Surviving Him (7 page)

“Mum, thank you so much for today and bringing us up here. I do miss living in Scotland. We have had a great time.”

Kayleigh and Amy both love the beautiful little town we had lived in and where Amy’s dad still lives. I miss it, too.

“I know you miss it, sweetie, so do I. But you know why we can’t be here, not now that your dad knows where we had been living.”

“But that’s not fair, Mum. We should be able to live where we want to.”

She said it with such a forlorn expression in her eyes that my heart broke just a little.

“Hey, we will get back here again soon.”

I reach out to my sweet girls and wrap them both in my arms, cuddling them close.

“Today is a happy day. I want you both to be happy.”

I try my best to reassure them, and Amy smiles.

“One day we will be so happy, Mum. I really want you to be happy, too. I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

I have to lie to them to be strong; I can’t let them know my real feelings, of how broken and useless I feel inside.

The sound of bagpipes echoes hypnotically through Edinburgh's city centre. The fireworks light up the night sky; we run to the window to watch, as the glorious historical Castle becomes a silhouette. The bright flashes of the blasts of colourful explosions light up the night sky, casting a magical glow over the castle and rolling hills leading down into the city centre, where the celebrants have flocked for a picturesque view of the display, overlooking Princes Street. The celebrations must be to do with the day’s festivities. This brilliant party would only have been rivalled by the opulence of Hogmanay; the Scottish New Year’s Eve, known as Old Year’s Night.

"Oh, I do so miss this sort of thing, living in Scotland too. One day ladies we will get back here, I promise you that.”

And I mean that from the depths of my heart.

Kayleigh gives me her warm signature smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

"You miss Logan don't you, mum?"

The sorrow in her voice tells me she is sensing my mood.

I try to quell my feelings but she is such a soulful, sensitive girl, she always seems to know when I am sad or down. She gives me the biggest bear hug and is quickly followed by Amy, which makes them both laugh, and I laugh along with them.

“I do miss him loads.” I mutter my confession then quickly work to change the subject to something that wouldn’t have me choking down tears. “We might as well make the most of it while we are here girls. Get some more dessert. Would you like another drink of juice?”

“Yes please!” they shout.

“What kind?”

“Sprite!” they both reply in unison.

I make my way over to the bar.

“Vodka and diet coke, no ice. And two Sprites with ice, please.”

The barman has a strong Edinburgh accent. He turns to make conversation with us while he makes our drinks.

“Have you been to the parliament anniversary celebrations? There are quite a few of you here.”

“Yeah, it’s been such a beautiful event.”

He is tall with red hair and blue sparkling, kind eyes, and a body to die for. He has a cool swagger; he is gay, I’m sure, but he is sexy and confident. I tell him a bit about our relaxing day.

He reminds me of another thing I miss about Scotland; the friendliness, its people. I knock back my vodka coke and ask for another to take back to our table.

I manage not to fall flat on my face, however, I’m now feeling a little tipsy after the wine I had with dinner and my second vodka. How I have managed to stay on my feet all day without ending up on my ass, completely amazes me.

The girls are still putting a dent in their slice of birthday cake when my phone starts to sing to me from inside my handbag. I rummage around frantically for the sake of my eardrums and those of anyone else nearby.

“Damn! I bet that was a call from Logan I just missed.”

I hope that he is ok. I worry Ian could still go after him; I can’t stand the thought of Logan being hurt because of me.

Ian has spent a lot of years in prison and appears to have become a hardened criminal in many respects. I fully expect that he wouldn’t think twice about slashing someone’s throat. Running around with a machete is his thing, an ordinary everyday thing like boiling the kettle in the morning and making a cup of coffee.

When I finally unearth my phone from the depths of my bag, I wake the display to see it was Logan’s call I had missed. I dial him back, hoping he will pick up. I will be able to settle down for the evening once I know he is all right. He answers on the first ring.

“Hey, how you doing? Is everything ok your end?”

I didn’t realize how anxious I was to talk to him until I sat there waiting for his response to my question.

“Yeah babe, it’s all good here. What are you up to? I hope you’re enjoying yourselves there.”

That seductive, husky baritone could melt the knickers off a lesbian.

“The girls are loving it. It has been a really special day for us. I miss you. You should be here with us. I can’t stand not being with you.”

“You want me to come and pick you up tomorrow? You can spend a few days here and see my mum and dad? No one would know you’re here.”

I desperately want to see him again, and it would extend the few nice days the girls and I have had for a few more fantastic days.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. It would be so good to see you and your parents.”

“Tell the girls I need a word, and it’s no bother, babe. I’m looking forward to it already.”

“I will text you what time we’ll get in in the morning.”

I am so excited and the girls will be so thrilled.

“Ok, see you tomorrow.”

I have to take the risk; I have to see Logan, even if it is just for a short while.

I can’t stand it any longer, the ache I have inside me, the longing for the feel of him, just to hold him in my arms and feel his warm body holding me close. It really is my little slice of Heaven on Earth.

“Girls!” I shout to Kayleigh and Amy to come over; they had been standing at the window watching the fireworks and the world go by.

“Hey, mum, was that dad”

Kayleigh can tell by the sudden boost in my mood that it is him on the phone.

“Can I call my dad back? I want to tell him all about today.”

“Amy, Logan’s still at the other end of the line, sweetie.”

They both immediately dive for me, each fighting for the phone in a flurry of little hands, and then it’s gone from my grasp within seconds. They both stand together as Kayleigh hits the speakerphone.

He is laughing at what he had heard at our end. Both my girls smile big and sit back down next to each other to talk. I hear him wish Kayleigh a happy birthday and he tells them how much he loves and misses them both.

They will be completely over the moon when I tell them about tomorrow. That’s when it hits me again; I am really going to see him tomorrow! Ok, maybe I’m a bit over the moon myself.

