Surge: (#7 The Beat and The Pulse) (14 page)

“You have to believe me, Jo,” he pleaded. “I don’t want her. I want you.
You
.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” I murmured. “It’s too hard. I thought I could handle it but turns out I can’t. I was never going to be enough for you. Not after her.”

“Jo…” His fingers slipped from my arm, and I was free.

“It’s over, Dean,” I said, edging away.

“Just like that?” he asked. “You know this thing between us is worth the fight. You said it yourself. You’re stronger than that, Josie. I don’t believe you. I can’t, and I won’t.”

“See, that’s the problem,” I said, turning my back on him and doing what I did best—walking away. “I don’t believe you, either.”

I
watched
Josie walk away from me, not knowing how to stop her.

She didn’t believe me. She didn’t believe in herself. She didn’t believe in us. The truth hadn’t worked, and I wasn’t sure what to do.

I couldn’t force her to stay, so I let her walk away thinking I was in love with another woman. She wanted to believe I was the bad guy so much she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. A man begging for a woman to love him. She couldn’t believe someone wanted to love her despite me telling her over and over that I wanted it with her. Knowing she felt that way killed me inside.

Josie didn’t answer my calls, she didn’t answer my texts, and she didn’t answer her door. I practically slept outside her apartment, and at three a.m. when she still hadn’t shown, I had to call it quits.

She’d jumped to the wrong conclusions when she’d seen Monica pleading with me that afternoon. If she’d stuck around to hear the end of the conversation, she would know that she was the one I wanted and Monica Miller was no more. That door was closed forever.

I’d only hesitated because it was so unexpected that I was stunned into silence, but she wouldn’t let me explain. She refused to hear a single thing I had to say. How was I supposed to make her listen when she’d closed herself off?

Knowing she was hurting and I was the cause, no matter my intentions, made my insides burn. I felt sick to the stomach. I hadn’t cared about hurting a woman’s feelings before, let alone felt bad about it afterward, but I obviously did now… Did that mean this was the real deal?

I knew was falling for her…but did falling mean it was love? Lust was a part of it, but I’d always taken love to mean more than just falling for someone. I’d fallen for Monica, but it wasn’t anything close to what I felt now.

I knew shit-all about what was happening to me right then, but I was certain of one thing. I wanted Josie back. I wanted to make things right. I wanted to keep her.

But she was gone.

* * *

I
went
to the gym the next morning with red eyes and a mean temperament.

The first thing I did was climb onto the treadmill and run. My feet pounded on the track as I stared at the horizon, the ocean a brilliant blue…just like Josie’s eyes.

I’d hoped she would come in early and run beside me, but she never showed. When it rolled around to eight thirty, she still hadn’t arrived, and my heart began to sink.

When Linc turned up for training, he ignored me as I ran, still pissed at me because of the fight I’d been putting up to be the one to challenge O’Connell. He was also so far up his own ass he was oblivious to the drama that had gone down the previous day.

I didn’t know how long I’d been running when I saw Coach lingering in my peripheral vision. Glancing at him, I sneered as I saw the look of unrestrained fury on his face. Looked like daughter dearest had paid him a visit and told him where she’d been yesterday afternoon.

Thumping the controls and slowing to a jog, I glared at him, waiting for whatever he had to throw at me.

“You want to tell me why I’ve just opened a letter from Josie tendering her resignation?” he asked, holding up a piece of paper in his hand. Okay, so not what I was expecting him to come out with.

“What the hell?” Lincoln exclaimed, turning his gaze onto me.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” I said. Stepping off the treadmill, I went to snatch the letter from him, but he held it out of the way.

“She’s quit,” he said. “Effective immediately. You want to tell me what you did to make her leave?”

“You should ask your fucking daughter,” I snarled. “She turned up here yesterday completely unannounced and tried to crawl onto my cock, and Josie saw.”

Coach’s face began to turn beetroot red with anger. “Monica might’ve done some bad things, but she’s still my daughter.”

“You know she’s here,” I stated, looking him over. I was beginning to think she hadn’t changed at all despite the heartfelt speech she’d given me back in Melbourne.

“She came to see me last night to try to mend some bridges,” he began, and then shook his head. “She was here?”

“Somehow she still thinks I’m a sure bet. I told her to fuck off,” I snarled. “I want Josie! How many times do I have to spell it out to you assholes?
I want Josie!
”

They stared at me like I had a screw loose, but desperation was beginning to overwhelm me. This was what everyone was worried about when they found out that Josie and I had started seeing one another. They were afraid I’d fuck up and she’d quit. They were worried about their precious careers, not her.

