Stone Cold (23 page)

SHAME

“What happened to it?” Terric bent just a bit to see the inn out the car window.

The remodeling was in the “nuclear warhead came knocking” phase, about a quarter of the place demolished, a quarter of it propped up by wooden bracers and another quarter of it caged under scaffolding.

“Mum happened to it,” I said. Then, at Terric's questioning look: “She's finally doing that remodeling she always wanted to have done.”

I got out of the backseat—Dash had insisted on driving and Davy wouldn't stay at the Den no matter what we threatened him with—and paced away from the inn toward the river.

Before going in there, near Hayden—hell, near Dash and Davy—I needed some air. The food hadn't slaked my hunger, and the last life Death magic had sucked down—Mina—was gone.

Death wanted to be fed. It dragged against the inside of my skull, heavy, needful. Being around Terric helped. But I did not want to slip up now.

Sunny and Eleanor drifted alongside me. They hadn't said much since I'd been thrown in the box. Maybe being tied to me was draining them too. They seemed paler, thinner. Sunny caught me looking at her out of the corner of my eye and flipped me off.

Well, at least she wasn't any less angry at me. It was the little things that counted in a new relationship.

I opened the cage on Death magic, just enough to let it seep out from beneath my feet, seeking nourishment.

All those hearts beating hot behind me, easy to take.

Shame,
Eleanor said.

But I wasn't reaching for the lives Death wanted. Wasn't reaching for what would sate it fully.

Trees, bushes, grass would have to do. I pushed Death that way, sent it toward the river, toward the tangle of green and brown and bloom, and drank its meager broth.

There was a never-ending hole inside me. All the plants in the world weren't enough to fill it. But it helped.

“Morning,” Hayden said from the porch. “What's the emergency?”

“Hayden,” Terric said. “It's good to see you. It's been a while.”

Hayden frowned. “Saw you just over a week ago. You okay?”

“No,” Dash said, “that's why we're here. We need your help.”

Davy got out of the car and stood there a moment staring at me. I was half-turned toward the inn, so I saw Hayden take in the situation and lean back a bit on one leg.

“Shamus?” He somehow shoved an entire “what have you done now?” into the two syllables of my name.

I turned toward the house, elbowed Death magic back behind the walls in my head, and locked it down. I crunched my way across gravel.

“Nice to see you, Hayden,” I said. “Love what you haven't done with the place.”

“You boys in trouble?” he asked.

“Are trouble,” I said.

Hayden grunted and stepped out of the way of the door. “Well, come on in. Let's hear what it is this time.”

Terric and Davy and Dash all walked past him and through the door he held open with the stump of his arm. He'd lost a hand the last time we stopped an apocalypse. He hadn't let it slow him down much.

I was hoping he'd step into the inn before me so I could keep some distance between us, but he waited for me.

“Shame. You need a doctor, son?”

I shook my head. “Naw, I'm good.”

You're a mess,
Sunny said, floating into the room before me.

Hayden wasn't buying it either. “You're scratched up and bruised,” he said. “You have that hungry look in your eyes, and you're wearing a monkey shirt. You're a mess.”

“Yeah, well,” I said.

“Killed anyone lately?” he asked.

“Define lately.”

“Want to try that again?” he said.

“I'm upright,” I said. “Let's call that proof that I am fine.”

“There might still be clothes up in your room. Put on long sleeves before your mother sees those holes in you.”

“She's here?” I stopped short, not wanting her to see me, not wanting to explain why and how I'd completely lost this fight with the monster within me.

I'd killed Mina. I'd killed Sunny. I couldn't tell my mother that.

“She's in the kitchen pulling together some food. If you're fast and quiet, you'll get past her.”

I was neither of those things right now, so I just stepped into the inn, noisy and slow.

“Dear Lord.” The interior was torn down to studs. Painting tarps covered the old marble floor. All the light fixtures were gone, leaving bare bulbs hanging from the ceiling. Sawhorses, a drawing table, and a pile of power tools cluttered up the place.