The girls say their goodbyes and end the call, but I can see the disappointment in their eyes.

It is time for their big surprise.

“So, guess what? How would you two feel about him picking us up tomorrow so that we can go and spend a few days in Jedburgh?”

“Oh my god, Mum!! Yay!”

Both of them shriek and jump from their seats, then bounce up and down like crazy minions that have consumed too many E numbers, pure elation, and then they head for me. I wrap them both in my arms. We all smile in excitement until we tip over in my chair and hit the floor in a heap of giggles. God, I love my girls.

“Should we each get another drink before we head upstairs to bed?” I say while picking up the chair.

They both nod before they turn to each other in exuberant conversation, forgetting me for the moment, as they talk about what we will do while we are in Jedburgh. I head for the bar and order us another round of drinks.

That’s when it first dawns
on me. Shit! What is he going to think of me when he sees my foot? I
haven’t mentioned my little mishap to him yet; there truly hasn’t been many opportunities to catch up. And a broken toe is not exactly something I can hide, as I’m now hobbling around like I have something stuck up my ass. Fuck.

“Wake up ladies… time to get up! Rise and shine my sleepy heads.”

As I open the curtains to the morning sunlight, I am surprised the sun is actually shining through the window brightening up the room and my soul, I can feel the warmth from the sun on my skin. The birds are chirping in the trees. I feel so good. I haven’t felt this great in such a long time.

My phone vibrates on the bedside table; it is a text from the one and only Logan.

I am going to see him in an hour. Oh my god! What will he think of me when he sees my broken toe? How embarrassing!

At least it isn’t my whole foot in plaster, or worse my leg.

“Come on girls. We better get our arses into gear. We can grab some breakfast downstairs, and Logan should be here by then.”

His black BMW pulls up outside the hotel car park, and my heart rate shoots through the roof. I can’t believe he is less than a metre away from me, strolling up towards the huge glass doors of the hotel. When he walks into the room my heart steps up a beat. I feel awkward and stuck for what to say. My cheeks blush and I feel small. Why does he have this effect on me? He is intoxicating. The memories of his body brushing against mine; the brush of his hands on my skin caressing my breasts, his masculine scent enticing me. I could almost come just thinking about him.

I drop my suitcase and hop towards him and into his arms; the girls follow me and wrap themselves around the two of us.

“Logan, you look amazing!”

He smells divine too, not just with the cologne he is wearing but that Logan smell that is unique to him. It must be teeming with pheromones or something, and could probably help any guy get shagged. They really should bottle that scent. On second thought maybe I’ll just keep him all to myself.

He is holding me up, his arm wrapped high and tight around my waist to help take the weight off of my injured foot. God, this man! I kiss his soft, luscious lips longer than necessary in the hotel lobby with the girl’s right there beside us, but I’ve missed him, and he feels even more incredible than I imagined. I could hold onto him forever, I don’t want to let him go.

“What happened to you?”

I could feel him fighting a grin against my lips.

“Long story, involving a fight with a door.”

I explain to him while my face heats up, a smile threatening at the corner of my own lips.

His gaze rakes over me from head to toe.

“You look stunning, as always, babe. Broken bones and all.”

He moves his other hand into my hair and kisses my forehead. With the same passion, I feel for him.

The girls have already jumped into the back of th
e car, raring to go. Logan takes my hand and leads
me to the car.

I tell myself not to stare or I’d risk tripping and busting my face and really humiliating myself, but he is wearing dark worn jeans that fit him perfectly, and a red T-shirt that stretches across his broad shoulders. He really is beautiful.

Logan opens the passenger side door, and I slide
into the seat. I
can’t help undressing him with my eyes as he makes his way around to the driver’s side of the car. He notices me eyeing him up, and that makes my cheeks heat.

“How are you all? My mum and dad are looking forward to seeing the three of you.”

“We’re good, thanks to you! We’ve had a fantastic few days here, and now it’s so much better. Thanks for coming to get us.”

I sit watching his powerful body as he takes control of the car. I am between being with him and being back home in Manchester where life is hard but good at times. Then there is the constant worry that my ex-husband will continue to hunt me for the rest of my days. But for now, the girls and I are safe, and I need to try to block that part of my life out of my head.

Jedburgh is like coming home again. The countryside alone is beautiful, and it’s so breathtaking in the summertime. My memory of this part of the country hasn’t done it justice.

Back home, in the bustling urban expanse of Manchester, the only bit of green we would see is a lawn in somebody’s garden or in a community park. It is mostly a built up area, concrete construction in most parts of the city. I am entranced looking through my window at the picturesque rolling hills.

The girls tell Logan all about their visit to Edinburgh for the whole three-hour drive it has taken us to get to the Scottish borders. It makes my heart swell listening to how happy they are in the back of the car. Logan listens and laughs as they tell him the story; pure love shining in his eyes when he takes quick glances in the rear view mirror at the girls and side glances at me.

Once we arrive, the girls head straight up to see their Granny and Papa. They live just around the corner from Logan, a two-minute walk for the girls. They couldn’t wait to go. Logan and I make our way to his house and drop off the luggage.

“I will have to make a shopping trip to get some things. I didn’t bring enough clothes for the three of us.”

“No worries, babe. I can take you later or tomorrow.”

He lives in an old country cottage with a coal fire, but the rest of the place is modern, with lots of natural light coming in through the windows. He has more technology than a factory.

His vast garden is full of beautiful plants and flowers.

“Everything is so green and lush.”

Logan throws back his head in laughter.

“Babe, all that concrete has gone to your head. You need a bit of fresh Scottish country air,” he tells me after he has stopped laughing, still holding his sides, another chuckle threatening to burst forth.

“I need something Scottish, but it isn’t the fresh air.”