Summer by the Sea (2 page)

As she drove towards the empty lot where the family cottage once stood, the sun warm on her face, she thought about why her life had ended up different than her sister’s. Faith wanted to know what it was like to hear the patter of feet around the house, and look into the eyes of her child, to see the perfect mixture of her and the man she loved. She wanted to spend her days passing on her family traditions and making new ones. She’d wanted to begin that chapter of her own life, but, once again, Casey had taken the lead, marrying her husband, Scott, and having a baby together.

When Scott’s job had taken them to Boston, Faith was actually relieved. She could finally see Nan and her mother. Seeing Casey and Scott together reminded her of the family that she still didn’t have, the happiness that she knew had to be out there waiting for her that she still hadn’t found. And it reminded her of the sister who had betrayed her. Who didn’t care enough for her and could hurt her terribly without even a second thought.

When Faith had left to go to college, she felt her life was a clean slate, and she was optimistic that she’d fill it up at some point. She wasn’t upset anymore, but she was still carrying around the hurt that Casey had caused. She’d been away from Casey for so long now, and she’d made something of herself, so she was ready to see her.

Faith pulled the car up into the drive to the empty lot, and she had to close her gaping mouth. Right there in front of her was a blast from the past. Like a ghost, sending waves of laughter and memories through her mind. She blinked to be sure she wasn’t hallucinating. Without warning, a lump formed in her throat as she got out to look at what was in front of her. The rush of coastal wind pushed against her as she made her way through the sea grass and over the dune. With a hand over her eyes to shield the sunlight that was too bright for even her sunglasses to manage, she let her eyes roam the new structure in front of her. It was tall, sitting on stilts like the old cottage had been, brown, shingled siding, with a porch going all the way around. It was magnificent.

Every cottage was given a name, and that name was displayed on the front of it to assist renters in finding their vacation home. This one had a wooden sign centered below the roofline of the house that said, “Better Together.” She blinked away the tears that were clouding her vision as she thought about how much better life had been when they were all together here. The new cottage—looking so much like Nan’s had looked—stood, looming like a ghost of happier times.

There was nothing to indicate that someone was living in the cottage—no cars, no beach towels on a clothesline or hanging over the railings like they’d done when she was a kid—so she walked closer to have a better look. There were manufacturer stickers on the windows and a pile of lumber and flooring propped against one of the posts. This was a brand new cottage. She knew she probably shouldn’t, but, since no one was there, she decided to climb the steps to get a look from the porch.

With every step she took she felt like she was going back in time to her childhood cottage. Her heart pounded as she anticipated the view that she’d spent so many years seeing from that old porch swing. The cottage had been in her family for generations. It had belonged to Nan. She’d only found out as an adult that just before it was destroyed Nan had told Faith’s mom she could no longer physically manage the upkeep on the cottage or make the journey to board it up every hurricane season. Martha, a single mother, couldn’t take it on, so, sadly, when the house was leveled, Martha suggested they sell the lot, and, given its location, they’d make a ton of money. Martha had confided in Faith once that she’d cried when Nan told her the cottage was gone. But, given the burden it placed on Nan, it had been for the best.

Faith walked across the brand new wooden porch floor and leaned against the railing on her elbows, the tide relentless like her memories. She remembered the sandcastles she’d built in that sand, the hours swimming in the ocean with Casey, the way the salt tasted on her lips. This had been a place of nothing but happiness for her, and standing there, the ocean view was a reminder of the time in her life before the burdens of adulthood had settled in, before Casey had torn them apart. Faith’s life was split into two distinct parts, and this place represented that first part. Just seeing it again, pulled her toward that happiness she’d had as a child and made her want to feel that again. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she brushed one away as it escaped down her cheek.

She could see the thin, gray line of the horizon, where the two shades of blue met, and the silhouette of a sailboat. As a child, she’d watch the sailboats out at sea and wished she could have had a ride on one. She’d never been on a boat before. She closed her eyes to remember happier times and take in the briny air. This beach was perfection, and, if she tried hard enough, she could almost go back to that time before her sister had hurt her. Almost.

