Summer's Road (14 page)

Proof our kiss meant nothing to him.             

Completely unused to this new jealousy, I reminded myself I liked Jenny. Ian was not an option and Matt was right beside me. He was my future.

Yet I was crawling out of my skin. No matter how hard I tried to focus on something else, my gaze kept landing back on them. On him. The way his easy grin transformed the rugged shape of his jaw. His dark eyes as they scanned the beach. The way the muscles in his forearms coiled when he held his cup. His T-shirt molded to his shoulders and chest, enhancing the ridges and bulges as he flexed. His dark, messy hair caught the breeze rolling in off the water, making my hands itch to run my fingers through the strands or pick up a brush to paint his likeness.

My turmoil wasn’t just about losing Matt, or being alone, or changing the friendship with Ian. Those were factors, not whole reasons. Truth was, Ian was the only person in my life who loved me as myself. He got me on a bone-deep level and, I feared, the only person capable of breaking me. History assured me that if we acted on our attraction, he’d get bored or eventually resent any romantic relationship. He was the only reason I was still alive, the reason why I got out of bed most days. Take that away and I would vanish.

Matt nudged me with his elbow. He jerked his chin toward Jenny, indicating she’d been talking to me.

I rubbed my forehead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

“I said we should get a bigger bonfire going this year.” Her reddish brown hair was short and neatly styled in a perfect bob. Jenny was a very petite woman. I used to think that if I hugged her too hard she’d break in half. Her voice always came out like an amused squeak and raked my ears raw.

Nodding, I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Ah, yes. Tomorrow, we would build a bonfire on our private section of the beach, just outside of the Memmer’s house, roasting marshmallows and watching the Myrtle fireworks display over the ocean. A tradition for us.

I caught Ian staring at me, concern and curiosity in his gaze, but I quickly turned my head. A blush heated my neck, rising to my cheeks.

The last thing I needed was Ian knowing where my thoughts had been. The man knew women, myself most of all, and could read them like one of his books on his shelf. I had been struggling all night to hide from his stares, to keep my voice even when I spoke. It wasn’t easy when his jeans enhanced his strong thighs and narrow hips, when the deep timbre of his voice heated the blood in my veins to scalding.

It occurred to me, I’d never had a reaction like this to another man. Part of me had begged fate for this kind of response, to give credence to the romanticism I envied. How stupid I’d been to hope for this. It was like freefalling with no net. A fever that wouldn’t break. Being taken apart cell by cell.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and blew out a careful breath. I glanced around while the others chatted, their voices just white noise.

Red and yellow lights from the Ferris wheel illuminated the night sky, reminding me of when Rick had kissed Dee for the first time in one of the bucket seats at the top. I looked over at them, arms around each other. I wanted that. Someone to adoringly look at me like I was the only thing that existed. To hold me and wake with me and fill the emptiness inside. Someone to give me the warm fuzzies Rick and Dee felt for each other.

With stark clarity and deep regret, I understood I’d never have that with Matt. If I didn’t feel it now, after a year together, it wouldn’t emerge at all. He loved me, or the idea of me, but I wasn’t his moon and sun. Affection and endearing sweetness filled his hazel eyes when he’d look at me, but the hot pang of need was missing. Sticking with
Matt was probably the right choice. The reasonable one. There was no chance of him wrecking me.

The band started, having finished a sound check.

Ian took my hand from across the table, sending an electric charge of hot blue lightning pulsing through my arm. The pad of his thumb swept the top of my hand as he held me captive in his gaze. The air sizzled between us, an undercurrent of what-if and precarious yearning.

One corner of his lips curved, the expression he used when trying to assure me everything was okay, that we were still us. “Dance with me.”

Matt’s gaze darted between us. I caught the swivel of his head in my peripheral vision. Slowly, he stood. “Go ahead, beautiful. I’ll take Jenny for a spin.”

That. That right there was like a claw shredding my hope. A person would have to be an idiot not to pick up on the heat between me and Ian. I was too inexperienced to know how to hide my reaction. And Matt...was just willing to let me go. A dance, into the arms of another man...it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to fight for me, even if the other guy was my best friend.

It had been that way my whole life. People walked. Ignored me. Didn’t notice me at all. Died. And no one ever fought for me. Like I wasn’t worth the effort. All except...
Ian
.

