Surrender in Silk (15 page)

Zach tried to appear sympathetic, but he couldn’t help chuckling. “They served you your friend.”

“Exactly.” She shuddered. “I haven’t had goat since.”

“Try two weeks in the desert with no supplies. Goat would have looked pretty good.”

She reached for her glass. They’d ordered wine with dinner. “Where was that?”

“Africa.”

“James Bond makes it look so easy,” she said. “Fancy technology, close escapes, great clothes. In the movies, no one mentions how bad you smell after living with livestock or camping in the desert.”

“Agreed. But I still like James Bond.”

She leaned back in her chair and grinned. “Me, too. Okay—longest assignment and where?”

“Eight months, South America.”

She stuck her tongue out. “Mine was a year.”

He cut off a piece of steak. “Yeah, but where?”

“Berlin.”

“There’s a hardship. Living in a house, having access to electricity and stores. Boy, Jamie, what a rough life.”

“It was hard,” she said, sounding faintly indignant, although it was difficult to take her seriously as she licked the salt from the fries off her fingers. “I had to learn German. I did okay, but my accent was very shaky.”

“Strangest escape,” he said.

She thought for a second. “Pretending to be a sheepherder in the Ukraine.”

“Air balloon from China to India.”

“Oh, I guess you win that one.”

They continued to play the game, comparing assignments without sharing details. They were both too good to let secrets slip out, even with each other. It was an odd way to pass the evening, but he enjoyed it. He hadn’t ever shared much about his work. Jamie was different from any woman he’d ever known.

His experience with the opposite sex was limited to brief encounters. He’d had his share of lovers, although none of them had stayed long enough for him to get used to them. As a rule, he preferred those who didn’t demand much. He liked being able to walk away without leaving anything of himself behind. Someone easily bought off with an expensive bauble.

Jamie wasn’t like that. She expected more. With her he was often tempted to share all of it, even though he knew the danger. With her he wanted to believe it was possible even though it wasn’t.

She looked up at him. “Zach, when did you find the Bronco battery?”

“A couple of days ago.”

“Before we—” She cleared her throat.

“Yeah, before.” Before they had become lovers. Before she’d tempted him with the silky heat of her body.

“Why didn’t you leave?”

He didn’t have an honest answer for that. Not one he was willing to share. He hadn’t been ready to go. He knew this time when he left her, it was forever. She’d forgiven him once—he wasn’t going to get a second chance.

“We had a deal,” he said lightly. “I have to be able to run to the highway and back.”

She didn’t look as if she believed him. For a moment, he thought she might pursue the question, then she let it go.

She’d once asked him if he had regrets. He had one. Her. But he wasn’t sure if he regretted having her in his life or having to let her go.

J
amie jogged in place at the stoplight. It was a perfect spring morning in Denver, the kind of day that made tourists think about permanently moving to a place. A few white, puffy clouds added contrast to the brilliant blue sky. The mountain peaks were still snowcapped, but the city was lush and green with budding trees and new grass.

It was barely after eight in the morning, and her breath formed small clouds as she breathed. Around her, businesspeople in suits hurried to their offices, their expressions intense, their strides inhibited by dress shoes. For once Jamie didn’t mind being dressed differently. Although she often thought about trying to look like everyone else, right now she didn’t want to be anywhere else. She was happy in shorts and a sweatshirt, no makeup and her long hair tied back in a ponytail. She fit in right where she was—at Zach’s side.

“You’re breathing pretty hard, Jones,” she teased.

He wiped sweat from his brow and grinned. “Don’t worry about me, Sanders. I can keep up.”

The light turned green, and they started across the street. Jamie set their pace. She kept them at a slow jog, knowing Zach wasn’t up to a hundred percent yet. Every step was a fight because she wanted to race around, running hard and fast with the sheer joy of being alive. She’d been happy before; she’d even felt joy. But she’d never experienced this soul-healing sense of being one with the universe, of knowing that it was all going to work out.

She turned and jogged backward. “Thanks for suggesting we come here,” she said. “I love this city.”

He shrugged. “It’s pretty nice. I usually avoid people when I’m at the cabin, but I’ve never spent more than a couple of weeks there at a time. All that solitude starts to play with my mind.”

“So you were suffering from cabin fever, too?”

His gaze met hers. Something wild and passionate surged to life. She felt the heat clear down to her toes.

“Oh, yeah,” he said.

She flushed and faced front again, so he wouldn’t see. Cabin fever brought on by her presence? She hoped so. She would like to think that she got to him.

After all, he got to her in a big way.

As they dodged pedestrian traffic, she thought about last night. They’d laughed about their time with the agency, something that didn’t happen very often. By an unspoken agreement, they’d only shared the funny times. Then they’d returned to bed.

