Suddenly Last Summer (38 page)

“But did you tell her you loved her?” His grandmother’s food lay untouched on the plate. “Women like to hear that and men don’t say it often enough.”

Tyler attacked his pot roast with no visible loss of appetite. “I love you, Grams.”

Her eyes softened. “I know you do, honey. You’ve always been a wild one, but underneath you have a big strong heart and one day some woman is going to snap you up for the rest of your life.”

Tyler choked on his food. “Not if I see her coming first.”

Jess giggled. “You could hide under the napkin.”

“That would be one use for it.”

“What do you mean men don’t say it enough?” Walter was looking at Alice. “I say it to you every day and have since the day we met.”

“I know.” Alice’s gaze softened and she stretched out her hand. “I came to buy maple syrup—”

“Oh, please, no, not that—” Tyler dropped his fork and pushed his plate away. “And please no kissing at the table. I am done with all this kissing at the table. If people want to gaze at each other then go book an evening in the restaurant and do the whole candles and wine thing. Don’t bring it to family night.”

“Talking of the restaurant, we need more help,” Elizabeth said quietly. “Once the season starts we won’t be able to cope without another member of staff. You’ll need to recruit someone, Jackson.”

Jackson reached for the salt. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

“I’ll do it.” Kayla typed a note into her phone. “You have enough to do.”

“You will not be recruiting anyone.” Walter brought his fist down on the table with a thump that made cups and cutlery rattle. Maple dived for cover. “We already have the best chef there is. We don’t need to go looking for another one.”

Jackson put his fork down. “She’s gone, Gramps. She’s gone back to Paris.”

“Because she had things to sort out there. And she’ll be back when she’s done. And in the meantime, we’ll manage because that’s what families do and she’s family.”

Jackson exchanged glances with Sean. “Gramps—”

“And her job will be here waiting for her when she’s ready to return to it.” Glaring, Walter reached for his glass but Sean noticed his hand was shaking.

“She’s not coming back, Gramps.” There was a heavy lump behind his chest. “Jackson has to make decisions about this place.”

“She’s been gone five minutes and already you want to give her job away?”

“She’s gone, damn it!”

“I don’t understand why everyone is shouting?” Alice pushed the food around her plate, too upset to complain about the language. “And I don’t understand why she left. She loved it here. I know she loved it here. Last time we had family night she couldn’t stop telling us how much she loved us.”

“Because she was about to leave,” Jackson said wearily. “It was her way of saying thank you but none of us understood it at the time.”

Sean let out a breath. He understood it.

After what happened with her mother she would never, ever miss an opportunity to tell the people in her life that she loved them.

The irony was that she’d said it to everyone but him.

The ache behind his chest intensified.

“What does she have to thank us for?” Walter scowled. “We’re the ones who should be thanking her for producing food that’s the talk of Vermont, New Hampshire and most of the East Coast. We had people from California here last week who had read about her! So don’t talk to me about finding a replacement because she’s irreplaceable. And if Sean had spoken up, she might not have left.”

Sean swore under his breath and thumped his glass down on the table. “I spoke up! I told her I loved her. Yeah, that’s right—” He met his mother’s astonished gaze. “I told her that. Several times, in fact, so there could be no misunderstanding. And now can we all talk about something else?”

Jackson sent him a concerned glance.

Tyler and Kayla were gaping at him and as for his mother—

“Oh, Sean.” Tears shimmered in her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s just— It’s perfect. I couldn’t be happier.”

“You don’t have any reason to be happy because she doesn’t feel the same way, Mom. Now can we move on? We’ve talked about this for long enough.”

“Doesn’t—” Elizabeth exchanged glances with Alice, perplexed. “Well, of course she does.”

Sean clenched his jaw, wondering what he had to do to move the conversation onto a different topic. “So how are bookings for the winter, Jackson?”

“Slightly up.” His brother came to his rescue. “All we need now is plenty of snow, but overall I’m optimistic.”