I cut my gaze back to him. Those dark as midnight eyes watched me, waiting. Warm pools of liquid chocolate, and I melted. On shaking legs, I stood and let him lead me across the sand to the open gazebo, where other couples were slow-dancing to the band’s rendition of Howie Day’s
Collide
.

Gently, he tugged me to his hard wall of chest and wrapped his arms around my back. My head spun as I breathed in his earthy scent mixed with cut wood, one that was distinctly his, and I closed my eyes. Ian wasn’t overly tall, just under six feet, so the top of my head reached his chin. Every inch of his body was in direct contact with mine. Our thighs brushed as we moved slowly. My breasts crushed between us, our hips aligned so that I could feel the ridge of his slight erection against my belly. I sucked in a harsh breath and opened my eyes.

As if knowing what I’d been thinking, he dipped his head and spoke against my ear. “There’s your proof, Summer, if you were looking for it.” His voice was broken, hoarse, and riddled with a need I’d never heard from a man.

A tremble tore through me, in direct contrast to the heat infusing every one of my cells. My hands, trapped between our bodies, fisted in his shirt. I stared at the dark stubble on his jaw, wanting to press my face against his throat, and tried to draw air. Futile. There was nothing to breathe but him. A want, so deep I nearly wept, rose inside me and consumed. Obliterated. Savaged.

He slid one hand down my spine to the curve of my backside and urged me closer, as if I wasn’t already so embedded I could crawl inside him. His other roamed up and stopped at my neck, the callused fingers dancing along my hairline. My pulse thumped wild and I couldn’t bite back the needy moan in my throat.

He heard, because I felt him smile against my temple. And, if I wasn’t mistaken, he sagged in relief. “Tonight, Summer. In your room, we’ll talk about...this. Just you and me. No one else. That’s why I waited.” His warm breath traced the shell of my ear and I trembled again.

Some of my defiance broke through the haze, and I shook my head. “No. I know what you’re going to say and...no.” My body cried
yes
to contradict my words.

He stilled, jaw grinding. His muscles tensed against me even as his heart pounded under my palm. “You think you know what I’m going to say, but you don’t. Not this time. And you’re running from me before I have the chance to reach for you. That’s not fair to me, to us.”

I drew away to look up at him. The turmoil and hurt in his eyes unglued me. “You don’t get it, Ian. You’re the person I run
to
, not away from. That’s why we can’t do this.”

His lips parted as if I’d slapped him, surprise rounding his eyes. He gave a slight shake of his head, a sense of betrayal emanating from him. “Summer...”

The song ended, and I backed up before he could stop me. The loss of his heat shocked like withdrawal, leaving an empty shell in its wake. A shiver cut through me, beginning at the base of my spine and emanating out until I was nothing but a block of ice. The aching twinge in my chest escalated into pain and I almost caved.

His eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as he reached for me.

I turned and bumped solidly into Matt’s chest.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Nine Years Ago—Age Seventeen

I
had to admit, the dress was hot. It was prom, after all, I had to look good. Dave Rockwell had asked me to be his date. I was never one of those girls who struggled for popularity, but when the linebacker of the football team asked me, little ole Summer Quinn, well, I’d been excited to say the least.

Me and Dee had gone shopping with Ian’s mom for a dress. It was navy blue, fell to my knees like a cloud, and crossed at the breasts to tie behind my neck. It actually made me look like I
had
breasts.

Dee had come as Rick’s date. I hadn’t liked Dee much at first, but she’d started to grow on me. Initially, I’d thought she was trying to break into our little happy bubble of three. She was everything I wasn’t. Fun, pretty, popular. But if Rick liked her, then she must be okay.

Ian’s date, however, was captain of the cheerleading team and the biggest bitch on the planet. I looked across the gym at them dancing. If I could call it dancing. They should breathe once in awhile.

Dave put his large hand at the small of my back, drawing my attention to him. “I’m going to get some punch. Be back in a minute.”

I nodded, smiling. He hadn’t asked me to dance at all. When the song ended, I checked the time on the wall clock. There was only an hour left, and he still hadn’t asked me to dance. Maybe my mascara was running? Something in my teeth?

Rising from the table where we’d been stationary, I wove through the crowd. I shoved inside the ladies room and decided to struggle with the nylons to pee first, and then I’d check my makeup. After closing the bathroom stall, a group of girls came in, giggling. I stayed quiet and acted as if I wasn’t there. If one of them caught sight of me, they’d surely say something mean and ruin my happy night.