They hadn’t made love. Instead, Zach had held her long into the night. He’d stroked her hair and whispered her name in the darkness. In a way, it had been more intimate than any physical joining. She’d known that time was specifically about her, and not because he had an itch that wanted scratching. She’d also liked that he was comfortable enough not to have to perform. She wanted their relationship to be about more than sex. She wanted to get him to see the possibilities.

She glanced ahead at another signal. “Think we can make it before it turns red?” she asked.

“Sure.”

“Great.” She sprinted to the curb, quickly checked traffic, then darted into the street. When she reached the other side, she was alone. Zach stood on the corner with his hands on his thighs. He was breathing heavily.

After the light turned green again, he started across at a slow jog. “Why don’t you go on ahead?” he said when they were together again. “I don’t have my speed back.”

“I don’t mind.” She jogged around him once, then slowed her pace to his. “I can think of this as my good deed for the day. Helping the elderly across streets and the like.”

He gave her a mock growl. “Thirty-seven isn’t elderly. I have the soul of a teenager.”

She grinned. “Other parts are pretty young, too.”

He raised his eyebrows. They both laughed.

Jamie stayed at his side. Zach was seven years older than her, and he’d been in the agency seven years before she’d joined. That meant fourteen years in the field, altogether. A lifetime. No wonder he didn’t do well in the real world. If she could barely remember what it was like to be a regular person, to him it was probably just a half-remembered dream. Could she change that or was she wishing for the moon?

They turned right at the corner and spotted the hotel a few blocks up. By mutual agreement, they slowed to a walk to start their cool down.

“You did great,” she said.

“It’s getting better.” He wiped the sweat from his face. “At least here the terrain is level. At the cabin, I can’t get away from uphill running.”

“I know. But think of the great workout.”

He shook his head. “I prefer this, thanks.”

She thought about him running in the woods. Every day she watched him go away, then come back. She wanted to
believe it would always be like that. Sometimes he would have to leave her, but later he would return. Was that possible, or would he one day just keep going? After all, they had a deal.

She shook her head to banish the question. She didn’t want to spoil their time together. It was enough that they were here and having fun. She wouldn’t deal with the “what ifs” until she had to.

When they reached the front of the hotel, they stretched their aching muscles.

“How do you feel?” Jamie asked.

“Not bad.” He tugged on the end of her ponytail. “What do you want to do with the rest of our day?”

Make love. For a second, she wasn’t sure if she’d just thought the words or actually said them. Zach continued to look at her inquiringly, so she figured she’d only thought them. Fighting a sudden burst of shyness, she could only duck her head and say, “I’m not familiar with the city. What would you like to do?”

He draped his arm around her shoulders and ushered her into the hotel. “I was thinking about a visit to the zoo. How does that sound?”

“I haven’t been to a zoo since I was kid. It sounds great.”

Zach stared at the pacing leopard. Unlike some zoos he’d seen in the past, the Denver zoo emphasized natural habitats. The animal had the feel of being in the wild, although it knew it was confined. The illusion of freedom was something Zach understood. In an odd way, he’d come to pay his respects to those most like him—the caged beasts.

“They’re so beautiful,” Jamie said, leaning against the railing. “Seeing large cats on television is impressive enough, but that doesn’t give you any sense of their strength. Even from this distance, I can see his shoulder muscles bunching
and releasing with each step. He could rip a person apart with a casual blow.”

“Then eat you from the inside out,” Zach said.

Jamie glanced at him. “Thanks so much for the share. That’s a cheerful thought I want to carry with me.”

He tapped the end of her nose. “Don’t worry. You wouldn’t be his first choice. Meat eaters prefer to dine on plant eaters.”

Her dark blond eyebrows drew together. “How’d you know that?”

“I’m a repository for useless bits of trivia.”

“All right, answer me this. Are black leopards solid black?”

He turned his attention back to the pacing animal. It moved through the shadows of several rocks. “No. Watch when it comes out into the sun. You’ll be able to see that black leopards are spotted like their lighter cousins. They also have the same squared nose and wide head. With that information, we’ve exhausted everything I know about leopards.”

“It’s more than me,” she said, and leaned against him.

He wrapped his arms around her. She wore an oversize sweater and tight jeans. He rested one hand on her hip and buried the other in her loose hair.

“What do you suppose they think about?” she asked.

“Getting out. But if they’ve spent their whole lives in a cage, they wouldn’t know what to do with their freedom.”

Other people liked different animals at the zoo. The birds, or maybe the primates. Not Zach. The cats had always reminded him of himself. He knew exactly how they felt as they paced back and forth. His cage was larger, and he couldn’t always see the bars, but it was still there.

He was a prisoner of the life he’d chosen, a prisoner of his past. He wasn’t free to come and go like everyone else.

Jamie placed her hand flat on his chest. Desire flickered
through him. He liked being around her. She reminded him he was alive and could still experience physical need.

“There’s something familiar about that animal,” she said, and frowned. “I just can’t quite figure it out.” She stared for a couple of seconds, then snapped her fingers. “I know. It’s you. You pace the cabin just like that.”

