Surrender to Me (10 page)

“I don't know what's going on, but you can talk to me, you know
that.”

I sob harder because I know I can’t talk to anyone about this. I’ve
dug myself a hole and as each day passes, that hole keeps getting deeper and
deeper.

“Oh my baby girl, I'm so sorry you are hurting, but it'll work out
honey. Life has a funny way of surprising us.”

With my head in my mother’s lap, I pray to a higher power that I'm
not in for anymore surprises.

I’ve had enough to last me a lifetime.

*****

I came back downstairs after talking to my mother, and after much
persuasion, convinced my dad not to castrate Harper. Now I am at The Mall,
shopping for V and Lucas’ wedding gift.

The talk with my parents today has really brought home the reality
of what I agreed to. But I decide to not think about that, as I am on a
mission to find the perfect wedding gift, for the perfect couple.

I have gone into every shop and I mean every shop, even ones I never
knew existed. And I have come up with zip.

About to give up, I walk past a travel agent and I have a brilliant
idea.

V mentioned her and Lucas couldn't afford a honeymoon, because they had
spent all their savings on the wedding. And that just doesn't sit right with
me.

So I walk into the agency, and do what any best friend does. I
purchase the happy couple a trip to Hawaii.

*****

After spending most of my savings on a well spent gift, I walk out
of the travel agency feeling elated. My decision to spoil my friends was a
brilliant idea, and I know V and Lucas will be mad at me for spending so much
money, but the tickets are non-refundable, so they have to suck it up and
accept it.

Turning the corner blindly as I am on a total high from my shopping
spree, I nearly knock into the lady in front of me because holy fuck, Jasper is
walking towards me!

My palms begin to sweat as I observe him looking around The Mall,
slightly confused. It appears he is searching for a particular store, as he has
a white slip of paper in his hands with something scrawled on it. V has
probably made him her personal wedding assistant, as he looks to be totally out
of his league.

As our eyes lock, I gnaw the inside of my cheek nervously because he
has stopped in the middle of the mall, and is looking at me... angrily.

I stop walking, and turn to see if he is giving serious stink eye to
someone other than me. But sadly I am the one he is glaring at, as there is no
one but a little old lady behind me, window browsing.

I don't know what to do as I feel freakin’ awkward, so I give him a
small wave.

Jasper looks at me, well it seems like he is looking through me, as
he totally disregards me and my wave, and turns his back on me, walking away.

My mouth drops open. Did he just ignore me? I know he saw me, so I
guess the answer to that would be a big fat yes! And to make matters worse, he
couldn't even stand to walk past me, so he turned in the opposite direction and
walked away.

There are a thousand emotions running havoc inside of me, but there
is one that stands out from the rest, and that is complete hopelessness.

I am completely and hopelessly still in love with Jasper White.

Chapter 11

Fork You

W
alking up the stairs
to V’s, I hear a hysterical scream and I rush inside without knocking, afraid
she is being murdered, or quite possibly, she is the one doing the murdering.

I finally see her, over the wedding clutter, sitting on the couch,
her head between her legs, screaming. I frantically drop my bag by the door and
run to her side, afraid something terrible has happened.

“V. What's wrong?” I ask, lightly shaking her arm.

When her screaming continues, I shake her harder. “Veronica Dolly
Donovan, talk to me!”

That gets her attention because I know she hates her middle name.
Gradually her screams transform into tiny squeaks, then finally into heavy
breathing.

After a few minutes of catching her breath, she looks up at me with
racoon eyes. “He cancelled,” she sniffs, wiping her nose on the back of her
sleeve.

I plonk onto the seat, stunned. “Who cancelled?”

As I inspect her dishevelled appearance, my heart drops and then I
see red. “Oh my God! Lucas cancelled?! Mother of all that’s Holy! V, are you
serious? I am going to murder that jackass!”

V holds onto my arm as I leap up, ready for heads to roll.

“No, don't stop me!” I snap, shrugging out of her grip to find
Lucas, rip off his arms and beat him to death with them.

“Ava, it's not Lucas who cancelled.” V looks at me with big sad
eyes, biting her lip.

My eyes widen in alarm and I take a deep breath. How could I have
jumped to that conclusion? Lucas would never do that to my best friend.

I only know of one person who would cancel, especially after the way
he totally dissed me yesterday.

“Jasper, “I whisper.

“Jasper? Why the hell would Jasper cancel?”

V suddenly understands my thoughts. ”Oh please Ava. This has nothing
to do with you and Jasper behaving like fifth graders. I am sick to death of
hearing you talk about one another. Stop talking about each other, and start
talking to each other!”

