Sunday (Timeless Series #7) (3 page)

Francesca turned back to me, the happiness on her face dissipating when she remembered the content of our conversation.

“I’m so jealous of you.” The words left my lips on their own. I shouldn’t have said them, but it was already done by the time I realized my mistake.

Hawke looked up, taking his eyes off his daughter.

“Kyle, you’ll get her back.” She patted my hand.

“No, I won’t,” I said miserably. “I screwed it up. I should have told her beforehand. It’s my fault.”

“It was a difficult situation. No matter what you did, it was risky.”

I wished Rose saw it that way. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve given her space for the past week in the hope that was all she needed but I haven’t heard from her.”

Hawke rocked the chair slightly backward and forward, his daughter laying on one of his large forearms. “I think I walked in at the wrong time…”

“Kyle is having relationship problems,” Francesca explained.

“Yeah, I don’t have one,” I said bitterly. “I find this amazing woman and I lose her…”

Hawke didn’t look at me the way he used to. It was like we never knew each other prior to his marriage to Francesca. He didn’t see me as someone who slept with his wife before he married her. “Then get her back.” He said it simply, like it was the easiest thing in the world to accomplish.

I shook my head. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“Is it more complicated than searching the world and trying to fall in love again?” The look in his eyes was victorious, like he knew he had me. “You only have one great love in your life. If she was it, then you can’t give up. It’s as simple as that.”

He walked away from the love of his life twice—but he always came back. Now he was there to stay. “You left Francesca. In this scenario, she left me. If someone wants to break up, you break up.”

“Does she love you?” Hawke asked.

Even if she never told me I would have known. “Yeah.”

“Then what she says is irrelevant. Be there for her like you never were apart. Be her boyfriend without permission. She’s stuck with you and make her accept it.” Hawke pulled the blanket over Suzie’s shoulder, keeping her warm.

That might work on another woman, but it wouldn’t work on her. “She’s sensitive to stuff like that…”

“Maybe to other people,” he said. “But not to you.”

Francesca cleared her throat. “Hawke, Rose has been through some hard times…” She didn’t give away her secret, but the look in her eyes said enough.

“It doesn’t change anything,” Hawke said. “Love is a battlefield. And this is a war you can’t afford to lose.”

“When did he become so poetic?” I whispered to Francesca.

Her eyes lit up with warmth. “He’s always been poetic—he just doesn’t show it to anyone but me.”

“Lucky me,” I said with a chuckle.

“Do you want this?” He leaned forward with Suzie still tucked safely in his arm. “Do you want what Francesca and I have?”

More than anything. Now that I’d had a taste of it I realized how amazing it was. Just sitting on the couch and watching TV with Rose was an adventure. I didn’t want to take that journey with anyone else. “I do.”

“Then figure it out,” he said. “Have Frankie talk to her. She’s good at this sort of thing.”

I released a sarcastic laugh. “I doubt Rose wants to hear from my ex-girlfriend.”

“She’s not your ex-girlfriend.” Hawke said it with such confidence it was almost believable. “The moment you meet your soul mate all the women before that no longer exist. It’s like they never happened.”

I knew what he meant.

“She has no reason to be jealous. Just like I have no reason to be jealous of you.”

“Awe…” Francesca leaned toward him and gave him a kiss.

Did marriage change him that much? He was almost a completely different person. Would it change me too?

Hawke rubbed his nose against hers before he pulled away. “I’m going to put Suzie to bed.” He rose to his feet, his daughter cradled to his chest. “I’ll see you later, Kyle. Hope you take my advice.” He walked down the hallway and disappeared into one of the bedrooms.

“Wow,” I said. “He’s a new man.”

She smiled proudly. “I think being married gives him an new outlook on life.”

“I’ll say.”

“And being a father has matured him by decades.”

“In a good way?”

She stared at her fingers before she looked at me again. “He had a troubled childhood growing up. When he got older, things weren’t easy either. He takes his responsibility as a father much differently than the rest of us do. I think that’s why he’s so different. The moment she was born, he was a new man.”

“That’s sweet.”

“He’s a very sweet man.”

Their happiness kept reminding me of my misery. I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Francesca read my mind. “You remember my relationship with Hawke. It was rocky and difficult, to say the least.”

I nodded in agreement.

“Not all romances are easy and carefree. Our relationship was difficult, and Axel’s relationship with Marie had some dark times too.”

“What’s your point?”

“That this isn’t the end—just a dark time.”

Sick

Rose

I spent my time cooped up in my apartment.

I didn’t go to the office, choosing to work from home. I didn’t take on any new clients, and whenever they called I let it go to voicemail. My broken heart inhibited me from doing anything besides sulk.

Kyle was still in my heart, taking up all the space that remained. He charmed me months ago, his persuasion undeniable. When I went to sleep every night I saw his face in my dreams—and my nightmares.

I couldn’t swallow the betrayal. It marked my skin permanently, acting as a tattoo I could never remove. Since he knew nearly the entire time, I reexamined the pivotal points in our relationship. Were those moments real? Or was he just thinking about the terrible things that happened to me?

