Surprises According to Humphrey (7 page)

“I’m finished with the program. Yeah, I don’t take off for Spurling till summer.” She hesitated, then laughed. “Don’t worry. It’ll be a while before I’m performing surgery on people. Listen, I’ll call you later. Bye.”

She touched her ear again. Then she pulled a tiny piece of cauliflower out of her pocket. She walked to my cage and dropped the cauliflower between the bars.

“Here,” she said.

Without another word, she pushed the cart through the door, turned out the lights and was gone.

It took me a few seconds before I could squeak at all. “Og?” I said. “Did you see that? She can talk to the mother ship through her ear. And she’s taking off for Spurling. Ever hear of that planet?”

“BOING!” he answered, but it wasn’t much help.

Spurling had not been one of the planets on our bulletin board, but I remembered that Mrs. Brisbane had said there were other solar systems. Maybe this strange creature was from one that was FAR-FAR-FAR away.

But that wasn’t what made me feel shivery and quivery. “Did you hear her say she’ll be performing surgery on
people
?”

“BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og was clearly alarmed. So was I.

“Maybe that’s why she captured Aldo,” I said. My heart was pounding. “Some kind of experiment. Thank goodness she said it won’t be for a while.”

Og responded with a huge splash as he dove into his water.

I stared at the piece of cauliflower. It’s usually one of my favorite crunchy vegetables, but just to be on the safe side, I hid it down in the corner of my bedding, along with the alien carrot.

I was relieved to see that they didn’t glow in the dark.

It was unusually dark in the room that night, since the creature didn’t open the blinds the way Aldo always did. Surprisingly, I dozed off. But I didn’t have a very restful night because of my dream.

I’m sure most humans would be surprised to learn that I dream when I sleep. Humans seem surprised at everything I do. “Look, he’s spinning that wheel,” they’ll say. Or, “Ooh, he’s washing his face!” (That isn’t even accurate as I don’t exactly use soap and water.)

They’d be even more surprised at the things they
don’t
see me doing, like escaping from my cage and helping my friends solve their problems. Or writing in my notebook, which is something most hamsters don’t do.

But they’d be
flabbergasted
(now that’s a word for my dictionary) by my dreams.

Especially the one I had that night.

There I was, standing next to a spaceship that looked a lot like Aldo’s cleaning cart. It was parked in front of Longfellow School, and I was surrounded by creatures that looked exactly like green, glowing carrots!

“Take us to your leader,” one of them commanded me.

I was very confused because I couldn’t decide whether to take them to Mrs. Brisbane, who is certainly my leader in Room 26, or Principal Morales, who is the leader of all of Longfellow School.

The alien carrots moved in closer.

“Take us to your leader,” they began to chant. “Leader, leader, leader!”

“
Oobo trill,”
I said, remembering that those words meant “good-bye” in the movie I’d seen.

Then I took off running across the parking lot with the alien carrots following close on my heels.

“Og, help me!” I called out. “Oggy!”

Suddenly, I saw my green, googly-eyed friend gliding toward me, riding the top of his tank (the top-that-pops) like a skateboard.

“SCREEE!” he shouted.

I hopped on the back of the speeding top and we
zipped across the parking lot, leaving the space beings far behind.

When I woke up, I sleepily squeaked, “Thanks, Og,” before I dozed off again, and that time, I didn’t dream at all.

The next day, I was busy worrying about how it feels to be picked last for a team and about space aliens whisking Aldo off to the mother ship (wherever that was).

Somehow, I had to let people know what had happened to Aldo. His wife, Maria, would be worried, as well as his nephew, Richie, who was a student in Room 26. I watched Richie carefully in class, but he seemed just the same as ever. Maybe he didn’t know his uncle was missing yet. Still, on Thursday morning, I woke up with a Plan.

It’s very important to have a Plan when you want to accomplish something important, like saving a friend from beings from outer space.

I got my idea while watching my fellow classmates finish up the bulletin board. Mrs. Brisbane brought out a big pile of shiny cutout letters. She used them to spell out S-P-R-I-N-G. There were a lot of extra letters left over, neatly stacked on the floor right under the bulletin board.

When Mrs. Brisbane and the students left for lunch, I made my move.

“Og, I have an idea, but I don’t have time to explain it. Will you watch the clock for me?”

“BOING-BOING!” Og twanged.

If there was one thing that frog was good for, it was for keeping watch when I was out of my cage. More than once, he had warned me when I was running out of time.

I flung open the cage door (thank goodness for that lock-that-doesn’t-lock), glided across the table and slid down the leg.

Once I was on the floor, I had a clear shot between the desks and wasted no time in getting to the letters.

But once I was up close, I realized that they were MUCH-MUCH-MUCH bigger than I had expected. Probably five times bigger than I am, maybe more.

