Sunday (Timeless Series #7) (15 page)

“Marie is sick so I took Suzie to work today,” Hawke explained. “We just stopped by for lunch.”

“Muffins, specifically,” Francesca said with a smile.

“Well, I should get going…” I started to back up. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Hold on.” Hawke handed Suzie over before he walked up to me.

I knew it.
He was pissed I was spending time with Francesca. And he had every right to feel that way. He married her. I didn’t.

“Frankie tells me you’re afraid you’re pissing me off by hanging around her.” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking threatening.

“Sometimes I worry about it.”

“Honestly, I don’t care. You don’t need to walk on eggshells anymore. There’s nothing wrong with the two of you being friends.”

He was definitely a bigger man than I was. If I were the one who married Francesca I wouldn’t want her anywhere near him. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” he said. “I know you don’t feel that way about her anymore. So there’s no harm.”

Hawke wouldn’t lie about something like this. If he were ticked, he’d make it clear. “Well, thank you.”

He clapped me on the shoulder. “Now, get back over here and tell us about your girl problems.”

“Okay,” I said with a chuckle.

“So, you got some action last night?” Francesca asked as she handed Suzie back to Hawke. She returned to making frosting from scratch.

“Yeah.” I smiled just from thinking about it. “Such good head. It came out of nowhere. She just went ahead and did it.”

“With you handcuffed?” Hawke asked. “That’s pretty hot.” He gave Francesca a knowing look, like he wanted her to do that to him later.

“It was definitely hot.” There was no other way to describe it.

“And a little fast,” Francesca said. “She went from being reserved to really hot and heavy action?”

“Well, the handcuffs are for a different reason, actually. She likes having them so she knows it can’t go any further than she wants…” It was an awkward thing to say but it was the truth.

“Oh…” Francesca let the realization sink in. “Now I understand.”

“But it’s still an improvement for us. I think therapy is really getting her somewhere.”

“That’s great,” Francesca said. “It’s good to talk about things with an unbiased professional.”

“I agree,” I said. “Despite what I’ve been through I can’t give her what she needs. I’m not trained for it.”

“It sounds like all you need to do is wait it out.” Francesca whisked the frosting then poured it into a separate container. Hawke tried to stick his finger in it but she swatted him away.

“Yeah.” Now that something physical happened between us, I knew we were headed in the right direction. Everything would be okay—in time.

“And pretty soon we can go on a double date,” Francesca said. “And our kids can play with each other.”

Hawke chuckled. “Baby, don’t freak him out.”

“I’m not,” I said calmly. “There’s nothing I want more than a wife and two kids.” I eyed them with jealousy in my heart. Their relationship was a lot of work and a lot of heartache but they had something truly beautiful now. And I wanted it.

Deep Inside

Rose

I felt good after the last session with Dr. Caroline but now I dreaded the next one. I told her the whole story from beginning to end last time, and now I wasn’t sure what else there was to say.

But I’m sure Dr. Caroline would find something.

When Kyle picked me up he noticed my sadness. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“I’m not afraid.” I may be timid and skittish but I was never scared.

“Then there’s no need to be nervous.”

“I just don’t want to go.”
Plain and simple.

He took my hand and walked me out. “But I think it’s been helpful. You’ve been different this week…”

I knew he was referring to the blowjob I gave him the other day. It was unexpected and I didn’t even know it was coming, but when we were in his apartment I wanted to do something. Without thinking his clothes were off and my mouth was tight around his base.

I loved making him feel good, and I loved the fact it made me feel good too. I didn’t think about that night four years ago. All I thought about was us. His hands were restrained so I knew he couldn’t do anything I wasn’t ready for. And perhaps that made me feel freer.

“I think I have been different.”

“You seem happier, more at ease, and more adventurous…”

“Yeah, I noticed it too.”

“So, I think this is a good thing.” He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me on the temple.

“You’re probably right.”

We walked to the office downtown then entered Dr. Caroline’s room. She had a beautiful office with floor-to-ceiling windows. It had a warmth to it, and it also didn’t feel like a cage. It was open and inviting, like I could go and come whenever I pleased.

“It’s nice to see you two again.” Dr. Caroline was just as stiff as usual. She had a compassionate demeanor but she was also straight-down-to-business.

“You too,” Kyle said for both of us.

“How was your week?” Dr. Caroline asked.

“Good,” I answered. “Better than other weeks.”

“Do you feel like our talk helped?” she asked.