“I may not know anything about mending broken bones,” Elizabeth said stoutly, “but I know when a woman is in love.”

Alice smiled. “I knew straight away.”

Sean breathed deeply, looking for an escape. “My phone is buzzing,” he lied. “I’ve had it on silent.” That was true, but when he pulled it out of his pocket and surreptitiously turned it on he saw that it really had been ringing.

He had twenty missed calls.

Exactly twenty. All from Élise.

“I have to—”
Shit.
Twenty? “I have to get this. I have to make a call.”

Tyler sighed. “Of course you do. Lives to save, people to heal. Don’t mind us. It means we can all talk about you behind your back.”

Walter frowned. “Can’t you tell them you’ll call them back when you’ve finished your food? A man has a right to eat a meal.”

Tyler reached across. “I’ll eat his meal. Shame to let it get cold.”

His grandfather slapped his hand. “He’ll be coming back. Is there any problem that can’t wait five minutes?”

Right on cue his phone started ringing again and Sean glanced down at the screen and saw Élise’s name again. His heart lurched. She’d never called him before. Not once. And she’d been calling him and calling him and he’d had his phone switched off. What could have happened?

He told himself that twenty missed calls didn’t mean anything except that something bad had happened.

Was it Pascal?

He never should have left her there alone.

The phone was still ringing but he didn’t want to answer it in front of his family.

Sweating, he stood up quickly, knocked his wineglass over and sent wine flowing over the table. “I need to—”

“Go.” Tyler stood up and threw his napkin on the table, watching as the cream fabric slowly turned red.

“Those napkins were a wedding present.” His mother sighed as Tyler piled another one on top.

“Glad to have finally found a use for them.”

Sean slammed the door behind him and answered the phone. “Élise? Are you all right?” His hand was shaking so badly he almost dropped the phone. “Where are you? Is something wrong?”

É
LISE
PACED
ALONG
the lake path, wondering if she’d misjudged. Wondering if he’d come. And then finally she saw him, sprinting through the rain, his shirt glued to his chest and his hair plastered to his head.

“I can’t believe you’re here! I thought you were in Paris.” He grabbed her arms and pulled her under the shelter of the trees. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

“I didn’t intend to, but then you left and I did a lot of thinking and,
merde,
why is it raining again?” She was shivering and he dragged her into his arms, holding her close.

“My phone was switched off and when I saw the missed calls from you I almost had a heart attack. I thought maybe Pascal had shown up at the apartment or something. You’ve never called me before. Never.”

“I know.” Her teeth were chattering but she knew it was nerves, not cold. “I needed to talk to you. I took a chance that you’d be here. It’s family night.”

“Why didn’t you come straight to the house?”

“Because there are things I have to say. Just to you, not to everyone.”

He eased away from her, his blue gaze suddenly sharp. “Do you want to go to Heron Lodge? We can dry off.”

“No. This is fine.” She gave a nervous laugh as water dripped through the trees onto her neck. “Most of our relationship has been conducted in this forest.”

“Relationship?” His tone was guarded. Cautious. “I didn’t think we had a relationship.”

“Neither did I, but then I realized I was kidding myself. We’ve been in a relationship since the moment we first met. It was always there—the chemistry, the connection—all of it, but it frightened me so badly I wouldn’t even consider it.”

He breathed in deeply. “Élise—”

“Ever since Pascal I have never allowed my emotions to be involved. I did not trust myself because with me everything is always exaggerated. I love with all of me, my whole heart, not just a little bit—” she clasped her fists to her chest “—and I could not risk that again so always now I make decisions with my head. And then suddenly last summer everything changed.”

“It changed for me, too.”

“I told myself it was nothing because you hardly ever came home so my feelings were easy to control, but I thought about you all the time.”

“I thought about you, too. I thought you were like me. I couldn’t understand why Jackson was so protective.”

“So then you discovered I was not like you and you should have driven back to Boston at supersonic speed, but instead you kept coming back here and then you told me you loved me and it was a very big shock because I did not at all expect it.”

