Sunday (Timeless Series #7) (13 page)

“I’m not trying to open old wounds, but I think the original ones haven’t healed yet. Maybe if you talk about it it’ll help our relationship—”

“Is this just because I won’t sleep with you?” With a snap of her fingers she turned on me. Now she was defensive—even angry.

“Of course not.” I was hurt she would even think that. I tried to hide the pain on my face but I couldn’t. “But I think it’s holding you back from being happy. I don’t think the wedge between us is from me not telling you the truth. I think it stems from your own insecurities. There’s no shame in admitting you need help. Not at all.”

“Just because you’re the attorney on Audrey’s case doesn’t mean you understand how I feel.”

“I never said I did. But I want to help you get through this.”

“I am through it.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it.”

She turned away, her eyes filling with rage.

“Sweetheart, I’m not trying to upset you.”

“Well, you did.”

“Would talking to a therapist really be that bad?”

“Talking about how a group of guys raped me? Yes, that would be bad.”

I closed my eyes for a moment because her words stung. “I think if you talked about it to someone it would give you closure. And you would let me in.”

She shook her head and stepped away.

“You can’t deny this is affecting your relationship with me. I’m okay with not being physical, but I’m not okay with you assuming that I think poorly of you. I’m not okay with these men taking away your life. I want you to be free—to be happy.”

“Just stop.”

I took a deep breath and kept my anger back. Snapping at her wouldn’t get me anywhere. “I’m only trying to help.”

“Well, don’t.”

Now it was becoming harder to keep my mouth shut.

“I should just go…” She headed to the door.

I didn’t stop her. Was this the end of our relationship—again? Was she walking out on me? It nearly killed me the first time she did it, and now she was doing it again so easily. I may love her but I could never trust her—not if she walked away again.

She walked out and shut the door behind her.

I stood in the same spot, feeling like shit. I didn’t feel guilty for saying what I said. But I did feel terrible that she left. I knew she was going through a hard time, and rightfully so, but so was I. I’d fallen in love with someone who experienced something so terrible she may never recover. Taking on that kind of romance was more than challenging. It was emotionally crippling and exhausting. But I never gave up on her and it cut me that she gave up on me.

It broke my heart.

The door opened again and she appeared.

I couldn’t hide my surprise that she came back. Did she forget something? Was she going to take back the cookies she stole?

She walked over to me then kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll call you later.”

I was frozen in place, shocked by her affection.

“I love you.” She walked out without waiting for me to say it back.

That final parting changed everything. She wasn’t leaving me again. She just needed space.

And I was grateful she made that clear
.

The Struggle

Rose

I didn’t want to talk about what happened.

As it was, I didn’t even think about it.

I did everything I could to pretend it didn’t happen at all. Sometimes that night would haunt me in my dreams. Sometimes it would creep into my thoughts during the day. And sometimes when Kyle and I became physical the memories would blur with my reality.

But no, I never talked about it.

The fact Kyle mentioned it unnerved me. It reminded me that I wasn’t okay, that I needed help—just as everyone else said. I knew Kyle didn’t want a physical relationship if I wasn’t ready for one. But I knew he was anxious for something more than I was ready to give.

In the back of my mind, I knew he was right.

But I wasn’t strong enough to face it, to talk about that terrible night. As a defense mechanism I put it in the back of my mind, locked away in a box where I couldn’t reach. It was the only way I could walk the streets without looking over my shoulder.

We hadn’t spoken in a week, and when I walked out of his apartment I immediately regretted my actions. I didn’t mean to leave him so coldly and I didn’t want him to assume our relationship was over. Now that I’ve lost him once I didn’t want to go through that heartbreak again—even if I was mad at him.

A week later I finally cooled off enough to walk into his office. His firm was just a few blocks from mine, and it was designed with both elegance and masculinity. Secretaries sat at their desks while lawyers were locked away in their offices. I knew exactly where Kyle’s was because it was directly after the entrance.

His secretary didn’t stop me from walking inside because she knew exactly who I was. Kyle was sitting behind his desk with his feet resting on the surface. He was doing something on his phone, probably playing a game.

