Succubus Shadows (23 page)

“You’re a hypocrite,” I said.

“An opportunist,” he countered. “What are you really doing here, Georgina? What do
you
want?”

I lowered my gaze. I didn’t know. I didn’t know why I was here. I’d come to make sure he was okay…but then what? I was always going back and forth. I loved him. I had to forget him. Back and forth.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s the best I’ve got.”

And with no more deliberation, I kissed him again, longer this time, surprised at how easy it was to fall back into the kinds of kisses we used to do—the ones that just pushed the envelope of when I started to take his energy. He seemed like he was ready to go further, so I was the one who stopped him and returned to lying against him as we watched the sun sink down and paint the sky with brilliant colors. He gave no protest, seeming content just to have me close.

We ate dinner inside one of the resort’s restaurants, my lack of packing not being a problem with shape-shifting. I pulled out a sexy v-cut evening dress whose violet shade reminded me of our first meeting. And as we talked and drank over dinner, our conversation slipped into the funny, comfortable manner we’d always shared. With Maddie removed from the equation, it was exactly as he’d said: so much had changed yet not changed. The rapport, the connection…it all burned between us—as did the sexual tension while we studied each other intently through the effortless conversation. He came alive more than I’d seen him in a while, but whether that was from the drinks or his freedom, I couldn’t say.

Though my heart sang at finally being with him again, I was still battered with a million doubts. He’d told me to push them aside, but it was hard. Maddie. His underlying pessimism. His desire for escape. His family. My own selfishness.

But when we finished dinner, all such worries fled. As soon as we were back in his room—a wide and spacious suite that looked out to the now-dark water—we were all over each other. The longing that had built up between us exploded. His hands undid the zipper of my dress, peeling it from my body. We fell onto the bed, and I tore at his shorts, reason and responsibility nonexistent. His hands ran the length of my body, down the sides of my hips while his mouth moved from my collarbone to the spot between my breasts and then finally onto one of the breasts and its hardened nipple.

I was prying off his pants when I felt the glow of life energy start to creep into me. For a few moments, I was able to ignore its implications. I just wanted him. I wanted to feel what I’d felt months ago when his body had been in mine and I’d had that sense of perfect union. The life energy was an aphrodisiac, enhancing the desire my physical body felt.

Maybe it was a kneejerk reaction from the days of dating, but once more, I was the one who had to stop it all. I put some distance between us, though we were still intertwined.

“Okay,” I said, my heart pounding in my chest. “We’re about to cross the line.”

There was lust in Seth’s eyes. Lust and love and that same burning need I had to reach ultimate completion. “We crossed it a little, didn’t we?” he asked breathlessly. “I felt it.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Not much.”
Not much is too much.

He frowned a little, his hand still running over my leg. So, so dangerous. A little more and we would teeter over the edge again.

“I’ve felt it before,” he said. “When you started to take some of me. Just a vague sense, but it was there. Somehow…somehow, it didn’t seem
quite
as bad this time.”

He was right, and that was because of that slight darkening on his soul. Sure, he was nowhere near as bad as a lot of Hell-bound people, but even that slight mark made a difference. I could feel it. Before, he’d been pristine and pure, all sparking silver and undiluted life. Most of it was still there…save that slight shadow, a shadow that I suspected was increasing the more he decided to turn his back on the people in his life. And the darker a soul was, the less of it I took.

“You’re right.” I didn’t bother getting into the technicalities. “But it’d still be bad.”

“Too bad to risk just one time?”

An old argument. “What happened to you giving me up?”

“I will if I have to. I was ready to. But that was before you came here…you still haven’t told me why, what you want. I’d do it again. I’d be together again, but no more physical boundaries.” He cut off my protests. “I know, I know the risks. And I know—as should you—that what’s between us is about more than sex. But that was still a thorn, no matter how much we knew it shouldn’t be. I don’t want anything like that happening again. I’ll take the risk. It’s my choice.”