“I was shocked, too, which is why I didn’t handle that part well.”

“The fault was not with you, it was with me. I was very afraid. I did not want to fall in love and I didn’t want you to fall in love with me. I would not do anything that would harm your family or make things difficult. I love them so very much, but it’s true that having them here for me made it easier for me to hide. I had love in my life, and that was enough for me. I told myself I didn’t need romantic love.”

“Élise—”

“I went back to Paris because I knew I had to face all the things I have been avoiding for so long. And then you came.”

“I couldn’t bear the thought of you facing that alone.”

“It meant a lot to me that you came.” She locked her hand in the front of his shirt, now soaked. “You were the one who made me look again at the photographs and think of everything differently. After you left I sat there and went through them all, every single one, and I could see that you were right. The evidence was right there for me to see. My mother loved me very much, and she knew I loved her. I will always regret that I didn’t say those words to her more often, but I believe that you are right and she did know it. And I sat there after you left and I remembered how strong she was, living her life fearlessly even when it was hard, always finding fun in life, and I knew she would not be proud of me hiding away and being afraid all the time. She would not be pleased that one very bad decision stopped me from living my life fully.”

“Sweetheart—”

“I spent a lot of time thinking about how it is between us, how amazing and how I feel when I am with you and I realized that I have been a great big idiot. So I got on a plane and came back here and I have just one question to ask you and you will answer me honestly because it is very important.” Her heart was bumping and her hands were shaking. “In Paris you said that telling me you loved me was a mistake. Is that because you wish you hadn’t told me, or because you don’t love me? Because you also said that love wasn’t something that could be switched on and off.”

“The mistake wasn’t loving you, it was telling you. I upset you. Scared you. Forced you to leave a place you see as home and people you think of as family. That’s the reason it was a mistake. You had a life here you loved, and I shook that up.”

“It needed to be shaken up. I did love it, but it wasn’t a whole life. You were right when you said I was hiding.”

“After what you went through no one would ever blame you for hiding.”

“But I don’t want to hide any longer. That’s what I wanted to tell you. That’s why I came back. To say I’m ready to start living properly and to say that—I love you.” Saying it was so terrifying she almost choked on the words. “I really do love you, and if you still think you love me then maybe we could both try not to panic about this and perhaps see each other or something. Have a relationship that is as much indoors as outdoors. I can come to Boston sometimes and you can come here more often.”

He didn’t speak. Instead, he stared at her. Rain darkened his hair and clumped his lashes together and she waited, not breathing, the only sound the soft patter of rain on the trees around her.

Why didn’t he say something?

Had she scared him to death?

She knew a moment of panic and then, just as she’d convinced herself she’d got it all wrong and misunderstood his feelings, he dragged her against him and brought his mouth down on hers.

“I don’t think I love you, I
know.
” He spoke the words against her mouth. “But I wasn’t at all sure you loved me.”

“Didn’t you check your phone? You should have twenty missed calls. I called twenty times to tell you I love you but you didn’t answer.” Drenched in raindrops and happiness, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you. I love you with my whole self. I cannot switch it off. It is the worst thing about me, I think.”

“I happen to think it’s one of the best things about you. I love your passion and your loyalty to the people you love. I love that you called me twenty times to tell me you love me. I hope you do it every day.” His voice was husky and he hauled her close and held her tightly. “I stayed away from this place because being here created so many conflicting emotions but over the summer I fell back in love with the place and you’re the reason for that. I saw it through your eyes. You’re the reason I managed to fix things with Gramps.”

“You would have done it, anyway. I just pushed you a little because love should not be a quiet thing. It is important to tell people, every day. I learned that.”

“You said it to everyone except me,” Sean groaned, kissing her again. “You said it to my brothers, to my grandfather—to anyone and everyone except me. I’d given up ever hearing you say that to me.”

“Because I was afraid of saying it. Saying it to you would have meant something very different. I always knew that. I was very scared. When you love with everything, you can lose everything.”