Striker (46 page)

She turned round to face him, running her hands up and down his arms as she looked into those green eyes of his. ‘I think it’s a bit soon for all of that, don’t you?’

‘Not really,’ Jim replied, stroking her fringe from her eyes. ‘It’s been twenty-one years, Amber. It’s taken us twenty-one years to get to this point so, no. I don’t think it’s too soon. I think we’ve waited long enough.’

She looked down for a second. If she was completely honest with herself she was still trying to get her head around the speed at which all of this was happening. Just a few short months ago Jim Allen had been nothing but an aching memory at the back of her mind that she’d managed to control. Just a few short months ago Ryan Fisher had been nothing but a name, someone she knew about purely because of what he did, who he was. He’d meant nothing to her; he’d been just another footballer. He was so far from that now. And that guilt she felt at leaving him the way she had, it still stung deep. But she couldn’t put her life on hold in the hope that he wasn’t going to wreck
his
. She couldn’t do it, even if she couldn’t completely put him out of her mind.

‘Amber, baby, he’s going to be fine.’

She looked up at Jim, aware that she must’ve drifted off briefly. ‘I… I wasn’t…’

‘He’s all grown up; an adult. Even if he doesn’t always act like one. He doesn’t need his hand holding.
He
doesn’t need you. He needs attention and adulation and everything else players like him thrive on. He doesn’t need
you
. But I do.’

She smiled, reaching up to gently stroke his face. She wasn’t sure she believed all of that, but maybe he was right. Maybe she had to stop worrying about something and someone she had no control over and start trying to live her life the way she wanted to live it. After twenty-one years of waiting.

‘I love you, Amber Sullivan,’ Jim whispered, his mouth resting on hers as he spoke, and with every word he breathed Amber could feel her heart start to beat faster, louder. She felt her knees weaken and her body ache for him; she felt everything she’d kept locked away, hidden inside, for all those years. Because, finally, he could be hers. All those dreams, all those fantasies and fairytales she’d spent her life thinking about, they could come true now, couldn’t they? So why couldn’t she say she loved him, too? When it was so obvious she did.

‘Maybe it isn’t too soon after all, then,’ she smiled, stroking his cheek with her thumb as his mouth lowered down onto hers again in a kiss so beautiful it hurt. ‘We’ll tell my dad soon, okay? Before Christmas.’

‘That doesn’t leave us long, honey. Look, he might think it all a bit weird to begin with, and who can blame him? It’s a lot to get his head around, his old friend and his daughter, but…’

‘He can’t find out about our past, Jim.’

‘Nobody said anything about the past, Amber…’

She was distracted by her phone ringing but Jim grabbed her arm, stopping her from going over to answer it. ‘Leave it. If it’s important they’ll leave a message.’

‘Jim…’

‘Leave it, Amber. Please.’

She shook her head, pulling free from his grip. She hated leaving phones unanswered – maybe that was all part of the control issues she had, but it wasn’t something she could do, something she could forget about.

Picking up her phone she looked at the caller ID. It was a number she didn’t recognise, and not one from her own list of contacts.

‘Who is it?’ Jim asked, leaning back against the counter-top and folding his arms. He obviously hadn’t missed the frown on Amber’s face.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Then leave it. It’s probably just a wrong number.’

She shook her head again, putting the phone to her ear. ‘Amber Sullivan.’

‘Amber? Jesus, thank Christ you answered.’

Amber frowned again, not recognising the voice on the other end of the line, but whoever it was they sounded more than a touch panic-stricken.

‘Who is it?’ Jim asked again but Amber turned away, panic of her own suddenly setting in. Had something happened to her dad?

‘Who
is
this?’ she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

‘Oh, erm, sorry. It’s
Gary
. Gary Blandford. Ryan’s team-mate…’

‘
Gary
? What… what’s happened?’

‘Shit, Amber, you’ve got to get over here quick because I haven’t got a clue…’

‘What’s happened,
Gary
? What’s going on?’

