Surviving Him (18 page)

“You’re a pain in the ass, but you’re worth it, baby,” he says while sliding down my knickers.

“Am I really?” I gasp, staring up at the ceiling of Lee’s awesome guest bedroom.

“Hell yes, you are,” he mumbles as he circles my clit with his tongue. I shift my hips further up while he teases me with his mouth. I shouldn’t be letting myself go like this, but it feels so good. I want him, I need to feel him. I seriously can’t help myself.

“Talk to me, baby.”

Talk? How can I talk? How can I think? I’m in the middle of the most fabulous feeling in the world. If a huge company could bottle this feeling and sell it they would make an absolute fucking fortune. People would queue up for miles and miles for this shit.

I move up onto my elbows to look at him, and I stare at his beautiful face.

“Now you want me to talk to you, right now?”

His head shoots up, his most impressive body moving slowly toward me.

He searches my face.

“I want to know what you’re thinking.”

I’m not
thinking
. I am enjoying the delicious sensation he is giving me with his mouth, but now he has stopped doing it to look and talk to me. I throw my body down onto the bed, in a half huff and a half protest and look up the ceiling.

“I’m not thinking about anything. I was busy wanting you to fuck me.”

“So you do want me? You want to be with me the same way I want to be with you?”

He trails gentle kisses over my belly. My head shoots up again and I move up onto my elbows.

“Logan, you know how much I love you and want to be with you, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. It kills me not to be with you. I think about you all the time when we’re apart. I just don’t know how we can be together.”

He slowly climbs over me and sucks on my nipple; his tongue rolls over the tip of it, while his other hand slides between my legs and inside me. My head flips back on to the bed as the sensation sends shock waves pulsing through my whole body. My walls clench tight around his fingers, soaking them with my juices.

“I was just checking where your head was at, babe. I feel like you’re pulling away from me.”

Before I can say anything, he looks into my eyes, blazing like fire with desire, then he positions himself between my legs and slams his hard cock inside me.

I am a melting mess on the bed while he glides in and out of me. It’s beautiful. I hear a low growl deep in his throat, and I suck in a breath as my orgasm builds.

His thrusts take me higher and higher, my hips push into his, and my back is arched. He rolls me to the side and lifts my thigh up to rest behind his back. He holds it with his arm, and slams in deeper, pushing in and out. His eyes fix on mine, his lips slightly parted, the passion written all over his beautiful face. I kiss his soft, luscious mouth as he kisses me back, hard, devouring every inch of my mouth and body. I moan into his mouth. His hand comes around to my neck and strokes my cheek. He feasts on my mouth some more until I break the kiss.

“Logan,” I breathe, as I speak into his smooth lips.

“Dana, so sweet, baby,” he mutters.

He slams in deeper, harder, faster, taking me up to the highest levels of orgasmic ecstasy, all while his own was building.

My core tightens as the sensations became too much. I can feel my walls tightening around his cock as the orgasm hits me deep inside. I explode all around him just as he reaches his own climax. We both breathe hard into each other’s lips as we watch our orgasms unfold.

“Dana, this right here is what we have got to fight for and believe in. I’m not losing you. I won’t let all this destroy us and what we have together, I shouldn’t have let it get this far.”

Logan rolls me on top of him, my knees bent and my thighs tucked into his sides. He moved his thumb over my clit, while I ride his still rock-hard cock. A deep groaning sound erupted in his throat.

“That’s it, baby, so fucking sweet.”

He growls and breathes his words, never taking his eyes off me. I ride him until he can’t take anymore. He flips me on my back and rams into me, in and out, thrusting deeper and harder, until we both climax again.

We lay there just holding each other, relaxed, in love, sated, a normal couple for a little while. Then Logan starts twirling a lock of my hair around his fingers. I love it when he does this.

“I’ve been talking to Lee. We’re going to get this shit sorted once and for all, baby. My brother’s just come back from Afghanistan, you met him at my cousins wedding a few years back.”

I’m not processing his words about his brother Declan. I am too relaxed, in my mini heaven.

Logan continues, “Me, Declan, Lee, and a few of his boys if need be. If anything, we will send a message not to fuck with you or any of us anymore. This shit has gone too far.”

I hear the words coming out of his beautiful gifted mouth, but I feel so sleepy. I just can’t stay awake any longer, so I fall asleep.

I woke up with a large, warm arm wrapped around my middle and a thigh in between my legs. Logan’s heated body is pressed into my back. For a few seconds I forget that my life is a complete mess, and I imagine waking up like this every morning; happy, stress free, Ian free, and drama free. This lasts as I said only a few seconds, when the realisation of the shit I have got myself into hits me like a ton of bricks.

“My life is shit. I can’t do this to you anymore,” I whisper to a sleeping Logan. I try to roll out of the comfort of Logan’s heat without waking him. I manage to escape from underneath his comforting form and turn over onto my belly. I lay there staring down at his magnificent self. He looks so young and carefree. I frown into my hands. I can’t let him go through all of my shit anymore, it’s not right. He needs to move on, find someone else and be happy. The pain of this realisation pierces straight through my heart at the very thought of letting him go. He would, without a doubt, find someone else and this kills me inside, tearing what is left of the broken pieces of my heart. When I open my eyes again I slide slowly off the bed. I grab my jeans and t-shirt and slip them on, while watching the beautiful alpha male in front of me sleeping like a baby. I tug on my boots, run into the bathroom to freshen up, and I do my hair. I quietly leave the room.

