Surrender in Silk (12 page)

Humiliation stung in her throat and behind her eyes. She blinked to hold back the tears. “Yeah, right.” She started to twist her arm, not caring if it hurt. She had to get away before she did something stupid, like cry.

“Dammit, Jamie, what can I say to convince you?”

“Nothing.”

“I guess you’re right about that.”

He slipped his hand down until it covered hers, brought her palm to his belly and slid it lower. He moved so quickly, she didn’t have time to figure out what was going on until she felt the soft fabric of his sweatpants and the hard ridge of his maleness underneath. Her breath caught. Slowly she raised her gaze to his.

“That’s right,” he said, his voice a low grumble. “You’re woman enough to turn me on. You’ve always had that power.”

The fire brightened in his eyes. She could feel the heat.

Some of it came from him, but most of it flared to life inside her body. Blood flowed rapidly, causing her breasts to swell and her thighs to ache. She swayed slightly.

She remembered the last time she’d touched him intimately. Seven years ago. He’d broken her heart. If they were intimate again, she wouldn’t get off so lightly. This time she
would
be destroyed.

“Jamie,” he whispered, and drew his hands up to her shoulders. She placed her fingers on his narrow waist.

The price didn’t matter. She hadn’t been able to resist him then and she still couldn’t resist him. It wasn’t even about the desire she felt boiling inside of her. The need to be with him came from a much more dangerous source.

Love. She loved him. And in loving him, she could deny him nothing. It didn’t matter that this was just temporary, or that it would mean the world to her and little more than relief to him. For this hour, this afternoon, these few days, however long it lasted, she needed to be with him. Really with him.

He lowered his head. The slow, deliberate movement warned her of his intentions. If she’d planned to run, now was the time. But she didn’t. Instead, she lifted her head toward his.

Their mouths touched. She’d relived their kisses a thousand times before. She knew what he would feel like, even after all this time. But he surprised her. Instead of overwhelming her with hard, hot desire, he kissed her gently. His lips barely brushed against hers. A sweet, almost reverent touch. As if they were innocent and this was the first time for both of them. As if the moment were meant to last a lifetime.

Her eyes drifted closed. She didn’t want to see anything; she just wanted to feel. His body was close to hers. They shared heat. Her heart rate increased—or was it his? It didn’t matter. Soon they would be one, with a shared experience to keep them connected always. His mouth clung to hers, lightly, like the brush of a feather. He exhaled her name and cupped her face as if afraid she would move away.

She wanted to tell him she would stay for as long as he wanted her, but she didn’t have the power of speech. All she could do was feel his mouth on hers and know that she’d finally found what she was looking for. All the time she’d spent searching and the answer was right in front of her. Zach was her solution. She should have known.

He didn’t try to deepen the kiss. Instead, he kept brushing back and forth, so soft, so tender. As her body trembled, she clung to him. He was the strong and solid part of her world. The long fingers holding her face slipped against her skin in the lightest caress. As if she were fragile. As if she mattered.

He tilted her head toward him and kissed her forehead, then her nose and her cheeks. He returned his attention to her mouth and stroked his tongue against her bottom lip. Sensation shot through her, like lightning across a summer night sky. It burned through to the bottoms of her feet and the bottom of her heart.

She opened for him. Instead of slipping inside, he nibbled on her lips, teasing her, making her want him more. When she couldn’t stand it another minute, she pushed her tongue forward until she reached his mouth. He parted and she slipped inside.

He tasted of passionate madness, of promise. He tasted as tempting as she remembered. They touched, tip to tip. They circled together. When she retreated, he followed her.

It was a kiss of reunited lovers. Her body recalled the ecstasy he’d brought her before and began to ache in anticipation. Memories returned, as tangled as the sheets on their bed so many years ago. Past and present merged, making her willing to brave the certain heartache that would follow.

His tongue explored her mouth, discovering points of pleasure. She sighed and returned the heated caresses.

He slipped his hands into her hair and tugged on the pins holding it in place. She felt it tumble over her shoulders. He buried his fingers in the long strands.

“I’m glad you grew your hair,” he whispered against her mouth.

“I thought you’d hate it.”

“Why?”

