Surrender the Dark (10 page)

The realization that it was her trust as much as her taste that so overwhelmed him, rocked him even harder.

Without taking his mouth from hers, Jarrett shifted
from the doorway until his back was fully against the wall. He cupped her buttocks as he spread his legs, then pulled her tightly between them, where he desperately wanted her, bucking hard against her, way past being able not to.

With a long, low groan he left her lips, needing more. He drew his mouth, his tongue, and his teeth along her jaw, then pulled her head back and buried his face in the curve of her neck. Her flesh was damp and hot and tasted so damn sweet.

She began to move against him, tiny shuddering motions at first, then her hips began to rotate.

Breathing heavily and holding on to the last shreds of his will, he stopped her actions by tightening his arm around her. “Slow … we gotta slow down,” he said against her neck. He kissed the pulse point below her ear. “I’m going to explode, Rae.”

Stilling her hips hadn’t stopped her, though. She took full advantage of his sudden break and went about unraveling him even further by laying a trail of tiny openmouthed kisses down his neck. She pushed up against him at the same time she reached for his head and tugged it down. “So, go ahead,” she whispered, her voice as husky as his. She looked him straight in the eye. “I want to see you lose control.” She bit his chin, then took his mouth.

He gave up.

His kisses warred with hers. Each battled for control, but neither cared who was winning. He dropped shaking hands to the buttons on her shirt, running his tongue
and the edge of his teeth across her neck and shoulder as he bared them.

She tensed suddenly. The frantic motion of her hips stopped, and her mouth closed against his. He was so fully engaged, it took a moment for it to register that she hadn’t paused in anticipation.

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. They were half-closed with unfulfilled need; her skin was almost feverishly flushed. But the fierce glitter in her eyes wasn’t fueled only by passion.

Fear. Fear was what he saw.

That stopped him faster than a bullet to the heart. “What’s wrong?” he demanded.

For a split second he saw her falter, saw what almost looked like regret flash in her eyes, then it was gone, along with the fear.

“I just wanted you to know,” she began, then stopped to draw in breath. Her chest heaved with the effort.

Jarrett took little satisfaction in that, his instincts all but screaming that he was going to hate what was coming next.

“This won’t change things,” she said finally. “Between us, I mean. I still won’t work for you.”

As usual, his instincts were right. He went rigid, his passion swerving effortlessly to fury, and he clamped his jaw shut to avoid saying something he’d regret. If he’d been a little clearer-headed—and a little less aroused—he’d have also realized how much her words hurt.

He pushed her back until they weren’t touching, his body resenting the denial of her touch even as his mind
called him a hundred different kinds of a fool. This was what came of letting himself want. There were good reasons he’d closed himself off, buried his needs so deeply in the cold and dark he’d forgotten he had any. He didn’t thank her for the reminder.

“Is that what you think I’m doing here?” he asked, his tone so quiet, so calm, it unnerved even him. “You think this is some sort of persuasion technique?”

Rae shivered at the dead, flat sound of his voice. It was all she could do to keep her hands at her sides.

She hated this, doing this to him. But there was no choice. Dammit, how had she let it get so out of control?

How could she have forgotten?

She’d wanted him so badly, she’d dared him to take her. And the hell of it was she still wanted him to take her.

Thank God she’d stopped him in time. Another second and he’d have uncovered … would have seen …

Ugly, twisted images assaulted her mind, and it took considerable willpower to shove them back into the dark pit where she’d locked them. In her panic, she’d said the first thing she could think of, the one thing certain to make him back off. Certain to make him angry enough not to get close again.

“Answer me, dammit!”

She took a shaky step backward. “I don’t know what to think,” she said, knowing that at least was partly the truth. “But I know we shouldn’t do this.”

“I don’t use sex to coerce my operatives,” he said, his jaw so tight his cheekbones stood out in stark relief.

“I’m not one of your operatives.”

She realized her mistake immediately and took another step back without realizing it. Eyes narrowed, he pushed away from the wall and walked toward her, his limp somehow renewing her awareness of him as a predator.

“Then we don’t have a problem, do we?” he said, his voice smoky and seductive.

She swallowed hard. He was huge and powerful. Aroused and angry. A dangerous combination. But along with her fear, she couldn’t ignore the tingling sensation of excitement that raced through her. When he’d put his big hands on her body, it had been like nothing she’d ever felt before.

She’d never expected him to be sensual, seductive. He created desire, need, and passion. He made her want and, even more tantalizing, brought to her the thrill of expectation. But it was the unexpected that, in the end, had captivated her. The deep well of need she’d glimpsed in him, the vulnerability she’d felt in him—and that she’d felt compelled to respond to.

With great effort, she shook off those thoughts and focused on what he’d said. “If you agree I’m not an operative, then does that mean you’re not going to pressure me into helping you?”

He sighed and shoved his hand through his hair. “One has nothing to do with the other.”

“Maybe not to you. I don’t separate the two quite so easily.”

“Five minutes ago you weren’t even thinking about the mission or my role in it, much less yours,” he charged. “Well, neither was I. This has nothing to do with that.”

“I was the one who stopped it,” she reminded him. “Precisely because of that.” He stared at her so intently, she began to wonder if he suspected she wasn’t being completely truthful with him. That only served to bolster her determination.

She’d realized three things that day. One: Jarrett McCullough needed a sanctuary now as much as she had two years ago, no matter what he said. Two: She’d provide her home and do everything she could to guarantee his safety, but his sanctuary wouldn’t be her.

Because the third thing she’d learned was that she’d never wanted anything, anyone, so much in her entire life. And she knew better than to think she could actually have something she wanted.

“What aren’t you telling me, Rae?” He lifted a hand to her face, but she stepped away. Still, she caught his expression before he masked it. She’d expected anger, but what she saw in his eyes was hurt. That almost undid her resolve right there.

