Suddenly Last Summer (34 page)

“It’s good to be focused. Good to be passionate about something.”

“Not when passion makes you blind.”

“He could have said something. He should have.”

“Possibly. But would I have listened? I like to think I would have, but I can’t be sure. This place isn’t an easy weight to carry, I know that.”

“Jackson loves it.”

“Yes. And I sleep easier, knowing that.”

Sean sat down next to his grandfather, shoulders brushing. “I’m going to come home more.”

“Your grandmother would like that.”

Sean turned his head and looked at his grandfather. “And how would you feel about it?”

Walter cleared his throat. “I guess I’d like that, too. But only if it’s what you want.”

“It’s what I want. I should have apologized to you sooner instead of staying away. And I should have said— I mean, I probably should have told you— I love you, Gramps— Shit—” He ran his hand over his face. “I can’t believe I said that. Thank God Tyler’s not here.”

“Thank God your grandmother isn’t here, with you swearing.” There was a long silence and then his grandfather gave a laugh that was decidedly unsteady. “I love you, too. I thought you knew that.”

Sean thought of Élise. “Sometimes it’s good to say these things aloud, just so everyone is clear. But it’s not easy.”

“You’ve never found it easy to talk about your feelings. I don’t, either.”

“Funny you should say that. Élise thinks you and I are alike.”

His grandfather smiled. “Clever girl, that one. Strong. And Kayla, too. She and Jackson are breathing new life into this place and that’s good. Now she’s going to be living here full-time things will be even better.”

“I worry about Kayla. She’s giving up a lot, quitting her job to come and live and work here.”

“You think so?” Walter watched as a flock of birds flew overhead. “I’d say she’s gaining more than she’s giving up.”

“She worked for a top New York PR company. She had a career.”

“And now she’s working with the man she loves, planning a future. A happy life needs more than work. It needs balance. I’m lucky. For me, work, home, family are intertwined. I have it all in one place. You have a great career, no question, but it’s a hell of a price you’re paying. One hell of a sacrifice. Be sure it’s worth it.”

“Sacrifice?” Sean was astonished. “I’m not the one making the sacrifice. I don’t have to think about anyone but myself. I can spend as much time as I like at the hospital without anyone asking what time I’ll be home.”

His grandfather stared at the forest, framed by blue sky. “Sound like a lonely life to me.”

“I’m surrounded by people.”

“But do those people give a damn about you? Would they care if you collapsed on your deck and couldn’t get yourself back up again? Do they laugh with you and keep you warm at night? Do they sit with you when you’re lying in a hospital bed and hold your hand the whole time? Are they still going to be by your side in sixty years?” His grandfather’s voice shook. “Do those people do that?”

Sean stared at him, stunned. “Gramps—”

“Love isn’t sacrifice, it’s a gift. But you’re afraid, and I understand that. It takes a brave man to admit he’s in love.”

“I’m not in love.” Sean frowned. “Why would you even suggest that? For a start, I don’t have time to date. There’s no one I—” He broke off and clenched his jaw. “If you’re suggesting—”

“I’m not suggesting anything. I know better than to suggest anything to you.”

It wasn’t love.

“Élise and I have been working alongside each other, that’s all.”

“Good.” Walter eased himself to his feet and strolled over to his new machine. He stood looking at it while Sean stared at him in exasperation.

“I fixed the deck because I wanted to be around for you and Grams. It had nothing to do with Élise.”

“Thoughtful of you. We all appreciate it. And it was thoughtful of you to take her camping.”

Sean clenched his jaw. “Tyler was busy.”

He thought he saw his grandfather smile but when he looked again Walter was staring intently at his new toy. “Does this thing come with a manual?”

It wasn’t love.

There was
no way
this was love. It was a serious case of lust with a whole lot of like and laughter thrown in.

“She doesn’t want a relationship. Neither do I.”

“Sounds like you’re perfectly matched.”

Perfectly matched?

