Striker (16 page)

‘So, it’s all official then?’ Ronnie asked, sidling up beside her, a pint in one hand,
the
other stuffed deep in the pocket of his black suit trousers.

‘Why is everybody suddenly making me feel like I’m twelve-years-old? I’m thirty-frigging-seven, and Ryan isn’t my first boyfriend.’

‘Touchy,’ Ronnie smirked, taking a sip of lager.

Amber nudged him, unable to stop herself from smiling. ‘Fuck off, Ronnie.’

‘Nice. Does your new boyfriend know what comes out of that mouth?’

‘He’s more concerned with what goes in it,’ she winked, walking away from him, finally plucking up the courage to go over to her dad.

‘Oh, that’s ladylike, Amber. That’s very ladylike,’ Ronnie shouted after her. Amber just gave him a dismissive wave over her shoulder as she walked away, trying not to let the sick feeling in her stomach take over as she approached her dad, who was still talking to Jim Allen.

‘Amber,’ Freddie Sullivan said, giving his daughter an almost stern look. Was he
really
going to start lecturing her on boyfriends? At
her
age?
Really
? ‘Jim tells me you two have already caught up with each other?’

She looked over at the handsome American. He might be forty-eight-years-old now but he hadn’t lost any of those good looks that had made him the pin-up player of his day. If anything, he’d only got better looking. ‘Yeah. We have. Briefly.’

‘And I’ve told her she’s looking beautiful tonight,’ Jim smiled, a smile loaded with more meaning than Amber cared to think about. ‘Your new boyfriend really is one very lucky man.’

Amber swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep the smile on her face, although she wasn’t altogether sure it had travelled to her eyes.

‘Don’t you go wearing him out now,’ Jim winked. ‘We’ve got a big match this weekend. I’d hate our star player to be – tired.’ He turned away from her and smiled at her father. ‘I’ll catch you later, Freddie. Good to see you again, after all this time.’

‘You too, Jim.’

Amber watched him walk away, swallowing hard again before she looked at her dad, sighing the second she saw his expression. ‘Jesus, Dad, come on. Don’t start, alright?’

‘I’m not going to lie and say I’m happy about this, Amber.’

‘I don’t need your approval.’

‘Maybe not, but he’s eleven years younger than you…’

‘And what’s
that
got to do with anything?

‘Ryan Fisher is trouble, kiddo. And you know that as well as I do. He’s trouble, and that concerns me when I suddenly find out that my daughter is involved with him.’

‘Y’know, contrary to belief, I’m all grown-up now. I think I can handle Ryan Fisher.’

‘I hope so. I really hope so. Because I don’t want to have to be the one to pick up the pieces when he fucks up.’

‘Dad…’

‘You might not be my little girl anymore, Amber, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about you. So just be careful, okay?’

Amber sighed again, looking up at the ceiling for a few seconds as she heard Kevin’s voice calling her over, grateful for the well-timed distraction. ‘I’ve got work to do, Dad. I’ll catch you later.’

*

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

Amber swung round as she heard that American accent behind her. She’d thought nobody had noticed her sneak off for a sly cigarette, donated by a News North East colleague – the kind of night she’d had so far had caused her to revive her old smoking habit – but she’d been wrong. Some people had quite obviously been watching her more closely than others.

‘I’m busy, Jim.’

He grabbed her arm again, almost dragging her round the corner to a quiet area behind the stadium, pushing her back against the wall. ‘Ryan fucking
Fisher
?’

She stared into his eyes. Maybe facing him head-on was the only option she had left now. Avoiding him obviously wasn’t working. ‘And that’s got
how
much to do with you, exactly?’

‘I’m his fucking manager, honey. So what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with is very much my business.’

She couldn’t help laughing. Was he serious? ‘Bullshit, Jim!’ She pushed him away and he staggered back slightly, quickly composing himself, straightening his jacket collar, his eyes meeting hers once again. But she was standing her ground. ‘Fucking bullshit!’