“I—I don’t know. I just don’t…”

“Well, that’s better than ‘I can’t.’” He chuckled. He moved closer, his lips just brushing mine. “And if you decide no, then that’s how it’ll be. But maybe…maybe just this once we could…maybe just once you could give in….”

I closed my eyes as his lips pressed against mine once more, harder this time, and our bodies moved back together. Again, he was right. I could almost give in this time. I’d been through too much recently, so much emotional and spiritual upheaval. Being with him felt like the most natural thing in the world right now…but my warning alarms were still going off. If I shortened his life with a dark soul, he’d be that much closer to Hell.

“No,” I said at last. It was growing more difficult to keep pulling back. “I still can’t. Not yet. I’m not saying never…I just. I’m so confused. I’m sorry.”

He looked disappointed, but to my relief, he didn’t push the issue again. I might not have been able to resist if he did. “But you’ll stay? You’ll stay the night with me at least?”

I nodded. “I can stay for three days.”

“Three days. That’s perfect. I can handle that. Three more days to think about it all. If we can stay together…then we will. If we can’t, then I’ll be alone until there’s another Georgina.” His wry tone indicated his doubts about that. “For now, this is enough.”

We lounged in each other’s arms naked after that, miraculously managing to keep things from escalating. Of course, it was a skill we’d perfected while dating, so we fell into it naturally—though also reluctantly. We stayed up talking for a long time, as though we hadn’t seen each other for years and had a lifetime to catch up on. Which really wasn’t that far from the truth.

At last, he slept, but I was restless. I watched his peaceful breathing in the darkness, his sleep heavy from the drinks. His skin was warm against mine, and I felt safer than I had in a while.

Three days. We’d have these three days, and for a little longer, I could pretend he was mine again, just like he used to be. If I chose, I could even make this permanent. I’d told him I’d think about it. The one problem with it all was that things
weren’t
like they used to be. The dream replayed in my head, the dream that might have been a lie. Seth had been the man in the dream, the one I could have been with if what the Oneroi had showed me was true. But was this Seth lying in my arms the man in the dream? The one I’d dreamed of had been infinitely kind and good—the one I’d fallen in love with. The real Seth had changed—gradually, yes…but the change was there.

It was wrong of me to judge, seeing as part of the change over the last year had been a result of me in his life. Yet, once more, that selfish part inside me thought he should have resisted. I’d fallen for Seth because of his moral character, something that always attracted me to a man. Ironic and possibly hypocritical for a servant of Hell. I still loved Seth, still felt that connection, but things were off now. This bitterness, this attitude that made him want to lock himself away in easy, selfish retreat was not what I’d expected of him. I’d expected more.

I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted these last few days with him. I wanted forever with him, but if I stayed, I’d be furthering this attitude I hated. I’d encourage the darkness to build within him. I didn’t want to see it. And as much as I loved him and yearned to cling to a few more moments with him, I realized staying with this Seth who disappointed me so much was a bad idea. Seth had said he’d rather be alone than be with the wrong woman. I’d rather be apart from him than see him like this. I wanted my memories of him to stay pure.

And so, though it broke my heart, I untangled myself from him. In his heavy sleep, he didn’t stir. Again, the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me. I’d tried so many times to coax him into one drink, and now I looked down on him for using cocktails as a way to dull the pain. How stupid, I thought, that his darkened soul made it easier for us to finally be together…and yet, for my heart, it made it impossible.

I shape-shifted into jeans and a light tank top and found some hotel stationery. On it, I scrawled:

Cryptic much? A meager way to express all those feelings, but somehow, I suspected he’d understand. He knew me. I left it on the bedside table and then watched him for a few moments, admiring the man I loved and always would. Finally, my eyes wet, I turned away and left the room to catch a taxi to the airport.

“W
here’ve you been?” asked Roman.

I hadn’t landed in Seattle until later the next day. Turns out getting flights from Mexico to the Pacific Northwest can take a little longer than immortal teleportation, particularly on short notice.

“To the edge of the known world and back,” I said, falling onto the couch. Both cats came to me, which I took with some smugness, seeing as they usually fawned all over Roman.