She, Rae Gannon, had the power to hurt him? Jarrett McCullough, the machine? The invincible one?

The very idea frightened her to death.

This time when she looked him in the eyes, she told him the truth. As much as she could, anyway. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t want you. That I don’t want you still.” She tensed against the dark light that flared in his eyes. “But I’ve spent a long time up here getting myself
back.” She looked down at her hands as she twisted her fingers together, then finally back at him. Her voice softened. “I’ve seen a side of you in the last few days I didn’t know existed. A side maybe you didn’t know existed. And I think you need a break for more than just physical healing.”

She lifted her hands, palms up. “I’ve found that here. And I’m willing to share that with you. But that’s all I can share.” She wished she had anger as fuel, as she’d had the day before when she’d raged at him and spilled her guts. This was harder, much harder. Standing there, looking at him, and saying these things when she really wanted nothing more than to step into his arms and let him hold her tightly against his strong warm body, let him move his mouth and hands over her, let him make her forget all the ugliness …

But that was precisely why she couldn’t. She struggled to keep the pleading tone out of her voice. “I can’t live on just the physical level anymore and shut off the emotional. I know you’re leaving here as soon as you heal. You’ll go back to a world I can’t even think about, much less deal with or live in.” She took a deep breath. “And I won’t hand you a part of me to take with you when you leave. I just don’t have that many parts left to lose.”

She stood there, praying he’d leave. If he pushed her any further, she didn’t think she’d be strong enough to hold out. She might have the ability to hurt him, but he had the ability to destroy her.

Jarrett couldn’t move. He doubted he was even breathing. He simply stared at her, accepting the bald
truths she’d just ruthlessly cast at his feet. She was so damn strong.

And he’d never felt weaker. He wanted desperately to climb back into the safe, emotionless void he’d inhabited for more years than he could remember. He craved the blessed relief of not allowing himself to feel, or want, or need.

She wasn’t going to let him.

He looked at her and ached. Ached in places he didn’t know had feelings.

“I’ll leave you alone, Rae,” he said quietly, wondering even as he said it if this would be the first time he’d break his word. “I won’t touch you again.” Damn but that hurt to say. He drew in a ragged breath and moved away from her. “But that’s all. Whether I want to or not, I have to complete this mission. And you’re still my best bet.”

She folded her arms, her jaw rigid. “Well then, this is one bet you just lost, McCullough.”

He turned to leave, knowing it was pointless to press the matter now. It wouldn’t wait for long, though. He’d already lost four days.

“I’ll cook,” he said over his shoulder. “You finish up out here.”

He expected a sharp reply, or none at all. What he didn’t expect was for her to walk up behind him. He stilled even before she spoke, and it took an inordinate amount of control not to turn and yank her back into his arms. She wasn’t the only one who required some time and space to cool down.

“Here, take this with you,” she said.

He had to turn around then. When he did, she pushed a wooden pole into his hand. On closer examination, he realized she’d constructed a crude walking stick for him. It was nothing more than a thick dowel with a large wooden knob screwed into one end and duct tape wrapped around the other. He looked up at her. There was no expectation on her face. There was nothing at all.

His chest felt hollow. “You made this for me?”

She nodded. “I didn’t want to risk getting a crutch or a real cane from the clinic, but I buy a lot of lumber and hardware.” She gestured to several packing crates in the back corner. “An extra dowel and a few screws won’t raise any suspicions.”

“And buying men’s clothes didn’t?”

“It was just sweats and a few T-shirts. I kept them folded. The size wasn’t obvious.”

He didn’t know what to say. Again, she’d caught him off guard. “Thank you,” he said finally, his tone a bit gruff.

Leaning on the cane, noticing it was exactly the right length, he turned and started toward the back of the house. He knew she was watching him. Probably just admiring her handiwork, he told himself, even as he fought his body’s response.

Before he stepped inside the house, he turned. “Food in one hour.”

She didn’t say anything. She just ducked back inside and shut the door.

Rae sat on a stool in her shop and finished off the ham-and-cheese sandwich Jarrett had fixed. She knew it had been cowardly, not to mention useless, to duck out of a meal together by wrapping her sandwich up and heading back to the shop. She hadn’t bothered offering him an excuse. They both knew it would have been simply that, just as they both knew she’d only postponed the inevitable.

She didn’t care. She needed the time alone.

Her gaze slid to the spot beside the door where he’d pulled her against him. She purposely let herself imagine what it would be like to work in her shop every day, knowing he could drop in at any moment and ambush her with hot, breath-stealing kisses. Knowing that each day when she finished, Jarrett waited for her. She wouldn’t deny the dark thrill that fantasy sent shooting through her. But despite the allure of that scenario, she simply couldn’t imagine Jarrett sitting quietly in her house, or any house, doing nothing, just waiting. Waiting for her.

She shoved the depressing thoughts away. They reaffirmed the fact that she wasn’t ready to face him. Of course, she could sit out here for days and that fact wouldn’t change.

She sighed and pushed off the stool. No point in wasting any more time. It was late in the afternoon already and she knew better than to even attempt work. She’d likely burn the whole shop down.

And she had yet to tell him about the two men in town.

She stretched and groaned, telling herself not to feel
guilty about putting it off. She wasn’t stupid. If she’d thought they were in imminent danger, she’d have told him straight off.

She took her time cleaning up. She double-checked the tanks and other tools before shutting off the lights and overhead fan. When she reached the house, she knew the moment she stepped inside that he wasn’t there. She didn’t question how she knew, didn’t want to. Instead she turned around and went back out, walking around to the front. Knowing McCullough, he’d taken the cane and was already attempting pole vaulting or something.