“I did…although it was difficult at the time.”

Dr. Caroline nodded in understanding. “Traumas like that are difficult to move on from…no matter how much time has passed. Talking about it in our last session seems to be helpful. But now I want to focus on the future.”

What did that mean?

“I want to focus on your new relationship with Kyle. It’s important not to allow new relationships to be affected by the past. It can be easy to do, and it seems to be something you’re struggling with.”

“Yes…”

“Trust is the most important aspect of a relationship. If it’s not there, the relationship will never succeed. You need to ask yourself if you trust Kyle. You don’t need to answer out loud but you need to think about it—”

“I do.” Despite the way he lied to me I did trust him. I knew he was compassionate, caring, and devoted. He would never make me do something I wasn’t comfortable with, and he always had my best interest at heart. “I do.”

Kyle squeezed my thigh affectionately.

“He’s been amazing since the beginning. I tried to keep him away for a long time, afraid of what he would think of me after what happened, but I could never shake him off. Months passed and somehow…I fell in love with him. I never told him what happened to me because I was scared it would chase him away. Little did I know he already knew everything…because he represented a client in a case against my same attacker. He didn’t tell me this before we slept together because he wanted to wait until the trial was over. I was so humiliated that I pushed him away for months…and then I asked him to take me back because I couldn’t live without him.” I told her our entire story, rambling on longer than I should have.

Dr. Caroline spun her pen in her fingertips for several minutes, her eyes looking at me but not really seeing me. “Kyle, could you give us a moment, please?”

“Of course.” He squeezed my thigh before he walked out.

When he was gone I turned back to Dr. Caroline, unsure why she asked him to leave. “I didn’t just say that because he was sitting there.” I meant every word.

“I believe you.” She returned to spinning her pen. “You speak so highly of him, so why are you afraid to further your relationship?”

“I’m not sure…I guess I’m afraid things will never get better. That I’ll remember being raped when I make love to him. That I’ll attribute those feelings to Kyle and begin to resent him. That he’ll only see me as damaged goods. That he’ll think about the disgusting things that were done to me by other men…”

“You’ve had intercourse with him before, right?”

“Yes.”
And it was beautiful.

“Did you think about all of those things then?”

“Well, no. But that was different.”

“How so?”

“At the time, I assumed he didn’t know anything.”

“But he did, right?”

I nodded.

“And did it seem like that’s what he was thinking about?”

I shook my head. “Not at all.”

“From my observations, it seems like the two of you have a lot in common.”

There was no denying that.

“His devotion to you is fueled by the loss of his sister. Perhaps protecting you and loving you makes him feel better about what happened. It redeems him from not saving his sister when he could have. Defending you and another victim in the case was heroic. And the fact he’s the one who brings you here and supports you so strongly tells me he doesn’t think less of you. In fact, he thinks the world of you.”

I knew that—deep in my heart.

“In my professional opinion, two broken people don’t make a good relationship. Positivity needs to come from both partners for the relationship to work. But in your case, it works. I think trusting Kyle is a good decision, and I think he deserves the same devotion he gives to you.”

“I know…” I would always feel guilty for the way I hurt him.

“Your priority should be this relationship. You need to connect, heal, and grow. When you do, I can assure you that both of you will be better. I think the two of you need each other to move on.”

That was becoming more evident with every passing day. “I think you’re right.”

She nodded. “Make it happen, Rose.”

***

“If you don’t mind me asking, what did the two of you talk about?” Kyle took off his jacket and hung it over of the back of the chair at the kitchen table.

“Mainly about you.”

“Yeah?” he asked. “I hope good things were said.”

“She told me to focus on our relationship. We’re better together than apart.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” He slid his arms around my waist then pressed his lips into my hairline. He held me that way for a long time, for minutes. One hand snaked up to my neck where he gently massaged it while his lips were still pressed against me.

“That was about it…” There was more to it but I lost my train of thought when he held me this way.

“I’m glad these sessions are helping. That’s what I hoped for.”

“Me too.”

He moved his face near mine and looked into my eyes, the longing and desire written all over his face. He glanced at my lips, wanting to kiss me.

I wanted to kiss him too but I immediately thought of the anxiety and the fear.

Kyle immediately noticed it. “You can trust me.”

I wanted to grab the handcuffs, the metal that kept him restrained during our heated moments, but I wanted this relationship to reach its full potential. I wanted us to have what we needed. “Okay.”

