Sue (4 page)

They reached Sue’s house and she
turned into the driveway.

“So when’s your appointment?”
Melvin asked as he got out of the car.

“Next week.
Tuesday
at
two o’clock
.”
Sue slammed the door and limped slowly up the sidewalk to
her front door.

“I’ll see you then,” Melvin called.

Without turning around, Sue gave a
half-hearted wave. Once inside, she peered out the curtains at Melvin. He
puffed on an inhaler a few times before unlocking his car. Sue turned away, a
look of distaste on her face.

Then her conscience nudged her.
What’s
wrong with me? I used to be a nice person.
She vowed to make an effort to
be less prickly around Melvin. After all, none of this was his fault. He was
just doing his job.
Or trying to.
And she wasn’t
making it pleasant for him. She didn’t even understand why.

She went to the kitchen and fixed a
cup of hot chocolate. In her bedroom, she pulled off her shoes and socks and
massaged the healing wounds on her feet with oil. Grimacing, she continued
until it was absorbed. Then she slid her feet into slippers and settling in
front of her computer once more, she opened the internet and resumed her search
for recent crimes, specific types of crimes, ones of particular interest to
her.

When she heard her dad get home and
her mom rattling about, getting ready to leave for work, she joined them
downstairs. They were curious about her appointment with the therapist. She
gave a brief explanation about the change in doctors. The disappointment on
their faces gave her a twinge.

“It just didn’t work out with this
one.” She rushed to assure them she wouldn’t give up. She’d be seeing a
professional.
A different one.
The
next week.
“Everything is going to be fine.”

With obvious relief, her dad smiled
at her. He turned on the television and submerged himself in the local news.
Her mother went to the kitchen to put the last touches on the meal Sue would
later slip into the microwave. Sue retreated to her room to brood.

Chapter 6

The following week when Sue met
with Dr. Camden, things went much better. The woman was plump and clear-eyed,
her graying hair swept into a flattering style. She ushered Sue into a cozy
office decorated in calming neutral colors. Sue felt less anxious here than she
had in the other therapist’s office, but still not relaxed.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself,”
Dr. Camden said once they were seated. “What’s been going on?”

“I’m sure you know my situation.
Dr. Wan probably told you.” Sue looked down at her hands.

“We conferred briefly.” Dr. Camden
leaned back comfortably, as if they were two old friends ready to chat.

“So you know I was a victim...” Sue
let her voice trail off.

The doctor tipped her head
slightly, a thoughtful look on her face. Her voice was gentle when she spoke. “Well,
let me say this. I wouldn’t refer to you as a victim; I’d say you’re a
survivor. But we’ll talk more about that later. For this first appointment, I’d
rather spend the time getting to know you. And I’ll tell you a little about me
as well, like where I went to school, brag a little about my degrees.” She gave
Sue a self-effacing grin. “We won’t get into the deep issues just yet. Today
we’ll take it easy. How does that sound?”

Relief washed over Sue and her
heart rate slowed. “That sounds good to me.”

The doctor’s focus was to obtain
Sue’s history and identify her current problems with insomnia, depression, and
hyper-vigilance. They then touched lightly on the goals of therapy.

“I don’t want to be medicated;
turned into a walking zombie,” Sue said, worried the doctor might somehow force
drugs on her.

Dr. Camden stated calmly,
“Medication has its place, but I prefer it as a last resort and even then, in
moderation. I feel our society in general, and the medical
community
in particular, have
been much too eager to throw drugs at a problem.
Some of those treatments are so powerful and their side effects so
comprehensive, it’s like using a sledgehammer to drive in a tack. The long-term
consequences to the neural system are unclear, especially in young patients. I
feel strongly about this subject, but I’ll step off my soapbox. Let me assure
you, drug therapy is not an issue I take lightly.”

They talked a while longer, but the
doctor didn’t delve into embarrassing or painful memories as Sue had dreaded.
At least not yet.
They didn’t even discuss Zeke other than
in passing. It felt like a much-needed reprieve. And she liked the sound of
being a survivor rather than a victim.