“Hi…”

He looked up at the sound of my voice, and his eyes held their surprise. He quickly lowered his feet to the ground and tossed his phone on the surface. A mixture of hesitance and joy was on his face. But he didn’t rise from his chair, something he would normally do. “Hey.”

I walked further into the room, feeling more self-conscious by the second. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, the irritation from my previous behavior. “Are you busy?”

“Does it look like I’m busy?”

He was definitely mad. I took the seat across from his desk, my hands still clinging together in front of my waist.

He gave me the same ruthless stare.

“I’m sorry about last week.”

“Sorry about what, exactly?”

“I know you were just trying to help and I flipped out…”

“You haven’t called me in a week. I’d say you did more than just flipped out.”

Kyle usually gave me the easy way out but he wasn’t going to do that this time. “I know…”

“How are we supposed to move on if you won’t let me in?” he demanded with narrowed eyes. “You clearly have issues about this subject and I think we should do something about it. You’ve been avoiding it for four years and look where that’s got you.”

“I know…”

“So, let me help you.”

His aggression was backing me into a corner. “It’s not so simple as just getting over it.”

“I never said it was. But let’s try something new.”

I clutched my hands together.

Kyle still didn’t baby me. He was just as ruthless as before. “Rose, you can do this. I know it’s hard, but you can overcome it.”

“I just don’t want to talk about it…”

“Rip the bandage off. Sometimes you have to get worse before you get better. So far you’ve just been procrastinating.”

“You have no idea how I feel, so please keep that in mind.” I tried to control my voice and remain calm. “You never walk the streets and feel predator eyes fall on you. You never go to a party and have to check your drink three times before having a single sip. You never have to worry if the guy you’ve been set up with is a rapist. No man will ever understand what it’s like to be a woman.”

He hung his head low and broke eye contact for the first time. “No, I suppose I’ll never fully understand as I’ve never been in a woman’s shoes. But I can confidently say I understand better than most. I think you forget what I do for a living. I think you forget what happened to someone I loved very much.” He looked back at me, the sadness in his eyes. “You and I can get through this together. Don’t you think it’s a strange coincidence we’ve suffered the same tragedy and then we’re set up on a blind date? I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe in coincidences.”

“Then what do you believe in?”

He held my gaze for nearly a minute before he spoke. “Not sure…”

I looked down at my hands.

“Just keep in mind what I’ve been through. I can help you. Helping you helps me.”

“How so?”

“For one, I love you. And two, if my sister survived I’d want someone to help her.”

It was true. Sometimes I forgot what Kyle endured when his sister passed away. Her murder still affected his family. It was a tragedy they would never forget. Sometimes I got stuck in my own bubble and shut out the world, convincing myself no one would ever understand. And if they did, they would still judge me for what my body endured.

But I knew Kyle wasn’t that way. He was the definition of good. He was a great man, the most compassionate and caring man I’ve ever known. “I’m so sorry for my behavior…” The sincerity entered my throat and burned slightly.

His eyes softened. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“I’ll try going to a therapist. I want to get better. And I want our relationship to work.”

He finally rose from the desk and walked around until he was sitting beside me. He took my hand and brushed his thumb across the top of my hand. “Our relationship will work. And I think talking to a professional will help. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to be there.”

It would be hard enough to say the truth out loud, but it would be harder for Kyle to listen to it. “I don’t want to hurt you…it’ll hurt you.”

“I know it will,” he whispered. “But we should go through this together. I’m here for you every step of the way.” He squeezed my hand.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I don’t know how our paths crossed. I don’t know how…we found each other. But I’m so grateful we have.” I searched his eyes, seeing the searing blue eyes that burned me when I looked deep into them.

He stared back at me, giving me a look I’d never seen before. His hand squeezed me a little more firmly, and the emotion in his eyes was blinding. He didn’t blink for over a minute, just staring at me without speaking. “Maybe we’ll find out someday.”

***

Kyle sat beside me in the armchair and held my hand on my thigh. He wore a suit because he just got off work, and despite his calm exterior I knew he was raging inside.

