Stone Cold (4 page)

“Okay, you did some lousy things, I’ll give you that.” Drake found himself smiling at the man when he realized he was no longer a threat. “So, how’d you get clean? What was the turning point for you?”

“I found out my wife was pregnant with our son. I didn’t want to be a father my son would be ashamed of. My father was a good man. He died too young, but I was so proud of him. I wanted my son to feel that way about me. So…” He took a deep breath. “I went through an intensive in-patient treatment program and it changed my life.”

“I’m glad it all worked out for you,” Drake said, wishing Cassidy had the same success with the treatment program he’d paid for.

“I went back to school and finished my degree.” He took a sip of his drink before adding, “Fortunately, my beautiful wife understood when I told her I wanted to open a non-profit center to help people overcome drug addiction. It doesn’t pay much, but I love what I do.”

Drake let his words sink in before he asked, “Is that how you met Cassidy?”

Phil slid off his stool. “I think I’ll let her tell you that story, if she’s so inclined.” He reached in to his pocket and threw a bill down on the bar.

Reaching for his arm, Drake asked, “Why did you come here tonight?”

“I thought Cassidy needed me.” He looked up at the stage. “But I can see she doesn’t. She’s going to be just fine.”

“She called you?”

“Yes,” he said, sliding his hands into the pockets of his bomber jacket. “Seeing you again left her feeling a little shaky.”

Given the way Drake had attacked her, he could understand why. “Tell me something. Is she clean now?”

Phil pointed to the woman commanding center stage. “You tell me.” He looked at Drake a long time as though he was considering how much he should divulge. “Keep in mind things aren’t always as they seem, Drake. Sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper to get to the truth.”

“What’re you talkin’ about?”

Getting through that set, knowing Drake was sitting there, watching her, waiting for her to mess up so he could ridicule her, was one of the hardest things Cassidy had ever done. But knowing it was her only opportunity to prove to him that he hadn’t won, she poured everything she had in to every song she sang.

She smiled at the cowboys trying to get her attention as though she was having the time of her life. She’d almost managed to keep the smile firmly fixed in place until one of those cowboys blocked her path to the dressing room.

“Why don’t you take a whirl ’round the dance floor with me, ya sexy little thang?”

He wasn’t asking; he was telling, and his firm grip on her wrist told her that he didn’t intend to take no for an answer. Not wanting to start trouble and lose the only decent gig she had left, she smiled politely and tried to shake him off. “Maybe some other time.”

“Now sounds like a good time to me,” he said, hauling her toward the dance floor.

She tried digging her heels in, but it was no use. At barely five feet tall and one hundred and five pounds on a good day, this average-sized man was the one calling the shots in a physical battle. “I said I don’t want—” She ran straight into his back when he stopped suddenly, taking a step back. As soon as she peered over his shoulder, she could see why he was backing down.

Any man in his right mind would run when his rival was six feet three inches, two-hundred-and-forty pounds of rippling muscle that seemed poised to strike.

The last time she’d seen Drake this angry had been the night he had kicked her out of his penthouse. She knew he’d never take his aggression out on her, but any man who got in his way had always been fair game.

Concerned about the fall-out if she was the cause of a brawl in J.T.’s bar, she stepped between the two men, pressing her palms in to Drake’s stomach in an attempt to force him to take a step back. Lord have mercy, the man still had a six-pack that most Calvin Klein models would envy.

“It’s okay, hon,” she said, trying to give the man the impression they were a couple. “He didn’t mean any harm.”

Drake didn’t even spare her a glance as he glared over the top of her head. “That’s not the way it looked from where I was sitting.” He took a step forward, effectively sandwiching Cassidy between his unyielding chest and the paunch of the man at her back.

“Please,” she whispered, looking up into his dark, determined eyes.

Obviously, he sympathized with her position because he grabbed her waist and pulled her tight against his chest.