He laughed, too, a deep, almost sinister laugh, moving closer to her again, reaching out to stroke her cheek with his fingertips. ‘Your dad’s none-too-pleased about your new – boyfriend, I gather.’

She made no attempt to remove his hand. She made no attempt to move at all, her eyes still staring into his. Eyes she hadn’t stared into for almost two decades now. For good reason.

‘But then, I’m sure daddy wouldn’t be too pleased if he knew what me and his little girl had got up to. His baby. You were so young, Amber…’

‘I was too young, Jim.’

‘I never once heard you say no, honey. Not once.’

‘I’d just turned sixteen,’ Amber whispered, her stomach turning over and over as he moved ever closer, his thumb now running over her slightly open mouth and Amber wished with all her heart that she wasn’t feeling the things she was feeling right now.

‘And you were beautiful. You were so beautiful. And you’re even more beautiful now…’

‘Why did you come back here, Jim? You promised me, you said you would never come back here once your playing days were over.’

‘Promises are made to be broken, Amber. And you can’t expect me to turn down the opportunity of a lifetime now, can you? For you to expect me to turn down this job just because
you
don’t want me around anymore, that’s pretty selfish, don’t you think?’

She closed her eyes as his fingers continued to stroke her skin, moving down over her neck, her shoulders, trailing slowly along her collarbone. ‘Please, don’t do this to me, Jim. Don’t do this. I can’t go there again. What you did to me…’

‘I was in love with you, Amber. I was in love with you for so long…’

She shook her head, trying desperately not to cry now. She’d tried so hard for so many years to forget her teenage affair with this handsome American who’d swept her off her feet and made her feel like a princess. She’d tried to forget the first time he’d made love to her, just days after her sixteenth birthday. He’d been this twenty-seven-year-old, incredibly charming, drop-dead-gorgeous footballer who’d made her feel like the most special person in the world. But he’d also been the man who’d told her they had to keep their relationship a secret because nobody would understand, and she’d never questioned that because, back then, she would have done anything for him. Anything.

For almost two years her life had been a whirlwind of daydreams and fantasies as she’d studied for her ‘A’ Levels and he continued to be a footballing God, becoming one of Red Star’s most successful players ever. They’d snatched secret meetings together at a city centre apartment at any opportunity, making love and talking about the future, but it was a future she soon found out he’d had no intention of spending with her.

The day his relationship with a local model hit the headlines was the day Amber had left the North East to go and study for her degree in
Manchester
. Being so close to home at that time in her life wasn’t something she’d been willing to experience. She’d needed that distance in order to cope, because coping wasn’t something she’d dealt with all that successfully at the time. How could she possibly have stayed in the North East with Jim a major player at Red Star, flaunting his beautiful new girlfriend all over the place? This stunning new couple that everybody was talking about. He’d used her as nothing but a plaything, something with which to amuse himself with until he’d found the girl he’d really wanted. And it had shattered Amber. Because she’d been convinced, absolutely convinced that he’d meant every word he’d said to her. How stupid had she been?

