Substitute Daddy (9 page)

“You expect that to happen?” Grace heard the sadness in her own voice.

“I’ve learned a long time ago that sometimes the things we want the most may not be what we need.” Matthew’s tone was somber. “I’ve got to go. Merry Christmas, Grace, and kiss Lilah for me. I’m glad you got your Christmas miracle.”

“What if now I’m wishing for you?” Grace asked.

“Goodbye, Grace.” He hung up without answering the question.

Grace went back to looking outside and sipped her hot chocolate. She thought about her life and the paths she’d taken. She saw the pattern of wrong choices, wrong men, and giving up too easy. How was it that she was so quick to follow a man like Lance but when Matthew made his move she acted like a complete bitch? Between her mother and the way Lance had treated her, she was letting it rule her life.

Enough. She was breaking the pattern, and she was going to be the one making the moves now. Christmas was going to initiate these changes because she was not going to give up so easily on the man that cared for her and her daughter. She was going to believe in love and the magic of romance again even if she had to travel to New York to do it. The baby began to cry, and Grace put her cup in the sink.
I think someone else needs a change—a diaper change,
she thought with a smile. Grace went up the stairs and looked down at Lilah who was waving her small arms and legs angrily.

She took the baby out and crooned. “No need to fuss, my lady. Mommy’s here. Today we go visiting, and then we’re going to make plans on how to win your Uncle Matthew back.”

The morning went by quickly, and as Christmas day progressed, she spent time with Josef and his family. After dinner, the sun was setting, and she asked Josef’s wife to watch Lilah for an hour because there was something she had to do. The older lady readily agreed, excited to have the baby all to herself for a short time, all the while hinting to her sons that she’d like some grandchildren someday.

All through dinner Grace thought about Matthew and how to make him come around. But to make firm changes she had to set aside the past. She had already closed the door on her mother. Now there was one more thing that needed to be settled. She drove off the ranch property and headed toward the small cemetery. The lined monuments held mementoes of the holiday left by family. In front of Lance’s tombstone, there was one small poinsettia plant, and Grace knew Matthew had to be the one who left it there.

She stared at the gray stone that held his name and the date he was born and died. It was elegantly done, but no other words of praise or loss were there. In death, as well as life, Lance failed to elicit very few words or fond memories to show he would be in people’s memories. The long trove of women who had competed for his attention would find another man to warm their bed, and he would be a distant memory. The only legacy he left was Lilah, and he never wanted her.

Grace kneeled down in front of the tombstone. “We have a beautiful little girl. She came early, but she is healthy now.” Grace was in the cemetery alone and didn’t have to worry about being overheard. Hopefully, wherever he was, he would hear her words. “I wish you would have had more traits like your best friend. I wish you didn’t keep us a secret because of your lifestyle. I could wish that I never met you but then Lilah wouldn’t be here, so I don’t wish that. This wasn’t your fault alone. I said yes to follow you here because I wanted to believe I would finally find happiness. When I didn’t, I blamed you and refused to believe any man could be good and honest. I accused Matthew of being just like you, and I think I pushed him far away. But now I know I need to close the door on my past and the anger. I have to forgive you and move on. So, Lance, I forgive you, and wherever you are, I hope you find more peace there than you did on this earth.” The chilling breeze blew her hair in her face, and she swiped it away.

“Something was always missing for you, and I saw it in your eyes. I think that is why you jumped from woman to woman, hoping to find that missing piece but never did. I too have that missing piece, and that’s why I followed you here like a willing lamb.” She felt tears threaten and let them spill, accepting the grief of all she’d been through. It was the last cleansing tears she would shed over Lance. “But I finally recognize the piece I’m missing. I’m going to get Matthew back because he loves Lilah and maybe one day he can love me, and I think I can love him as he should be loved. He won’t be a substitute daddy on your behalf. He will be her daddy if he accepts us. She’ll be happy because she deserves that and so much more. Goodbye, Lance.”

