Striker (51 page)

She smiled at him, touching his rough cheek gently, loving him more each time she looked at him. How could he go from being a man she couldn’t bear to be around to being someone so precious to her she was frightened to let him out of her sight? ‘I think that, maybe, we need each other. Don’t you?’

He smiled back, those gorgeous, deep-blue eyes of his crinkling up again, making Amber just want to squeeze him hard and love him forever. Jesus, life could throw some curveballs when it wanted to.

‘How come every time we bump into you two coming into a party you’re practically fucking each other before the night’s even started?’
Gary
grinned, sauntering past with Debbie lagging slightly behind, rummaging around in her tiny clutch bag for something.

‘Your way with words is so eloquent,
Gary
, mate,’ Ryan smirked, sliding his arm around Amber’s shoulders as they all walked into the club together.

‘I say it as I see it,’
Gary
shrugged. ‘Jesus, Debbie, sweetheart, what the hell are you looking for in there? You can hardly fit a frigging lipstick in it as it is. It’s not as if there’s any room to lose anything.’

‘I’m looking for my perfume, if you must know.’ Debbie finally looked up from her hand bag search and smiled at Amber. ‘Hey, chick. You look stunning!’

‘Doesn’t she just?’ Ryan smiled, leaning over to plant a kiss on Amber’s bare shoulder before kissing her mouth again.

‘Isn’t he gorgeous?’ Amber breathed, not really wanting to break the stare she and Ryan were sharing.

‘Fucking hell,’
Gary
said, folding his arms as he watched Amber and Ryan continue to smooch like a pair of teenagers on a first date. ‘What the hell have you done with Ryan Fisher? Shit! Have the aliens finally abducted him and replaced him with robot Ryan?’

‘Piss off,’ Ryan laughed, keeping Amber close, his arm tight around her waist. ‘This is what being in love is like, mate. You should try it sometime.’

‘Hmm. He’s never been a fan,’ Debbie smiled, slipping her arm through Amber’s, dragging her – rather reluctantly – away from Ryan’s side. ‘Come on, missy. Let those two get the drinks in while we have a girly catch-up.’

‘Hey, Amber, you’re not gonna go telling her what you two get up to in the bedroom, are you? Only, I’m not sure I can keep up with anything stud-of-the-year here can manage.’

‘Fucking reel it in,
Gary
, will you?’ Ryan sighed, pushing him towards the bar. ‘Leave them to it, come on. I could murder a pint.’

Amber watched Ryan walk away, but not before he threw her a wink and a smile over his shoulder, which made her smile back, her stomach flipping over at a ridiculous rate. She literally felt her knees give way so she was only glad Debbie was still holding onto her.

‘Girl, you’ve got it bad!’ Debbie said, shaking her head as they walked over to a free table. ‘Things really have changed since that night, huh?’

‘So much so I feel like I haven’t had time to draw breath since Christmas. He’s trying so hard, Debbie. He really is.
Too
hard, sometimes.’

‘Is that a bad thing? Amber, chick, that boy is in love with you. It’s so obvious.’

‘And I love him, too. Although, tonight was the first time I’ve actually told him that. The first time I’ve been able to say the words and really feel that I mean them.’

Debbie sat back, crossing her legs. ‘Whoa! No wonder you’re all over each other like a rash, then.’

Amber couldn’t help smiling, looking over at the bar as Gary and Ryan laughed hysterically at something Rob was telling them. He looked so handsome when he laughed. His whole face lit up, those gorgeous dark eyes of his so expressive. Her young, beautiful footballer. Jesus! She really had to get a grip; she was fast turning into something from a clichéd romance novel. ‘This is all so new to me, Debbie. These feelings, being so close to someone, trusting them…
learning
to trust them…’ She stopped talking as she noticed the figure that had just walked into the club, her stomach dipping instantly. She watched as he began scanning the entire room – she could tell he was doing that, even though his eyes were covered by those familiar aviator shades.

‘Amber? You alright, chick?’ Debbie asked, gently touching her arm.