When Mum said she was taking it down to bare walls, she was not messing around.

At least this time the destruction was on purpose. We'd had to do a hasty rebuild a couple of years ago after that explosion we'd set off to try to kill Leander—a Soul Complement who'd gone to death, come back with a hankering for revenge, and tried to destroy the world.

Strange, how that story sounded familiar.

The clatter of dishes in the kitchen reminded me that I needed to get moving, and I did, even though it felt strange to leave Terric behind. I crossed the room, turned down the hall, and then up the stairs to my old room.

The door to every room was off its hinges, leaning against the wall opposite.

I strolled into my room. All my furniture was set to one side, boxes labeled and piled up neatly. A box marked
CLOTHES
was in the bedroom. I flicked open my pocketknife and slit the packing tape. Pulled out a monkeyless T-shirt, hoodie, underwear, jeans, and socks. Went into the bathroom, changed.

Sunny stood in the dry shower, her hands on her hips.
Gonna give me a show?

“Don't care if you watch. You aren't the first ghost who's haunted me.”

You haven't missed anything,
Eleanor said.

I chuckled at that.

Tell Davy I'm here,
Sunny said.

“I think he knows.”

I don't care. I want you to tell him I'm still here.

“What would that get you, Sunny? He's already hurting over you being dead. Being undead? What do you think that's going to do to him?”

He needs to know,
she said.
I need him to know.

“Maybe we don't all get what we need,” I said. “I didn't mean to kill you, Sunny, but that's on me. My fault. And if I can, I'll find a way for you to finish dying.”

You're telling a ghost you want her more dead?

“Trust me,” I said, looking straight into her faded eyes, “there're much better places to be than haunting my wreck of a life.”

She didn't seem to know what to say to that, so I dressed, looked for shoes since mine were currently in a ditch somewhere between Umatilla and Irrigon.

Will you think about it?
Sunny asked.
About telling Davy?

Found a pair of sneakers, laced them up. “Yes,” I said. “Just. Give me some time.”

I ran my fingers through my hair again and headed downstairs. Hungry. I couldn't shake the hunger.

Everyone was gathered in the main dining area, sitting on sawhorses or leaning against the worktable or walls.

“Shamus?” Mum said as I walked in. Hayden had his arm around her. I figured he'd warned her about what I looked like, but maybe he hadn't warned her enough.

Her expression made me look away.

“You need a doctor,” she said.

“I need food.” I headed over to the tray of lemonade and finger food spread across a folding table and helped myself to a pile of food. I'd been careful to put on a hoodie to cover the bullet holes in my arms. All she could see were the cuts and bruises I sported on my hands and face. Well, that and the general deathness of me.

“I wasn't asking you, I was telling you,” she said. “I'm going to call someone.”

“Don't, please, Mum.”

But she was already walking out of the room.

Fantastic.

“You know better than to argue with your mom,” Hayden said.

“Pointless,” I said around a mouthful of club sandwich that should taste like heaven but was plain as ash. Food wasn't what I was hungry for. I wanted life. I wanted death.

“I'm fine enough. Until we're done with this.”

“With what?” Hayden asked.

Dash started in on the situation, telling Hayden we wanted him to guide me through the UnClosing I was going to throw at the walls in Terric's head. The big man wasn't having anything of it. I moved to the side of the room near the door and let Mr. Spade try to talk Hayden into our crazy scheme while I inhaled three sandwiches and a couple of tall glasses of ice-cold lemonade.

The food sat heavy in my gut but didn't feed my hunger. If anything, it only made me hungrier.

Great.

What did you expect?
Sunny asked.
You know what that hunger wants. You know what that hunger is—death.

“Shut up,” I muttered. Maybe a little too loud.

Dash shut up and looked over at me.

Even though I wasn't talking to him, I went with it. “I'm doing it,” I said.

“No, you aren't,” Hayden said. “I've seen a lot of stupid in my years, but you've just Nobeled that prize, boy.”

