Surprises According to Humphrey (6 page)

Then came time for recess.

While Mrs. Brisbane wrote word problems on the board, I spun on my wheel, knowing my friends were out exercising on the playground.

Suddenly, the door swung open and in walked Mrs. Wright, pulling Garth along with her. He looked very unhappy.

“Mrs. Brisbane, you’ll have to do something about this boy!” the P.E. teacher announced.

Mrs. Brisbane was truly surprised. “Garth? What happened?”

“You know our students are required to get a certain amount of physical activity at recess every day,” said Mrs. Wright. “But I found this young man hiding behind the building when he was supposed to be playing ball.
Strictly
against the rules.”

“Were you hiding, Garth?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

“Sort of,” he mumbled.

Mrs. Brisbane told Mrs. Wright that she’d take care of the situation.

“What will you do?” the P.E. teacher asked, fingering her whistle.

“That’s between Garth and me.” There was ice in Mrs. Brisbane’s voice. “Thank you, Mrs. Wright.”

Mrs. Wright left, thank goodness, and Mrs. Brisbane asked Garth to sit down. She sat down next to him.

“Why weren’t you playing ball with your friends?” she asked.

“Don’t have any,” said Garth. His face was squinched up like he was going to cry.

“Of course you do, Garth,” Mrs. Brisbane insisted. “You have lots of friends.”

Garth shook his head. “Not anymore.”

Mrs. Brisbane spoke very softly. “Please tell me what happened.”

“I’m lousy at softball, and when they choose up teams, I always get picked last.” Garth’s voice quavered. “Yesterday, A.J. was the team captain and got to pick his players and he picked me last, even though I’m his best friend. I mean, I
was
his best friend. He even picked Sayeh before me, and she’s not very good either. Then Tabitha told Seth they lost because of me. So I decided not to play anymore.”

He sniffled, and Mrs. Brisbane handed him a tissue.

“I’m sure that hurt a lot. It always hurt me when I got picked last. I wasn’t very good at sports,” she confided.

“But you’re a
girl,
” Garth told her. “Girls don’t have to be good.”

Mrs. Brisbane smiled a little. “I understand that Tabitha is the best player in the class, and she’s a girl.”

“Yeah, but still, it’s different being a boy.” Garth sighed. “A.J. would probably pick Humphrey ahead of me.”

Well, yes, he might. I’m very popular with my friends. I don’t know how to play softball, but I have to admit, I am good at hamster ball.

Garth and Mrs. Brisbane sat in silence for a while until I just couldn’t stand it any longer.

“I think A.J. was MEAN-MEAN-MEAN not to pick Garth,” I blurted out.

“It sounds like Humphrey has something to say on the subject,” said the teacher.

Garth didn’t even smile.

“Tell you what,” she continued. “You and A.J. bring your lunches in here today and we’ll talk.”

“He’ll think I told on him!” Garth protested.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t,” Mrs. Brisbane assured him. “But I can’t make him choose you first.”

“Even if he’d picked me third or fourth it would have been okay,” said Garth. “Just not
last.
”

Mrs. Brisbane glanced at the clock and said that recess was almost over. She asked him to feed Og some of his yucky crickets, something Garth likes to do.

I headed for my sleeping hut to think about what I’d just heard. I didn’t know a thing about softball. I’d never been chosen for a team, either. But I knew one thing:
I wouldn’t want to be picked last, especially by my best friend.

Lunchtime rolled around, and Mrs. Brisbane told Garth and A.J. to bring their lunches to the classroom. This was a surprising thing that had never happened before, like being in a hamster ball or having Aldo captured by aliens.

A.J. brought his lunch from home in a bright blue bag. Garth carried his in on a tray, and it smelled yummy. Mrs. Brisbane took a container of yogurt and a spoon out of her bag.

But no one, not even Mrs. Brisbane, ate a bite.

“A.J., Mrs. Wright said that you picked a very good softball team yesterday,” she began.

“Yes, ma’am,” said A.J. loudly.

“But she was surprised that you didn’t pick Garth until last.”

A.J. stared down at the untouched sandwich in front of him.

“I was surprised, too,” the teacher continued. “Since you’re such good friends.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said A.J. “It’s just, Garth’s not the best player. And I think when you’re choosing a team, you’ve got to pick the best players. Don’t you?”

“I suppose so,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “How do you feel about that, Garth?”

Garth squirmed in his chair. “It wouldn’t have hurt him to pick me. I ended up on the team anyway.”

“So it made you feel bad to be picked last?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

“Yes.” Garth looked miserable. So did A.J.