‘Oh, sorry, yes,’ Amber said, quickly turning to face Debbie, the smile that had briefly disappeared now back on her face. ‘I’m fine. It’s just been a long day, that’s all. It was my first day back at News North East today, and I guess putting in a full day after all that time off was a lot more tiring than I thought it would be.’

‘Oh. I see. Did everything go okay?’

‘Fine. Straight back into the swing of things, what with the transfer window now open until the end of the month. It’s all hands on deck trying to keep track of any local players moving on, new arrivals joining our clubs, you know how it is.’

‘
Gary
’s a bit worried about his contract, actually,’ Debbie said, fiddling with the hem of her electric-blue dress. ‘Jim Allen hasn’t arranged any renewal talks, despite being in constant contact with
Gary
’s agent.’

Amber felt her stomach sink again at the mention of Jim’s name. ‘They won’t let
Gary
go, Debs. He’s integral to the squad at the minute, they’d be crazy not to renegotiate.’

‘Yeah,’ Debbie sighed, pushing a hand through her blonde hair. ‘That’s what I’ve been telling him, too. I guess we just have to sit tight and see what happens.’

Amber took another look around the room, a slight feeling of anxiety now taking over from the excitement she’d been feeling before. ‘Erm, I’ve… I’m just popping to the loo,’ she said, throwing Debbie a smile before leaving the table, pushing her way through the crowd on her way out to the ladies. She didn’t really need to go, but what she
did
need was a bit of space, away from the mass of people inside the club. She felt a little claustrophobic all of a sudden.

‘When you decide to end something, honey, you sure as hell make sure you have nothing more to do with it, don’t you?’

She swung round, not in the least bit surprised that he’d followed her. She’d half expected it. ‘What are you doing here? Since when did
you
start hanging out with the lads?’

‘I didn’t hurt you this time, Amber. This time I did nothing wrong. This time it was
you
who did the hurting,
you
who left
me
. Do you have any idea what that did to me?’

She couldn’t help a small, cynical laugh from escaping as she looked at him. ‘Sorry? You’re seriously asking
me
that question? After everything that happened between us? You want to know if
I
have any idea how it feels, how much it hurts when someone walks away from you? Jesus…’ She looked away, shaking her head.
 

‘Okay. Alright, maybe that was… I asked for that.’

‘Yeah. You did.’ She looked at him, the aviator shades now stuck in the top pocket of his jacket, his eyes staring straight into hers. ‘Look, Jim, I’m sorry, okay? The way things happened… none of it was planned. At the time I really thought that me and Ryan were over. I thought that was it, the relationship was finished. I couldn’t take it anymore. But I was wrong.’

‘It still hurt, baby. We were so close to that future we’d always wanted…’

‘A future
I’d
always wanted, Jim. You deciding you want it after five minutes of being back in my life doesn’t really count.’

‘What changed?’

She stared into his eyes again. ‘I guess I grew up. I stopped being that sixteen-year-old kid with a painful infatuation.’

‘I loved that sixteen-year-old kid,’ Jim whispered, reaching out to touch her cheek but she quickly grabbed his wrist, pushing his hand away.

‘She’s not here anymore,’ Amber said, letting go of his wrist as quickly as she’d grabbed it.

‘You’ll be telling me you’re crazy in love with the kid next.’

‘I am.’

It was Jim’s turn to give a cynical laugh. ‘Yeah. Sure. Come on, Amber. He’s eleven years younger than you, he’s nothing but a…’

‘You might want to leave it there, Jim. Okay? I don’t care about the age difference, I don’t care about what he used to be or that he could sometimes be incredibly stupid. I don’t care about any of that because he’s finally growing up, and yes, I love him. I…’

‘Like you used to love me?’

Amber stared at him again, their eyes locked together in a stare that neither of them seemed in any hurry to break. ‘I think you already know the answer to that, Jim.’

‘Everything okay here?’

