Strapped (19 page)

I calm myself down and I walk from the bed over to him. “Taylor, that’s not what I mean when I say I want you to give to me. Take the money, take Ladybug. I want you. I want what is inside of you.” He looks uncomfortable and confused. “It’s my fault for accepting all of this.” I gesture my hand to the surroundings.

“No, Shy. I want you to have the best.”

“And I appreciate that, but if that is all you want to give me, It’s not enough. I need you.”

“This is me.”

“This is part of you. I want all of you.” I kiss him softly. He guides me into his master bath instead of the upstairs bath, presumably because I am naked and he doesn’t want Harrison to see me. We get into the shower together. He creates a rich lather with a body wash and begins to rub me down.

He draws a deep breath.

“You asked me about my father. He is a good man, but I didn’t know him until I was seven. My mother took me away for several years before she died and only after she passed away was I reunited with my dad, who subsequently raised me.” I try to take it all in, I had always assumed that the woman Holden Sr. was married to was Taylor’s mom.

“I’m sorry about your mother.”

“I’m not.”

I am taken aback by the harshness of the statement.

“Why do you say that?”

“That’s for a different day Shy. Freud would have a field day.”

“You said your older brother has a different mother.”

“Yes, my stepmom. The only woman my dad has ever married.” I do the math and I begin to put the pieces together. I think it is safe to assume that Holden is the product of an extramarital affair. I appreciate his sharing and I don’t want to push too hard for fear he will clam up as he usually does. I turn to face him. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I like to learn about you.” He looks down and smiles. He grabs a bottle of shampoo and globs some into my hair. I close my eyes as he massages the heaping pile of suds.

“My nightmares, they are about the things that happened before I was taken in by my father. I haven’t told anyone about them, ever.” I try to open my eyes, but the suds sting. He changes the subject. “How did you feel about what I did to you last night?” I start to blush. I believe he is talking about when he covered my mouth.

“I, uh, was surprised, especially after what had just happened, that you would do that again, but it made everything so incredibly intense. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. Even though I couldn’t breath again, the outcome, the entire experience felt different.” I am speaking very loudly because I can’t see him.

“That’s because it was, we did it from a place of trust and with a different intent. And in the locker room. Did you like it rough?”

This line of questioning makes me very shy. “Umm, well couldn’t you tell?”

He laughs a little. “Well yes, but I mean, were you comfortable?”

“I am always comfortable around you. I mean if someone had told me I would be doing those things a few weeks ago, I would have thought they were mad, but everything feels so good with you. It’s like you know more about my body than I do.”

“That’s something we should fix.”

“I’ll do whatever makes you happy.” He pulls the shower head off the mount and rinses my hair. He grabs a bottle of conditioner and points at it, awaiting my approval. I nod. He adds it to my hair, combing it through with his fingers.

“You’re pretty good with hair sir.”

“My mom used to have long, wavy blond hair. I used to love watching her wash it and take care of it. With regard to your last statement, it should be whatever makes us both happy. Would you be open to some more play?”

“Play? I love to play.” I smirk at him as I lower myself onto the shower bench in front of him and watch him tip his head back with pleasure.

We spend the rest of our Sunday like lovers do, enjoying a meal and reading peacefully, content just to bask in each other’s glow. It is already late afternoon before I know it.

“I should go home. I need to start looking for a new job or work on getting my old clients back.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” His words tug at my heart. I desperately want to stay, but I feel like the healthy thing to do is go home and give him some space. We are growing very close very quickly.

“We can meet up for dinner during the week, or lunch. You are so busy anyway, it’s not like we could do much.”

“Do you want me to make any calls about openings?”

“No, let me do this on my own. I need to know I still got it.”

“Oh baby, you never lost it.” Taylor says in an old-fashioned voice. “I’ll write you a recommendation then.”

“That would be great. Do you mind if I list H.I. as an internship? Otherwise, my stint will look suspiciously short.”

“Of course. I’ll give you a ring once I am done with work tomorrow. Do you need Harrison to take you?”

“No, I’ll take the bug.” Taylor insists that he walk me to the car left parked in front of the house. I lean my back up against the car as Taylor leans his tall body over me, one of his hands supported on the hood of the car. He kisses my nose.

“Shy, you’ve done something to me. You know that?” I look down and smirk, he makes me feel so childlike around him. He cradles my chin, I can tell he doesn’t want to let me go. I don’t want to leave either and I fight with everything inside of me to pull away from him. “I’d never intentionally hurt you. You know that, right?”

