocolate brown hair behind her ear. Her bright blue eyes observed me kindly from across the table.

“I do. It’s been great so far. I’m thinking about leaving Blue to work there full time.”

“You what?” Todd’s surprised tone silenced the room.

“I really want work at Magnolia full time, Todd. It’s what I’ve always wanted.” I felt uncomfortable being the center of attention at the moment and gave him a pleading look to let it go. But this was Todd I was talking to, and he never let things go.

“That sucks. You’re just gonna leave… no hesitation?” The sadness in his voice mixed with an undertone of betrayal.

“It’s what she wants, bro, drop it.” Seth’s tone bordered on irritation as he gave Todd a pointed stare.

“It’s fine, Seth. Todd, don’t worry. I’ll stay on very part time if Frank will let me. Still help with inventory and stuff. I won’t leave you high and dry. I’ll make sure someone is trained and running things better than me before you and Lily have the baby. I promise.”

The collected gasps alerted me that I had just fucked up… royally.

“The baby?” Elizabeth gaped at Todd while Lily gave me a wounded look, and I felt like crap. Todd gave me a murderous expression, and I felt tears start to pool in my eyes. How could I let something like that slip?

“I’m… I’m,” I stuttered unable to speak as the emotion squeezed my throat shut.

“It’s okay, Angel,” Seth’s calm whisper and his warm hand on my thigh helped me keep my cool, but I could feel my hands shaking under the table.

“You’re having a baby?” Cam’s voice was high pitched, and Todd smiled.

“We are, we just found out.” Lily spoke through tears, and her smile met her eyes.

“Oh my freaking God, I’m so happy for you guys.” Liz clapped her hands and jumped up. She gave Todd a huge hug. Elizabeth’s small body fit nicely against his, his arms fully enveloping her.

“Thanks, baby girl.” Todd spoke into Liz’s hair as he kissed the top of her head.

“I’m so sorry, Lily. I feel like I totally stole your thunder.” I wiped the tears away from under my eyes.

“It’s fine.” She laughed. “It doesn’t matter how everyone finds out. Besides, it was an honest slip. Please don’t worry about it, okay?” she implored.

“’Kay.” I nodded.

“Wait a fucking minute. You’re having a baby? You’re going to be a dad…
again
?” Colby raked his fingers through his hair. “Do mom and dad know?”

“Hell no, and I’d like to keep it that way for a minute.” Todd answered Colby but looked at me pointedly.

“I don’t even talk to your parents. Stop looking at me like that,” I scoffed.

Sawyer laughed and pulled Todd into a side hug. “Congrats, brother. You got us beat. Next thing you know Liz is gonna want another one.”

“I have to finish school first,” she said with a touch of despondency.

“Don’t worry, Cricket, you’ll finish, and we’ll make ten babies if you want.” Sawyer’s dimpled smile caused her to blush.

“Babies!” Cam squeaked, and Colby rolled his eyes.

“No way, babe. We need to focus on making it down the aisle at some point.” Colby shook his head. “You better tell Mom, Todd, and soon. This one can’t ever keep her mouth shut when it comes to Mom.” He pointed his thumb at Cam, and she slapped him on the shoulder.

Sawyer bear hugged Lily and almost lifted her off the ground. The guy was massive. He was the biggest teddy bear I’d ever seen. “Congrats, Lil. I’m so happy for you guys.” Sawyer released her and then patted Todd on the shoulder again. He leaned in and said quietly, “When are you going to make an honest woman of her?” The conversations around them were loud enough that no one could really hear what Sawyer had asked. Lily was busy talking to Cam, and Liz and Colby were debating whether or not Vegas was a good option for a wedding. I, on the other hand, was dying to hear his answer.

“You know… eavesdropping is very unattractive.” Seth’s lips played at my ear; his warm voice made it hard to hear and broke my concentration.

“I wasn’t eavesdropping.” A girl never backs down, even when caught red handed.

“You were.” His grin was wicked. He knew he had me.

“I was.”

He placed his lips to mine once, then twice, and pulled away with a smile.

“What was that for?” I asked a bit dazzled.

“Does there have to be a reason?”

I shook my head.

“I just wanted to. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since we left the car.” Seth kissed me again. This time he took his time kissing me, like he was discovering my lips for the first time all over again.

“This is different.” Cam’s voice broke into our perfect little universe, and I suddenly felt embarrassed. She was grinning from ear to ear.

“I didn’t know you liked to watch, Cammie,” Seth said in his usual sarcastic tone.