Sweat bathed the back of his neck. He thought about Élise breathless and laughing in the rain. Hugging his grandfather. Dancing on the deck. Ripping his shirt off. He thought of her legs, her passion, her kindness, her dimple, her mouth
. Oh, God, that mouth.
The mouth he could happily kiss every day for the rest of his life.

No!

It wasn’t love. No way.
No way.

His heart was pounding. He couldn’t breathe. His chest felt tight.

He stared down at his shaking hands and realized he’d never felt panic like this before. Not even knowing he had someone’s life in his hands. His job was something he’d trained long and hard to do, but this? Nothing had trained him for this.

He forced himself to breathe slowly and think calmly and analytically.

“I’m not in love, Gramps. And I won’t pretend I am just to please you. I have to get back to Boston.” He stood up and dug his keys out of his pocket. Dropped them. Cursed under his breath as his grandfather’s brows rose.

“Are you all right? Because normally you have the steadiest pair of hands I’ve seen.”

“I’m fine. But I have a busy week. I’m making up time.” And at least back in Boston people wouldn’t be making ridiculous suggestions.

“Drive carefully. Your grandmother worries about you.” Walter stood up, rubbing the base of his back. “Sometimes you think you don’t want something, and then it turns out you were wrong. Has that ever happened to you?”

“No, it has not.” Sean ground his teeth. “I do not love her.”

“I was talking about my log splitter.” His grandfather glanced over to his new toy. “What were you talking about?”

Sean felt as if he were being strangled. “I have to go.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

É
LISE
SMILED
AS
she wound a scarf around her neck and added discreet jewelry.

It was family night, and Sean was coming home.

If anyone had told her at the beginning of summer that he’d be joining them for family night she wouldn’t have believed it, but now that he’d healed the rift with his grandfather it was a natural next step to spend a little more time at Snow Crystal.

“
Et donc,
even two very stubborn men can eventually be persuaded to talk to each other.” She beamed at herself in the mirror and swept lip gloss over her mouth, relieved that the O’Neil family were sailing in smoother waters. The Boathouse was a success, the resort itself wasn’t exactly booming but it was stable, Walter was relaxed, Alice was her old self and Elizabeth had a new bounce in her stride.

And as for her—

Her heart pumped a little bit faster.

It had been a week since dinner and Sean hadn’t been in touch but that didn’t worry her. She hadn’t been in touch with him, either. They didn’t have that sort of relationship. She enjoyed his company—
what woman wouldn’t?
—and it was true their friendship had grown over the summer into something she would never have predicted, but that was simply because they’d spent so much time together.

She was pleased for Walter’s sake that he was coming to family night. For herself, it didn’t bother her either way.

Convinced of that, she took the stairs down to the kitchen and then stopped when she saw him standing in the open doorway. His shirt was unbuttoned at the neck and his eyes were tired.

“Sean! I wasn’t expecting you. I was on my way over to the house. How was your drive?”

“Long. Hot. Can I come inside?” Without waiting for an answer, obviously tense, he walked into her kitchen and closed the door. “How are things here? Gramps all right?”

“He is doing well! And things here are good, I think. A little busier than usual. The Inn is fully booked for the next three weeks, the café is doing well, Jackson says bookings are up for the winter.” She wondered why he was standing so far away from her and then realized she was being ridiculous. He’d come home for family night, not to indulge in hot sex in the forest. “Kayla has been really happy with the media coverage and she’s negotiating for me to do a guest cookery slot on local TV.”

“That’s great.”

“Yes, I must try not to say
merde
on camera or Kayla says she will kill me.” She had a feeling he wasn’t listening. “Walter is so pleased with his log cutting machine. It was a good choice. You are very clever, I think. And Tom has been helping us out in the garden so that’s been a real help for Elizabeth.” She wondered how Sean would react to the news but he didn’t seem to be listening. Instead, he stared out of the window at the lake.

“That’s good.”

She studied his profile, admiring the straight sweep of his nose, the strong lines of his jaw. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Yes.” He turned and his gaze collided with hers. “Let’s go outside.”

Her gaze slid from him to the door. “I thought you wanted to be inside.”

“I’ve changed my mind. I want to do this outside.”

“Do what?”

But he was already striding through the door.