Shocked by his state of arousal, she looked up into his eyes, but he was giving nothing away. “Drake, I…”

“Look,” the other man said, raising his hands. “I don’t want any trouble. I didn’t notice the ring…” he stammered. “I’m sorry… I…”

Drake’s eyes fell to her hand on his chest. That’s when he saw it. His engagement ring still on her finger.

Cassidy felt the heat rising to her hairline as her eyes fell to the center of his chest. She heard the man behind her scramble away, but he was suddenly the least of her worries. She thought of taking the ring off, but without a safe place to keep it, that didn’t seem like an option. Her room at the shelter was often occupied by other residents and her car wasn’t an option any more than selling it was. If she’d pawned it, the ring would have paid for a cheap, one-bedroom apartment for more than a year, but every time she tried, she backed out at the last minute, telling the annoyed pawn shop owner she wasn’t ready to sell it.

“What the hell?” he asked, his hands still firmly around her waist.

People around them were starting to dance to Kenny Chesney’s “Come Over,” and Cassidy looked around, wishing she could escape into the crowd. “We can’t just stand here,” she whispered.

Instead of leading her off the dance floor or walking away, he surprised her by falling in to step with the music, forcing her to do the same. “The last thing I expected was for you to still be wearing that ring,” he said quietly.

She couldn’t bear the humiliation of telling him it was the most beautiful gift anyone had every given her, though she was certain he already knew that. Before Drake, her life had been a parade of losers intent on using her for drugs, money, and sex. He was the first man who’d ever cared enough to try and help her wrestle her demons.

Cassidy was terrified of his answer, but she had to ask. “If you want it back—”

“I don’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I just thought—”

“That I would’ve sold it for drug money.” She couldn’t blame him for feeling that way, given her state the night he found her in bed with his brother.

“Did you ever consider it?”

“Selling it?” She stole a glance at him and the look in his eyes told her if she was smart she wouldn’t even consider lying to him. “Sure.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. It didn’t seem right.”

He smirked. “But wearing it does?”

“I loved you,” she whispered, looking up at him. She could tell her soft admission caught him off guard when he sucked in a breath. “I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true.”

He looked at her a long time before he said, “You sure as hell had a funny way of showing it.”

It wouldn’t matter now, too much time had passed and his anger was still palpable, but she still felt compelled to say the words he hadn’t wanted to hear that night. “I’m sorry about what happened, Drake.” She couldn’t look him in the eye again in case the tears gathering in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. “You were so good to me and I—”

“What’s your deal?” he asked, his voice suddenly harsh as she felt his muscles tense. “You want me to pave the way to that record deal you want so bad?”

She stepped back, shocked by the sudden vehemence she heard in his voice. “No, this has nothing to do with that. I just wanted you to know—”

“Bullshit,” he said, setting her at arm’s length. “If you think I’m that same sucker who’ll fall in to bed with you just ’cause you turn those big brown eyes on me, you’re crazy. You forget, I know who you are under all this pretty packaging.”

She felt the weight of his words bringing her down, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he still had the power to hurt her. “If that’s the way you feel, why’d you come to my rescue with that guy tonight?”

“I don’t like to see another man puttin’ his hands on you.” His eyes raked over her body, making her sensitive in places she had no business responding in light of the situation. “Which proves I should just stay the hell away from you.”

He turned to leave, but she couldn’t let him go. Reaching out, she grabbed his hand. “Thanks for caring enough to come to my rescue.”

“This was the last damn time, I can promise you that.”

***

Cassidy was cleaning the center the morning after her surprise meeting with Drake when Phil called her into his office.

“How’d things go after I left last night?” he asked, pointing to the torn vinyl chair across from him.

She thought she’d seen him sitting with Drake at the bar, but it was late and she was exhausted by the time she got in after her set, so she hadn’t been able to ask him to confirm her suspicion. “Why’d you come? I told you I was fine.”

“I know that’s what you said.” He tapped his finger against his lips as he watched her for a subtle hint she may be trying to lie to him or herself. “But I heard something else in your voice.”