“So, what, South Dakota?”

I made a face and covered my eyes with one arm. My trip to locate Seth had only taken twenty-four hours, but really, that was a lot to endure in so short a time. “I found Seth.”

“Oh.” Roman’s enthusiasm dimmed considerably. “I guess his disappearance wasn’t as milk carton–worthy as Maddie made it sound.”

“Well, I had to—literally—call in a demonic favor to hunt him down.”

“And? Are you guys running into the sunset together now that he’s free?”

The mention of sunset made me flinch, recalling how Seth and I had held each other on the beach. “Not quite. I…left him.”

“What’s that mean exactly?”

I tried to explain all that had gone down with Seth, but it wasn’t easy. It was almost too much for my brain to wade through, let alone articulate to someone else. When I finished, I felt even more exhausted than before.

“So that’s it? You’re never going to see each other again?” Roman’s voice was skeptical.

“He said he’s not coming back, and I didn’t stick around. So, yeah.”

“I have a hard time believing that. Is he just going to live at that hotel permanently? Even he can’t make that much money.”

“No, he mentioned at dinner that he’d be settling down somewhere else. He just hasn’t decided where.”

All was quiet between us for a minute or so. The only sounds were the traffic outside and Aubrey purring near my ear. At last, Roman asked, “Are you okay?”

I glanced over at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. This can’t be easy on you. I mean, you haven’t even had any downtime since the Oneroi.”

I don’t know why his words caught me by surprise. I guess it was because amidst all the woes that were always going on in my life, few people ever asked if I was okay. Maybe they’d given up asking because depressing things were so commonplace for me. How weird, I thought, that Roman had swung from sociopathic to compassionate while Seth had fallen down a darker path. Of course, I had no hard evidence that Roman wasn’t actually a compassionate sociopath. Still, I gave him a smile of gratitude.

“I am okay—or will be eventually. Thanks.”

There must have been something in my smile that gave him hope or just made him feel inspired because his own smile grew radiant. I’d forgotten just how beautiful it was, the way it could light up his face. We left dangerous topics alone after that but spent the rest of the night hanging out together. I wasn’t totally okay by any means, but it was nice to simply be ordinary for a while and free of drama. I wondered if that’s what my life would be like now—and what role Roman would play.

Still, adjusting to a world without Seth wasn’t easy over the next few days. Even when he’d been with Maddie, even when the sight of him had caused me pain, he’d still been
there.
And I’d known he was there. Now, the knowledge that he was gone and that he wasn’t coming back left a strange emptiness in my heart, even as the rest of my life began to stabilize.

I returned to work, a good thing for the store because Maddie had taken some much-needed time off. I checked on her via Doug and offered to go to her if needed, despite knowing I wouldn’t enjoy listening to her mourn for Seth. Of course, since I was doing the same thing, maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to turn down commiseration.

“She just wants to be alone right now,” Doug said, leaning in my doorway. He had no joke today, none of his usual wackiness. “Still upset—but she’s a trouper. I’ll let you know when she’s ready to see anyone.”

“Okay.” My heart went out to her. “Keep me posted.”

It was nearing closing time, and I went out to the store’s main part to help with some of the evening tasks. A few of the staff members were already going home. One of them was Gabrielle. And she was leaving with Cody.

“What’s going on?” I whispered to him while she went to get her purse. He wasn’t even wearing black.

“We’ve gone out a couple times since…well, while you’ve been distracted.” He sounded apologetic for his happiness.

“That’s fantastic,” I said. Love was managing to survive somewhere in this world. “What changed her mind? The concert?”

“A little. I think that opened the door. She’s really excited that I’ll only hang out at night. And that I can show her real vampires.”

“What? You managed to convince her Peter was a vampire?” To the average human, that would be even less likely than Cody being a vampire.