I nod. Despite what happened last night, I believe him, especially after what he told me in the shower.

“Hasta mañana!” I say as I speed away in Ladybug, my heart heavy as I leave him in the rearview mirror, if only for a day.

Chapter Seventeen

I snuggle into my couch with the latest issue of Wired and a blanket, trying my best to take my mind off of Taylor. I wonder if he is thinking of me at that very moment. I start to nod off to an article when I hear the ping of a text.

Taylor:

I can’t take this stupid grin off of my face. What have you done to me?!?

The stupid grin is contagious.

Shyla:

I have my ways. I pegged you as a sucker in the coffee shop. Scalding you was part of my master plan.

Taylor:

Well I am glad you decided to prey on me. I have a fun game for you tomorrow.

Shyla:

Do tell.

Mr. Holden:

It’s a surprise. Goodnight ;)

Shyla:

}:I goodnite.

The next day, I spend most of my morning sprucing up my resume and applying for new jobs. Working at H.I. made me realize that I did enjoy the camaraderie of an office, and I want to give it another shot. I continue to feel some sadness about leaving H.I. I know Taylor would hire me back into the company, but I fear how I will be treated once word gets out that Taylor and I are dating...going out...showering together. I don’t know what to call us. I continue to use these euphemisms to describe us, not knowing what our status is. I am beginning to see underneath the complex layers that he has built to protect himself. He is painstakingly removing each protective wall one by one. I know it isn’t wise for me to jump into anything so shortly after Rick, but at the same time, I know it is out of my control: I need him on the most primal level. My attraction has no logical explanation. Something about him just makes me feel right.

My doorbell rings at about 10:30 am, it is an envelope delivered via courier. Enclosed is a keycard to the Hilton and a note.

Please arrive to room 2020 at 12pm sharp.

This must be the game he spoke of yesterday. Giddy with excitement, I realize I haven’t eaten and that I should have something because our romps can be exhausting. I nearly thought I would pass out on the sink in the locker room at the racetrack. I quickly scramble some eggs. Protein, that will make me strong!

After eating, I rummage through the closet, there is so much I haven’t even touched, but I don’t know what to choose. I remember the red dress that got me into trouble in St. Petersburg. Taylor loved me in that dress and he never got to have me in it. I try my best to replicate that night’s look by braiding my hair to the side, and using the red lipstick. The outfit is inappropriate for the time of day, but all I care about is Taylor’s reaction.

I eagerly make my way through the lobby of the downtown Hilton with my head down, praying I do not see anyone I know. Going to a local hotel room, in the middle of the day means only one thing. From a distance, I hear someone call my name. This has got to be a joke. I turn and see a tall blond with arms open, running towards me. Oh my god, it’s Lizzy!

“Shyla! Oh my god!” She gives me a big hug. I am happy to see her, but her timing is god awful. “We have missed you so much! What are you doing here? Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“I miss you guys too. You know I would love to, but I am on my way to an appointment.” Lizzy gives me the once over. I am so glad I wore the duster.

“You and I need to have a girls night. You just vanished on us. I have a feeling I know what happened, but we need to talk.” I am pretty sure she and Henry think I left because of him, and I feel terrible that Henry has to carry that guilt with him. I resolve to talk to Taylor about this when I get a chance. We hug and part ways, Lizzy makes me promise to call her. I do, and I sincerely mean it. I look down at my phone. It’s 12:03. I scramble to the elevator, not even caring if Lizzy notices that I am going to a room at noon. Once I arrive to the twentieth floor, I run out of the elevator to the double doors of the suite. I use the keycard to get in and bust the door open, expecting to see Taylor, but the room is empty and the shades are drawn. I walk towards the bed where I see the crotchless panties that I purchased at Bella’s. I pick them up and examine them.

“Go ahead and put them on. Take everything else off.” I jump and gasp. Taylor is sitting in a chair behind me in the far corner of the room. His demeanor is more Mr. Holden than Taylor which makes me feel as though I must obey his commands. I pull off the slinky red dress and lacy underwear and manage to successfully put on the crotchless panties. “Keep the shoes on and sit on the bed, facing this wall.” He points to the wall adjacent to him, which has a large mirror leaning against it. I sit, seeing myself completely exposed. “Keep your legs spread, bring your feet up on the bed.” I feel so out there, I can see parts of myself in the mirror that I have never seen before from this angle. “You said that I knew your body better than you did. I think it is such a shame someone as beautiful as you has never taken advantage of having unlimited access to such a body.” I gulp, as I feel the pit in my stomach sinking. He has a way of making me feel like I don’t even know him sometimes. “I want you to put your fingers in your mouth and suck on them.” I obey. “You look so fucking hot right now Shy.” My privates tingle in response to his words. “Now, play with your nipples.”