Her comment stuns me. Jasper has been talking about me? Has it been
bad? Does he hate me as much as I think he does? A flicker of hope sparks
inside of me. What if he misses me?

I need to know.

I am about to grill her, but she holds up a finger to silence me.

“No. You are not going there right now. We can deal with Jasper and
Ava the soap opera another day.”

I playfully poke my tongue out at her. “Okay fine. How about you
clarify what the hell you are talking about then.” I cross my arms over my
chest and slump onto the couch next to her.

Giving her my full attention, she throws her hands up in the air,
emphasising her fury. “The caterers Ava-they cancelled on me! Like a week
before the wedding. How can they do that? That's got to be illegal right?” She
waits for confirmation, but I shake my head, because sadly this happens all the
time.

V looks at me, raising an impatient eyebrow. I scrunch up my nose,
totally confused with her facial charades.

“That's your reaction to all this? Did you not hear me? The caterers
have cancelled, as in not attending, leaving me in the lurch- kaput!”

Smiling at my friend, I pull at her side ponytail affectionately.
“Are you forgetting who you are talking to? Your best friend and Maid of Honor have
connections in the culinary world.”

I may not be much help with other wedding planning, but food I can
do, with my eyes closed.

“Oh Ava!” V beams, throwing herself into my arms unexpectedly.

The wind rushes out of my lungs as I hit the couch cushion on
impact.

I peel her off me, and am pleased to see my friend is in better
spirits.

“Which catering company were you using?” I ask, looking at the
coffee table in front of us for any brochures she may have.

But my search is futile, as actually finding anything in the
mountain of bits and pieces she has piled high on the table, would be nothing
short of a miracle.

“High Class,” she replies, biting her black painted fingernails.

As I make an unimpressed face, she punches me on the arm lightly.

“How was I meant to know? My best friend was a zillion miles away, I
couldn't ask you.”

Rolling my eyes playfully, I tease, “V, we do live in a technology
rich world.”

“It's not the same.”

I hold up my palms to stop her rant. “Leave it to me. I have a few
friends that owe me a favour or two. Go sleep, or whatever brides do, and I'll
take care of it.”

“Are you sure? I can send Lucas to help you?”

Only now do I realize how tired V looks, and I feel an overwhelming
sense of remorse for not noticing sooner.

“No I'm sure he's busy. It’s all under control,” I smile.

“Thank you Ava. I don't know what I’d do without you.”

V pulls out her ponytail and massages her temples, and I’m glad I
can do this for her. God knows she has been there for me when I’ve needed her.

“Right back at you,” I reply, kissing the top of her head.

*****

As soon as I get behind the wheel of my little beat up Honda, the
happy memories of driving my car come flooding back. After the disaster of a
day yesterday, it's nice to be myself and do something positive for once. I
don't know how I expected my parents to react to the news of me marrying
Harper. I don't even know how I should react. It's all so new.

What aren’t new are the feelings Jasper still invokes in me. Even
though he totally ignored me yesterday, and looked at me with serious stink
eye, I am still the same blubbering mess I was when I first met him. Jasper
White will always induce these feelings in me, and I am afraid of Harper’s
reaction when he finally observes Jasper and I together. It will not be easy to
hide when I am all but drooling all over my wedding partner.

When I accepted Harper’s proposal, he thought his persistence had
paid off, but little did he know I had accepted because I had given up on true
love. If I couldn't have Jasper, then it didn't matter who I married, because
they would never be him.

I said yes to Harper because he wanted me, and after reading
Jasper’s letter, I needed to be wanted. But to be frank, I settled for Harper
because he was familiar, and there were no surprises with him. And after the
surprise I received when reading Jasper’s letter, I could do without another
for as long as I lived.

So I have accepted that Harper can be an asshole, and he has
accepted that I’m a little distant at times.

I have reached my destination, and my life’s dilemmas have to be put
on hold as I pull into the parking space marked, Fork You. I let out a
tiny giggle as I read the name aloud, which always sounds funnier when
pronounced.

Fork You is owned by my favorite teacher and friend, Sally Spencer.
She is the reason why I was offered the scholarship to Singapore, as she
recommended me for the exchange program, and knew all the right people to make
it happen. She is efficient, meticulous and reliable, and I know if anyone can
make this happen, it’s Sally.

Hearing my Blackberry beep, indicating I have a new message, I
search for it in my handbag, hating the obnoxious bulky device. I'm an iPhone
girl, but Harper claims iPhone’s are second rate citizens compared to
Blackberries.

It was an argument not worth having.