“I can’t believe Ian Memmer asked you to prom,” one of the girls said.

I grimaced. I couldn’t believe he’d asked Kasey either. She was such a harpy.

“Right? Except we had to drag Summer Quinn along as a double date.” Kasey growled. “Did you hear why Dave asked her to prom?”

The reply was a hushed murmur, as if they were discussing industrial espionage. “No, why?”

“We all got a hotel room downtown for later. Ian and I are heading over there soon. Dave thinks he can get Summer to have sex with him.”

My stomach dropped and my hands grew moist. I should have known that was the reason he’d asked me. No one that popular had ever wanted anything to do with me before. I was so stupid. More than half of my class was having sex. I was probably some screwed up bet to him.

“Why don’t you skanks shut-up?”

I held my breath. Was that…Dee’s voice? Oh God! As if this wasn’t mortifying enough, now Dee had heard it, too. A toilet flushed in one of the stalls and the door creaked open.

“Maybe I should just go tell Rick and Ian about your little chat,” Dee said.

Kasey’s voice dripped with disdain. “Go right ahead. Ruin our after-party. They are so protective of her. It’s pathetic.”

Dee tsked. “You’re just jealous you have twice as many people around you and none of them care half as much.”

After making a disgusted sound, Kasey left with the other girl. Music from the hall filled the room and then it was quiet again. I swallowed as Dee washed her hands. She opened the door to leave, but it didn’t fully close behind her. In the small hallway outside the bathroom I heard voices over the music.

Oh God! Ian and Rick were talking to Dee. She told them what Kasey had said.

This was like a nightmare. At least they didn’t know I was in here.

“I’ll tell Summer I have a headache and ask to go back to her house early.” Dee’s voice held an irritated edge. “Those girls are bitches, and karma eats bitches for breakfast. I hope I’m around to see it.”

In that moment, alone in the bathroom stall, I realized Dee wasn’t so bad. She wasn’t like the rest of the vapid girls at school. She had stood up for me when it counted most, when she hadn’t known I was around.

“Where is she?” Ian’s concerned voice raised an octave. “I haven’t seen her for a few minutes.”

The door closed and I counted to twenty before coming out of the stall, and then wasted more time washing my hands before leaving the bathroom.

Dave caught up with me as I reentered the gym. “There you are. You wanna dance?”

At least he was asking. “Sure.”

On the dance floor, his hands inched lower and lower down my back as the ballad dragged on. Rolling my shoulders, I tried to shrug off the dirty sensation coating my skin. I glanced around as we spun in measured circles, searching for Dee.

Ian was across the gym, walking away from Kasey, who stomped her foot like a child, looking anything but happy. After his irritated, frantic gaze scanned the room, Ian saw me and started my way.

My heart pounded as he got closer. He ate the distance with long, determined strides, hands balled into fists.

“I’m cutting in, Dave.” His tone left no room for argument. With a firm grip on my hand and the other on my waist, he spun me away from my date. Dave stalked over to Kasey.

Ian inhaled hard through his nose and closed his eyes, his hands still on my waist. Tension coiled his muscles and pulsed off him. After a beat of seemingly trying to collect himself, he opened his eyes. “You look nice tonight.” His tone was tight, as rough as sandpaper.

I bit my lip. “Thank you.”

“Rick, Dee, and I are heading back to my place. I figure we could drink some beer down by the creek and hang out. You wanna go?”

They would never know I was in that bathroom stall, would never know they just made my senior prom one of the best nights of my life. Had salvaged what was sure to be another botched attempt at fitting in had they not intervened. What would I do without my friends?

“Sure,” I said, instead of the thousand things I wanted to say. “Let’s go.”

Present—Ian

I
stood in shock as Summer tried to run from me, bumping into Matt instead of fleeing like she’d attempted. Caught between gutted and angry, I could do little more than watch her break my damn heart for the thousandth time. She whispered something in his ear and they headed out, down the beach. I didn’t even realize how hard I was gripping the lattice of the gazebo until my palms ached in protest.

I’d seen her pulse tripping in her neck when I’d danced with her. I’d felt her heart hammering against my chest. Heard her needy moan and breathy sigh as I’d held her. She’d been right there with me, in the moment, as affected as I’d been. This attraction wasn’t only on my end. And our kiss hadn’t been a fluke. She couldn’t blame it on the moment.