“You’re right,” he said, surprised that she got it. “We’re both trapped. I can’t come out, neither can he. We’d both be too dangerous to let loose.”

Jamie glanced up at him. Her hazel eyes had a greenish tint that made her look faintly exotic. Her mouth twitched, then she started to laugh.

“Gee, Zach, could you be more melodramatic? I mean, I’m sure that line works great on the bimbos you normally go out with, but you’re going to have to do better with me. ‘We’re both too dangerous to let loose,’” she said, mocking him sotto voce. “Get over it. You’re a spy, not an assassin. We’ve both done some dangerous and scary things, but we haven’t been brainwashed into behaving like monsters. You make it so complicated.”

His first instinct was to get angry with her. It faded in the light of the obvious affection shining from her face. She cared for him. He knew that. He didn’t know how much, nor did he want to. For now those feelings were enough to make him smile.

“Okay, maybe I was a little melodramatic,” he admitted.

“A little? You’re too dangerous to be let loose?” She laughed again and hugged him.

He kissed the top of her head. This was the Jamie he liked best. The one who wasn’t afraid of him. “You’ve always been disrespectful of your elders,” he said. “I should have written you up during training.”

She pushed away and planted her hands on her hips. “I was the best recruit you ever trained, mister, so don’t be telling me I did anything wrong.”

Sunlight made her hair gleam. Her skin was clear, slightly tanned and touched with pink. Her mouth parted. She wasn’t elegant or sophisticated. He knew she didn’t even believe in her own femininity, but in his mind, she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

“You always were fearless,” he said.

“Sometimes that got me into trouble, but most of the time, it saved my butt.”

“Mine, too.”

Her smile faded. “I couldn’t have left you there to die. I would have come after you, no matter what Winston had told me. Even if I’d had to do it on my own.”

Her hazel eyes saw too much. Because of their shared life-style, she knew most of what he’d been through and she could accurately guess at the rest. Her knowledge made him want to hide, because there were some things he couldn’t bear to think about. It also made him want to trust her more.

“Zach, I—” She paused. An emotion flitted across her face. One that made his chest tighten and his heart thunder. He didn’t dare name it. He didn’t want to think about what would generate those feelings in her. Yet he couldn’t look away.

He didn’t want her to care. He couldn’t handle that. Caring implied the potential for a relationship. Or was he just fooling himself by thinking they didn’t have one already? He didn’t know how to play this game, and the rules were unfamiliar to him. The only thing certain was he didn’t want Jamie to leave him today. He could bear anything but that, even the knowledge that she would leave him eventually.

Before she could say anything else, a family came around the corner and joined them by the enclosure. Zach glanced at the two parents, the infant in the stroller and the small child bringing up the rear.

The little girl couldn’t be much more than four, with short,
tousled red hair, freckles and huge blue eyes. She wore a miniature khaki jacket over jeans.

Jamie glanced at the family and smiled. The little girl smiled shyly back, then hurried toward the enclosure.

“Daddy, up,” she said, and raised her arms.

Zach watched her in amazement. There was an implicit trust in that statement and gesture, as if her father had always been there to take her where she wanted to go. As if he’d never dropped her or let her down.

Jamie moved close to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. He absorbed her heat, using it to chase away some of the chill from his dark soul.

“Isn’t she sweet?” Jamie asked, whispering in his ear. “So small and cute.”

He didn’t respond, but she didn’t seem to notice. All her attention focused on the little girl. Her father raised her so her feet rested on the waist-high railing. She leaned back against him and clapped her hands. There was no fear that she would fall. Her father anchored her with a strong arm around her waist.

“Kitty,” the child said.

“Leopard. That’s a black leopard.” Her father, nearly six feet with a medium build, said patiently.

The girl giggled. “Pretty kitty. Here, kitty. Come play with me.”

Jamie’s mouth parted as if her breath had caught in her throat. She stared at the child as if she’d never seen one before. Zach saw the longing in her eyes, the hint of pain in the set of her mouth.

He knew what she was thinking. Seven years ago, he’d tried to warn her about all she would give up if she chose the agency as her career. It wasn’t just coming home at five every day; it was being like everyone else. There wasn’t room for close friends, for relationships, no room for a proper marriage or a close family.

Now she wondered if she’d waited too long. Had she been too damaged by her experiences to let her dreams come true? She was hoping that because he’d been the one to show her the way into that life, he could help her reverse the course. When was she going to figure out that he never wanted to find his way?

Zach saw the exact moment the leopard spotted the child. The animal stopped pacing and froze in place. Golden eyes focused on the chattering little girl. Muscles coiled, whiskers twitched. Her size and quick movement marked her as prey.

He and the cat were too much alike. Killers, honed by instinct and knowledge. Like the leopard, he was deadly. Jamie still had a chance, but it was too late for him. He couldn’t risk it.