“Taylor...” I try to interject. It is not that I have never touched myself before, but this was something I did alone, under the covers, in the privacy of my bedroom.

“Shhhh...do it.”

I do it. I feel so bare, more so than when he had me bent over in the sink, or when he bathed me in the shower. “Shy, just allow yourself to enjoy your touch.” I take a deep breath and twirl my nipples in between my fingers. I close my eyes, relax and feel the tingle below become stronger with my own touch. “Suck on your lower lip...Now take one of your hands, suck on the finger and rub your lips down below.” I do what he says. “Open your eyes and look in the mirror, I want you to see how sexy you are.” I open my eyes and my shyness comes back as I see myself naked, exposed, touching myself. My eyes dart over to Taylor, I can make out that he is sitting back on the chair, his eyes practically glowing like a cat. I see his hand over the bulge in his pants, rubbing it. It turns me on so much. I realize that this is for him too, and it makes me lose my inhibitions. “Taste yourself.” I slowly and tantalizingly suck on my finger, the salty sourness alive on my tastebuds. “Play with your clit. Make yourself come.”

“Taylor, I want your dick in me so badly.” I beg desperately. I am on fire and I need him to put me out.

“I want you to finish yourself off. Trust me I will fuck the shit out of you another time.” His filthy mouth startles me and makes me even hornier. I run my fingers over my clitoris, which feels sensitive and engorged. I lie back on the bed, completely lost in my touch, one hand rubbing my breasts, the other below. My nipples and my clitoris feel as though they are in concert; playing them in unison makes me rise and rise. My hips swivel as I get closer. I take myself all the way moaning and twitching with pleasure. “That’s it baby.” I hear Taylor’s voice, nearly a whisper as I come.

I stare at the ceiling, waiting for him to walk over to me, but nothing happens. “Get dressed. I’ll have Harrison come and get you later today for dinner.” I sit up, feeling a bit dirty and used but not sure why. After all, I got more out of this than he did. The problem is I feel totally disconnected from him, I want to taste his kiss, to feel his touch, smell his skin, yet he hasn’t stepped away from that damned corner. I put on my dress, not bothering to change the underwear. I am a bit dazed by this whole afternoon masturbation session and just throw my original pair in my purse. I leave the room not saying a word to him. My feelings about what just happened are ambivalent as I ride down the elevator. I felt yet another exhilarating rush with him, but this experience makes me realize that I will never know what I am getting with Taylor Holden. The elevator pings a few floors down. Lost in thought, I don’t look up to see who enters. As the elevator closes, I feel his body press mine and I hear a whisper in my ear. “You didn’t think I was going to just let you walk away in that red dress again? Did you?” It is as though he shoots me with 1000 volts of electricity. We are nose to nose and as I lean in to kiss him, the elevator opens again. We move away from each other quickly and he pulls me out by my hand as two old women walk in, glaring at us suspiciously. Taylor flings the door open to one of the emergency staircases. He slams me up against a wall. “I am going to fuck the shit out of you like I promised. I am going to make you scream. I am going to make you beg. Do you want that?”

“Yes.” I say, my voice cracking under the weight of my desire. He pulls up my dress -- thanks to my crotchless panties, there is no need to remove my underwear. He undoes his buckle and then his zipper. He uses the wall to boost me up. I wrap my arms around him and he takes one of my legs and wraps it around him. He thrusts into me, I let out a loud moan. He pulls almost all the way out and does it again. “Taylor!” I can’t control my volume as it echoes through the concrete stairwell.

“We have to be quick Shy.” He grabs my other leg so that now my entire bodyweight is on his erection, it is so intense, all I can do is muffle my cries into his neck. I clamp around him, tightening. The mixture of intense pain and sharp pleasure is overwhelming and I don’t know what do with myself except announce the feeling to the world through my moans. “I’m going to come Shy. You feel too tight.” He comes and we end up a sweaty, panting mess. I quickly fix myself despite feeling as though I am about to fall over.