“We need Eli dead,” I said. “For that, Terric and I need to be able to break magic. For us to do
that
with any kind of control, we have to unlock the walls in Terric's head. Whoever Closed him isn't going to just come on over here and do us a solid. Zay's out of the picture, Victor's dead—and so are half a dozen other Closers Eli made sure to off months ago. We don't have options. We just have you, Hayden.”

“Don't think you do,” he rumbled.

I glanced at Dash and Terric. Terric shook his head slightly. We'd known Hayden since we were young. Knew that when he dug in his heels, it would take a couple sticks of dynamite and a gallon of gasoline to budge him.

“Well, then I guess we just have me,” I said. “I'd like to give you a say in this, Hayden, but you either step in to help or step out of the way.”

“Is that how it is?” Hayden asked Terric. “Is that how you want it?”

“We were going to do it without you before Shame thought you might help,” he said. “So, yes, I think that's how it is.”

“No,” Mum said, from where she stood in the shadows of the hall.

“Mum.” I shook my head. “It's decided.”

She walked the rest of the way into the room, closing the distance between us. Her heart was beating a little hard. Not fear of me—fear for me.

I kept my hands open, ready to block if she was throwing magic, or a knife. Growing up with a Blood magic user as a mother kept a troublemaker on his toes.

But when she was near enough, she just placed her hand over my heart. Her gentle touch stilled me more effectively than any blade.

She stood there, looking into my eyes.

My heart was beating at about half the rate of any living person, and I knew my body was cold to the touch, even after the hot shower, even through my layer of clothes. I'd died—the real no-breathing parade. And it was clear coming back to life had left me changed. Had left too much of me dead.

I waited.

“Do you hear yourself?” she asked quietly. “Do you understand that you can't undo the damage done to Terric because you aren't the one who damaged him?”

“I watched him die, in my kitchen, at the hands of a madman I couldn't stop,” I said so quietly only she would hear me. “I am the one who damaged him.”

“Terric's alive. You see that, don't you? Whatever happened to you—”

“I died too,” I said. “Not figuratively. Eli
killed
me.”

Ah, there was the shock, the sorrow. Her emotions ran blood deep, through the familial tie between us. I didn't want to say more, but I couldn't stop now. “Eli walked into my house and shot me full of bullets. Killed Terric too, sliced his neck, dragged him off to be tortured, and let someone Close him.”

I could feel the edges of her sorrow, could almost taste it on my tongue.

The Death magic inside me yearned for that pain.

She must have seen that. Seen how her pain kicked up the hunger in me.

She stepped back. “I am against this, Shamus.”

“I know,” I said.

“I can't watch this,” she said. “Won't.”

“Then maybe you shouldn't be here, Mum.”

She held my gaze a moment more, then turned her back on me and walked out.

I could count on one hand how many times she'd turned away from me. Each time she'd been right to do so. I had screwed up each of those times by not listening to her. Maybe I was screwing up now.

“You still think this is a good idea?” Hayden asked.

“I never said it was a good idea. But it needs to be done. Are you going to help or not?”

He looked off the way my mom had gone, then back at Terric. “I'm standing here, aren't I?”

Yes, that surprised me.

“Did Dash tell you what we need?” I asked.

“Other than matching straitjackets?” Hayden paced away from the wall, pointed at Terric. “Cop a squat, Terric. This would hurt at the hands of an experienced Closer. An amateur like Shame isn't going to make this any kind of joyride.”

“Amateur?” I complained.

Terric looked around, decided the floor would work and sat, leaning his back against the wall.

“You.” Hayden pointed a finger my way. “Stand right here.”

I stepped up next to him, expecting him to tell me how to draw an UnClose spell.

“If you ever treat your mother's heart like a toy you can tear apart,” he said quietly to me, “if you ever look at her like a meal you can slice up and swallow like what I just saw—”

“I didn't—”

“—I will put you down,” he said. “Do you understand me? Son?”