It was my privacy that had been abused, and it was even worse when he didn’t tell me the information he had. He saw a different image of me, one that I didn’t want anyone else to see.

But he did.

Now I remembered our first kiss in a different way. I thought he was taking it slow because I was cautious. I thought he didn’t want to rush into anything because he wanted to cultivate a relationship with me.

But now I knew the truth.

He saw me as a rape victim, and he trekked gently.

When we first made love, I thought all he saw was me. He didn’t see the past because he didn’t know about it. He didn’t think of the terrible things that I experienced. All he saw was me.

But that wasn’t the case.

How could I continue on in a relationship when he was preparing for the trial to put my rapist in jail? How could he work on that all day and want to spend time with me afterward? How could he take on the case without telling me about it?

What else was he keeping from me?

Could I trust him with anything?

Now I knew he was too good to be true. There was no way a beautiful man like that could want a woman like me. He had a sick fascination with weak women, ones that had been broken. Maybe he was just sensitive because of what happened to his sister, but I felt like there was something else going on.

How could he want me after I was tainted?

It simply wasn’t possible.

Kyle didn’t call me over the next week. He left me in peace, something I appreciated. When he broke into my apartment and lurked until I arrived, it terrified me. Now that I saw him in a new light I was a little scared of him. He would never hurt me, but my heart still exploded with warning.

Hopefully, he would let me go. I said we were done and we needed to go our separate ways. When he walked out of my apartment he seemed to accept that.

It was hard to picture myself moving on from this. In a few months I’d start dating again, trying to find someone to spend my life with. But would I ever find anyone? Kyle was the only man I cared about, but he ended up being a liar. Now I lost all hope of ever finding anyone else.

There was no one else.

***

I started jogging again. I did my usual route through the park. I started running longer distances to purposely exhaust myself so I could fall asleep at bedtime. If not, I would toss and turn all night.

I’d gotten used to sleeping with Kyle. His warm body kept me warm during the night, and even the irritating things he did were something I missed. Sometimes he snored and I would kick him gently so he would stop. Sometimes he would hug the covers and even some of the pillows.

I missed all of that.

The week dragged on slowly until I finally reached the two-week mark. It’d been two weeks since I’d last seen or spoken to Kyle.

But it felt like an eternity.

I hadn’t been following up with the trial because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know how it was proceeding. If Peter got away with it again, I’d definitely lose sleep. Knowing he was out there and possibly doing the same thing he did to both Audrey and I would be sickening.

And I didn’t want to hear anything about Kyle.

I continued to exist in my tiny bubble of life. I stayed in my apartment and only left for groceries and exercise. The little things I used to enjoy, like basketball, haunted me. I couldn’t watch a game without thinking about him. And I couldn’t watch my favorite show either.

Everything haunted me.

How many weeks would I have to wait until this pain went away? How many months? Would it take years?

I wished I had that answer.

***

I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. It was 2:15 a.m.

I wasn’t sure why I bothered putting myself to bed when I never got any rest. This mattress was suddenly the most uncomfortable thing in the world. The sheets were itchy and old, and even my clothes didn’t fit right.

My phone started to ring on the nightstand. The sound pierced the silence of my bedroom, echoing off the four walls.

I immediately snatched it and hoped it would be Kyle. I’d been staring at my phone every day for weeks expecting his name to appear on the screen. A part of me wanted him to leave me alone, to give me space so I could get over him.

But the bigger part of me, the pathetic one, hoped this phone call would happen.

I cleared my throat before I answered. But there wasn’t much point in doing that since I didn’t speak. I listened to the silence on the other line, trying to hear him breathe or move.

“Hey.” His desolated tone was unmistakable.

“Hey…”

He fell silent, the quietness doing all the talking for us. His gentle breathing hit the receiver from time-to-time, and once in a while he released a deep sigh that released louder than he meant to.

I wondered if he could hear my rapid breathing and understand how nervous I was.

“The jurors are deliberating.”

Is that the only reason why he called? To give me an update on the trial? The disappointment hit me harder than I expected it to. “Oh…”

“They started yesterday but were unable to reach a verdict.”

Was that bad? Was that good?

“I’m scared.” His voice cracked in a way it never had before. “If they have to deliberate that means it could go either way. I really thought they would immediately assume he was guilty. I did everything right…put the evidence on a silver platter.”

“They’ll find him guilty.”

“What’s with this guy?” His voice blew up immediately. “Is it because he’s easy on the eyes? Does it make him less of a threat? The world ticks me off. People tick me off.”

It was important to me that Peter was found guilty. But now I was starting to think it was more important to him. “No matter what the vote is, you did your best. That’s all that matters.”

“No, that’s not all that matters,” he snapped. “If he walks, every woman in Manhattan is at risk. I can’t let this guy go free. If he does, I’ll murder him myself. I’ll track him down and shoot him in an alleyway.”