Before she knew it, the hour was
over and she was back in the reception area scheduling her next appointment.
Dr. Camden wanted to see her three times a week to begin with and Sue agreed.
She actually managed to smile at Melvin when she met him in the waiting room.

Later, she made another effort to
talk to Joyce, but it came off flat. It seemed they were miles apart. Joyce
kept pressing Sue for details about her time with Zeke. But Sue didn’t want to
talk about the monster that had hurt her so she kept changing the subject.

It was hard to understand. They
used to spend hours on the phone talking about trivial things. Now there were
long silences during the conversation and they soon hung up. Sue pushed the
call out of her mind. It had been a fairly good day and she didn’t intend to
ruin it worrying about Joyce.

The next few appointments with Dr.
Camden were stressful affairs, filled with tears and embarrassment as Sue
recounted her time with Zeke.

“He lured you into a relationship,”
the doctor opined, “by bringing you along slowly.”

“In the beginning, it was magical.
It felt like love,” Sue whispered. “His touch was so perfect.”

With a sigh, Dr. Camden delivered a
hard truth. “I suspect the reason he was so good at lovemaking was because he’d
had so much practice, Sue. Has that occurred to you?”

Sue experienced a jolt of insight.
“No. No, it hadn’t. I assumed it was because he had such deep feelings for me,
because we loved each other so much.” She shook her head, absorbing the idea. A
seed of anger was planted in her mind. “So, he’s probably had lots of women. I
was nothing special to him.” She swallowed the urge to cry. “I guess he just
played me.”

“Then he began to isolate you.”

“Isolate me? Oh no. Not at first.”

“He did, though. Think about it,
Sue. He drove a wedge between you and your friend, Joyce. He manipulated your
childhood memories to make a false case against your parents, trying to turn
you against them. And on pretty weak grounds, from what you’ve told me. He
wanted to separate you emotionally from your support systems.”

“That’s true. I never looked at it
that way.” Sue frowned. “That
was
pretty devious.
If
he did it on purpose.
At the time, it was more like he was being
empathetic.”

“I am certain he did it
deliberately, Sue. He wanted you cut off from other people so he could exert
more influence over you.
Influence that escalated into
domination and control.”

“You’re right,” Sue admitted. “The
longer we were together, the more he controlled what I did. His moods were so
dark; I would go along with things I didn’t really want to do just to keep him
from getting angry. Then by the end, of course, I had no choice. If I tried to
run, I knew he’d kill me. Or kill someone else.”

“Which he
ultimately did anyway.”

Tears ran down Sue’s cheeks as she
nodded. “He killed Brenda, this woman we picked up in the parking lot of a bar.
I still hear her screams in my head sometimes.”

“You’re carrying a lot of guilt
around.”

“I am.” Sue wiped her cheeks and
drew a shaky breath. “I don’t know how not to. The shame nearly chokes me
sometimes.”

“That’s one of the things we’re
going to work on in the coming months.” Dr. Camden’s voice was calm and
reassuring. “Remorse isn’t always negative. It is a motivator that can be
directed to positive outcomes, used for the good, so to speak. We’ll explore
some ways to deal with that as we go along. But, Sue,
guilt for events
beyond your control is not healthy
. We’ll work together to sort things out
and find resolution.” She shifted topics.
“How about the
legal side of things?
What’s happening there?”

“My attorney is really good.” Sue
gazed out the window at the cloud-filled sky. “He kept me out of jail. In
return for my full cooperation, there won’t be any charges filed against me.
Not even for breaking into Doris’s house. It’s better
than I deserve.”

“Tell me about Doris.”

“She was just this lonely
overweight woman working in a dollar store. Zeke tricked her into giving him
her home address. He kind of flirted with her and at the time I was angry and
jealous. We broke into her house, ate her food,
used
her shower.” Sue blushed.
“Had sex in her bed.
And I
stole money from her desk.”

“I see. And this crime was your
idea?”

“No. It was all Zeke’s idea.
Except for stealing the money.
I did that. And now I regret
it even though I think it may be returned to her once the police are done
making their case.”