They were standing pressed against each other. Her breasts flattened against his chest; their thighs brushed. His hands
were in her hair; hers clutched at his waist. How could they be this intimate and still have a rational conversation? She was having trouble coming up with complete sentences, although he seemed to be doing fine.

She felt a flush stain her cheeks, but she tried to ignore it. “You’re the one who wanted me to cut it in the first place.”

“For safety reasons,” he said. “You grew it back when you were an experienced agent.”

She risked glancing up at him. A faint smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “As simple as that?” she asked.

“You make things too complicated.”

He bent down and kissed her neck. The moist heat of his mouth made her knees buckle. She clung to him. He moved lower, nibbling at the curve of her shoulders, then lower still, licking a line down to the V of her blouse.

Her breasts swelled in anticipation. She wanted him to touch her there. He seemed content to taste her exposed flesh.

When he returned his attention to her neck, she arched her head back, accepting his homage.

She drew her hands up his chest. His sweatshirt was old and faded. Through it she could feel the contours of his chest. He was thinner than he’d been seven years before, but she could still feel the strength of him, the ripple of his muscles under her touch. She moved slowly, massaging first up, then down, trying to lure him into a sensual trap.

He raised his head and stared at her. The fire burned out of control. “Tell me you’ve missed me, missed this,” he coaxed.

She raised herself on tiptoes, then leaned close and pressed her mouth against his throat. She could feel the rapid thundering of his heart and the prickling stubble under his chin.

“You know I have.”

He groaned when she sucked on his hot skin. “Yeah, me too.”

It was as close to a confession of affection as she was likely
to get. She raised her hands and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down so she could kiss him. His mouth angled on hers. This time he took her as she remembered. Hard, hot and deep. Sexual desire exploded between them, loosening her fragile grip on sanity. She needed him; she wanted him. At last he was here.

He raised his head and stared at her. “What are you thinking?”

“About how much I want you.”

“I’ve got you beat on that one.” He touched her lips, then swiped his thumb across her mouth. She bit the sensitive pad.

His pupils dilated.

“Damn you,” he murmured, but it was a benediction, not a curse.

He reached behind him and pulled her arms free from around his neck, then he knelt in front of her. Large hands cupped her slender hips. He buried his face into the fabric of her skirt.

“Don’t doubt, Jamie. Anything but that,” he said, then reached for the zipper on her skirt. As he pulled down the metal fastening, the material slipped over her hips and sank to the floor. “You’re beautifully feminine. Soft and yielding—like silk.”

Her panties were cotton, high cut on the thighs, but more sensible than seductive. Zach didn’t seem to mind. He pressed his mouth against her flat stomach. She had to clutch his shoulders to keep her balance. His hair tickled the back of her hands. The dark, silky strands invited a caress. Even as her legs were trembling, she risked falling and freed one hand to stroke his head.

His breath was hot through the thin cotton. One of his arms wrapped around her thighs, and one hand traveled the length of her legs as if rediscovering something once familiar. He found a scar about the size of a half dollar.

“This is new,” he said.

“Bullet wound.”

“I thought I taught you to be more careful than that.”

“You did. I was just—Ah!”

His mouth closed over her most feminine place. Through the fabric of her panties, he bit down gently, raising her level of arousal to an unbearable pitch. He worked his teeth back and forth, grating deliciously, forcing her to focus all her attention on staying upright.

“Zach, I can’t stand much more of this.”

He stopped, and she had to hold back a whimper.

He stood up, then reached for the first button on her shirt. His large fingers worked quickly, as if a woman’s clothing wasn’t a mystery to him. It probably wasn’t, but she didn’t want to think about that. And when he pulled off her shirt and stared at her breasts, she found she didn’t really care.

Her bra was as sensible as her panties. White cotton, underwire. Her breasts were average. Nice, but not her best feature. She wasn’t sure she had a best feature. Zach apparently didn’t agree.

He touched her gently, through her bra, cupping her breasts as if they were magical and precious. Lean fingers supported the curves while his thumb moved back and forth over her already erect nipples. The pleasure was too exquisite to be borne.

He dropped his hands to her behind and drew her hard against him. His arousal pressed into her belly. She ground her hips, trying to get closer still. They were both breathing heavily.