“Somebody’s got to be picked last,” said A.J. “The rest of the team would have been mad if I picked you before somebody like Richie or Kirk.”

“I never thought of that,” said Mrs. Brisbane, stirring the yogurt with her spoon.

“Well, now
I’m
mad, because it feels really awful to be picked last,” said Garth. His cheeks were flaming red.

“I guess it does,” Mrs. Brisbane agreed.

As far as I could see, the conversation was going nowhere. Back and forth, back and forth. Mrs. Brisbane agreed with both of them, but neither boy changed his mind. Not one bit.

“I imagine A.J. is sorry you felt bad,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “Right?”

“Well…sure.” A.J. didn’t sound totally convinced, but at least he agreed.

“And I’ll bet Garth realizes what a hard decision it was for you, A.J.,” she added. “Right, Garth?”

“Yeah…”

Garth sounded like he had more to say, but Mrs. Brisbane didn’t let him. “Good. Then you two can play ball together and be friends as well. After all, softball is only a game. It shouldn’t be important enough to break up a friendship. Agreed?”

The boys nodded. They didn’t have much choice.

Mrs. Brisbane wasn’t quite finished. “Then at the next recess, you’ll play ball, won’t you, Garth?”

Garth groaned. “I’ll just strike out and then everybody will be mad at me.”

“You don’t keep your eye on the ball,” A.J. blurted out.

“I do, too,” Garth snapped back. “I keep my eye on it as it sails past my bat.”

Mrs. Brisbane glanced at the clock. “Eat your lunches now. You’ve got to keep your strength up for the next game.”

She sounded very cheery, but Garth and A.J. looked about as un-cheery as two people could be. They ate their lunches in silence until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“For goodness’ sake, make up!” I squeaked.

Mrs. Brisbane craned her neck to look at me. “I didn’t know you were so interested in sports, Humphrey,” she said. The boys finally smiled a little.

I don’t know much about sports, but I do know about Garth and A.J. And if Mrs. Brisbane couldn’t get them to be friends again, I guess I’d have to.

It’s just that I didn’t have a single idea of how I’d do it.

L
ater that afternoon, when it was time for recess again, Mrs. Brisbane asked Garth to stay inside.

He looked pretty miserable, I guess because he thought he was in trouble again. But once the other students had left, Mrs. Brisbane told Garth he could read or erase the chalkboard for her or work on his homework.

“You’re not in trouble, Garth,” she explained. “I thought you’d like a break from recess, just for today.”

He clearly did, because that was the cleanest chalkboard I’ve ever seen.

Once school was out, I didn’t have much time to worry about Garth and A.J. I had creatures from outer space on my mind.

“Og, I’ve been thinking about that alien movie I saw at Seth’s house,” I told my neighbor. “They talked a funny language. Like they said
roka mata
instead of
hello
. And
oobo trill
instead of
good-bye
. They could understand each other, but no humans could understand them.”

“BOING!” Og sounded truly alarmed.

“I was thinking, that night Aldo talked so strangely, maybe he’d already been taken over by space aliens.”

“BOING-BOING!” Og replied.

“But the alien—or whoever she was—didn’t say a word last night. Maybe she will, if she comes back tonight.”

I was feeling shivery and quivery just thinking that a creature from another planet might return to Room 26.

The clock loudly ticked off the minutes as the room grew darker.

“It won’t be long now, Oggy,” I squeaked.

Og splashed around in the water. How I wish he could really talk so I could understand him!

Then I heard it: the SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAKING of the cleaning cart. My heart skipped a beat. Maybe Aldo would be back! I’d be so happy to see him, I wouldn’t care what came out of his mouth.

The lights came on and the cart rolled into the room. It took my eyes a few seconds to get used to the bright light. When they did, I saw who was pushing the cart. It was the creature from the night before, only this time she had a hood over her head. I couldn’t see if the device was attached to her ear or not.

As she went about her work, I wondered why space aliens would come to Earth to clean Room 26. And I wondered what this creature had done to Aldo. What was her evil plan? Just thinking about my missing friend made me angry. Suddenly, I wasn’t scared anymore.

“PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE tell us what you did with Aldo!” I demanded.

Either the aliens on the mother ship told her to ignore me or she didn’t hear me. She just kept on sweeping.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise—not exactly music, but not exactly a ringing either. It sounded like the music of another planet.

The mother ship was calling!

The alien cleaner tapped her ear. The music stopped.

“Hi. Yeah, it’s me. I’m cleaning.”

WHAT-WHAT-WHAT was going on? First she makes Aldo say things I don’t understand and now
she
speaks English.