Grace got back in her car and turned the heat up to warm her cold fingers. The snow of that morning had begun to melt away, and patches of green could be seen, making the ground look like a patchwork quilt. She drove back to the ranch and felt a sense of coming home when she drove up the driveway. It was because of Matthew that she had this feeling and had this place to call home. She was blessed in more ways than one. Grace knew it was time she looked at the blessings in her life. She’d have dessert with Josef’s family and then return to her home to settle in for the night with her baby. She’d never been one to chase a guy. Her moving to Nevada wasn’t the same. She had believed in lies about forever and of love from a man who wasn’t even faithful to himself or his best friend. It was time to look for the right guy, the one who would be there for the long haul, and she knew she had that in Matthew
.

Now I have to prove to him that I’m worth the second chance.

Chapter Seven

December melded into January then into February, and the beginning of March came with Matthew still not home. They spoke every day, and Grace felt that she’d made progress, but each time she brought up his return to Ryder Ranch, he made excuses. She wondered if he was dating someone in New York and was trying to keep it from her. She pushed that jealous thought aside knowing full well that being the type of man he was, he’d be honest even if it hurt. He was still hesitant because of what she had said to him and that was the problem. The only way to get him to come home was to prove to him she was ready for a relationship. The way she was going to do that was to go to New York. She and Lilah were taking a trip to the big city.

The baby had been cleared to travel, but to ease her worry and in case of an emergency, Dr. Malone gave her the phone number and address of a friend of his who ran the pediatrics ward in the Manhattan hospital. She bought her ticket for the next day before telling Josef. He and his family had become her friends over the last few weeks, and he gave her a wide grin when she told him of her plan. Josef then suggested using the charter company that Matthew used to travel. That way, the baby wouldn’t be stuck in the airport with people who may have germs. She smiled at his words, but his suggestion had merit so she changed the booking and used the charter airline. He asked if she needed them to babysit Lilah, but Grace wanted to take her along. She wasn’t ready to leave Lilah alone in the care of other people yet, and she was sure Matthew would want to see how big Lilah was getting. So, the next day, with enough clothes packed for three days, she took a flight to New York City.

From there, a car service was waiting to take them to Matthew’s penthouse apartment in the city. It was much colder than she had expected it would be, and she was glad the bunting she had Lilah in had extra layers, plus a blanket over the car seat to keep the brisk wind out. She hit a snag at his building when the doorman wouldn’t let her in and looked at her and the baby carrier haughtily. He, of course, thought she was lying about knowing Matthew and it took her right back to how it felt to have Lance pretend she didn’t exist. She pushed that aside knowing that Matthew would have no reason to tell the doorman or anyone in New York about her. Still, as she tried to juggle the baby carrier with a fretful baby and get her cell phone out of her coat, she wanted to punch the doorman right in his uppity face. She pressed Matthew’s number, and he picked up on the first ring.

“Hey, Matthew, are you home?” Grace asked.

“Yes, why?”

“Because your doorman won’t let me in, and I’m out in the cold with Lilah.” Grace felt pleasure when the doorman swallowed. She could see on his face that maybe he should have believed her.

“What, you’re here? How?” Matthew said.

“Well, there was a plane ride and a car service involved,” Grace answered with a laugh. “Surprise!”

“I’ll be right down,” he said and hung up.

“He’ll be right down,” she said smugly to the doorman.

“Maybe you should wait in the foyer,” the doorman said.

“Oh, no, before I wasn’t even allowed to step foot in the building, so I’ll just wait out here where I had to juggle my luggage, a baby carrier and my purse to make the call while you just stood there…without helping at all, mind you,” Grace said sweetly. He wanted to save his ass now, Well, there was no way she was letting him off the hook when he knew she had a baby with her in the cold.

Matthew came striding out the door with anger written all over his face. He looked good enough to eat. His hair was longer, and he was a sporting a charcoal jersey sweater and jeans over black boots.

“You carry the baby. I’ll get your bags,” Matthew said.

“Sir, I had no clue. If I’d have known—”

Matthew whirled on the doorman. “I don’t care if she was coming to me or the maintenance man in the basement. You do not ever leave a woman with a child out in the cold while you verify who she is trying to see.”

