Surviving Him (2 page)

I’m so stupid. I amaze myself at how clumsy I can be. We make it onto the train okay; I watch, as people are busy, rushing around to get on or off the train. The noises around us makes me smile; loud voices echo around the platform, the sound of the trains chugging past, stopping to pick people up and take them to their destination. I bring my head back inside the train, and the door automatically closes.

"Mum, can we sit here, please?" Amy beams up at me from the seat she has found with a table in the middle.

"We have the best seats on the train, Amy," I tell her while Kayleigh and I take
our seats next to her. We were really doing this
; making memories, good ones, instead of remembering all the bad things, the nightmare that is our life living in fear and always on the run from my ex-husband. The man starts checking doors on the train further down the platform; we watch him through the window. A man’s voice emanates through the speakers telling us to have a great journey and thanks us for traveling with Virgin trains.

Looking out of the train window as the buildings rush past my eyes, I have to look away before I go completely cross-eyed. My girls play super Mario on their Nintendos until they eventually fall asleep. The chugging sound of the train is kind of relaxing, and I fall asleep too. I wake to the sight of beautiful green trees, and a green landscape that stretches out for miles. It is just sheer beauty in front of our eyes. I know we are in Scotland; those trees are like thousands of Christmas trees standing tall and proud. The air is cooler and fresher, even stuck inside the train I could feel it.

Both Kayleigh and Amy are so excited; it is going to be an amazing few days. Our journey is to celebrate Kayleigh’s tenth birthday; I can’t believe how fast she's growing up. She’s so beautiful; big, dark blue eyes like mine, and long brown hair. It feels like yesterday that she was born, which also happened to be the first day of the opening of the Scottish Parliament. This year, she has been invited to join in at Holyrood for the Scottish Parliament’s tenth anniversary celebrations, joining up with all the other kids that were born on that day in Scotland.

As part of the celebration, she will also get to meet the Queen of England. Perfectly awesome. I have their dresses all picked out, elegant matching little pale pink maxi ballgown-style. I adore these little dresses so much, if only they had them in my size.

“Damn, you two will look so sweet all dressed up. Unquestionably beautiful.”

I got them both matching shoes and all the accessories a girl could ever need.

My dress is black and silver satin with small crystals along the neckline, cut over one shoulder and sits nicely above my knees. I have a black tiny clutch to match that just barely fits my phone, if I’m lucky. And because of my stellar walking skills, I get to finish off my outfit with my killer black life-saver wedges that I had to literally hop out and buy in a rush just before we went to the station this morning.

We arrive in Edinburgh safe and sound. There are so many things about the city of Edinburgh that I love: the old buildings and architecture, the history of the region, and the majestic Edinburgh Castle. It really is exquisite. The sounds of this city, always buzzing with life; it’s magical.

Manchester and Edinburgh, even though they are only about a hundred and seventy miles apart, are two cities that have entirely different cultures; their histories inter-woven, but uniquely individual. I love the contrasts and being able to experience it all within just a few hours journey.

One of my favourite things about Scotland is the smell of the fresh ocean air coming off the North Sea. Scotland has the freshest tap water I’ve ever tasted. I don’t know what it is, but I can only imagine that it must be because of the year-round rains that replenish the region’s fresh surface water sources. Everyone raves about it; it’s delicious, and you just can’t beat it.

“I need to remember to bottle some of that and take it home with me.”

“Seriously, Mum.” Kayleigh gave me a huge smile. She thinks I’m mental, in a good kind of way.

“I love it. It’s the freshest water there is anywhere, it’s so good!”

“Mum, you’re crazy you know that, right?
” She gives me a stare like I’m losing my marbles. Apparently, she doesn’t share my love of the crisp sweetness that is fresh Scottish tap water. “
Mum, I don’t think you’re allowed to take Scottish water away from Scotland, it might be against the law.” Amy gives me a look that shuts me up about my nonsensical thoughts on the water in Scotland.

I raise my palms up in the air. “Ok, no water in bottles.”

A taxi is waiting for us as we exit the train station. Although they enjoyed the train ride, Kayleigh and Amy are starting to get tired and can’t wait to get to the hotel and freshen up. I’ll just say they are, well, a bit pissed off after a long day of traveling.

We check into the hotel, and we are shown to our lovely room. It’s a nice size space with two massive beds that would easily fit a family of six. While the girls explore our suite and unpack their bags, my thoughts drift back home to Manchester.

Our life at home isn’t as glamorous. Our daily lives are filled with fear for our safety, living in a women’s refuge, a shelter for women who have suffered domestic abuse, still on the run, still hiding from the threat of mentalist ex-husbands; mine being, Ian. I share this rather matter-of-factly, but, to be honest, it’s simply that we’ve lived this way for so long now, it’s just become our reality; a life I never thought I would be living.

Life in the refuge can be amazingly hard on your soul at times; lacking a sense of direction, not knowing which way you’re heading or which way to turn next, or who to turn to. I don’t want to bother people with my troubles, so we’ve just got to stick it out. I try to be as strong as I can for my babies.

They are the most important precious things in the world to me. Nothing will come between us, and I will protect them with my life. I just wish that they had a proper family life, a home with none of this shit, this upheaval, not knowing whether we are coming or going. They surprise me though; no matter what is thrown at them, they take it and just get on with things. I’d hate to think what is going on in their heads, and how this situation will affect them later on in their lives when they start having their own relationships.