***

When I arrive at Taylor’s house later that evening, I am greeted by delicious aromas. I walk into the great room and see Taylor hovering over a large pot, tasting his handiwork. My footsteps get his attention and he spins around. He is wearing an apron and it makes me laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, I just never thought I would see you slaving over the stove in an apron.”

“Well, this happens once a decade, so relish the moment. I hope you like paella.”

I offer to cut up some veggies while he continues to work on the main course. He gives me a taste of the broth he is using to cook the rice and it is delicious.

“Taylor! That is wonderful. Where did you learn to cook like that?”

“There is this incredible tool that has been used for centuries. They call it a cookbook.” I playfully shove him away.

“Not everyone can follow those instructions. It’s an art, not a science, I think.”

“What can I say Shy, I am good at everything I do.” He winks at me.

“Amen to that.” I raise my hand in the air. “You know, I need a nickname for you. Something that’s just one syllable. Do you like ‘T’?” He looks at me like I am mad. “Ok, well do you have any brilliant ideas?”

“I don’t know, I have always gone by Taylor. If you come up with something that’s any good, I would love to hear it.”

“How about puppyface or snugglebunny?”

“No and no.”

“Taylor it remains!” I proclaim. “So, what’s with the silence? You have that awesome surround sound. Let’s listen to some music.”

“Be my guest. Whatever you want to play.”

I smack his butt as I walk by. He jumps and sneers at me playfully.

“Any guilty pleasures?” I ask.

“Too many too count.” His smirk reveals he is not referring to the music and I feel a tingle remembering this afternoon.

“I know you have sophisticated tastes, but everyone likes cheesy music.” Just as I get ready to dock my ipod, my phone buzzes with a new text.

Whore

I don’t recognize the number and never in my life has anyone ever sent me a message like this. I stare at it for a short while in shock. Taylor’s voice snaps me back into the now.

“So are you going to show me your terrible taste in music?”

“Uh, yeah.” I decide against ruining the night by bringing this up to Taylor. It could be a mistake. People accidentally text people all the time. “Okay, I have an idea. I pick one cheesy song, then you pick one, then I pick one and so forth.”

“Game on.” His smile glows from across the room.

I pop in my selection. A classic. The familiar beat of Billy Jean pumps through the living room. I decide to impress him with my superb dancing skills, replicating Michael Jackson’s steps onto the glowing tiles just like in the video. Taylor makes a stank face as though he has smelled something rotten. It only encourages me to continue with my best Michael Jackson impersonation: a kick, a crotch grab, a spin and a howl.

“How can someone so hot make themselves look so...un-hot?”

“You know you love it.” I say as I elevate myself onto my tippy toes, knees bent. I join him again at the island, and continue cutting my vegetables singing and dancing. Taylor is not nearly as goofy as I am, but I can tell he is enjoying the show because he can’t stop smiling. The song stops. “Okay Mr. Holden. Your turn.”

He walks slowly over to my iPod, patting his finger against his lip, pretending to think hard on the subject.

“You have to genuinely like the song!” I remind him. A song begins and I can’t quite place it until the voice kicks in: So Happy Together.

“The monkees!” I exclaim.

“The Turtles.” Taylor shakes his head in fake disappointment.

“Are you going to sing that to me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I think I would like to be serenaded.” The chorus kicks in just in time for Taylor to slide over the hardwood on his socks and pull me close to him. He starts singing along.

I can’t stop laughing. I have never seen him so silly. He leads me around the living room, one hand on my waist, the other holding my hand up. Does he mean the lyrics, or are they are just empty words to a song? I don’t let the thought steal the moment. His behavior now is such a far cry from the man sitting in the corner of the hotel room earlier today. How can one person can have so many different faces?

***

We sit at the breakfast counter, a delicious spread of salad and paella in front of us.

“I am starving. I barely got any food in before meeting you at the hotel today.”

“Did you like our game this afternoon?” I blush at the question. He is no longer playful. His voice is lower; mischievous.

“Yes.” I can’t look him in the eye when I answer.

“I loved watching you.”

“I wore that dress for you.”

“I recognized it the second you walked in. You act all sweet and innocent, but you knew exactly what you were doing with that dress. I nearly jumped out of the chair and took you right there. It was an exercise in self-control.” He picks up a piece of bell pepper from the salad and feeds it to me.