“Do you believe that will absolve
you?”

“No. That was early into our little
road trip and I wasn’t yet afraid for my life, so I can’t blame Zeke entirely.
What I did was wrong. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg. What really bothers
me is that there’s nothing I can do about any of it. I can’t go back in time
and change what I’ve done.”

“No, you can’t go back in time.
But, you’re not helpless. There
are
things you can do, and we’ll get
into that at a later time. For now, please continue telling me about your
experience with Zeke.”

In a haze of tears, Sue described
the obscene sexual situations Zeke had engineered, his descent into lunacy, and
the vicious assault that culminated in Sue’s rescue by Will Falstaff. She
recounted the beating Zeke had given her, the stab wound, the cuts on her feet,
the final rape, and how close she had come to dying. By the conclusion of the
appointment, Sue was emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

“We’re making good progress,” the
doctor assured her as she put her notes into the file folder. “I guarantee if
you stick with therapy, you’ll feel a lot better someday. And it won’t be all
that long.”

“Oh, I’m going to keep coming back.
You’re helping me see things in a different light.” Sue surprised herself. She
hadn’t thought she’d be able to open up to anyone about the things that
happened with Zeke.

“Good. I’ll see you on Thursday.”

Melvin slipped a small notebook in
which he’d been doodling into his coat pocket, rose from his seat in the
waiting room, and removed his ear buds when Sue appeared. Her reddened eyes met
his and a look of sympathy crossed his face. He reached out as if to pat her
shoulder, but withdrew his hand without touching her.

She was silent on the drive back to
her house, but did thank him before he walked to his car to leave. He seemed to
appreciate the gesture and was probably relieved she hadn’t snapped at him
again.

That night in bed, Sue twisted and
turned, her sleep disturbed by dreams.

“Bunny,” a familiar voice murmured.

She sat straight up in her bed,
eyes wild, and searched the shadows of her room for the intruder. It had been
Zeke’s voice and she wasn’t sure she’d dreamed it. Her heart pounded as she
reached for the bedside lamp. As light chased the darkness away, she flung the
covers from her body. No one was there.

Hating herself for her fear, she
looked under the bed, in her closet, checked the windows, and peered up and
down the hallway. Satisfied she was safe, Sue returned to her bed. Clasping her
hands, she tried to calm her breathing and played the sound over in her mind.
Part of her still longed for his touch. Another part of her was repulsed by the
very
thought. Crying softly, she lay back down and
waited for sleep to return.

Chapter 7

“Where are we going today?” Melvin
asked brightly.

“Shopping,” Sue answered shortly.
She’d agreed Melvin could drive this time. She pulled the car door shut and
looked around. “Nice car.”

Melvin gave her a dubious look.
“Thanks. It’s not much, but it gets me around.” He backed to the end of the
driveway and asked, “So?
Which direction?”

“To the mall.
I need to replace my cell phone.” Sue took a stick of gum from her purse and
unwrapped
it. “Plus I want to get some new clothes. Then I’m
getting my hair done.”

“What are you doing to your hair? I
think it’s nice the way it is,” Melvin said shyly.

“Well, gee, I guess I’d better just
leave it alone then. I mean, if
you
like it. After all, that’s what’s
really important. Do you want to help me pick out clothes too? Make sure I
select outfits you approve of?”

“What?” Melvin shot her a hurt
look. “No. I don’t even know why you’d say something like that.”

“Forget it.” She put the gum in her
mouth and chewed so hard her jaw began to ache. “Just get me to the mall.”

“Okay.”

They didn’t speak again until they
arrived and had made their way to the first stop, where Sue replaced her lost
phone. She toyed briefly with the idea of getting a new number, but changed her
mind. She kept the number Zeke knew. Just in case.

Melvin tagged behind her through
various clothing outlets and waited patiently while she had her hair returned
to its natural color, trimmed, highlighted, and layered; erasing the jagged cut
Zeke had given her. He didn’t compliment her on the new look, although his eyes
widened in approval.