While I believed his rage, I didn’t believe his hatred. “No, you won’t.”

“You don’t know me very well.”

“I wouldn’t want you to. So let’s stop talking about it.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want,” he snapped. “What I want matters. And I want him dead or behind bars. It’s one or the other.”

“Let’s see what the jury decides and we’ll go from there.” I needed to say something to keep him calm.

“If I lose this case I’ll never forgive myself…not ever.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I whispered. “There are many other factors in play here.”

“That doesn’t matter. I promised myself I would win this case. I promised I would get you the justice both of you deserve.”

“You will, Kyle.”

A frustrated sigh escaped his lips then he fell silent on the phone. He didn’t speak for minutes, his rage slowly dissipating over the phone line. Somehow, I could feel it drifting away. “God, I miss you.”

My chest immediately tensed.

“I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can’t eat. Shit, I can’t do anything.”

Those words were both beautiful and painful. This time apart was a lot harder than I expected it to be. He was constantly on my mind, and I found myself wondering what he was doing rather than focusing on my work.

“It’s been hard. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Listening to him was unbearable.

“Sweetheart?”

Hearing that nickname caused the tears to form deep in my throat. I missed hearing that name play on my ears. I missed hearing it every time he greeted me and every time he said goodbye. “I’m here.”

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I just couldn’t sleep and I wanted to talk to you…”

“You aren’t bothering me.” I regretted saying that the moment it left my mouth. I needed to control myself and stay strong. I broke up with him for a reason, and that reason hadn’t changed.

“I can’t sleep. Can you?”

I haven’t slept in two weeks. “Not really.”

“I’ve been living off caffeine and other forms of caffeine. It keeps me going…but I know I’m going to crash and burn really soon.”

“I haven’t been living off caffeine…” I haven’t been living at all.

He fell quiet again, listening to the static over the phone. “What have you been up to?”

“Just work. Jogging.” Absolutely nothing.

“Cool…”

I didn’t want him to get off the phone. Listening to his voice was actually making me tired. The stress left my body and I felt at peace. He wasn’t beside me, but hearing his breathing made it seem like he was there—with me.

“I’ll let you go.” The depression was heavy in his voice, like he’d never be happy again.

“Can you stay on the line?” I said it without thinking, my heart making all the big decisions at the moment.

“Sure.”

I turned on my side and kept the phone pressed to my ear. Even when he didn’t say anything, just knowing he was there comforted me. I moved the pillow so it felt like he was beside me. Then I closed my eyes, feeling myself drift.

“Good night, sweetheart.”

***

All I could think about was the trial.

The jury may have come to their decision, and they would announce it at any moment. I wanted justice for what was done to me, and Audrey deserved the same. But I also wanted Kyle to receive the satisfaction he desperately deserved. He worked night and day on this case, and he needed a guilty verdict as much as I did.

He never mentioned my case, and when he did speak of it he was always restrained. He never put the topic directly in his mind because he couldn’t focus all of his thoughts on it—because it was too difficult. He was invested in this just as much as I was, and if he didn’t get the conviction he’d never sleep well again.

I should be there for him
.

He worked his ass off for me. This case wasn’t even his to begin with, but he took it because he believed no one else would put in as much effort. The gesture was beautiful and heartfelt—even if he kept it a secret for so long.

I went to the courthouse with a heavy heart. If Peter walked out of there I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. But I felt like I should be there anyway. I walked into the courtroom then slowly moved down the aisles. People were whispering among themselves and the jury was still deliberating.

I stood a seat in the front row, directly behind Kyle and Audrey.

Kyle remained upright in his chair, holding himself perfectly straight with powerful shoulders. He didn’t hint at the stress swirling inside his body. He remained strong for his client, who looked like a mess beside him.

I stared at the back of his head, wanting him to know I was there. But I wasn’t sure how to get his attention without causing a distraction to everyone else.

Kyle tensed slightly, like the temperature changed and made him feel cool. Then, like he knew I was there all along, he turned around in the chair to look at me. Somehow, he sensed I was behind him. Perhaps he got a scent of my perfume or felt the change in the air. Whatever it was, he picked up on it.

He stared at me with his pragmatic eyes, showing the fierce and unforgiving prosecutor he was at the moment. But deep down inside, I could see the Kyle I knew so well. He was in there, terrified.

He left his chair then approached the fence that separated his seat from the rest of the courtroom.

I stood up and did the same, feeling my hands move to the beam. My body automatically wanted to hug him, to comfort him in some way.

“Still waiting,” he whispered.

“It’ll be okay, Kyle.”

He bowed his head then rubbed the back of his neck. “I hope so. I want this so much…it hurts.”

I automatically grabbed his hand and held it within my own.

He stared down at our joined affection, the hope coming into his eyes.

“I’m here for you.”

He squeezed my fingers. “Thanks for coming. I could feel you behind me…I suddenly felt a little better.”

I wanted to hold him in my arms and never let go.

The jury filed in from their deliberation room, taking their seats.