“Hello,” she heard from behind her and nearly jumped out of her skin. She’d been so taken with the view and the memories of her childhood that she hadn’t heard the sound of the truck as it had pulled in or the footsteps of the man behind her. She was glad for her sunglasses to hide the tears that had filled her eyes. As she tried to clear them, she turned around and was startled yet again to see the man from Dune Burger standing there. For a second, she worried about being there but he was smiling, those blue eyes as warm as the midday sun. “It’s a good view,” he said, walking toward her. He held out his hand in greeting. “I’m Jake Buchanan.”

“Faith Summers.” She shook his hand, the feel of it as commanding as she imagined it to be, yet gentle, as if he were holding back because she was a lady. He was even more attractive up close, his smile reaching his eyes, making her feel as if she were the only person in the world at that moment. It looked as though he was drinking her up, like he’d been waiting all day just to see her, yet it was clear by the slight distance he’d created between them that he was a perfect gentleman. He made her feel totally at ease and safe.

“Are you all right?” he asked, and she felt a pinch of worry in her chest. Apparently, her sunglasses hadn’t hidden as much as she thought they had. His question—the fact that someone else was aware of her pain when no one had ever been there to share it with her before—caused more tears to surface against her will. She sniffled. It was all so complex.

“I have a lot of memories here. Good ones from my childhood. But I’m not a kid anymore, and life changes doesn’t it?” she said, realizing then that her statements probably made no sense to him. She smiled through her tears. They were subsiding now. Talking out loud to someone was helping. It was nice just having someone there to listen. “Sometimes I still feel like I have to prove myself to people. I know I don’t, but it still feels that way.” She’d never admitted that to anyone, so she didn’t know why she just had to Jake. Perhaps it was the fact that he was a neutral party, or that he seemed kind. Maybe it was his understanding eyes—she didn’t know, but she felt as if she could talk to him.

“What do you have to prove?”

By his question, it was clear that he was paying attention. This man she’d only just met was listening to her, and she really liked that. “That I’m happy.”

“It’s funny that you say that. I know exactly how you feel.”

How could he know? Had he had someone hurt him like Casey had hurt her? Did he go home alone every night and wonder if he’d made the right choices? “You do?”

“Yeah. I don’t need someone to show me how to be happy; I can do it by myself. I’m finally doing that.” He smiled.

Faith stood there for a moment, taking in what had just transpired. Here they were—two complete strangers—sharing thoughts that she knew were not the kinds of things that strangers shared. Why? It made her feel that, perhaps, he was a lot like her, and he felt, for whatever reason, able to share things with her in that moment, just like she had. They hadn’t said much, but she felt as though they could keep going if she pulled up a chair and settled in, as if they could just bounce thoughts off each other all night.

“I didn’t mean to pry,” he said. “I just saw you standing up here alone…”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, with a jolt of worry, suddenly realizing that she was trespassing. “I didn’t think anyone lived here.”

“No one does live here,” he smiled again, and she felt a flutter at the sight of it. It put her back at ease. It was the way he was looking at her. He certainly had a charming quality about him. She’d already said more to him than she’d said to her own family. “I was just doing some woodwork inside. Would you like to see it?”

“Are you sure it isn’t any trouble?” She’d love to go inside, to see how this cottage compared to the old one, but also to pass more time with Jake.

“None at all.” Jake unlocked the door and let her enter first. When she did, the smell of new paint and sawdust overwhelmed her. The room was an enormous open space with a vaulted, cedar ceiling, a paddle fan dangling from its center. The white walls were like blank canvases, the only color coming from the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. A few pieces of blue furniture and a cream-colored area rug gave a pop of color against the bare interior. He came in, and she followed him across the highly lacquered hardwoods to the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. The kitchen cabinets were custom, slats built to hold wine bottles, others for housing plates. They were stained the color of the driftwood siding that she remembered as a kid, and she cleared her throat to keep the emotion from coming back.

