Sugar on the Edge (37 page)

Then my deepest regret came when I realized that I had a baby coming. My own flesh and blood… my DNA… my heart, was growing inside of Savannah’s belly every day. I was missing out on every single thing, and my regret festered and then turned into bitterness.

I became a dark, selfish asshole once again. I drank too much and got high a few times, enjoying the numbness it brought me. The only aspect of my prior life I didn’t sink to was the women… the countless, nameless women. I had no desire for them, because everywhere I looked, I saw Savannah’s face.

Savannah’s sad, fearful face. The face I left her wearing when I walked out.

I see her everywhere. Every woman standing in this line wears her face… because I want it to be so. I would kill to get just one real glimpse of her again.

Another book is shoved under my nose, and two young women stand before me. I can tell by the nervous looks on their faces that I won’t have to overly engage with them. I vaguely note about another thirty people standing in line, which means I have another good hour to an hour and a half of this shit before I can be done with it. I told Lindie this morning… no more signings. I was done with this shit for good.

She just shook her head, gave me a smile, and said, “Whatever you want, Gavin.”

I know damn well she probably went and booked me on another one right then.

“Who should I make this out to?” I ask the woman who handed me the book.

“Stephanie,” she says breathlessly, and I force the plastic smile in place.

“Sure thing, love,” I tell her, scrawling some meaningless words before handing the book back to her. “Thank you for reading it.”

The girls giggle, nod, and look as if they are about to say something, but then they slide off to the side.

Turning to look at Lindie, I lean in to her and whisper, “I swear to fucking God, if you book one more of these, I’m firing you.”

She doesn’t say anything, just smirks at me.

I put the smile back on and raise my face up to meet my next fan.

And everything I ever wished for in life stands right before me.

My head spins, my world tilts, and the floor seems to shake underneath me.

Savannah.

She stands on the other side of the table… three feet from me, clutching a copy of my book to her chest. Her amber eyes are anxious, and she’s chewing on her bottom lip. I can feel the smile slide off my face as I stare at her.

And she stares at me.

I want to leap across the table and grab ahold of her. She’s so fucking stunning, and my parched eyes run down her body. She’s wearing a brown, wool, wraparound dress that has a sash tied over her stomach with her black, wool winter coat unbuttoned over it. I know that she’s over seventeen weeks now, because I’ve been marking it on my calendar, but I can’t tell that she’s pregnant. I don’t see a swollen belly, but then again, it could be hidden by that damn sash across the middle of her stomach and her bulky coat.

Is she pregnant? Did she have an abortion? The thought makes me sick to my stomach, but no… Savannah would never do that.

Never.

My mind spins with something to say.

How are you, Savannah?
No, too trite.

You’re looking well, Savannah.
No, too cold.

God, I fucking miss you, Savannah.
No, too desperate.

Savannah opens her mouth to say something, and I wait with my breath held deep in my lungs. Her eyebrows furrow inward, and I’m dismayed by a slight sheen of tears that form in her eyes. She snaps her mouth shut, looks at me a moment more, and then spins away as she drops the book to the floor, practically running down the line of fans and toward the entrance of the bookstore.

“Savannah,” I call out to her, but she doesn’t stop.

Lurching out of my chair, I spring over the top of the table and practically knock over the next woman standing there.

“Sorry,” I mutter as I reach out a hand to steady her and then take off after Savannah.

“Gavin,” Lindie yells out at me. “Get back here… you have fans waiting.”

I don’t pay her any mind. I can vaguely hear her offering apologies and saying, “He’ll be right back.”

My shoulder hits another person standing in the line as I scramble after the mother of my child. Another muttered apology.

I veer to the right to avoid hitting the next person, cracking my knee on a table stacked with books.

Fuck that hurt.

I curse viciously, causing gasps all around, and push onward.

When I get to the entrance doors, I burst through them and out onto the New York City sidewalk, where dozens of people are walking by. I look left and right, desperately searching for Savannah.

There… there, she is. I can see her long, brown hair swaying back and forth as she walks at a brisk pace up West 18
th
Street.

My mad dash continues, squeezing past people, knocking shoulders, and calling out apologies. I finally start to catch up to her at the intersection of Park Avenue where she has to wait for the light to turn green.

“Savannah,” I yell.

Her head snaps my way, and fear fills her eyes. She hastily turns right and starts running south down Park Avenue. But my legs are longer and she’s in my sights now. In four long strides, I catch up to her and grab ahold of her elbow, spinning her toward me.

“Savannah—”

Throwing my hand off her with a vicious shrug, she starts walking away from me again.

I jump forward, grab her upper arm gently, and pull her back around. “Savannah… for God’s sake, will you just wait a minute?”

Her eyes flash with anger, and she snarls, “Get your fucking hand off me.”

“No,” I tell her adamantly. “Not until you stop and just talk to me for a second.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she seethes, trying to pull free again.

I refuse to give her up though and hold firm. “Yet you came here to see me.”

“A mistake,” she says sadly, pulling free of me once more.

I don’t even give her a chance to take a step before I have her again in my grasp, turning her to face me. “Please… just wait a minute.”