After finishing university she’d moved back to the North East, finally believing she was over Jim Allen. Had it hurt to see him again? Had it hurt to go home and find him there, at her parents’ house? Smiling at her as though he hadn’t been the one to take her precious virginity, lie to her, and then walk away the second he’d got bored? Yeah. It had hurt like hell. So why, then, did she just erase all those bad memories and replace them only with the beautiful ones she remembered? The ones where he’d hold her in his arms and touch her in a way she could only ever have dreamt about before? Why did she forget the lies and the secrets and the hurt he’d put her through? Why did she do that? Because Jim Allen had got under her skin, embedded himself there like some kind of permanent tattoo that she couldn’t remove, no matter how much she wanted to. And to get home and find out that his relationship had ended, that his girlfriend had left him for a musician she’d met on a modelling shoot, that was the news Amber had wanted to hear for so long. The news that Jim Allen was free again. Everything else – the past, the lies, all the hurt and the pain, none of that had mattered. All that mattered was that he was back in her life. It hadn’t bothered her that he’d still been determined to keep everything a secret, to hide their relationship away like something seedy and sordid. She wasn’t that naive sixteen-year-old who’d had her head turned by a handsome face and empty promises, she wasn’t that person anymore, so why hadn’t she questioned the secrecy second time around? Why hadn’t she done that? Because she’d been blinded by an obsession that had taken her over, that’s why. And once again she’d believed everything he’d told her. She’d believed that, this time, there was a future for them, that they
did
have something worth fighting for. And it had been worth it just to have him back where she’d always wanted him – back in her life, back in her bed, back making love to her in a way that made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Jim Allen was addictive. Jim Allen was dangerous. Jim Allen had the ability to hurt her all over again, so when it came out that he was involved with a famous soap actress, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Amber. She should have known it was going to happen all along. But when he tossed her aside a second time it was still as much of a shock as it had been first time around. Yet still she couldn’t tell a soul. She couldn’t tell anyone why her heart was breaking all over again, why she refused invitations from friends to go out and have fun in the pubs and clubs of
Newcastle
, like any normal young girl in their twenties. She couldn’t tell them that she didn’t want to meet some random boy in a bar, she didn’t want that. She didn’t want some meaningless relationship – yet, in reality, wasn’t that exactly what she’d had with Jim?

That was when she’d thrown herself into her work, deciding to carve out a career in sports reporting rather than having fun and finding love. She’d already found love, and look where that had got her. She couldn’t go through that again. It was then that Amber had made her decision never to become involved with footballers ever again. Despite what she’d told Ronnie, despite what she’d told anyone else, that decision never really had been about the Ryan Fisher’s of this world. She could handle them – the arrogant, cocksure bastards who thought everything revolved around them. She could handle them. They were just little boys who earned far too much money and lived their lives in some kind of fantasy bubble. They weren’t a problem, she could deal with them. No, everything was Jim Allen’s fault. Everything.
He
was the reason she was a cold-hearted ice-queen.
He
was the reason she’d never had a decent relationship with any man for all these years.
He
was the reason she was shaken up and confused.
He
was the reason.

He’d seen out his professional playing days at Newcastle Red Star, and following his retirement he’d finally left the North East with his soap-star girlfriend to move down south and start his managerial career, giving Amber the distance she’d needed all over again. And he’d promised her, he’d told her that was it. If she didn’t want him to come back up north then he wouldn’t. He’d leave her in peace, let her move on with her life and, despite everything, that’s what she’d done. She’d moved on. But now he was back. Back in the North East, back in her life. Back to break her heart all over again?

‘You were never in love with me, Jim. Never.’

He shook his head, his eyes following the movement of his fingers as they traced the curve of her breasts and Amber was unable to stop a small gasp of pleasure from escaping, even though she’d tried to do so by biting down on her lip.

‘You have no idea, Amber…’ He gave that low laugh again, his eyes back on hers. ‘You used to bite down on your lip when we made love, do you remember?’ His arm snaked around her waist, his hand sliding down to rest in the small of her back, his mouth moving closer to hers as he spoke. ‘I can still see it now. Your eyes would always be open because you liked to look at me, didn’t you? You liked to look at me when I pushed inside you. But you’d always bite down on that bottom lip of yours. Always.’

‘Please don’t do this,’ Amber whispered, afraid of what she might do now, afraid of what might happen because she hadn’t even thought about the consequences Jim Allen’s arrival back on Tyneside might have. She’d known she was going to have to face him again, but she hadn’t even thought about what could – what
would
happen when she did. Thirty-seven-years-old and, even though she’d tried so hard to believe that she wasn’t, she was still as naïve as that sixteen-year-old girl who’d believed every promise this man had broken. ‘Please.’