Summer by the Sea (4 page)

“Did you build this house yourself?” Casey asked Jake as they followed him up the long staircase to the porch overlooking the ocean.

“No,” he said, looking back at her while keeping Nan steady step by step. “I didn’t build it at all, the construction company did, but I’m doing a few items on the final punch list and some specialty work. I like doing those things. It keeps me busy.”

“Sounds like me. I like keeping busy too,” Casey said, smiling up in his direction. Faith noticed how effortless it was for Casey to ease into the conversation. It was like turning back the clock: Faith was the quiet one again, walking behind as Casey took the lead. This fact was crawling under her skin uncomfortably as she followed them up the stairs.

They got to the top and Casey pulled Faith aside, motioning for Isabella to follow Martha and Nan into the cottage. Jake helped Nan in. “Let’s look at this gorgeous view!” she said. “I’ve missed it so much!” She grabbed Faith’s hand just like she had when they were kids and whisked her over to the same ledge where Faith had been only a little while before. The sailboat was long gone now.

The two women stood in silence, side by side, Casey’s long, blond hair blowing in the coastal wind. Casey lifted her hand to hold back her hair, her bangle bracelets clinking together like wind chimes. “Remember when we used to swim through that area right there,” she pointed toward the spot where the waves were breaking, their static sound like music to Faith’s ears.

“We’d get past the breaking point—it was so hard, remember that?” Casey looked at Faith, a nostalgic expression on her face. “We’d get knocked around, pushed under. Then, once we got past, it was calm. We’d just bob in the water, the waves swelling under us and then relenting.” Her sister looked back out at the ocean, and Faith followed her lead. Faith did remember that. She remembered holding her sister’s hand as they walked deeper into the water toward the breaking point, the salty wetness between their fingers as they intertwined. She remembered the burn on her cheeks from the salt, and the relief from the heat as she waded farther in.

“Scott and I are getting a divorce,” Casey blurted, her eyes still on the sea. Casey’s words took Faith completely by surprise. She turned to look at her sister, only her profile in view. Casey blinked over and over as if she were fighting tears, but if she were, she’d never show it. Faith wanted Casey to turn and look her way. She was speechless. “You’re probably happy about it, aren’t you?” Casey said quietly.

Faith was floored by this news. She wasn’t happy about it at all. She was devastated for so many reasons. Had ruining her relationship with Faith, taking Scott from her own sister, and wrecking Faith’s life been for nothing? Scott had been important enough to Casey that she would risk her relationship with her own sister by showing interest in him, knowing that Faith was head over heels for Scott. And now he wasn’t even going to be a part of Casey’s life?

Years ago, Faith was willing to bet that she’d have had different emotions at this moment—raw, painful and angry emotions. But now she knew how pointless those feelings were. How they couldn’t change the past and what had happened between her and Casey. Back then, she would’ve felt hopeful that news of Casey and Scott’s divorce might mean that Faith could have a chance at happiness again with the man she’d once loved, the man who had broken her heart—her sister’s husband.

Scott Robins had been just two years older than Faith. He’d lived next door to her family, and they’d grown up together. Casey, in the same grade at school as Scott, had never shown much interest in him, but Faith loved being with him. They’d spent almost every afternoon together after school, doing homework on the front porch and then staying outside until the sun went down. In the winters, he’d come over to the house, and they’d sit at the kitchen table playing card games and reading. They’d done almost everything together.

So, during the summer just before her seventeenth birthday, when she’d found out she was going to spend the summer at the cottage, Faith had been sad to leave Scott. They were friends—there hadn’t ever been any hint of anything more—but Faith knew she’d loved him all her life. And leaving him was hard. While they’d spent time apart in the past, this summer was different because it was the last time she’d see him before he went away to the University of Tennessee. She’d said her goodbyes to him, and they’d even cried that night before she left for the Outer Banks. The fact that Scott, at the young age of nineteen had cried had impacted her, the significance of it weighing heavily on her as she prepared to go. He didn’t want her to leave. It was funny: she’d thought that moment was the end of something when actually it was only the beginning.