Dr. Caroline sat behind her desk with a notepad on the desk. She was nice and friendly, but a little stern at the same time. She had glasses just like I pictured, and her mouth always slightly curved in a frown.

I couldn’t believe I was sitting across from a therapist. Never in my life did I picture myself sitting in this chair. Before that horrible evening I had a happy life. I was outgoing and fun. Sometimes I was the life of the party. I dated a lot of guys without worrying where it would go, and I was adventurous.

But those aspects died that night.

I was never the same after that moment. Even when months passed I never got back on my feet. Friendships died because I became so distant. My contact with people died away as well. Florence was the only friend who stood by my side—because she was the only one who knew.

Dr. Caroline glanced at Kyle before she spoke. “You’re comfortable with Kyle being here to listen?”

“Yes.” I was dreading the conversation. I didn’t want to go into the details of my past. Kyle already knew everything, but hearing it come from my mouth was a different story.

Dr. Caroline turned to him. “Kyle, you’re ready to listen?”

“I am.” He said it with a firm voice, but he was good at hiding his emotions in front of other people. It’s one of the characteristics of being a lawyer.

Dr. Caroline turned back to me. “Where would you like to start?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Start at the beginning.”

“When we were on the date?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yes.” Dr. Caroline readied her pen.

I glanced at Kyle and felt the nerves get to me.

He squeezed my hand again, giving me a gentle push. “You can do it, sweetheart.”

I turned back to Dr. Caroline and let everything out.

***

By the end of the session I was sobbing. Everything hurt just as it did on that night. Old wounds were ripped wide open, and I was bleeding all over the place. My chest ached because my lungs wouldn’t work correctly.

Kyle kept his arm around me and consoled me every step of the way. Despite the pain on his face he never gave into his grief. He just sat beside me and gave me everything I needed.

When our time was up he kissed my forehead and wiped my tears away. “You did a good job today.”

“Then why do I feel so terrible?” I sniffed and wiped my tears away with the back of my forearm.

“It’s part of the healing process.” Dr. Caroline came around her desk then shook my hand. “I look forward to seeing you next week. I think we’re going to do great things here.”

All I could do was nod.

Dr. Caroline shook Kyle’s hand. “You’re doing the right thing. Being patient and understanding is the best way to help those we love.”

“My sister went through the same thing,” Kyle said sadly. “But she was murdered as well. Rose and I have a lot in common.”

“Oh, I see.” Dr. Caroline dropped her hand and gave him a sad look. “It looks like you two are perfect for one another.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Kyle wrapped his arm around my waist and walked me out. He kept me close to his side and steered us in the right direction. “Would you like to go home?”

I nodded and sniffed again.

“Let’s go.” He walked me to my apartment, guiding the way since my head was bowed the entire time. I managed to stop crying but I knew my face was red and blotchy. I didn’t want anyone to stare at me, to know I was upset.

We got inside my apartment and Kyle immediately grabbed a few tissues so I could wipe up my face. I turned away and cleaned up my make up as well as I could without a mirror. I felt like a wreck, like someone ran me over with a fire truck.

“You did a good job today. I’m proud of you.” He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. It was as if he knew I didn’t want him to see my face.

“Thanks…”

“Do you want me to leave?” Resignation was in his voice, as if he expected me to ask.

“No.”

His arms flinched slightly. “What would you like to do?”

“I want to go to bed…” It wasn’t even six in the evening but I didn’t feel like living life at the moment. I walked into my bedroom and collapsed on the bed without taking off my clothes. I kicked the sheets back and got inside, enjoying the darkness of the bedroom.

Kyle kicked off his shoes and lay beside me. He spooned me from behind and wrapped his arm tightly around my waist. “If there’s anything I can get you, let me know.”

“I just want to sleep…and wake up to a new day.”

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“No.” I felt better when he was near. I was becoming more dependent on his presence than ever before. He was the gate to my happiness. He brought more joy than I ever realized. I needed him in my life, and not just now, but forever. “I don’t want you to ever leave, Kyle.”

He tightened his arm around me. “I won’t.”