“Sir, I’m paid to keep the privacy of all tenants, not just yours.” The doorman lifted his nose in the air.

“And I own the penthouse on the top floor with the private elevator, remember? I also own the majority of the damn building, so trust me. My privacy is good regardless of if you’re at the door or not. Security and courtesy are two different things, and if I want to house homeless families in the foyer, no one could stop me,” Matthew snapped. “You’re lucky I don’t ask for you to be fired over this, but, remember, I’m watching you and by God if anyone says to me you’ve acted in any way but with kindness your ass will be out of here so fast you won’t even have time to straighten your coat. Am I perfectly clear?”

“Yes, Mr. Ryder, crystal clear,” the doorman answered. “Good day, ma’am, and my apologies.”

“It’s okay. Have a good day.” Grace actually felt bad for the guy as Matthew dressed him down. But he needed the lesson. How many others had he done the same thing to over the years? How many nannies or housekeepers had he mistreated over the years?

“Let’s switch,” Matthew suggested when he saw her huffing and puffing to keep the carrier lifted.

“She’s getting heavy, and the carrier is heavier than she is,” Grace said with a laugh.

Matthew took the blanket off the car seat and looked at Lilah who was sucking her thumb. “She has gotten big. She’s not little Thumbelina anymore. How much does she weigh?”

“Dr. Malone said she was thirteen pounds now,” Grace said proudly. “She’s drinking all her milk, still breastfeeding, but she gets bottles in between. No cereal or baby food yet though.”

“She’ll be twelve weeks on March twelfth,” Matthew said. He opened the door to his apartment. She was shocked he had left it unlocked.

“Three months and no major hiccups in her growth for being a preemie. She’s right on target.” Grace looked around the expensively decorated penthouse. “You should really lock your doors.”

“I do when I’m gone all day,” Matthew said. “The penthouse elevator only moves when you use the keycard and the code.”

“It’s a very nice place,” Grace commented.

“Go look at the skyline view while I get to take Lilah out and hold her,” Matthew said.

“She coos and smiles at you. I’m warning you of the cuteness overload that is to follow,” Grace said as she walked toward the floor-to ceiling-window.

He was right. The view from the upper east side was amazing. She could see straight out to the river. She could only imagine how brilliant it was when the city was dark and all the lights from the buildings could be seen. She turned when Matthew made a sound of happiness and saw him taking Lilah out of her car seat.

“Oh, you’re such a pretty princess. I missed you so much,” Matthew said huskily.

“You should’ve come home, Matthew,” Grace said quietly. “So many things have changed.”

“What’s changed, Grace?” He met her gaze.

“I can’t find any more ways to say I’m sorry, Matthew.” Grace shrugged and turned her palms up. “But I made peace with my past, and I’m trying to embrace the future.”

“You don’t have to say sorry. I accepted your apology the first day you said it,” Matthew answered. He had Lilah over his shoulder gently patting her back, and she gave a big burp that made him grin.

“Then why aren’t you coming home? I have asked more times than I can count.”

“Because I needed to give you time to see me as not the bad guy, and you needed time to learn for yourself without me,” Matthew said. “If I’d have stayed or come back, things would have moved way too fast. I was mad, but with being here I saw things from a new light. You needed to find yourself before I was ever involved. Starting a relationship right off would have been filled with bumps and arguments until we both resented each other. How could that be helpful to Lilah? You found your way. You like the farm and your job. All that peace you found would have become a question if I’d have come back.”

“What about now?” Grace said. “I know my failures and strengths. I also know that I never missed anyone as much as I missed you.”

“I don’t want to be the best friend, Grace. I can’t babysit and watch you date and someone take a place where I want to be,” Matthew said quietly. “I’d rather stay in New York than be that guy.”

Grace sighed. “One kiss and everything changed. I think about you every day. Not as a friend but as a man I want to build something with and be with, a man who will be a father to Lilah and, hopefully, one day, a family.”

He gave a nod. “I’d like that too.”

“There’s something else I’d like,” she said shyly.