‘It’s Ryan. And I really think you need to get over here fast because me and Debbie, we’re out of our depth, Amber. We’re out of our fucking depth.’

Chapter Nineteen

Amber raced up the drive of the house she’d only just moved out of, her heart beating out of her chest as the front door swung open and Debbie stood there, arms folded, her face pale and tired, despite the fake tan and the make-up.

‘What’s happened?’ Amber asked, slamming the door shut behind her, her head spinning with feelings she couldn’t even begin to describe. She’d hung up from
Gary
, told Jim nothing other than there was something she needed to do, and left his place without a word of explanation. What
could
she have said? When she had no idea what was going on herself? But she’d spent most of the twenty-five minute drive to Ryan’s thinking so many things and hoping none of them were true.

‘He’s through there,’ Debbie said, indicating the living room door with her head.

Amber said nothing, just pushed past Debbie into the living room, a hand flying straight to her mouth the second she saw him lying there. ‘Jesus Christ, Ryan…’

‘He’s okay,’
Gary
sighed, leaning back against the wall, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘He’s alright. Now.’

Amber looked at him. ‘What do you mean, he’s alright
now?
What the hell is going on here?’

‘We were out, at some bar in town, and he was… he was knocking them back like they were tap water…’

‘And you didn’t think to stop him?’

‘I fucking tried, alright? But he was having none of it, he was on a mission. He’d pressed that self-destruct button and nobody was gonna get in his way. Believe me.’

She turned back to Ryan, her heart breaking as she looked at him. He was a mess. His dark hair was all dishevelled, but this time not in a good way, and those beautiful eyes of his looked tired, dead almost, as he stared into space. Did he even know she was there? ‘What happened?’ Amber asked, crouching down beside the sofa Ryan was lying on.

‘He was past drunk,’
Gary
went on. ‘I mean, he was fucking legless, I’ve never seen anyone in the kind of state he was in, so… so me and a couple of the lads, we took him outside, tried to get him to sober up a bit but it wasn’t happening. He threw up a couple of times, but he just kept saying he wanted to jack it all in, he wanted to drink ‘til it all went away. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. He was just rambling on and on like this and…’

‘
Gary
called me at home, asked me to come and get them,’ Debbie took over, sitting down on the arm of a nearby chair. ‘I don’t think any taxi driver would’ve taken Ryan anyway, not in that state.’

‘Is this just drink?’ Amber asked, not taking her eyes off Ryan. ‘Has he taken anything else?’

‘I think he might have done a line or two of coke in the toilets,’
Gary
said, sliding down the wall until he was sitting on the floor.

‘Oh, Jesus,’ Amber sighed, throwing her head back. ‘I could fucking kill you, Ryan Fisher… What?’ She hadn’t missed the look that had just passed between Gary and Debbie. ‘Is there something you’re not telling me?’

‘When we… when we got him back home, we…’ Gary looked over at Debbie, who gave him the nod to continue, ‘… we left him – for five minutes, that’s all, I swear – we left him in the bedroom while we went to stick the kettle on and… and when we came back he… he was…’

‘He was, what?’ Amber’s voice was quiet and calm, even though she had a feeling she already knew what they were going to tell her. She just didn’t want to believe it.

‘He was holding this bottle… I mean, he was sitting up, cool as anything, y’know? Despite being as wasted as he was. But he had this in his hand…’

‘Was it empty?’ Amber asked, her hand absentmindedly slipping into Ryan’s. She hadn’t even been aware she was doing it.

Gary
shook his head. ‘He was going on about having nothing left, he was finished. He just kept saying that, and he was turning this bottle over and over in his hand so I asked him what he’d done and all he kept saying was it was over. It was over. That’s when I rang you. We didn’t know what the fuck to do; he was frigging scaring the shit out of me. I’ve never seen anyone in that state before, and I’ve been on some hellish benders in my time, believe me,’

‘We made him sick,’ Debbie said, her voice almost impassive. ‘We had to. We didn’t know if he’d taken anything or not, he wasn’t in any fit state to tell us, so… so it was the only thing we could do…’

‘Did no-one think to call a bloody doctor?’ Amber exclaimed. ‘Get him to the hospital?’