The message is from V again. She has been messaging the whole drive
over here, asking a million and one questions. Fed up with her inquisition, I
advised her to Google Fork You, and she not only loved the clever name, but
loved what they had to offer in way of wedding menus. I was off the hook, or so
I thought.

A helper is on the way... Wait for them :)

As I approach the tiny shop front, waiting for V’s helper, I peer at
my reflection in the window which is shrouded by tiny white forks dancing
around the glass. I adjust my black headband to stop the stubborn flyways from
falling into my face.

I know I look different from when I was last here, but today’s
clothes are a little more me. I am in black capri denim, with red ballerina
flats and a red lace camisole. My brown hair is slightly wavy from it being
curled yesterday, and it sits loosely around my shoulders.

Again my rock is missing from my ring finger, but I make up for it as
I have on my plain silver Tiffany necklace and matching bracelet. I look like
an older, more mature version of the old me. Do I like what I see? I hate I can't
answer that with conviction.

As I am smoothing out invisible wrinkles from my top, my skin tingles
in reckless attentiveness, alerting me that someone is standing behind me. That
someone has my tastebuds watering, and I have to do a double take at the
reflection staring back at me in the shop window. Wheezing in a sharp breath, I
spin around quickly to confirm my mind isn't playing tricks on me.

I brace the glass behind me for support as I peer into his cerulean
eyes.

Damn V, she’s up to no good...again.

*****

“What are you doing here?” We both question one another at the same
time.

Jasper crosses his arms across his broad chest while I take a
calming breath.

“V told me Lucas was meeting me here, not you.”

It hurts hearing him refer to me with such distaste, so my defences
suddenly rear up. “Well as per usual V is up to no good.”

“Yeah looks that way,” he replies, running a hand through his hair
heatedly.

I swear to God I will never tire from seeing that sight, and I
dig my fingernails into my palms to stop myself from reaching out and fisting
his tresses.

There is an uncomfortable silence which stretches for too long, and
I begin to feel uneasy. When we were together, there were never any
uncomfortable silences between us, but now, I can’t seem to escape them. On the
plus side, at least he hasn’t turned his back on me and walked away like he did
yesterday.

Throwing my hands up in defeat, I say, “Look, sorry to disappoint
you, but we're both here for the same reason, so let’s put our differences
aside for just an hour, and get this over with.”

Jasper shakes his head quickly and recrosses his arms, while
clenching his biceps with his hands. “I'm not going anywhere with you.”

I am stunned. Does he hate me that much that he can't even bear to
be in my presence for an hour? I am wounded beyond repair, and I can feel my
throat about to close over.

However I won’t let that happen. I’m here for my best friend, and I
need to put mine and Jasper’s indifference on hold for now.

Taking a deep breath, I mirror his defensive stance. “You know what,
fine. I don't need you anyway. Stay out here and be an insufferable grump!”

Turning on my heel, I forcefully pull open the door, leaving my
heart and the love of my life on the sidewalk.

The sweet smell of macaroons hits me instantly, and comforts me like
food usually does when I’m depressed. Right about now, I could use a sticky chocolate
creation to drown my melancholy in. 

“Wait.”

Jasper stops my retreat by grabbing onto my upper arm lightly, and
the skin underneath his fingertips is cartwheeling in excitement.

Peering over my shoulder at him, I witness him take a visible
breath, and as per usual he has an indecipherable look to him, but I can't miss
the way his pupils have dilated.

Biting my lip nervously, Jasper’s eyes lower to my mouth, and those
cartwheels have turned into a full blown gymnastic routine!

But I really need to pull myself together, before I push him up
against the cake display window, and do unspeakable things to his face. And of
course, that is behavior someone with a fiancée should not be doing.

Shrugging out of his hold, he mistakes my action as anger and he
sighs.

“I'm sorry okay, that was rude of me. You're right. Just tell me
what I have to do because I don't want to deal with the wrath of V, and God
forbid I live up to being an insufferable grump,” he replies, his left dimple
making an unexpected appearance.

I gnaw the inside of my cheek in wanton need. How I've missed that
dimple. How I’ve missed that dimple being on display because of me.

Sadly my dimple ogling is interrupted when I hear a familiar voice.
“Ava? Ava Thompson?”

Spinning around quickly, I see Sally Spencer’s flour smudged face
greet me with a huge grin.

“Hi Sally,” I beam walking towards her, and giving her a friendly
hug.

“What in God’s green earth are you doing here? Last I checked you
were in Singapore doing CIA proud.”

Letting out a small giggle, I reply, “I still am. Well I hope I
still am doing CIA proud. I'm back for my best friend’s wedding, and that’s
what leads me here.”