“Zach, please,” she murmured.

“Yes,” he said, his voice hoarse. “But not here.”

He cupped her behind. She gave a little jump and wrapped her legs around his hips. In his weakened condition, she was probably too heavy for him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight. She clutched his neck.

Their mouths met in a kiss that drove the air from their lungs and filled every cell with the need to make love. She was shaking and ready to be with him, under him. She needed his body to join with hers. She needed him to be a part of her.

He moved slowly into the larger bedroom, then settled on the edge of the king-size mattress. She spread her legs so she straddled him. Their gazes locked. She brought her fingers up to touch his face. Stubble rasped against her skin. Her mouth parted, and she traced the outline of his lips. A shudder ripped through him.

Every part of their joining felt right. This was where she belonged. With Zach.

Always with Zach.

J
amie dropped her hands to Zach’s shoulders, then tugged on his sweatshirt. “Let’s see what you’ve got, sailor.”

“You’ve seen it before.”

“I know. That’s why I want to see it again.”

He grinned briefly, then pulled the sweatshirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. He stretched back on the bed, placing his hands on her hips and adjusting her so the apex of her thighs covered him. She shifted, teasing them both with a shimmer of pleasure, then turned her attention to his chest.

He was as beautiful as she remembered. Thinner, but still strong. She leaned over him and placed her hands on his shoulders. His skin was naturally darker than hers, a dusky color that tanned instantly. A pattern of hair, wide at the top, then narrowing to his waistband, emphasized the rippling outline of his muscles.

She traced a line down the center of his chest, then paused. Something wasn’t right. Something had changed from the last time she’d seen him undressed. It took her a moment to figure
it out, and when she did, once again she had to fight back the tears.

Dark smudges coiled across his chest and belly like snakes on the move. She touched one and frowned. What on earth had caused this?

He placed his hand over hers and squeezed her fingers. “The bruises,” he said simply.

Realization dawned. The bruises from the chains went so deep, it had taken weeks for them to fade. Even now they weren’t completely gone. She leaned forward and pressed her mouth against a mark just below his left nipple. His skin was hot and sweet. She found another bruise and kissed it, then another, as if her touch were enough to erase the hurt he’d endured.

He reached for her, slipping his fingers through her hair and bringing her face to his. Their lips brushed together. She opened for him, and he ravished her, plunging in as if he’d been lost a lifetime and she was his only way back. The intimate caress shot need and desire through her body. She clung to him to keep her sanity.

Strong arms encircled her shoulders. He shifted, and she rolled onto her back. They sprawled width-wise across the bed. One of his thighs nestled intimately between her legs, and a hand lay on her belly between her panties and her bra. His mouth continued to tease her. She inhaled the scent of him, savored the taste. She didn’t want this moment to stop, even though she knew the truth.

There was a better-than-even chance Zach was doing this because he felt sorry for her. She’d claimed not to know how to be female, so he was fixing the problem the only way he knew how. By proving she was a desirable woman. The sweet gesture made her love him more. Perhaps she should question his motivation, but for now it was enough to be in his arms again.

He slipped one hand under her back and unfastened her
bra. She pulled the undergarment down her arms and let it fall off the side of the bed. He gazed at her breasts for a few seconds, then lowered his head and took a nipple in his mouth.

Jamie forgot to worry about why Zach was doing this. She forgot to think, even to breathe. She could only feel.

He drew the tight point in deeper. The moist heat and the flicking of his tongue made her want to scream. She writhed against him, rotating her hips, clutching at his arms. Pleasure raced through her, ricocheting down to her thighs, to her feet and hands, making every part of her tingle.

He reached up and cupped her other breast, holding it delicately, tracing the soft skin. Long fingers stroked the underside, then moved to the taut peak and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger.

The combination of sensations was more than she could stand. She was forced to gasp for air. Every part of her was on fire. She couldn’t imagine wanting him to ever stop. Better for them to stay this way always—she would die in ultimate pleasure.

A soft giggle escaped her lips.

He raised his head. “And here I thought I was doing it right.” His eyes were dark with passion, his mouth moist from their kisses.

She brushed the backs of her fingers against the side of his face. “I was thinking that I don’t want you to stop, ever. In a hundred years, they’ll find our bones on this bed. Whatever will the archaeologists think?”