“No, of course not.” His lovesick expression hardened a little. “But Milton—you know that vampire from Eugene?—he’s been in town this week. Claims he’s visiting friends.” Vampires were very territorial about their hunting grounds, even ones like Peter and Cody who rarely took victims and didn’t kill when they did. “He hasn’t caused any trouble, but I don’t buy that vacation thing. It’s as ridiculous as Simone just visiting.”

“She
is
gone, right?” That had been the rumor, and seeing as there’d been no wacky mishaps with two Georginas, I had to believe it was true. I’d never know what her motivation had been.

“Yup, as far as I know. Anyway. Milton. He sure does look like a vampire. Have you seen him? He’s like a modern-day Nosferatu. I took Gabrielle when I went to spy on him at a dance club, and she got really excited. She thinks I have some special knack for finding vampires—at least wannabe ones.”

“Huh,” I said. “That’s somehow bizarre, funny, and cute all at the same time. Maybe a little disturbing.” He grinned at that, showing his fangs. “What’s she think of the teeth? You can’t hide those if you’re up close and personal all the time.”

“Told her I had them cosmetically done.” He looked very pleased. “She thinks it’s hot.”

His new romance left me in a good mood when I finally took off. I stepped outside into the chilly night, surprised I didn’t mind it so much. Something about the clean, brisk air seemed refreshing to me, and for the first time in a while, I regretted moving out of Queen Anne. It would have been nice to walk home on this early winter evening, instead of climbing into the plastic and metal of my car.

There was nothing to be done for it, though. I turned the ignition and checked my cell phone before heading out of the parking lot. I often left the ringer off while working, and three calls had come in for me. I had a voice mail for each. The first was from a few hours ago, from Erik. He spoke in his usual genteel tones, but I could hear some urgency underneath. He told me he’d come up with some theories about my contract and wanted to talk to me soon.

The next message was from Roman, from about an hour ago. He knew my work schedule perfectly and was calling to see what kind of takeout I wanted. If I called as I was leaving, he said, he’d probably have food by the time I walked in. I felt my lips turn into a smile at that—one that promptly dropped when I heard the last message. It had come in five minutes ago and was from Erik again.

“Georgina—”

That was it. Just my name, tense and strangled. After that came static, what sounded like the phone dropping, and then the voice mail ended. I stared at my phone as though it were a totally foreign object.

I had never, ever heard Erik call me by my first name.

My car was already headed toward his store when I dialed him back. It was too late for the store to be open, but that was the number my cell phone had logged. No answer came. I tried his home number, just to be safe, and received no answer there either. My fear increased, as did my speed. Easy traffic moved me along, but I still felt like his store might as well be hundreds of miles away.

I made it there in fifteen minutes, which was actually pretty remarkable. The store’s lights were on, though everything else in the strip mall and its lot was dark. I parked right in front, in a handicapped spot, and tore out of my car, nearly coming to a halt at what I found.

The glass of the door and window were smashed, with glittering shards covering the sidewalk. Even if the door had been locked, I could have reached right in to open it. I pushed through, stepping inside to find more destruction. Fountains still tinkled, music still played, but everything else was in shambles. Bookshelves knocked over. Statuary in pieces. Jewelry cases broken—and empty.

“Erik?” I called, hurrying through the store. There was no answer. I passed the register, saw the drawer hanging open, and suspected I’d find it as empty as the cases.

I was heading for the store’s back room when I heard a small noise. Turning, I peered around wildly and caught a glimpse of a hand, behind the checkout counter. There, I found Erik sprawled on the floor, pale despite his dusky skin. A hand lay over his stomach, which was a pool of dark blood. His eyes were glassy, and for a moment, I thought he was dead. Then the lids twitched, and his eyes focused on me.

“Miss Kincaid…”

I dialed 911 while simultaneously trying to rip my coat off. I screamed at them to send an ambulance and pressed the light fabric of the trench coat into his stomach. The effort was futile. A red strain promptly began spreading through the cloth.

“Don’t say anything,” I pleaded when I saw his lips move. They were blue-tinged. “Someone’s coming. You’ll be okay.”