“This is beautiful,” she said, running her hand along the beveled edge of one of the cabinet doors. She opened it to peer into the empty cabinet and a stab of loss sliced her chest as she remembered that it was this spot that used to house all their board and card games. As a child, it had been a little too high for her, and she’d had to hop up on the counter whenever she needed one. Sometimes the cards would fall as she got them down, scattering along the kitchen floor. Why they hadn’t put the games lower, she didn’t know, but now, she wished they were still there, that things could still be as simple as they had been then. Faith closed the door and surveyed the cabinets again. They were nothing like the boxy ones that had been in her childhood cottage, but it didn’t matter. This place still felt like home.

“Thank you. It’s been hard work, but I’m pleased with how it’s all turning out.” He walked around the bar to join her in the kitchen. “I saw you at Dune Burger, right?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said with a smile. She couldn’t help but smile at him. He remembered her. She felt so comfortable around him.

“I thought so.” He broke eye contact as if he were deciding whether or not to say something, but before she could add anything, he looked up. “I wanted to ask if I could eat with you.”

Her smile widened. What an honest admission. She would have been too timid to admit first that she’d wanted him to sit with her. “You did? Then why didn’t you ask?”

“I worried you might be in a hurry or something. I didn’t want to bother you. You being by yourself made me curious. Are you here on vacation?” he asked.

She wondered what he thought about her. She was eating alone and now wandering around empty cottages all by herself. She must look like a whole heap of fun. “Yes,” she answered. “I’m meeting my family, but I’m early. We’re celebrating my grandmother’s ninetieth birthday.”

When she said that, his eyebrows shot up in surprise but then he ironed his expression back out. It was a strange reaction, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it did sound odd. Who brings their ninety year-old grandmother to the beach? What he didn’t know was that Nan had the will of an ox, and it had been her idea. She’d been the one who’d pressed everyone, called relentlessly, saying that they’d better come because this was the only time she was going to organize such an event, and, given her age, they’d all feel terrible if they didn’t come and she “went to find John.” Nan never talked about death. She always described it as finding their grandfather instead. It had always struck Faith as a lovely idea.

Faith had never known her grandfather. He’d died before she was born. Nan had told her stories about him, and she’d seen the black and white photos, but she didn’t feel like she really knew him. She often wondered about the man that Nan had loved so much.

“Speaking of which, I’d better get going,” she said. “Thank you for showing me this. It’s beautiful.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, a tiny wrinkle of confusion showing between his eyes.

She wondered what he could be thinking. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” He smiled again, his expression changing. He looked as though he knew something she didn’t know. She’d never met this man before but his honesty made her feel as comfortable as coming home after a long trip. She could just feel it. He commanded her attention, but in the most wonderful way. She was only concerned with the here and now, just like in a dream. It made pulling away from him to meet her family quite difficult. She wanted to get to know this stranger better, but she knew she had to go. Real life was waiting for her.

But here was her chance to be brave, to take the first step and find out about Jake. To do what she should have done earlier, instead of letting him walk by. She should ask him his opinion for places to get a nice dinner or directions to the real estate office where she was meeting her family to get their cottage keys at the very least. She should say something. She could ask him why he’d decided to come to Dune Burger alone. Did he always eat alone? Was he perfectly fine with it like she was?

“Well, I guess I’ll be going. Have a great day,” she said, turning toward the door. She bit her lip to keep from screaming at herself for not saying more. She knew why she’d not been able to remain silent. She was attracted to Jake, and the thought of it scared her to death. She hadn’t been interested in anyone since Patrick, and letting someone in could possibly shatter the little world she’d created for herself. A world that she could control, that would never be as painful as what she’d experienced with Casey. While her head told her that one day she would have to give up a little of that control and find a compromise between her work and personal life, she didn’t know if she was ready yet because allowing someone in might allow someone to hurt her again. She closed the door behind her, without looking back, and walked down the stairs to her car.