The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear

INTRODUCTION

We’ve Come a Long Way (But We Still Have a Long Way to Go)

“A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far.”

—FANNIE HURST

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or most of the world’s existence, women have not enjoyed being respected properly, nor have they enjoyed their rightful place in society. Although much of that injustice has been corrected in the Western world, there are still many cultures in the world where women are terribly mistreated. This is tragic.

Women are a precious gift from God to the world. They are creative, sensitive, compassionate, intelligent, talented, and according to the Bible, equal to men.

God created man first—but quickly discovered he needed a helper. Not a slave, but a helper. He created a woman from one of Adam’s ribs and called her Eve. Note that Eve was taken from Adam’s side—from something close to his heart—not the bottom of his feet. Women were never intended to be walked on, disrespected, bullied, or belittled. Eve was created because Adam needed her. God said Adam was not complete without her. It’s the same today; men need women, and they need them to be more than a cook, housekeeper, sex partner, or baby-making machine.

Just to be sure that no one misunderstands my comment that Adam was not complete without Eve, let me state clearly that everyone does not have to be married to be complete. And, given that 43% of all first marriages end in divorce—and 60% of remarriages—it’s clear that marriage isn’t the be-all, end-all of a happy existence.
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While most people desire to get married and have a partner for life, God calls and especially enables many men and women to remain single all of their lives. Since this book is written especially to women, I want to say emphatically that as a woman you do not have to be married to enjoy your life and do great things. Just because most women get married, that does not mean something is wrong with you or is missing in your life if you don’t.

I believe that most women possess a sixth sense that God did not give to men. It’s often called women’s intuition, and it’s no myth. It’s the real deal. Here’s how it works: Men are usually very logical, while women tend to be more “feeling” oriented. For example, a male manager might look at a job candidate’s resume, job application, college GPA, and work history and be ready to hire him, based on the “facts.” However, this male manager’s female counterpart might be guided more by instinct, by “gut feel.” She might evaluate the same candidate and intuitively pick up on personality quirks or subtle-but-destructive attitudes that don’t show up on paper. This does not mean that women are innately better leaders than men or that their instincts are based on a special God-to-woman frequency that men aren’t tuned into. In fact, a woman’s emotions can also get her into trouble, and she frequently needs the left-brain logic of a man to help her see things clearly.

The point is that women and men need each other; they can complement one another—just like the male and female bosses in the example I’ve just given. Neither the man nor the woman saw the whole picture clearly or completely. That’s why men and women should work together, side by side in harmony, respecting one another as equals.

For the sake of order, God instructed that if a woman is married, she should be submissive to her husband. Now, I know that a lot of women don’t like that particular “s” word. But think of it this way: You can’t have two people driving a car at the same time, wrestling over the steering wheel and competing for the brake pedal. By necessity, one person has to occupy the driver’s seat. However, it was never God’s intention that women be dominated and made to feel as if their opinions were of no value. (After all, as my husband Dave will tell you, it’s great to have someone in the car who can sense when we’re lost—and isn’t too proud to stop and ask for directions!)

How Well Do You Know the World of Women?

A few recent nationwide surveys of women yield many intriguing revelations about women. Take the following True/False quiz to see how your experience and attitudes stack up with that of other women.

1. Most American women get adequate sleep every night.

2. Weekends are the only time women get a break from household responsibilities and chores.

3. Most remarriages don’t involve children.

4. Most moms say they spend more quality time with their kids than their own mothers spent with them when they were children.

5. The No.1 thing women wish they had more time for is exercise.

6. Most married women are satisfied with the amount of time they spend with their husbands.

7. Time for sex is the No. 1 thing women miss about married life before kids.

8. Most moms say their husbands are the kind of dads they thought they’d be.

9. Most moms say they—not their husbands—are the problem solvers in their families.

10. The vast majority of moms say they don’t have enough time for themselves.

Answers to “How Well Do You Know the World of Women?”

1. False. Only 15% of women get at least 8 hours of sleep a night.
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2. False. Half of today’s women spend their weekends doing chores and attending to other household responsibilities.
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3. False. 65% of remarriages involve children from previous marriages.
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4. True. 70% of moms say they spend more time with their kids than their own moms did.
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5. False. 69% of moms wish they had more time to enjoy fun activities with their kids. Exercise was a close second—at 67%.
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6. False. 79% of women want more time with their husbands.
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7. False. Today’s moms miss time in bed with their husbands, but many more of them miss sleeping in (69%) than sex (22%).
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8. True. 56% of moms say their husbands are the dads they envisioned—although they confess that’s not always a positive thing. On the other hand, some of the 44% who gave the opposite answer note that their husbands have exceeded their dad-ly expectations.
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9. True. This answer might shock some men, but 60% of moms say they are the family problem-solvers.
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10. True. An overwhelming 90% of today’s moms yearn for more self-time.

Due to years of abuse and a wrong worldview toward women, many of us have lost the confidence God wants us to enjoy. Our society has an epidemic of insecure people in it. This problem causes great difficulty in relationships and is one of the reasons divorce is so prevalent today.

Ask 21st-century women, “How do you feel about yourself?” and many will confess, “I hate myself.”

Ask 21st-century women, “How do you feel about yourself?” and many will confess, “I hate myself.” Or, perhaps their opinion of themselves is not that severe, but they will admit they really don’t like themselves. Three factors contribute to this negative attitude.

1. A long history of men’s mistreatment of women has left many of us with vague feelings that we are somehow “less” than men. Less valuable. Less worthy.

2. Our world has created a false, unrealistic image of what women are supposed to look like and act like. But the truth is that every woman was not created by God to be skinny, with a flawless complexion and long flowing hair. Not every woman was intended to juggle a career as well as all of the other duties of being a wife, mother, citizen, and daughter. Single women should not be made to feel they are missing something because they are not married. Married women should not be made to feel they must have a career to be complete. If they choose to, that is wonderful, but we must have the freedom to be our individual selves.

3. Many women hate themselves and have no self-confidence because they have been abused, rejected, abandoned, or in some way damaged emotionally. Women need to experience a revival of knowing their infinite worth and value. I hope to help initiate just such a revival through this book.

During my childhood, I endured many years of sexual abuse. The abuse profoundly affected my confidence and the image I carried inside of myself. Inwardly I was very fearful, but outwardly I presented myself as a tough, bold person who couldn’t care less what others thought of her. I created a “pretend me” so no one would discover the “real me.” I was filled with shame and condemnation over something a man had done to me, and I must confess that for many years I held a rather low opinion of men as a result.

Today, however, I believe I am a well-balanced woman. I have a wonderful husband and four grown children. I am the president and founder of a worldwide media ministry that is helping millions of people find salvation through Jesus Christ, as well as freedom and wholeness in their lives. My husband, children, and I all work together in the ministry.

I have learned a lot on my journey about what “true confidence” is, and it will be my great delight to share with you anything I know that can help you be the woman God intends you to be. His desire is that you be bold, courageous, confident, respected, admired, promoted, sought after, and, most of all, loved.

God has a wonderful plan for your life, and I pray that reading this book will help you enter it more fully than ever before. You can hold your head up high and be filled with confidence about yourself and your future. You can be bold and step out to do new things—even things no man or woman has ever done before. You have what it takes!