I wanted to ask a hundred questions: what had happened, who had done this. None mattered. Only saving him did—and besides, the scenario seemed painfully clear. A break-in, one in which he must have interfered. Two bullet holes on the wall revealed what had happened to his stomach. The third shot had hit.

“Miss Kincaid…” His voice was so small, barely a croak.

“Shh. We’ll talk later, after the paramedics come. Save your strength.”

“There won’t be a later,” he gasped. I swear, he tried to smile. “Not…for…me…”

“They’ll be here in, like, five minutes,” I countered.

“Doesn’t matter. Too weak. Too much blood.”

“No,” I said desperately.
“No.”
Even as I begged, my hysteria growing, I knew he was right. He
had
lost too much blood. He was only alive now because this was a slow-killing wound. Even if paramedics walked in right now, they wouldn’t get him away in time to save him. With his age and recent illness, he wouldn’t come back from this. Still, I denied it. “You’ll be okay. Listen—”

“You listen.” There was no real force behind the command, but I shut up. One of his hands clung to me. “It’s not…your contract.”

I was confused, my mind still on his condition and the store. Then, I caught the context. “Let the contract go. We’ll worry about it later.”

His grip tightened. “There must be another. Two contracts.”

“There…what? No. That’s not how it works. I know that for sure. One contract per soul. I signed one. Now, please. Don’t say anything else.”

“Find it,” he coughed. There was blood on his lips. “Find…it.”

“I will, I will.” I would have agreed to anything, though what he was saying made no sense. My words must have comforted him because he relaxed ever so slightly. There was still no question that he must be in agonizing pain, though. I glanced up at the front of the store, willing myself to hear sirens. “They’ll be here,” I said.

“Too…late. You…you can stop the pain.”

He was so hard to hear now, I had to lean close. Even then, I didn’t fully parse his words until a few moments later. “I’m trying.” I shifted the coat a little, which was proving totally ineffectual.

“A kiss…one kiss…”

“I…” My eyes went wide. “No. No. It’ll kill you…” Even as I said the words, I realized how stupid they were. This gunshot was already going to kill him. He was going to die.
One kiss.
He wanted a kiss to speed his dying, just as I’d given Luc. I’d never performed that deed again, nor had I wanted to. Maybe it had been mercy, but I’d felt like a killer. And yet, just like I had then, I knew it would ease the passing….

I shook my head. “No.”

“Nyx…showed me. Showed me my death: you.”

He coughed again and could speak no more. Still, he clung to life, with pain on his face and pleading in his eyes.

Nyx? Nyx had shown him his death….

In the far reaches of my mind, I remembered finding him one day, right after Nyx had visited him and shown him a vision. He’d recoiled from me at first and then later shrugged it off, laughing it away as the remnants of a nightmare. But I understood now. He’d seen his death—seen me causing it. He’d been afraid of me in those moments. My man in the dream had been a lie, but all the other visions she’d shown had been true. My role in Erik’s death had been destined…just not in any malicious way. That was how her dreams often worked. Never quite what you expected.

And so, for the second time, I became an angel of mercy…an angel of death…whatever. I hunched down and kissed him, ignoring the blood on his mouth. Just like with Luc, there was only a breath of life left. Five more minutes, and Erik would have been gone without me. That tiny bit of life was as pure and good as I’d known it would be. Erik would be rewarded in the afterlife.

As I lifted my head and watched peace settle over his features, faint feelings flitted through me, as sometimes happened when I took energy. There was affection for me. It wasn’t romantic love. More like fatherly love. Friendship. Fondness. And underneath it was a warning, a warning for me he never got to convey. I was so caught up in those last bursts of life, that I was only distantly aware when the lights and sirens came.

Someone lifted me away, and I saw people huddling around him—too late. I stared at the commotion that followed—paramedics, police. I saw it without seeing it, answered questions without even knowing what I said. A policeman with kind eyes took it all down and spoke to me gently, often repeating himself. I don’t know how long it all took. Maybe an hour, maybe more. I only remember assuring them over and over that I was okay, that I was going home, and that I would answer any other questions that came up.