After two weeks of missing him and thinking about him every minute that she was at the cottage, they got a knock on the door. Her mom had opened it.

“Good Lord, child! What are you doing here?” she said, hugging the unexpected guest. Scott had driven all the way there just to see Faith. He had no place to stay and he’d been planning to sleep in his car. He didn’t care, because, he’d said, he had to see her. He couldn’t go away without seeing her again. Scott was like family, so, of course, her mom had ushered him right in and set him up a bed on the sofa.

Faith was so excited to see him that she could hardly breathe. She knew at that point that, without a doubt, she truly loved him. He was her best friend, and she’d missed him so much. The last night before he had to leave, they’d stayed up late to watch a movie after everyone was asleep, eating freshly popped corn and candy. When Faith recalled that memory now it seemed like just yesterday and a thousand years ago at the same time.

“I can’t go to Tennessee without telling you this,” he’d said, sitting next to her on top of the blankets that her mom had put on the sofa for him. Faith was cross-legged beside him. It felt wonderful to see him again, to be so close to him, and have him with her, even if it was only a few days. He placed his hands on her face, and she remembered how, in that moment, all the times they’d spent together, all the things they’d done, had a new significance. His long hair feathered across his young forehead as he leaned toward her. “Faith, I love you,” he’d said. He kissed her, and she could still remember how his mouth tasted like the watermelon candy they’d been eating. His kiss was eager, his hands moving all over her. And she let him. She kissed him back because she thought, too, how much she loved him.

But Faith still had another two years of high school left, and she knew what would happen. Scott would find new friends, he’d meet other girls, and he’d change. Faith didn’t want to be a burden, a weight on his shoulders once he got there and met all the new people he would end up hanging out with. She didn’t want him to think back on what they’d had together growing up and have anything but fondness about it. And that night, in a completely selfless act, she’d told him all of that, and he’d left the next morning with a sad look in his eyes.

He didn’t come home again until years later, well after graduating. They were in their twenties, and she ran into him at a bar in town when she was out with her girlfriends. She’d thought about him many times over the years, wondered where he was, if he was happy. Faith couldn’t even remember whom she’d gone out with that night because she’d spent the whole night talking to Scott. Seeing him again, for her, was like they’d never left each other. He’d given her his number, and she called. After they’d gone out quite a few times, it was clear to her that she had feelings for him. She couldn’t deny them anymore. So, when he invited her to a party, she knew she’d need support. She wanted to tell him that night how she’d always felt, so she’d taken Casey with her. She’d told Casey all about her feelings and explained that it would be Casey’s strength that would help her admit how she felt to Scott. She needed her sister.

But Casey hadn’t been her support at the party; in fact, she’d barely seen her or Scott. When they’d arrived, Faith had quickly found Scott and was overcome once more with how she felt about him. But Casey had soon grabbed his attention, and they were chatting and laughing as if they were long-time friends. Casey and Scott had spent that whole night together, and he’d hardly even talked to Faith. Every time he tried, Casey pulled him away, and by the end of the night, Faith had had to catch a ride home without her sister.

After that night, Scott’s calls to Faith dwindled. The more he talked to Casey, the more painful it got for Faith until he and Casey were going out almost daily. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and, before she knew it, she didn’t talk to Scott Robins anymore. He was so taken with Casey that he’d moved on. And Casey, too, had allowed it—never sticking up once for her sister, never asking him about it. Casey, who’d always outshined her in childhood, always seemed to be one step ahead of her, one beat in front of her, had done it again.

She could remember the painful moment she’d confronted Casey as clear as if it were happening right in front of her now. “How could you be so cruel, Casey?” she’d said, years of inadequacy boiling in her blood. “I confided in you! I trusted you! And what did you do? You threw yourself at Scott! You don’t know how to be a sister. You don’t know how to love someone.”

“I do know how to love someone! That’s just it! I love him! You can’t help who you fall in love—”

“Enough! I don’t want to hear it,” Faith had said, not letting her explain herself. “I don’t want to hear any more of it. You don’t care a thing about me.” She’d gotten in her car that day and driven away, tears streaming down her face. The sisterly love between them was clearly one-sided.