He slowly backed me up into the kitchen cabinets then lifted me from the ground and placed me on the surface. My legs dangled to the floor and he moved between my knees, our faces level. Normally, he towered over me and had to crane his neck just to reach my lips. But when we were like this it was perfect.

Kyle found my lips with his and kissed me slowly, in a purposeful way. He studied my lips with his, feeling every inch as if he was going to memorize it. His hands moved to my thighs and he squeezed them affectionately.

My body lit up a few degrees.

His kisses migrated to my neck and he kissed me with the same slowness.

My head rolled back and I just enjoyed it. My nipples were hard as knives and they chaffed against my bra. But I was too turned on to care.

His hands slowly slid up my thighs and underneath my shirt. They glided until they reached the bottom of my bra. He fingered it slowly, feeling the lace. Then he moved underneath and felt my tits, squeezing them and massaging them.

It felt so good.

His mouth returned to mine and they moved together with heated precision. His tongue entered my mouth and slowly moved against mine. They were dancing, touching.

I felt my panties soak from the moisture he elicited, and now I wanted to feel that familiar stretching sensation. I wanted to feel him inside me just the way I used to. We didn’t make love enough times for me to truly treasure it. But I didn’t make a move for it because I wasn’t sure if I was ready. And if I wasn’t sure, then I probably wasn’t.

“You know what?”  He rubbed his nose against mine.

“Hmm?” I just wanted to go back to kissing as soon as possible.

“I think my favorite thing to do is kiss you.”

“More than the other things we do?” I thought I gave him pretty good head the other day.

“No. More than anything.” He rubbed his nose against mine again before he returned to kissing me on the countertop. His large hands continued to rub me gently, and he made my entire body come alive. “I love you more than anything.”

***

I stared at the different selection of lingerie and couldn’t figure out what to do. Some were slutty and others were super slutty…which was appropriate for me? I wanted to dress up for Kyle so we could move on in our relationships, but looking at the black lace just gave me anxiety. It was too sexy, and I was anything but sexy. I couldn’t pull off the look. I wasn’t even comfortable in my own skin.

“Can I help you with something?” the saleswoman asked.

“Uh, no.” I shook my head dramatically.

“Is this your first time shopping for lingerie?”

Was it embarrassing that my answer was yes? “Yeah…but I didn’t see anything I liked so I’m just going to go.”

The saleswoman had no intention of letting me walk away. “Let me pick out a few things for you. What bra size are you? 34B?”

I automatically touched my chest. “Uh, yeah.”

“Hold on and let me fetch you something.”

“Okay…”

She left for nearly five minutes before she came back with a black ensemble. It was a skin-tight teddy with garters and a black thong. A pair of shiny black heels was in her other hand. “What do you think?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you think a guy would like that?”

“With your body, absolutely.” She handed everything over. “Take these home. I promise you won’t regret it.”

I eyed the pile of slutty clothes in my hands.

“Trust me.” She patted me on the hand before she walked away.

***

I stared at myself in the mirror. I wore the garters and the black stockings, and it took me nearly five minutes just to get into the teddy. I curled my hair and did my make up darker than I’d ever done it in my life.

“I look like a slut.”

When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see me at all. I saw some girl with big hair and dark eye make up staring blankly at me. There was no way Kyle would think this is sexy. I looked like a woman that was trying too hard.

There was a knock on the door.

That must be Kyle. He said he was coming to bring dinner but I thought he wouldn’t be there for another hour. “I’ll be there in a second.” I quickly kicked off my heels and tried to get the teddy off. It took a decade just to get it on so how would I get off?

Kyle walked inside with a plastic bag of food in his hand. My bedroom door was open so he looked right in, seeing me in my ridiculous lingerie. His hand slipped and he dropped the bag on the floor.

I slammed the door as quickly as possible, mortified that he saw me. “I told you to hold on.”

“Sorry, I thought you said come in.”

“Well, I didn’t!” My fingers worked furiously on the back of the teddy, trying to unzip it and free myself.

Kyle opened my bedroom door and walked inside.

“What the hell are you doing?” I turned on him while trying to get the zipper undone.

“I just wanted to—”

“Get out!”

He raised both hands in the air in surrender. “You look like you need help.”

“I’m fine,” I hissed.

“Come here.” He turned me around and unzipped the teddy halfway so it would still stay on but I could do it the rest of the way. “I don’t want you to break your arms trying to bend that way.”

“Thanks…” I waited for him to leave.