“I didn’t know you actually liked girls. I mean this is the first one I’ve ever seen you with.” Cam folded her arms.

“Oh, he likes girls. I remember when he was going to ask Lizzie Bean to homecoming. Never happened though,” Colby snickered.

“You were?” Elizabeth looked at Seth with disbelieving eyes, and I felt him stiffen next to me. Seth nodded and glared at Colby. Sawyer cleared his throat and Todd laughed. “Colby told me you wanted to go, but I didn’t believe him.” Elizabeth smiled at Seth, but it was more of a nostalgic grin. “It’s so funny how life’s choices can change a path so definitely, you know? I’m grateful you didn’t really ask me. We’d have never worked out, and then we probably wouldn’t be friends now.” She chuckled. I ran the tips of my fingers under the collar of Seth’s shirt, along the back of his neck, my touch relaxing his previously rigid posture.

Sawyer wrapped his arm around Liz’s waist and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad your choices brought you to me.” Liz gave him a small kiss for his sweet words. They really were a perfect fit for each other.

“I’d have been lucky had you gone to homecoming with me, but you’re right… you were way too good for me back then.” Seth’s laugh was real, and he gave her his full smile.

“Here’s to past lives and bright futures.” Cam held up her glass of wine.

“Cheers!” Rang throughout the room as we all raised our glasses.

The night continued, and, after Sailor went to bed, we’d made our way down stairs to where Elizabeth kept all her old music equipment. Seth was all too happy to play drums while Todd, Lily, and Liz took turns singing and playing guitar. Cam played the bass, and Colby, Sawyer, and I watched in awe of these musical gods. Seth played hard, and it felt like old times watching him play drums, shirtless — wanting him and thinking I’d never have him. Now, watching him tonight, it made my heart beat erratically in my chest because tonight I’d be the one leaving with him. Tonight he was mine.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Seth

T
HIS DAY WAS GOING
to happen. The stark ticking of my watch on the dresser was a loud reminder that today had begun. My nervous energy was overflowing as I dried off from my shower. My normal means of release, my one-night stands, no longer appealed to me, and the gym didn’t cut it today. I was already feeling needlessly pent up because I hadn’t really seen Tiff this week. After throwing on a pair of jeans, I sat on the edge of the bed. I closed my eyes and rested my elbows on my knees, as I let my head drop into my hands. The image of her in front of Liz’s house, biting her lip, the blush on her cheeks, the submission in her posture.
Shit,
stepping out of my car… it was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.

After dinner at Elizabeth’s, I took her home and drove away, just fucking left her at her apartment alone when all I wanted was to be with her. I kissed her one last time on the front step, her sweet lips burning against mine. This whole “pacing things” bullshit was the last thing on my mind whenever my hands were on her skin or my tongue was tasting hers. The memory was so real I could almost feel her nails dig across my neck and shoulders. I shook my head. I needed to see her… be with her.

Work had been so busy this week I could only stop by the bar once. Texting and her nightly good night calls were all I had this week. I missed her face.
Fuck, I was losing it.

This account my father had me on was sucking all my time, all of me away. Because my father chose this week to be in and out of town, everything rested on my shoulders, and I hated him for it. This schmoozing clients and big money sales wasn’t who I was or ever wanted to be. The more time I spent around the office — the more time I spent with my father and that lifestyle — the more I saw him for what he really was. He was turning into everything I hated. I shook my head. Maybe he’d always been this way and I’d been too wounded by my mother’s betrayal to see it. I didn’t want to think about this shit today.

Today was what I longed for and dreaded at the same time. I’d teased Tiffany all week about what we would do on our first date, but I never doubted where I’d take her. She took one of Jo’s weekday shifts so she could have this Saturday off. I stood and grabbed my shirt off the dresser and pulled it on. My shower hadn’t helped ease my anxiety, and I was beginning to think that the only thing to make me feel better was just to have her with me.

Me:
On my way.

Her response was fast and I smiled.

Tiffany:
What should I wear?

Me:
It doesn’t matter. Just be you.

Tiffany:
See you soon.

The deep breath that pulled down my throat did nothing to cure my panic. This whole day could blow up in my face. I wasn’t this guy — the guy that dated, that did cute romantic shit, that made giant gestures. I was the guy that fucked random girls so I could feel powerful. My hand rested on the handle of my door as I closed my eyes and pictured her face.
Trust this.
The handle turned easily in my grip as I opened the door.

T
IFFANY STEPPED OUT OF
her apartment. Her exotic floral scent was light as she reached up on her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek. “Where we headed, rock star?”