“That it’s not a bad way to go. If they find your picture, they’ll be jealous as hell.”

Her throat closed with emotion. Just when she least expected it, he said the perfect thing. She tried to give him a smile, but her lips trembled too much. He kissed her briefly, then returned his attention to her breasts, shifting slightly so he could switch sides. Heat began to spiral inside her. If only
they could spend the rest of their lives like this. No questions or decisions, only bringing each other pleasure.

He suckled on her breast until everything else was forgotten, then he moved lower, nibbling a damp path to her belly button. Once there, he pushed down her panties and drew them off her legs.

He knelt between her thighs and stared at her body. “You’re incredible.” He ran his palms up her thighs, kneading the muscles there. “Did you really carry me the two miles to the jeep?”

“No. I carried you a mile and a half. Rick met me and carried you the rest of the way.”

“I was deadweight and I outweighed you by about twenty pounds.”

She shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious. “There really wasn’t any alternative. I figured if I tried to steal one of their jeeps, they would notice. If it makes you feel any better, I cursed you the whole way.”

“I’ll just bet you did. What did you say?”

It was hard to concentrate on his words when his hands continued to move up and down her legs. On the upstroke, his thumbs swept tantalizingly close to the place that would bring her pleasure. She wanted to part her thighs and beg him to take her. But she was enjoying their conversation too much.

Their lovemaking was different this time. More relaxed and playful. Was it age that had mellowed them, or the familiarity of the rite? She decided it didn’t matter. This was the Zach she loved, and she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

“I reminded you that if you’d had your way, I wouldn’t have ever been in the agency and then no one would have come after you to save your sorry hide,” she said.

His hands stilled. His fingers rested on her knees. “You’re right. And then when I saw you for the first time, I didn’t even have the courtesy to thank you, did I?”

She shook her head. “You told me to get the hell out of your hospital room.”

His mouth twisted down. “Sometimes I can be a jerk.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Thank you for believing that I was still alive and for coming back to get me.”

At that moment, with her lying naked to his gaze and their bodies about to join in the most intimate way possible, she wanted to tell him that she loved him.

She didn’t.

Regardless of their physical intimacy, he wouldn’t want to be burdened with the workings of her heart. Instead, she chose a safer route.

“Thank you for not dying.”

“My pleasure.”

He lowered himself onto the bed. She spread her legs and closed her eyes in anticipation. Gently he touched a single finger to her most secret place, dipping it into the waiting heat, circling, then moving higher to that tiny point of ecstasy.

Her reaction was instantaneous and electric. Intense pleasure swept through her. Her hips tilted toward him, she drew her knees up, her fingers clutched at the comforter. She rocked her head from side to side and begged him not to stop.

“Not so fast,” he murmured. “I want to take my time.”

“I’ll die.”

He chuckled. She felt his warm breath fan her thighs. He shifted, reached for her and parted the protective folds, exposing her to his gaze. She didn’t care. The sensation he brought was so intense, he could do anything he wanted. She would never complain, never protest, never—

He touched her with his tongue. She half rose into a sitting position, then sank back on the bed and groaned. He tasted her, licking her gently, as if rediscovering a favorite treat. She breathed his name.

He touched her again, flicking against her over and over in
a rhythm designed to make her his slave. She still remembered the first time Zach had touched her that way. She’d been shocked at the intimacy and uncomfortable with the concept. Until he’d actually brought her to release that way. The experience had been so intense, she’d been afraid she would faint, or scream, or both.

Now she sank into the sensual sensations, giving up control and free will to his mastery.

Muscles tensed in anticipation of her release. His tongue continued to move lightly, quickly, taking her past reason. One finger slipped inside of her. He circled around the sensitive opening, those movements a delicious counterpoint to what he was doing with his tongue.

She tried to open her eyes but couldn’t. She tried to speak his name, but her body failed her. Every cell focused on the unbearable sensation. Tension built. Her muscles clenched tightly; her breathing came in short gasps. She could see the release. Behind closed lids, the colors of the world appeared to her. So close, so close.