Phil was an expert at uncovering the truth, and she’d learned a long time ago not to try to hide her shame or embarrassment from him. He knew the whole sordid story of her life: the drugs, men, abuse, and he still managed to look her in the eye with a smile on his face. That gave her hope that maybe he wasn’t the only person who could like her in spite of her flaws.

“It was fine,” she said, running her hands over the cold steel armrests. “We exchanged a few words after my first set and then he left.”

“Your actions hurt him... deeply.”

Cassidy closed her eyes as a fresh wave of pain washed over her. Hurting Drake was her biggest regret. She lived with the repercussions of all of the other terrible choices she’d made in her life, but knowing a man like that had loved her with his whole heart and she’d destroyed that was something she would never be able to come to terms with.

“I know,” she said, softly. “I tried to apologize. I know how important it is to my recovery to make amends with the people I’ve wronged.”

“How did he react?”

“He didn’t believe me.” There was no reason he should. In his mind, she was a worthless junkie who’d gotten high and slept with his brother.

“I asked you this when you first came to the center, but you weren’t ready to talk about it then.”

So many of the questions Phil had asked her were beyond her ability to process back then. She still feared which one might resurface now and whether she had gained the strength to face it.

“How did it make you feel… being Drake Elliott’s fiancée?”

She closed her eyes, a technique Phil had taught her to get in touch with her thoughts and feelings. “It made me feel good about myself, the fact that a man like that… so successful and powerful, saw something special in me…”

“How did you feel the night he threw you out?”

She swallowed, trying to suppress her sadness. “It hurt to know that I’d disappointed him. He was the only person who ever believed that I could make something of myself.”

“But you felt you were just pretending, didn’t you?” Phil asked quietly. When she couldn’t find the voice to respond, he continued. “You were living in the multimillion-dollar penthouse, driving the luxury car, wearing jewelry that cost more than you’d ever made in a year… That must have seemed surreal to you. Like a dream you were bound to wake up from.”

“I guess so,” she said, refusing to open her eyes. She knew it was a cowardly means of escape but Phil was notorious for pushing people past their limits, and he was clearly intent on forcing her to face her past after meeting with Drake last night.

“Is that why you wouldn’t tell him the truth about what really happened that night? Is it because you felt deep down he was going to tire of you and kick you out at some point anyways, so might as well get it over with?”

No matter how much work she had done the past year, trying to heal, days like this still set her back. When she took the time to dwell on losing the best thing that had ever happened to her, it always left her feeling so empty and alone. “I don’t know,” she whispered, trying to fight back the tears.

“Yes, you do. Open your eyes and look at me, Cassidy.”

She hesitated for endless seconds, knowing he would never force her to do something he didn’t feel she was ready to tackle. Opening her eyes, she looked at him and was rewarded with a smile. That small gesture of kindness opened the floodgates, perhaps because he was one of the few people who’d ever shown her kindness.

The tears began sliding down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. “I’m sorry,” she said, reaching for a tissue on his desk. “I should get back to work.”

Her
work c
onsisted of cleaning the shelter, preparing the meals, and sitting in on group meetings to assist Phil. He couldn’t afford to pay her, but offered her a room and some free meals in exchange for her assistance. There were times when the center was filled to capacity with addicts at various stages of their recovery and she would have to give up her room to one of them. Since Phil didn’t feel it was safe for her to sleep on the couch, with the residents free to roam at all hours of the day and night, she offered to stay at a friend’s house on those nights. She would never tell Phil that she slept in her car instead of spending what little money she made on a cheap motel because she wasn’t welcome to stay with any of her band mates and didn’t have any other friends.

“I think we should talk about this,” he said firmly.

She wandered in to Phil’s center the day after her
relapse
and he had been like a beacon of light in the darkness, making her believe that her life wasn’t over. She was just starting a new chapter. He encouraged her to plan for the future, set goals, and continue the healing process with free therapy sessions whenever she was sinking in despair. She knew he offered her help because she didn’t have any one else to turn to, and she suspected he felt sorry for her, which made her even more determined not to lean on him. She didn’t want his pity. She wanted his respect and this was her chance to earn it by being fearless in the face of his challenge.