She followed him, baffled. “What’s wrong? Is this to do with family night? Are you feeling pressure? Did you have a bad day at work?”

“No and no.” He paced to the edge of the deck and locked his hands over the smooth wood of the railings. For a moment he stared down at the water and then he drew a deep breath. “I told myself this couldn’t happen to me. I’ve always believed that.”

“What couldn’t happen to you?”

“I refused to look at the truth because looking at it scared me.”

“What truth? What scared you?” Frustration mingled with exasperation and a deeper concern that his relationship with his grandfather, still fragile, was about to be shattered again. “I do not understand what you are saying.
Merde,
in a minute I will push you in the lake again if you do not tell me.”

“I didn’t think I wanted this.”

“
What didn’t you want?
You are making no sense at all and I am the foreigner here.”

“I didn’t want to fall in love. I never wanted that. I didn’t think it would happen to me.”

The air was still. The only sound was the occasional faint splash as birds skimmed the water. “You—?”

“I love you.” Everything about him was tense. Jaw. Shoulders. “Christ, before this summer I’d never said those words before in my life and suddenly I’m saying them all the time.”

“What do you mean, you are saying them all the time?”

“I said them to Gramps.”

The breath left her in a rush. “Of course you did.” Relief flooded her. “That is good. You love him. For a moment I thought you were saying the words to me.”

“I was. I am.”

She stared at him stunned, wondering if she’d misunderstood. If this was a language thing.

“You
love
me? No, you don’t.”

“I do.” His eyes met hers and his voice was soft. “I love you, Élise.”

“What?
C’est pas vrai.
You’re wrong.” Panic simmered below the surface. “Sean, you’re freaking me out.”

He gave a short laugh. “Believe me, I’ve been freaking out all week.”

“All
week?
”

“Since Gramps suggested it.”

“Your grandfather—?”

“He knew. He knows.”

Some of the tension left her. Finally there was an explanation for his strange behavior. “Thank goodness. It is just Walter playing his games, interfering. He has been pressuring you again and it has confused you.”

“No. Not this time. He just made me think about a few things, that’s all. And I’m not confused. I’m very clear about my feelings.”

The panic was back, this time increasing in intensity. “It is pressure, just subtle pressure. It is what he does best, you know that. You have to ignore him just as you have for the past three decades.”

“This isn’t about him. It’s about me. And you.” His gaze was steady. “I know I love you. And I think you love me.”

Oh, God.
“I don’t! Of course I don’t.”

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. That wasn’t going to happen to her ever again.

His eyes locked on hers. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I am sure! And what arrogance is this to assume I don’t know my own mind? You’re so used to being able to have your pick of women, you can’t imagine that one might not feel the same way about you as you do about her.” Her hands were shaking and she wrapped her arms around herself, wondering why she suddenly felt so cold.

Love? No way. No
way
was that ever going to happen to her again.

“Élise, you were so jealous when you thought I’d slept with that nurse you almost drowned me and knocked me unconscious.”

“Because I thought you’d let Sam down. I may have overreacted. Just a little. And if you’re really in love with me, which I doubt, then I’m sorry for it, but I never gave you reason to think this relationship would go anywhere.” She was talking so fast the words tumbled over each other. “For me it has only ever been a casual summer fling. I thought it was the same for you.”

“A casual summer fling? Sweetheart, we left casual behind weeks ago. In fact, if we’re honest, we left casual behind last summer when we spent the whole night together.”

“That was just sex.”

“Maybe it was, but what we have now is a hell of a lot more than that and you know it.”

“No, I don’t. To me, it isn’t more.” Her heart was pounding. Her mouth was dry.

“The best parts of this summer have been the time I spent with you.”

“Yes, because the sex is fantastic and it has blown your brain.” She backed away. “I think perhaps you should not operate for a few days. You are not yourself. Why are you saying all this? We are the same. Neither of us wanted this. It’s the reason we get on so well.”

“Has it occurred to you that the reason we get on so well is because we like each other? We make each other laugh. We can’t share the same space without wanting to rip each other’s clothes off.”