She and her sister hadn’t spoken very much since, and Faith had never really gotten over her sister’s betrayal. Her mother and Nan had tried to get them together to discuss it, but their efforts were in vain. Faith didn’t want to talk about a thing. There was nothing that could help in this situation. Casey and Scott had gotten engaged and then married. Against her will, but for her Nan, she’d agreed to be in the wedding. Dressed in royal blue satin, and holding a bouquet of daisies, Faith had watched Scott Robins promise to love her sister forever. After the marriage, Faith very much avoided her sister and Scott whenever possible. When she heard of her sister’s pregnancy she couldn’t help the jealousy that spurred up in her, bringing back the thoughts she’d had of having her own children. Shortly after Isabella’s birth, the family had moved to Boston and Faith hadn’t tried to repair the distance that had come between them.

Five years later, her feelings for Scott were long gone now, and hearing this news about the divorce only made Faith sad. Sad that Casey had put them into this situation in the first place only to have the whole thing fall apart, sad for the time they’d lost and sad that Isabella would be caught in the split. Faith didn’t know what to say.

“I can’t stand it when you don’t talk,” Casey said, her words slightly broken. “You hate me, don’t you? I’ve ruined everything.”

“I don’t hate you,” Faith said, the words coming out almost reluctantly. It wasn’t what she wanted to say, but it was all she could get out. She shook her head at Casey, who somehow expected Faith to make her feel better, despite the fact that their relationship had been completely shattered.

“Then how do you feel towards me?”

“Sad. You risked a lot for that marriage—things you can never get back—and now it’s over.”

“Things happen, Faith. They just do. Why does it always have to be my fault?”

After everything Casey had put her sister through, did she now want sympathy? It was just too hard to give her that, given what they’d been through. Couldn’t she, for one second, think about how Faith might be feeling? No, Casey would never change. But Faith
was
different now, and she wanted things to be better with Casey. She didn’t want to hold on to the hurt she felt. Instead of trying to discuss it further, Faith reached over and put her hand on her sister’s.

THREE

“What caused this?” Faith asked. Casey and Scott had seemed so happy together. What could’ve pulled them apart? Since having Isabella they’d always seemed like the perfect family—so happy together. She’d never even heard that they’d argued about anything.

“It was Scott’s decision, not mine.”

Knowing Scott, Faith couldn’t imagine anything ruffling his feathers; he was always so agreeable. Casey was strong-willed and opinionated and she needed someone like Scott to even her out. They were the perfect little family: two loving parents and their adorable little girl.

Faith’s mind went back to the day at the hospital when she had gone to see Isabella just after she was born. The excitement at seeing her niece was almost more than she could bear. She couldn’t wait to hold this teeny tiny baby in her arms, smell her powdery scent, and feel the grip of the baby’s fingers on her hand. She’d raced straight there as soon as her mother had called, because she couldn’t wait to see this amazing, little baby, even though it meant seeing Scott and Casey. What would she look like? Did she have Scott’s eyes? Faith had always loved his eyes.

When she opened the hospital door, her breath caught just for a second. Scott was lying next to Casey, his arms around her, looking down adoringly at her, baby Isabella in Casey’s arms. For a moment she felt that same old lurch, recognizing that the way Scott watched his wife was the way he had once looked at her with that same love and feeling. Scott’s eyes were wiser than they’d been when he’d looked at her so adoringly all those years ago. His hair was shorter, his face aged a little more—that smooth, soft face that she’d known so well now showing the stubble from a long day. His hand was stroking Isabella’s head, and his fingers looked so calm, so careful—nothing like the hands that had moved about her body so frantically that night in the cottage. He wasn’t a boy anymore. In that moment, Faith realized that the boy she’d known had grown into a man, and that man was Casey’s, not hers. She remembered looking from face to face, and the love that she saw there in that moment was nearly paralyzing. Everything she wanted—a devoted husband, a family of her own—was right there before her, and it wasn’t hers to have. She had to be strong. This wasn’t about her. It was about baby Isabella.