I got that she was scared. Hell, I was terrified. But to run from me like that? As if I’d break her? Like I’d somehow deceived her by wanting her? I just...I didn’t know what to do with that.

Two hours later, I drove Jenny home, kindly letting her know we wouldn’t be hooking up this year. She’d understood. But now that the whole house was sleeping, and Summer still wasn’t home, I regretted everything I’d done from the time I’d let Summer walk out of my bedroom the night we’d kissed.

If she could walk away from me that easily and into Matt’s arms, even after the heat between us, then maybe it was time I faced reality. Regardless, I wasn’t backing down until I had my say. I’d waited years hoping to see that spark in her eyes, that note of recognition, and damned if she wasn’t going to hear me out.

I walked upstairs to the room she used to share with Tom when he’d been alive. The past couple years, I’d occupied the other twin bed in order not to crash in my parents’ bedroom. Rick and Dee always took the other guest room, as it had a queen. I sat on the bed, back to the headboard, and scrubbed my hands over my face. Waiting.

Ten minutes later, the downstairs door closed and I breathed.

She walked in a short while later, head down, her gaze lost in thought. She dropped her flip-flops in the corner, looked up, and stumbled to a stop. Her lips parted as if to ask what I was doing in here, but she shook her head instead. The room was big for beach house standards, but it seemed impossibly small with her and I and all our unspoken words.

“Can you turn around? I have to get out of this dress.”

Her tone was so dejected, so resigned, that guilt shoved around in my chest. I stood and walked to the window without a word, my back to her. I hoped to God I hadn’t made her like this with my advancements, insisting we talk. Years of her battling depression pushed at my skull, reminding me how fragile life was, how she’d almost been taken from me.

The swish of her clothes as she undressed filled the room, the sound skimming across my skin, causing goosebumps.

“I’m done. You can turn around. And I’m too tired to fight.”

“I don’t want to fight—” I stopped at the sight of her in a long white T-shirt and not the nightgown I’d bought her eons ago. She almost never slept in anything else. I wondered if she’d done that on purpose, to avoid thinking about me, then I remembered said nightgown was on my desk chair at home, left there the night we’d... “Did you tell Matt about what happened between us?”

She pulled out her ponytail, her throat working a swallow. Her long, caramel-colored hair spilled around her shoulders, and I wanted to touch. “No. We walked the beach a little bit and I told him I was having reservations.”

I had no idea what the hell that meant, and forming my own conclusions would make things worse. “And?”

She rubbed her arm. “And he told me he’d hold off on accepting the job in Charlotte until I was sure. He—“ She laughed, but the sound held no amusement. “He actually told me I should explore my options. He even asked if making love with him would make a difference.”

Nausea churned my stomach upside down. “Some moral Christian code he has if he’s willing to cave to hold onto you.”

Her head snapped up, her gaze drilling into me. “He’s been waiting for a commitment from me. He was willing to be intimate if he knew we were headed in the same direction, if there was a future. And you’re one to talk. What about you? You heedlessly sleep with anything that has a pulse!”

Oh, hell no. We were going there? I never claimed to have a moral compass. She’d been my only true north anyway. “That’s different.”

“Different?” She laughed insolently. Her perfect little hands fell on her perfect little hips. She stood between the two beds, the breeze from the window to her back ruffling her shirt. Christ, she was hot as hell angry. “Different how, Ian?”

“I don’t use sex to lure someone into a relationship. It’s not a tool and I don’t manipulate my partners.”

“He wasn’t manipulating me. He’s trying to make us work. You can’t even commit to a second date.”

“You’re right. I make no promises. A little fun, that’s all. My lovers know that going in.”

She shook her head as if a dawning realization had hit her, and I had a sinking suspicion it was terribly inaccurate and would bite me in the ass. “How is that any better? How Matt’s willing to bend for me, while you can’t even remember their names?”

“They didn’t matter.” Why couldn’t she get that through her stubborn skull? They were just a means to distract me from her.

Hell. I paced to the far side of the room where it was safe. Where I couldn’t put my hands on her. Hands that wanted to hold her as much as they wanted to shake her until she saw my side, saw what abject misery I’d been living in. I glared at the cobalt walls, trying to rein in my thoughts to remember half of the words I’d wanted to say. What people said about blue was wrong. It wasn’t soothing at all. Uncontrolled emotions surged through me. There was no containing them. This was the effing opening I’d been waiting thirteen years, four months, and some odd days for.