I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that Monica turning up here was my fault. If I hadn’t gone to see her after the wedding and had just grown some balls and got the fuck over it, she wouldn’t be here now stuffing up my one chance at moving on. I’d had the best intentions, but I’d screwed up everything anyway.

Dean Hayes was forever fucking up everyone’s lives, including his own.

“I’ve done everything to show Josie how I feel,” I said, jabbing a finger at myself. “I’ve told her. I’ve shown her. I’ve pleaded with her. She overheard Monica declaring she wanted to start something with me, and she jumped to conclusions. I told Josie again and again she’s who I want, not Monica, but she won’t believe me.”

“Then you haven’t tried hard enough,” Linc said, narrowing his eyes.

“What else can I do?” I shouted at him. “I’ve called, texted, I practically slept on her doorstep last night. What else can I do, Linc? Tell me what you want me to do!”

“I don’t think there’s anything to be done,” Coach said, staring at the letter, and my mouth dropped open.

“You can’t be serious?” I exclaimed. After the talking to he gave me after Lincoln’s fight, he was just giving up?

“She knows what she wants,” he went on. “She won’t budge if she feels that strongly about it.”

Snatching the letter from his hands, I screwed it up into a ball and threw it across the room. “I can’t fucking believe you,” I snapped at him. “Always taking Monica’s side. You always bent to her will, you know that? She was a vapid little bitch for years, and you let her walk all over you. You were a hard-ass with your fighters, but when it came to a little fucking girl, you lost your balls. If anyone should be fired, it’s you.”

“
That’s enough
,” Lincoln said, stepping between us and placing his palm on my chest.

“You need to take a walk, son,” Coach snarled. “Take a long walk, and don’t come back in here until you’ve got your head on straight.”

“I can’t fucking believe you,” I exclaimed, shoving away Linc’s hand.

“Dean,” my brother said in warning, leveling his gaze with mine.

I stepped back and ran my hand over my face. I was hardly holding my anger in check, and my grip on my control was loosening with every second that passed.

“You don’t get it,” I said, backing away before I did something stupid. “None of you get it.”

Lincoln glanced at Coach as I snatched up my things, sweat still dripping down my back from my run. I had to get out of there. The whole place reminded me of her. She’d been with us the whole time we’d been in Sydney. She’d been with us when we first looked at the space the gym now occupied. She’d been with us at every weigh-in, fight, and press conference. She’d always been there.

Fighting wasn’t the same without Josie on the sidelines guiding this lost fucking boy to greatness.

“He loves her,” I heard Lincoln say just before the door slammed closed behind me.

I guess that’s why her leaving hurt so much, but even I knew love wasn’t enough sometimes.

Love was nothing without belief, and Josie didn’t believe.

She didn’t believe…

M
elbourne was drenched in rain
.

Stepping off the rickety old tram and into the mist, I flipped up the hood on my jacket to save my hair from getting wet and frizzing. Cars whooshed past the tram stop, their tires flinging up spray and clicking over the tram tracks as I darted across the pedestrian crossing at the red light.

Crossroads Fighter Gym sat on the corner of a busy intersection in Prahran, just south of the central business district. It was upper class with its fine boutiques, cafes, restaurants, and sprawling mansions and apartment buildings, so I wasn’t surprised to find this particular gym right in the middle of all the action. It was pompous and arrogant just like the man who trained here.

Opening the front door, I inhaled the familiar scent of leather, sweat, and men as it wafted in my face. It was a scent I was accustomed to, working with professional fighters and watching them train. Glancing around the gym as the door banged closed behind me, I took in the half a dozen muscled guys pumping weights and raised an eyebrow. The AUFC was definitely a man’s world.

I’d only given the place a cursory glance, and I could already see it was for serious fitness fanatics only. MMA, muscle, or get out. No rich bitch housewives doing yogalaties allowed.

As if the man had an inbuilt guidance system that targeted women, Gabe O’Connell reared his ugly head, put down the weights he was working with, and rose to his feet. I didn’t like the triumphant smirk he had on his face one bit, but I hadn’t been expecting anything less.

“Josie Cunningham.” He approached me with a wicked grin on his face, making a show of wiping the sweat from his ripped and tattooed chest with his towel. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

I smiled thinly as I pulled the hood from my head and kept my gaze on his face. I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of my gaze lingering anywhere else. I might be a stupid bitch sometimes, but I wasn’t what Monica said I was—a cheap sex doll. Nothing could be further from the truth.