He stopped moving. For a second, her body hung suspended, then gently sank back to earth. Muscles relaxed, breathing slowed. The momentum was lost, control taken from her.

She laughed, the sound husky. “You’re determined to make me suffer, aren’t you?”

“Just playing.”

She knew about his games. They left her weak and satisfied to her bones. She willed herself to ease into nothingness and let him have his way.

At first she barely felt his tongue on her. The light touch was more of a whisper than actual contact. She forced herself to stay calm, to ignore the insistent need to rush forward toward her climax. As his movements quickened, she consciously held back, letting him pull her along rather than pushing to the finish.

In less than a minute, he had her quivering on the brink again. The finger circling her plunged inside, mimicking the act of love. She arched against him. Once again he stopped, but this time just for a heartbeat. She hung, suspended over a bottomless pit. He stroked her once with his tongue, then drew her into his mouth.

She exploded into a thousand perfect pieces. Satisfaction filled every pore. Wave after wave surged through her until she thought she might never stop experiencing the joy of being with him again.

Slowly she returned to awareness. Zach’s head lay on her thigh. His finger continued to slip in and out of her, making her shudder with lingering delight.

She touched his hair, letting the silky strands tease her fingertips. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“My pleasure.”

“Not exactly.”

He glanced at her. Fire still burned in his dark irises. “Yeah, it was.” He pressed a kiss on her flat stomach, then sat up.

She shifted on the bed to give him more room. He stood up and pulled off his sweatpants and briefs. His maleness was hard and ready. She stared at him, feeling the desire build again. She wanted him inside of her.

But instead of joining her, he bent over the nightstand and started to dig through the top drawer.

“What are you looking for?” she asked.

“What do you think? I hope I didn’t throw them out.”

Protection. She’d forgotten.

He pulled out a box that looked vaguely familiar. “How old are those?” she asked.

He frowned. “Old. They’re from the last time you and I…” His voice trailed off, and he looked uncomfortable, as if he’d confessed something he’d meant to keep to himself.

Jamie sat up and reached for his arm. She tugged him down
on the bed and kissed him. Her heart swelled with gladness. He hadn’t had anyone at the cabin since her. Oh, he’d been with other women, but none of that mattered. He hadn’t brought one
here
. This was their refuge. She hadn’t been wrong to keep believing in him.

She broke the kiss. “Don’t go anywhere,” she said, and slipped off the bed.

She walked to her room and rooted around in her suitcase. The condoms were in the corner. When she returned with them, Zach raised his eyebrows.

“You always did plan ahead.”

Color heated her cheeks. “These weren’t for you,” she said as she handed him the box.

“Then for who?”

“No one. Rick gave them to me as a going-away present. They were meant as a joke.”

He opened the box and pulled out one of the flat packages. “I always liked Rick’s sense of humor.” He tugged on her hand, then pulled her down next to him. “Where were we?”

He kissed her thoroughly, cupped her breasts in his hands and teased the nipples into hard peaks. When desire filled her again, he put on his protection and knelt between her thighs.

He didn’t enter her right away. Instead, he brushed the hair from her face and stared at her. “Don’t doubt yourself,” he said. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. The outside trappings don’t matter. It’s what’s here.” He touched her head. “And here.” He placed his hand above her left breast. “And here.” He pushed into her.

She wanted to reply, but for a moment, all she could do was feel him slowly moving inside of her. It had been a long time, and her body was tight. He groaned low in his throat. She raised her hips, urging him forward, and he slid home.

Once there, he braced his weight on his elbows and kissed her. “No more worry about not being a woman, okay?”

She slipped her arms around to his back and stroked his
skin. She could feel his muscles rippling under her questing fingers. “I’m not just a woman. I’m a warrior.”

He flexed inside of her. “Don’t say that,” he gasped as he withdrew and plunged in again.

“Why?”

The muscles in his neck and face tightened. “Because we’re making love and I’m inside of you. This isn’t the time to tell me I’m doing it with a warrior.”

She laughed.

He moaned. “That feels great. Laugh again.”

She giggled. “I can’t laugh on command.”

He continued to move in and out of her. “Sure you can. These two guys walk into a bar.”

She touched his face, and he glanced down at her. “What?”

“I don’t remember laughing before. Thank you.”