I’m not sure if it was the begging quality to my tone or if she’s just worn out, but she doesn’t try to pull away again. Instead, she just stares at me sadly with those big, brown eyes, and I want to hug her so bad.

Keeping a firm grip on her arm so she doesn’t jet away again, I ask, “How are you? Is everything okay?”

She lets out a big gust of air from her lungs and tugs her arm from me. I let her go, giving her the space she wants, but prepared to lunge at her if she tries to run again.

“I’m fine,” she says.

“The baby?” I ask, my heart in my throat. Because I need her to tell me about the baby.

“She’s fine,” she says reluctantly. “All is well.”

She? A girl? And she’s fine.

“A girl?”

“Yes, a girl.”

“We’re having a girl?” I ask again in wonder, as my gaze flits around at the city life around me.

A girl.

Unforeseen pleasure wells up inside of me. I can’t help the smile… a true smile… the first one in months, that grabs ahold of my face.

“We’re having a girl,” I say in amazement.

“No,” Savannah snarls at me. “I’m having a girl. You’re having nothing.”

She turns away… to run from me again.

And again, I grab her… spin her back to me one more time.

“Don’t,” I beg her. “Please don’t go. Stay… talk to me.”

“I can’t,” she says. “I can’t do this. I thought I could… but seeing you… I just can’t.”

“You can,” I tell her urgently. “Just give me a minute—”

“Gavin,” I hear from behind me, turning my head to see Lindie jogging up toward me. “You need to get your ass back in the store. You have fans waiting.”

Savannah uses the opportunity to once again jerk out of my hold. She looks at me with beseeching eyes, and now it’s her turn to plead. “Please… I’m begging you, Gavin. Just let me go. Stay away from me. I can’t do this with you.”

Tears well up and spill from her eyes, making crystal tracks down her cheeks. My heart breaks wide open, because I can hear the finality in her voice.

“Gavin!” Lindie yells at me, and I turn to see her glaring at me. “Have you lost your mind? This is completely inappropriate. Get back to the fucking store, now.”

I turn back to Savannah, prepared to make my case to her one more time, but she’s gone. I catch sight of her hair… half a block down as she briskly walks away from me.

“Gavin,” Lindie snarls at me.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m coming,” I yell at her, but I don’t move until Savannah is completely gone from my sight.

Sighing, I turn and walk past Lindie… heading back to the bookstore. She fortunately stays silent and doesn’t berate me for my behavior. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Savannah’s number. She doesn’t answer but I don’t expect her to, so I leave a message.

“Savannah… please talk to me. I’ll come to you after the signing. Or you can come to me. I’m staying at the Mandarin Oriental. Room 877. Please… I’m begging you. Let’s talk. I have so many things I need to say to you.”

I hang up… not knowing what else I can do at this point.

I walk back into the bookstore with Lindie, making my apologies as I walk past the line of fans. When I sit back down at the table, I put the smile back on my face. Except this time, it’s not as plastic.

This time… it’s coming naturally to me.

I saw Savannah… and she looked marvelous. And though she wouldn’t give me the time of day, the fact of the matter is,
she
sought me out. So she must still care… at least a little bit, to have come all this way.

And… I’m having a girl. A little baby girl.

My smile gets brighter as I look up and greet the next person in line.

And so, here it all begins.

At least, I hope this is the beginning.

I booked the earliest flight I could out of New York the following day. Savannah never did return my calls. Yes, calls as in plural. I left her seven more voice mails, but she was proving to be stubborn.

I had to assume she flew back to North Carolina, and I was in hot pursuit. I pull the rental car up to The Haven, carefully following the dirt driveway around to the back. I’m immediately relieved to see Savannah’s car sitting beside a large truck. No one is in sight.

I park and shut off the car. Gripping the steering wheel hard, I lay my forehead against it and take in a deep breath.

It’s do or die.

As I get out of the car, the back door to the kennel opens up and Brody walks out. He makes immediate eye contact with me, and I’m relieved to see a slow smile come to his face. He walks toward me with purpose. Two feet away, he offers me his hand.

I reach out to shake it, returning a smile of my own. His shake is firm. He pumps my arm twice, and then pulls me in for what I think may be a man-hug, which is weird, but then I see his other hand balled into a fist and flying toward my face.

He catches me square on the jaw, rocking my head hard to the right, and releases his hold on my hand at the same time. I go flying backward, completely caught off guard by the sucker punch. I stumble back into my car and slump halfway down the driver’s door before I catch myself.

Brody isn’t done though. He’s striding toward me, anger blazing out of his eyes.

Rubbing my jaw gingerly, I flex it and find it’s not broken. I hold one hand out in front of me, a silent plea for him to hold up, because I didn’t come here to fight with Savannah’s bestie.

“Okay… I deserved that,” I admit.

Brody at least stops his advance, but he looks like he wants to murder me. “You deserve a lot more than that, you piece of shit.”

I drag myself up the car and get into a standing position, because I’m pretty sure I’m going to need to defend myself at the least.

“Probably,” I tell him. “But do you really want to pound me into the ground before I can make things right with Savannah?”