‘What? And have it all over the frigging news by the morning? That’d go down well.’

‘Would you rather he’d fucking died?’

‘I didn’t take anything,’ Ryan groaned, pulling himself up into a sitting position, putting his head in his hands. ‘Okay? So stop bitching. I didn’t take any of the frigging tablets.’

‘You stupid, fucking idiot!’ Amber shouted, standing up and pacing the floor. ‘You stupid, selfish, idiot!’

‘Oh, that’s rich, coming from you,’ Ryan retaliated, looking up at Amber, suddenly sobering up. Sort of. Enough to know what was going on, anyway. Although his head was thumping, like someone was banging three sets of drums inside it. ‘Calling
me
selfish after what
you’ve
done.’

Amber threw him a warning look, willing him not to say anything else. He got the message. Despite the state he was in.

‘Shit!’ he sighed, throwing himself back against the sofa cushions. ‘What a fucking night!’

‘You’re telling me,’
Gary
said, pulling himself up from the floor. ‘You were off on one, mate. Like you wouldn’t fucking believe…’

Debbie looked at Amber, mouthing ‘
Are you alright?’
at her. Amber nodded, smiling her thanks at a new friend she was so glad to have. Without her and Gary God knows what would have happened to Ryan.

‘What the hell was it all about, mate?’
Gary
asked, throwing himself down in the chair Debbie was perched on the arm of. ‘I mean, something must’ve…’

Debbie threw him a look, indicating Amber and Ryan. ‘What do you
think
it was all about,
Gary
?’ she hissed. ‘Jesus, do you really not think before opening that mouth of yours?’

Gary
looked at his fiancée with a genuinely confused expression on his face.
 
‘What? Oh, come on. Ryan Fisher getting fucking suicidal over a woman? No…’

Debbie threw him another look, shaking her head and mouthing
Sorry
at Amber. Amber just gave her a weak smile back. She was suddenly so tired she couldn’t muster anything more.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’
Gary
went on. ‘He got himself in this state because him and Amber…?’

Debbie stood up, pulling
Gary
up with her. ‘Come on. Before you say something you might regret.’ She looked at Amber. ‘Are you gonna be alright, chick? I’ll just take this one home then come back and baby-sit Ryan, let you get off. But if you don’t want to stay I can always stick
Gary
in a taxi…’

Amber looked at Ryan, his eyes locking with hers. Decision made. ‘It’s okay. I’ll stay with him. You two get off home, and… thank you. Both of you. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t been around.’

Debbie came over to her, hugging her tight. ‘It’s what friends are for, chick. And anyway, this stupid bastard of mine should have been keeping an eye on him. They’re nothing but big kids, the lot of them.’

‘I’m not his frigging bodyguard, Debs.’

Debbie gave Amber one last hug, kissed her on the cheek and proceeded to drag
Gary
out of the room and out of the house.

Ryan waited until the front door had slammed shut before speaking. ‘I bet you never thought you’d see this place again so soon.’

‘Don’t make fucking jokes out of this, Ryan. Because the last thing this is is funny.’

He sat forward again, clasping his hands together, his eyes looking up at her. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why did you do it?’

‘I
didn’t
do it, though. Did I?’

‘You threatened it. And… and you’ve been on some kind of bender tonight, to get yourself in the state you’re in now. Coke, Ryan… Jesus Christ, you
do
know they send people to clubs to do random on-the-spot drugs tests, don’t you? You do know that could happen at any time and you
do
know what it could do to your career if you’re found with anything suspicious in your system? You
are
intelligent enough to work that out, aren’t you?’