Straightening Ali (29 page)

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Won’t they find out that I’m still in touch with you when they receive it?” Ali asked.

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Don’t worry, Ali. I can take care of myself. The sooner they get that divorce paper the sooner they’ll stop hounding you and rebuild their own lives. That family must be hurting so much right now,” Haseena said.

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I know, Haseena. I know,” Ali said. “I should have listened to you and left before the wedding.”

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I have a pen here,” Haseena said, handing it to him.

Ali took the pen from her and opened up the talak document. A covering letter was attached to it from the Muslim Council in Small Heath, requesting that he divorce Sajda to free her from her marital responsibilities. The talak document itself was very simple. “I divorce thee,” it stated on it three times with a space for a signature underneath for Ali and a witness to sign. Ali signed his name three times and dated the signature.

Haseena took the document from him and signed it quickly before returning it to her handbag. “That’s the end of that chapter,” she said looking at Ali’s sad face. “Are you going to open another letter?”

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I don’t think I can read any more,” Ali said.

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Open them, Ali. Get it over and done with,” Haseena said.

Ali took another envelope from the bundle and opened it. “It’s from Yasmin,” he exclaimed in surprise.

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Dear Brother Ali,

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I hope that you are well and in good health. Aneesa and I have tried in vain to get in touch with you, but there has been no response.

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We are all so worried about you.

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Why did you leave us so suddenly?

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Life is hard at the moment or should I say most times. It is quite unbearable without you. You at least can sleep at night knowing that we are only a phone call away, but we don’t have the same peace of mind.

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What I think you fail to understand is the depth of our pain. If life could end when some one you love moves out of your life then we would have been no more.

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Unfortunately, God wants us to carry on living. The hungry heart has to feed, these restless eyes have to sleep, but this empty heart cannot be fulfilled.

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I love you so dearly. I’m sure you know that. What can I write to you about Mum? Even though you have been gone just days she misses you very much and spends most of her days crying. She hasn’t been out of the house since you left.

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Grandmother has gone back to Pakistan. She was shocked and devastated by what you have done and has gone to pray with some of the Fakirs.

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It must be difficult for you to grasp, but you are our flesh and blood. You are important to us! Yet do we bear no significance in your life?

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I am sure in your heart of hearts you know what you are doing and maybe it is deliberate for whatever reasons. I pray that Allah will put some remorse into your heart, a little bit of tenderness for us and return you home to us safely.

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In the kingdom of God there is light. I pray that one day the darkness and gloom that falls upon us will be replaced by brightness and a happy future. Life is too short for neglect. Please come home to your responsibilities and your family.

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Khuda Hafiz and I pray I hear from you soon in whatever form.

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Yasmin”

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I can’t believe it!” Ali said putting the letter down angrily. “I hate her! She’s not mentioned once how they forced me into the marriage. She’s asked me to come home.”

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What did you expect from Yasmin. She can’t see what’s at the end of her nose at the best of times,” Haseena commented.

Ali tore open another letter, hoping in vain that this would be better.

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Dear Ali,

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It’s been a few days since you left me and every day since has been like hell for me. I feel that my life is a mess and I don’t know how long I can cope.

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I feel sick from the moment I wake up in the morning to the moment I go to sleep at night. I used to love being me but not any more. Now I’m just scared. My heart hurts so much, my head feels as if it’s about to explode. I don’t know how long it’s going to be before I go insane.

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I have not been able to smile since my wedding day. You stole my happiness away from me.

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It’s amazing how things can change in a few days. I want to be the way I used to be – happy and carefree – but I can’t. I am crying as I write this.

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I am writing this from the bottom of my heart and what I write is the truth. I have a thousand things going through my head and it’s driving me crazy.

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I’ve wasted my time on caring for someone who didn’t give a toss about me. I suppose I must be a typical Pakistani girl, falling for someone she hardly knew, but having the feeling that she has to spend the rest of her life with that person.

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My father has found out that you say you’re gay, but this typical Pakistani girl can’t live without you, no matter what your problem is. I can help you overcome it. In my heart, I know that if you want to be normal, have a wife and children you will be able to. There is help available. I have looked into it, so there is no excuse. I am your responsibility now and only you can help me.

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Please come back. I would forget this unhappy time that I’m having at the moment. I do not have much of a future without you.

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I am visiting Mecca soon. My father is taking me. I have thought that I would be visiting God’s house happy, but instead I’m burdened down with sadness. They say that God never forgives anyone who hurts others.

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Please prove to everyone that you are a decent person. Deep down I know you could be. You coming back would be a dream come true. Please make it come true for me. I’m desperate. Who knows what I might do.

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I will do anything to make you happy. I have money – we can settle down wherever and lead a quiet life. Please choose the life I want. We can get to know each other before anything.

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I can’t live without you. I don’t know how often I think of you. Let me do my duty and be a wife to you.

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Please be a husband to me. I beg you. I’m sorry but I am in love with you no matter what you say, and it’s driving me insane. You might have your freedom but at my expense. I am not good at expressing myself but gosh I hope I’ve convinced you about how I feel. I’ve shed so many tears for you in the last few days. I expect some happiness from you.

