Strays (Red Kings #1) (28 page)

34

July 21
st

The following morning, Dean found himself sitting on his bike in front of the hospital, groaning internally as he mulled over the situation. This was just not something he was used to. Busting heads, playing pool, drinking himself into oblivion, drowning in nameless chicks – that was what he did best.

He never thought he’d find himself in this position. The thought that she was carrying his baby, that he was going to be a father, terrified him. If she was awake, he would have to face her and accept the situation he was in. He wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for that. Hell, he wasn’t sure he would
ever
be ready for that.

Shaking his head, Dean lifted himself off the bike and snorted. What was he, a fucking pussy? He stubbed his cigarette on the ground with his boot and walked across the parking lot, entering the hospital. He rode the elevator to the third floor and got out, making his way to Jackie’s room. His hand hovered over the door handle for a few moments before he snatched it away and went to sit in one of the plastic chairs in the hallway. Yeah, he was a pussy.

His whole being was screaming at him to get out of there, get on his bike, and drive as far away from Lakeside as possible. He just knew that the moment he set foot in that hospital room, he would be a goner. He was going to get in there, look into her pretty eyes, and say things, make promises, that he was certain he couldn’t keep. She just had that effect on him. And as much as he wanted to just get away from the hospital and the town, he knew he couldn't.

He was so deep in thought that he missed the opening of the door opposite him and the biker that exited the room.

“You gonna sit there all day?” Murphy startled him out of his reverie and grinned, delighted that he’d caught him off guard. No one ever caught Dean off guard.

Looking up at him, the tattooed man shook his head. “Nah.” He stood and turned away from his friend, ready to walk off. “I was just leaving.”

Murphy rolled his eyes and thumped him on the shoulder. “Just get in there and see her.” He moved down the hall as he made his way to the elevator. “It won’t hurt you, Dean. I promise.”

Watching as the big man disappeared from view, Dean turned back to the room at the end of the hall and approached the window. He could see an elderly nurse inside, fluffing Jackie’s pillows, propping her up, and fussing around her. His girl laughed at something the woman said, her smile tugging painfully at his heart-strings. She used to smile like that at him too.

Seeing the nurse exit the room, the biker took a step back from the window and faced her.

“Well, she is quite the popular lady. I've never seen so many visitors.” The old woman watched as a small frown marred his features and gave him a gentle smile in return. Patting him on the shoulder, she winked, her eyes twinkling. “I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you nonetheless. Go on in.”

Dean thanked her and pushed the door open, ignoring her mutterings about 'young love'. Leaning against the doorframe, he smirked at Jackie, taking in her surprised expression.

“Only been here two months and you're already getting into trouble.”

Giving him a small smile in return, she laughed softly as she tried to avoid getting choked up. “Yeah, well… you know me.”

Jackie couldn’t believe he was here, in her room. She thought she’d seen him when the old nurse had taken her leave. He had been there looking through her window one second and was gone the next. She'd chalked it up to the drugs the doctors had given her. And then the door had opened again, and there he was, leaning against the door frame in all of his tattooed glory. It was just too much, seeing him again combined with everything that had happened the last few days. A few tears slipped down her cheeks and she hastily brushed them away, sniffling.

Stepping fully into the room, Dean took a look around. He couldn’t stand to see Jackie cry, so he focused his attention on the various gifts which were propped next to several vases of flowers on the window sill. Settling into the chair beside the bed, he kept silent for a few moments as he reacquainted himself with the woman that had been his world only two months ago. Her face was a bit rounder, her breasts fuller, and her stomach noticeably larger. There was certainly no doubt that she was having his kid.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

She froze, surprised they were starting so far into the conversation. 

“I… I wanted to,” she replied nervously after a pause. Twisting her fingers around her blanket, Jackie took a deep breath and looked up at him with watery eyes. “I was going to, I really was. And then you...” They both vividly remembered the ill-fated day that their relationship had been shattered. “All that stuff you said. I got scared.”

“You think I'd hurt you?” His eyebrows furrowed as he tried not to get angry at himself. “Jack, I'd never lay a hand on you, I swear. All that stuff I said-”

“I know,” she said quickly, wishing she knew how to voice the thoughts in her head more carefully. “I know that... now. At the time, it was such a shock, although I guess on some level, I sort of knew what was going on. I mean, I had to have known. I think I was just in denial.” She spaced out for a second as she tried to think back on her state of mind prior to the rather traumatic event of their breakup.

“And now?” She blinked as he spoke, missing his train of thought. “Still hate me for what I do?”

“I never hated you, Dean.” Jackie tried to put as much conviction as she could into the statement, to get him to understand what she was feeling, what she had always felt. “I could never hate you. Believe me, I tried. It would have made all of this so much easier. But I couldn't.”

“Even though you knew I was a murderer...” he said quietly.