Still, when I have a Plan, I don’t let anything stand in my way.

“Watch the time, Oggy!” I called out.

Og assured me with a giant “BOING!”

I stared up at the tall stack of letters. This was going to be a test of strength…and a test of my spelling!

When I first had the idea, I’d thought of spelling out something like: Help! Aldo has been captured by space aliens!

But with such big letters and so little time, I quickly changed my plan of attack. First, I had to get the letters on the ground, so I backed up, then ran forward at top speed.

“Hee-yah!” I closed my eyes as I hit the stack of letters, sending them scattering in all directions.

“BOING!” warned Og.

I glanced up at the big clock. Og was right. I didn’t have a lot of time left, so I quickly went to work. Let me tell you, it’s not easy to read those tall letters when you’re a small hamster and they’re lying flat on the ground. I stood on my tippy toes so I could get a better look.

Luckily, there were several
A
’s to choose from. I picked a red one and pulled it out onto the floor. The
L
was a little more difficult. It was upside down, which means it looked like a
7
. I turned it around and dragged it to the spot next to the
A
. The
I
and
E
were easy.

“BOING-BOING!” Og twanged loudly.

Uh-oh. A glance at the clock told me time was passing a little faster than I expected. I turned back and searched for the next letter.

There were plenty of
Z
’s but no
N
’s in sight. I’m afraid it took me a while to realize that a
Z
turned on its side looks like an
N
. And vice versa.

A-L-I-E-N. Not quite right yet, I decided.

“BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og warned.

“Okay, Og. I’m almost finished!” I assured him.

One more letter to go. I didn’t want a
B
. A-L-I-E-N-B would be confusing. I didn’t want a
C
or a
V
or a
W
.

“BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!”

I didn’t dare look at the clock.

“Where are you?” I asked. Just then I saw it.

“Good old
S
,” I said, pulling the letter into place.

A-L-I-E-N-S.

It wasn’t a full explanation, but it was the best I could do.

“I’m coming back, Og!” I alerted my friend.

I raced across the floor, leaped up to grab the cord of the blinds and madly started it swinging.

“SCREEEEE!” That was Og’s most serious warning. As soon as I was almost level with the table, I let go of the cord and slid across the table, landing with a thud right next to my cage.

The door to Room 26 opened and I heard the familiar sounds of my friends chatting away as they came into the classroom.

“Take your seats,” Mrs. Brisbane told them.

I was at great risk of being discovered as I darted into my cage and pulled the door behind me. Luckily, no one was watching.

“Thanks, Oggy,” I told my neighbor. All I heard was splashing.

“What on earth…?” Mrs. Brisbane stared down at the letters on the floor. “Kirk, is this more of your work?”

“Huh?” It wasn’t one of Kirk’s funniest lines.

“Never mind,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “But remember, April Fools’ Day is over now.”

“I didn’t do it,” Kirk protested.

“LOOK-LOOK-LOOK!” I squeaked. No one noticed. I glanced at Richie. If only he understood that his uncle was in danger. “Richie, look!”

Richie paid no attention. He was busy scribbling in his notebook.

Mrs. Brisbane gathered the letters, stacked them up again and put them on her desk.

All that work for nothing! I was out of breath, out of luck and for once, out of ideas. So I did the only thing a small hamster can do: I took a nap. After all, I’d need to be alert if aliens from outer space invaded Room 26.

At the end of the day, Mrs. Brisbane asked, “Now, who will be taking Humphrey home this weekend?”

“Me!” a voice called out.

It was Heidi Hopper, of course.

Mrs. Brisbane shook her head. “You didn’t raise your hand, Heidi. I think maybe you need another week to work on that. Now, who else would like Humphrey?”

Several hands waved in the air. Through the months, I’d gone home at least once with all my fellow students and they all invited me back again.

“Garth, is it all right with your parents?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am. They signed the paper.” He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up. Mrs. Brisbane walked to his desk and looked at it.

“All right, then. Humphrey is going to the Tugwells’ house tomorrow,” she announced.

I felt sorry for Heidi, who looked so disappointed.

Garth, on the other hand, looked happy for the first time all week.

T
hat night, after dark, the being from outer space returned to clean Room 26. As nervous as I was about Aldo’s disappearance, I was glad that she’d said she couldn’t operate on anyone for a while. She wasn’t going to take off for the planet Spurling until summer, so I had a little time to save my friend.

Still, when she came up to my cage with a piece of broccoli, I just had to squeak up. “Release Aldo right away! And go back to where you came from.”

“Gee, you’re a feisty little thing,” she said.

That was a first. She was talking to
me
. “You’re so cute, I’d like to take you home with me.”

“BOING!” That was Og’s reaction.