“What brings you into my lair?” Gabe asked, letting his gaze rake over me. Even though I was dressed casually in skinny jeans, boots, a simple AUFC tee, and a black leather jacket, he seemed to like what he saw.

“I’m moving back to Melbourne,” I said, glancing at his mates who had stopped what they were doing and were staring over at us.

Gabe glanced over his shoulder and glared at them. “Don’t mind those guys,” he said to me. “They know to keep their hands off.”

“They’d better. I have enough shit to deal with in this business without all the sexist crap.”

“You won’t get any of that around here, trust me. I see to it that everyone’s treated fair in my team.”

“Put that on the list,” I said, subtly beginning a negotiation.

His lips curved into a smile. “Are you asking me for a job?”

I didn’t exactly want to work for Gabe, but I needed the money. Sydney was an expensive place to live, and it’d taken almost all of my pay to keep myself afloat. Rent, bills, transport…all of it was off the charts. I was newly unemployed and almost broke. Groveling at Gabe O’Connell’s feet was the fastest way to make some cash short-term, and he’d made it clear he’d pay whatever it took for the opportunity. In short, I was using him to get ahead.

And it would piss Dean off when he found out. Dean with his dirty little cock and his dirty little skank Monica. When the Twins eventually decided who was going to challenge Gabe for the title, the weigh-in would be the spectacle of the century.

“So what if I’m asking?” I declared, crossing my arms over my chest. “You made it clear you were hiring, and I’m looking to pick up something quick.”

His eyes sparkled. “I knew you’d come back for more when that fucker messed up.”

“I’m not interested in personal relationships,” I said with a scowl. “I’m interested in legitimate employment. I take my work very seriously, and I’m good at it. What I don’t appreciate—”

“Calm down,” he interrupted with a chuckle. “I know you’re a pro, Josie. Why do you think I’ve been trying to steal you from those assholes? A little kissing was the cherry on an already fucking awesome cake.”

“I thought I made myself clear about that,” I said. “It was a mistake.”

Gabe laughed, slapping his hand on his stomach. “Life just got interesting,” he said when he’d calmed himself enough. “No more kissing, I promise. But…”

“But?” I rolled my eyes.
Here we go…

“But I can’t promise I won’t try to woo you in other ways.”

“Ever heard of sexual harassment?” It came out of my mouth before I had the chance to stop it, and I held my breath, hoping I didn’t just blow my chance at a job.

“You’re hired,” he declared with a grin. “Name your price, Cunningham, and you’ve got a deal.”

I blew out the breath I’d been holding and decided to take a risk. “I’m not cheap.”

His gaze lowered. “No, you’re not. You’re a fucking diamond.”

“Diamonds are worth two hundred thousand a year.”

He smiled, knowing exactly what I was doing. “Two hundred plus bonuses.”

“You’re way too easy, Gabe O’Connell.”

He inclined his head. “I know the value of a good team, Josie Cunningham. I want to be the best, so I need the best around me. Next to fighting, image is paramount in this business, and you know image like the back of your own hand. You’re going to be the shining jewel in my crown. That, I can promise you.”

“You’ve got a line for everything.” I snorted and rolled my eyes, which was fast becoming my default reaction to his cringeworthy moves. And shit, was he smooth like a baby’s butt cheek.

“Do you want to come and meet the team?” he asked, nodding toward the gym behind him.

“You’re keen,” I said. “I haven’t accepted your offer yet.”

His smile widened. “Oh, I think you already have. The terms are excellent.”

They were pretty darn good. I’d get to come home to Melbourne, would be paid almost twice as much as I had working of the Twins, and I’d hopefully be treated with the respect I craved. I’d be stupid not to take the job.

Who cared if it hurt Dean? He’d already broken the last part of my heart, so who the fuck cared? I was never going to find the love I’d wanted above all else in my life, so I had to close the door and move on. Love wasn’t in the books for me. I had to focus on myself and what I could control. My career.

“Let’s meet the team, then,” I said, smiling up at Gabe. “No time like the present.”

Gabe hooted and fist-pumped the air. “A woman who grabs life by the balls…
I like it
.”

“Just know I’ll rip yours off if you cross the line.”

Reaching down, he cupped his cock and pretended to wince. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Not insulted by the gesture in the least, I followed him through the gym toward the group of half-naked men at the back. It was his way of telling me I was already one of the boys, and it was everything I wanted…along with the pay packet.

Maybe this was going to be the start of something better. No heartache, no messy feelings, no split focus, no more pain…and most importantly, no Dean Hayes and Monica Miller.

May they choke on their own vomit.