My darling Amy; she adores her dad and unfortunately for me things didn't work out with Amy’s dad, Logan. Our relationship was ruined by the burden of my issues from my abusive marriage. I love Amy's father to pieces, my second husband-to-be in my dreams. I love him with every part of my soul and I always will. He’s been so good to us all, even when he injured his leg and had to leave the armed forces; all he worried about was the girls and me. We lost our home; he eventually went to recover at his mum and dad’s house after spending a long time in the hospital. It was torture not being able to see or speak to him. I thought I had lost him, but I ended up losing him in a different way anyway. It wasn’t possible for us to live together in Scotland. My ex-husband made sure of that, and if I had tried to stay with Logan, Ian would have tracked us down. So I had no choice but to leave the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and everything that I knew where we were happy - home.

“Remind me to text your dad,
Amy, so he knows we're safe."

“I will, Mum, and tell him I love him and miss him.”

“Sure will, chick. He loves you, and Kayleigh, too, sweetheart,” I remind her as I kiss her on the nose. I call and text him every day, but I haven’t had a reply as of yet. I keep in touch with his parents when I can. Logan’s on his road to recovery so that’s more than I could ever wish for, he’s alive. My sex life (when I had one) with Logan was insanely amazing. I had my first real orgasm, as in, eyes-rolling-in-the-back-of-my-head, toe-curling, most incredible orgasm EVER. Getting to know every inch of my body, his experienced hands found all my sensitive spots with confidence. He isn’t shy in the slightest, and he made me feel things I hadn’t felt; worshiping my body like he was touching my soul and wrapping it around his heart.

I think back to my time with Logan. I met him properly in a local bar while I was living in a little town in Scotland. I had seen him around town; he was unbelievably sexy, and everyone seemed to take notice of him. So attractive you could see he worked out all the time. And when I looked into those eyes I wanted to wrap myself around him and live there. We crossed paths from time to time; at the market, or the pub, or at a party in the small town we lived in called Jedburgh in the Scottish borders. Until one day, while I was sitting in a pub with a few friends from work, Logan came up to me and asked me out on a date.

“Alright, Dana?”

I knock back the rest of my drink and sputtered out my response to him. “Hey, Logan. How are you doing?” I was afraid that I’d made a sloppy fool of myself, and tried to wipe away my drink that had escaped my lips, dripping its way down my chin and neck.

He finished ordering his drink from the bar and turned to look into my now burning red, embarrassed face. “I'm really good. Cheers, your looking good as always.” He took a sip of his drink and gave me a panty-melting grin. “What's been happening with you?” His eyes were warm, and I was dissolving under his intense gaze. He smelled delicious and looked absolutely mouth-watering.

“Just work, not much else.” I smiled up at him. I was only cleaning in the local school, but it was a job, and it paid the bills.

Logan is tall with mousy brown hair. A few long
curls
hung over his big, light, sea-blue bedroom eyes; so intense, I wanted to lick him instead of the drink dribbling down my face. His big eyes framed in thick dark lashes would make every female, and probably males, jealous as hell. His build is lean. His hard muscles covered in flawless, taut golden skin: a body made for sin. I was attracted to him instantly.

I haven’t really changed much over the years. My brown hair now has blonde highlights and sits just past my shoulders. My skin is slightly tanned, my build small and petite. My best features are my dark blue eyes with crystal blue specks that sparkle in the sunlight. I am on the go every day, and a few visits to the gym every week, keeps my natural curves toned but feminine.

I am not the most confident person; that was beaten out of me by my ex-husband; the sadistic prick who tried to wear
me down to make sure I never felt confident enough to survive without him.

“What’s your tipple? Can I buy you a drink babe?”

I nearly choked on a breath. Can this really be happening? Is he asking if he can buy me a drink? Hell yes! He can buy me anything he likes looking like that!

“Vodka and diet coke, please, no ice. That’s really kind of you, thank you.”

I watched him as he ordered two Vodka and cokes, his T-shirt clinging to him in a way that hugged the hard lines of his long, solid muscles. I wanted to run my fingers over them to see how he felt.

He placed his hand into the small of my back and the warmth of his hand charged through my body spreading like fire through my veins.

“Oh my god.”

I turned toward him and moved my hands to hold him in return, placing my hand on his amazing ass. I honestly could not help myself. That earned me another sexy-as-hell grin from him that made my knickers soaking wet.

As I stood there in his half-embrace, I noticed the glow of his golden skin. Even his jeans showcased his ass beautifully. He really was a striking package, in a manly way.

I felt his hands move slowly over my hips as I danced to the beat of the music. I turned into his stunningly large frame, his powerful arms wrapped around my middle as he moved his hands to cup my ass. Then he pressed his hips into me. I may have swooned.

Logan reached up and swept my hair to one side, exposing my skin there. I quivered in anticipation as I felt the heat of his breath blow against the sensitive skin at my neck, his fingers stroking along my shoulder blade. My body reacted, making my thighs clench tightly together.

I tilted my head slightly to the side in invitation; I was totally mesmerized by him like I had been hypnotised, completely lost in that moment. I couldn’t help myself really. The only coherent thought I had at that moment was, ‘God if I’m dreaming, please don’t let me wake up. I don’t want to miss this.’

His lips were firm but tender, moving slowly over my neck gently, sending a wave of heated pleasure through my whole body. A throbbing sensation hit me straight between my legs. I squeezed my thighs together again while my legs trembled and threatened to give way. He moved his hips in rhythm with mine as the sound of the music echoed in the background. It felt as though we are the only two people in the room, even though the club was, in fact, full of people having fun.

Turning me to him he leaned in and kissed me. I gripped his biceps and he groaned; a low, hungry growl emanated from his throat as his lips locked onto mine. He took my mouth prisoner, demanding I take everything he gave me. I couldn’t breathe or speak to end the kiss.