Amber turned round quickly at the sound of that familiar Geordie accent, her heart jumping in her chest at the sight of him, tall and beautiful in the jeans, white t-shirt and black jacket he was wearing, his dark hair all messed-up and sexy. She ignored the concerned look in his eyes. There was nothing for him to be concerned about. ‘Everything’s fine,’ she replied, holding out her hand, which he took without hesitation. ‘Jim was just saying hello.’

Ryan’s eyes met Jim’s, both of them exchanging a stare that spoke volumes. ‘Bit unusual to see you here, boss,’ Ryan said, his voice slow and steady. Amber squeezed his hand as Jim’s eyes moved to look at her.

‘Well, I’ve never been in here before,’ Jim replied. ‘So, I just thought I’d pop in, see what the place was like.’

‘I’m sure Rob would like you to stop for a drink,’ Ryan went on, his eyes still fixed firmly on his manager. ‘If you haven’t got any other plans, that is.’

Jim turned his attention back to Ryan. ‘What other plans
would
I have? Now that you’ve taken the only thing I ever wanted away from me.’

Ryan stepped forward, his face almost right up against Jim’s, but Amber quickly pulled him back, clinging even tighter onto his hand. ‘She would never have been happy with you,’ Ryan hissed. ‘After what you did. How could she fucking trust you, huh?’

‘And you think
you’re
the one to renew her faith in footballers? Ryan Fisher, coke-sniffing, womanising prick…’

Ryan went for Jim again, and this time Amber had to really hold onto him to stop him from doing something verging on the stupid, grabbing onto his jacket and yanking him back, grabbing his hand.

Jim laughed – a small, low laugh – as he looked briefly down at the ground before once more meeting Ryan’s eyes. ‘You need to remember, kiddo, that I hold your fucking career in my hands. You need to remember just how much I know about you. And you need to know that I can bring you down before you’ve got time to draw breath so you mess with me, son, and we’ll see just who’ll come out the winner. You might want to think about that.’

Amber stared at Jim as he walked away, her heart beating so fast she had to cling onto Ryan even tighter.

‘Fucking bastard!’ Ryan spat, pushing a hand through his hair, letting go of Amber as he started to pace the floor. ‘Jesus, Amber, what are you doing talking to him?’

‘Ryan, come on. I never wanted it to be like this, I never wanted the two of you at each others’ throats, that was…’

‘How can it be any other way? Huh?’ He looked at her and she felt her stomach lurch even harder. ‘Now that I know about you and him, know the history, know the way you felt about him… How do I know for certain you don’t still feel that way? How do I know?’

‘Hey, come on. Come on.’ She grabbed his hand, taking it in hers and squeezing it gently, touching his cheek with the palm of her other hand, lightly stroking his soft skin, kissing his slightly open mouth in what she hoped was a bid to calm him down.
 

‘I’m so fucking insecure, Amber.’

She looked into his eyes, a sudden need to just hold him overwhelming her. ‘You shouldn’t be.’

‘You loved him for over twenty years. Twenty fucking years. How the hell can I compete with that, huh?’ How?’

She stroked his cheek again, his eyes filling with tears and it was all she could do to stop ones of her own from falling. ‘Nobody’s competing with anyone, baby. Alright? Jim Allen is my past – and that’s where he should have stayed, but I wasn’t prepared for him turning up like this. I just wasn’t prepared. I let old feelings I’d repressed for so long take over and I shouldn’t have done that, but maybe I needed to get them out of my system before… before I realised I can’t go back to him.’

‘But… do you… do you
want
to? Honestly, Amber. If someone could wave some kind of magic wand to give you the future you really wanted, would you go back to him?’

She shook her head, hoping he hadn’t noticed the slight hesitation. ‘No. The future I want is with
you
, Ryan. It’s with
you
.’

He smiled, quickly wiping a stray tear away with the back of his hand. ‘Shit, Amber. This is so fucking hard…’

‘It doesn’t have to be,’ she whispered, standing on tiptoe to kiss his damp cheek, her lips finally resting on his, his beard tickling her skin, a feeling she’d grown to love. Because it meant it was
him
kissing her. It was
his
mouth moving against hers, there was no chance for her to imagine it was anyone else. ‘It really can be very, very easy. Loving someone.’