The idea of that still made her cringe a bit, but her talk with Jagger had settled some of the doubt in her mind. “I hated that. For ruining how I saw you. For ruining us. And yeah, it scared me. It still does.” This surprised him, the lack of total disgust and outrage at this part of him, and it showed on his face. “You've had a lot of people fighting in your corner the past few months, trying to explain to me why you do what you do. And I didn't really get it until I talked to Jagger yesterday.”

Dean suddenly felt kind of bad for the beat down he'd given the man the previous night. Not only was it an absolute shock that Jagger had delved into that part of his life with the woman, but the idea of him having any sort of heart-to-heart was rather astounding.

“He basically said you do it to protect the club. You kill people that are a threat... to protect the ones you care about.”

“Exactly. Just like I'm gonna kill the fuckers that put you in this hospital bed.” He said it with such a calm certainty that Jackie's eyes shot up from the spot on the blanket to stare at him.

“Dean-”

“No discussion. If you end up hating me for it, fine, but they're dead regardless.”

She watched him watching her, both with so much to say, but lacking the words. “I don't want you to end up in jail over this.”

“I won't. We'd be going after these guys anyways. They're trying to move drugs through Lakeside, and we can't let that happen.”

Jackie nodded reluctantly, knowing that nothing she said could change his mind. Dean always did what he wanted, what he thought was right, and nobody could ever tell him otherwise.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was pregnant.”

Dean sighed and moved the chair a bit closer to the bed, taking one of her hands in his. He felt obligated to make things right between them, since part of him felt that this situation was entirely his fault. But what the hell was he supposed to say? Everything was overwhelming him to the point of sheer exhaustion, so he decided to just start talking and see where he ended up. “It was probably a good thing that you didn’t tell me you were pregnant a few months ago. I’ve never thought about having kids before yesterday. Hell, I don’t even like kids. I can't be a dad. I don't know shit about parenting.”

“Dean…”

“No, just… just listen.” Shaking his head, he silently pleaded with her not to interrupt. He was ready to make an exception for her and talk about his feelings, the least she could do was hear him out. “I'm no good for a kid. I would... completely fuck up its life. I didn't exactly have a good role model back in the day. I'd probably be as shit at it as my old man was for the five seconds he showed up. The best thing I can do is to help you get as far away from me as possible. You can make a new start for yourself and the baby. I'm not what you or this kid need.”

"I figured you would say that. I know how much your life in Macon means to you and how a kid would mess it up. That's one of the reasons why I left.” Silence reigned in the small room as they processed all of the information that had been thrown out.

“I can make sure you get the cash you need to start over."

"I don't want your money, Dean." Jackie sniffed and retracted her hand away from his, choosing instead to once again play with the blanket in her lap.
"It's not a question of want, Jack. You need help getting settled down and I can give you that, if nothing else.”

"Fine. If that's what you want, then you help me get on my feet and we go our separate ways. You go back to your life, and I can start mine with a clean slate."

“It's a deal.” They nodded and fell silent again, wondering how to end the conversation.

“I'm sorry all of this happened,” Jackie said quietly a few minutes later, looking down at her hands as a small smile formed on her face. “I was having a lot of fun before this shit started.”

Dean laughed hoarsely as he thought back to their nights together. “Yeah. Me too, babe.”

“For the record, I don't think you'd be a shit father though.” He looked up in surprise, the statement a total contradiction to most of their conversation. “Not now, you've made that clear, but later on, if you ever decide to settle down. I mean, you're so good with your mom. You make sure she gets her pills, that she's eating right.” This really caught his attention, and he sat up straighter in his chair. “What, you think you were being sneaky with your secret phone calls? Not even close, darling.” She watched him affectionately as he ducked his head slightly in embarrassment at being caught, the Dean she fell in love with shining bright in the dimly lit room.

“I was just checking up on her. It's not the same thing as raising a kid,” he mumbled, looking down awkwardly at the worn leather of his vest.

Jackie rolled her eyes as he brushed off the meaningfulness of his actions. “It's sweet.” Dean snorted, knowing that word had rarely ever been used in a sentence involving him. “It is. And some day, when you're ready, you might shock the world with your parenting skills.” He grunted again, but gave no response in the hopes that it would end this god-awful conversation. “Well, except for Bianca and Nash. They'll swear they knew all along how fantastic you were. Seriously, how much did you pay them to say all those nice things about you?” She grinned as he looked at her with wide eyes.

“The fuck you talkin' about? All I've heard the past two months from everybody is what a total idiot I am for letting an amazing woman like you run out on me.”

“Well, I am sort of amazing. And you didn't
let
me do anything...”

The old familiarity of their relationship seemed to fall into place effortlessly despite the fact that they had just officially called it quits. They both missed the comforting presence of one another, but neither one was willing to break the good terms that they had ended on to push the subject further.

They had a plan and that was that.