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Please I would really like to see you a.s.a.p. We have to talk face to face. I can come and see you or perhaps meet somewhere neutral. Please phone me or write to me at work.

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Please do this for me or I will write to you every week if you ignore my cries. If you’re not up to phoning me send me a number where I can contact you.

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Sajda”

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It’s Sajda. She wants to meet me,” Ali said to Haseena. “She’s so hurt.” The ink had even run in places where her tears had fallen. “I have to call her and arrange a meeting. I need to explain to her why I left.”

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You can’t meet her, Ali. You’ve got to make a clean break,” Haseena said. “You don’t know what could happen if you met up with her.”

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I owe it to her. I’ve hurt her so much, and it’s the least I can do,” Ali said guiltily, thinking of the pain that he’d inflicted on his wife.

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You can’t meet her. You’ve signed the divorce papers, and that’s the only thing that will help her to move on with her life,” Haseena said.

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I have got to speak to her. I have to explain what happened,” Ali said.

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Ali, for once please listen to me. Don’t get in touch with the girl,” Haseena said forcefully. “You’re moving on with your life. Let her have the chance to do the same. Contacting her will be the worst thing you can do. Walk away from it.”

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She’s hurting so much, Haseena. I need to do something that will make her feel better. An explanation from me is all she might need,” Ali said in anguish.

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Leave it, Ali, please,” Haseena said. “You’ve got to let go.”

Ali tried to stop himself from bursting into tears. He didn't want everyone in the coffee shop to watch him cry. He knew his friend was right. “Why didn’t I listen to you in the first place?” Ali said miserably. “I can’t bear to read any more letters. Will you take them with you?”

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Yes, of course,” Haseena said taking the two remaining letters from him and slipping them back into her handbag. “I forgot to mention that your family has reported you missing to the police. They visited me this morning. You’re going to have to report to a police station,” Haseena said, knowing that giving Ali a practical problem to deal with might get his mind off the letters he’d read.

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They won’t tell my family my whereabouts will they?” Ali asked.

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No. Apparently your family has told them that you’ve had a nervous breakdown, so they need to make sure that you’re alive and well,” Haseena told him.

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So, I just need to go and report to a police station?” Ali asked.

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Yes, simple as that, but take your passport with you,” Haseena replied. “Anyway, Ali, I’ve got to start heading back. Will you be okay on your own? I really don’t want to leave you, but it won’t be safe for you in Birmingham.”

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I’ll be fine,” Ali reassured her. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve got Pete’s address. I’ll stay with him for a couple of nights until I’ve sorted a place out for myself.”

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That’s good to know. My train’s leaving any minute, so I’d better go down to the platform. Oh, here’s your car keys,” she said handing them to him. “I’ve parked it on the street next to the station. I think it’s called Conduit Street.”

Ali took the keys and gave her a big hug. “Thank you for everything,” he said gratefully.

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That’s okay. I’m your friend, it’s what friends do,” she replied returning the hug. “Don’t worry about coming to the platform with me. You’ve got lots to do. Derek wishes you all the best by the way. He couldn’t come as he is on day shifts this week.”

Haseena gave him another kiss before disappearing down the stairs to the platform leaving Ali alone. He hurried out of the train station to find his car. He located it quickly on the side street like Haseena had said and got into it. Starting the car, he noticed that Haseena had generously filled up the tank with petrol.

Following the directions that he’d copied from an A-Z map book in a newsagents at the airport, Ali drove quickly to Walton Street and parked outside Pete’s house. He got out of the car and knocked on the door. The door was opened by a decrepit looking old woman. “What do you want?” she asked rudely.

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I’m looking for Pete. Does he still live here?” Ali asked her.

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Pete? Why are you looking for him?” she asked suspiciously.

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I’m a friend from university,” Ali said.

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Well he doesn’t live here anymore. He’s moved to Wales,” the woman said.

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He’s moved out?” Ali asked, unable to believe the bad news.

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He moved out a few months ago. He used to lodge with me. I’m glad he moved out though, I was sick of him bringing strangers back home with him all the time,” she grumbled. “I’ve stopped taking in lodgers now.” With that the woman shut the door sharply in his face.

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What am I going to do?” Ali thought to himself. He’d pinned all of his hopes on Pete still living at this address. He hadn’t prepared for the possibility of Pete not being there anymore. With only fifty-five pounds on him and nowhere to stay, Ali considered his options. A hotel would eat all of his money in one go. He could telephone Haseena and see if she could help, but she’d done enough for him already.

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I’ll sleep in the car, tonight,” he finally decided. It wasn’t appealing, but it was the cheapest option as long as he could keep himself warm. There were some bargain discount stores that he’d driven past on Narborough Road on the way to Walton Street. They might sell cheap duvets.

Ali walked to the shops on Narborough Road, leaving his car behind. He found a store called Raj’s Discount Store, which was run by a friendly Sikh man in a turban, and for eight pounds managed to buy himself a king size duvet.

It was still early when he got back to the car, and he had a few hours to kill before bedtime. Hiding his new purchase in the boot of the car, Ali went back to Narborough Road and found a pub to sit in. He ordered himself a small glass of lemonade and spent the next couple of hours sipping it slowly in a quiet corner, hoping that the landlord wouldn’t throw him out.