I stare at the bedroom door for a second, wondering if I am doing the right thing; just leaving him asleep in bed like this. I shake my head and tell myself that this is the only way. I turn on my heel and walk down the hall and downstairs to the kitchen, where I meet my girls, Kayleigh and Amy, Waff and Lee. Lee is drinking his coffee and smiles at me as I enter the room.

“Hey, you want some breakfast?” Waff is busy making a full English.

“Hey, I’m fine thanks. Thanks for having us last night at such short notice. I could use a lift now though.”

Waff grins.

”Anytime, Dana. Great to see you again.”

I turn to Lee and plead with him to give me a lift.

“Where do want to go, Dana? Is Logan up?”

“I left him sleeping. I will call him later.”

Lee gives me a look of confusion, but comes
towards me.

“Let’s go, ladies, and anytime you need to come back up here, call me or text. I’ll come get you, okay.”

I smile and nod my head.

“Let’s roll.”

After I thank Lee and watch his Skyline burn off onto the motorway, we walk up the street, making our way to the refuge. As we reach the front door I stare at it for what seems like forever; it looks bleak even on the outside. I’m still holding my girls’ hands, one on either side of me. They are both quiet, staring up at the building, probably thinking how dismal it looks too. I grasp onto them tight and whisper, “We will have our own place soon, girls. Don’t worry.”

My phone screams, the piercing sound taking us all out of our shitty thoughts. I rummage around my bag in the hope of shutting the damn thing up.. I pull it out of my handbag and press the button at the side to silenced it, and throw it back inside. I turn the key in the lock and open the front door and it makes its usual beeping noise as we walk in.

“Shit. Just look at those plain walls, I hate them.”

“Yeah, they would look awesome in hot pink wouldn’t they, Mum?” Kayleigh shouts at me, laughing at the possibility of painting the walls.

“Yeah, and some purple swirls and Disney pictures next to my bed,” Amy laughs wanting to get permission to do just that.

“I love you two,” I say into the top of their heads after grabbing both of them into my arms, and hugging them in a big bear hug.

After some much needed breakfast, I set about cleaning our room, as well as the kitchen and the living room. I can’t decorate the walls for my babies and everyone else’s sanity, but I can clean up and make it more homely. Kayleigh and Amy give me a hand with the vacuuming; cleaning the windows, cleaning the floors, plumping pillows, and wipe everything down with disinfectant.

I connect some of the fragrant plug-ins I bought, to take away the stench of it being a council office type building, to make it more of a home. I am sitting at the kitchen table when I hear footsteps coming through the front door like a herd of elephants. In walks Katy, Mandy Rose and Vicky.

“What are you doing back here? I thought you would be with Mr Badass Hotness and halfway to Scotland by now. I’ve been calling and calling you.”

I have completely ignored my phone all day, in case it was Logan or anyone else wanting to grill me about why I ran out on Mr Badass Hotness.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’ve been totally blanking my phone. It’s a long story and then I started cleaning, I got a bit side tracked.”

They all sit around the table looking at me like I’ve grown another head.

“Babe, are you okay? What’s going on with you two? I am worried about you, we all are,” Rose says to me. She looks me in the eye with her big beautiful brown eyes. I immediately feel guilty when I see how worried she is. She takes my hand.

“Let’s have another girlie night in tonight. You’ve been through shit loads, we all have. We’ll get some food and a bottle of wine, watch a movie and just chill, whatever. What do you think, babe?” Katy suggests. “I’ll go get the drink.” With that she turns on her heels and leaves.

“Let me get my purse I will come with.” Vicky follows.

Mandy jumps up to accompany them. “Wait for me, let me grab my purse. I’m gonna make a curry.”

I walk to the kitchen counter and grab my handbag. I take out my phone, scroll up the start screen and see the endless missed calls and texts I’ve received.

“Wow, how has my battery lasted so long?”

I make Rose and I another coffee and read through my text messages.

“So what’s going on with you chick, I don’t get it? You both seem so well into each other. What’s the deal?”

I look down and study Rose’s arm, taking in her stunning looking tattoo of a care bear. It’s no ordinary care bear, it’s cool as fuck. It looks so unusual. I’ve never seen one like it before.

It’s black and red with a rock t-shirt that says
Rock on
. There is a picture of a rock star playing a guitar, the care bear is holding up its paw doing the devils horns that Rose does all the time.

“The deal is this, babe. I can’t ever be together with him, like properly with him. My ex will kill either me or Logan, or worse, both of us. He’s not gonna let it happen. He’s never going to stop hunting me until I’m a trembling, weak mess and God forbid I go back to him.”

I stare at my hands that I am holding together tightly to stop me from biting my nails, until there is nothing left of them.

The very thought of ever going back to Ian makes me shake with pure and utter terror, and the thought of losing Logan and then him finding someone else just breaks my heart into a million pieces.

“I totally get you lovely, and I know you would never go back to that evil fucker, not willingly, but I also know you have this awesome opportunity. You have another shot at being happy. It’s just not right that you can’t grab it with both hands because of that sick and twisted fucking man.”

“I love Logan with all my heart, so much it fucking hurts. I think about him when I first open my eyes in the morning, and he’s the one I’m thinking about when I shut my eyes at night. I just don’t know how to get out of this horrible situation I’m in. I don’t know what to do. Whatever way I look at it, I lose.”

I look at my phone as it buzzes on the table next to me. I look at Rose.

“You gonna answer that, chick? You got to talk to him some time.”

I know she’s right, she’s always right. I just can’t face him. My hearts is breaking. I just know I would agree to anything if I heard his beautiful voice over the phone. I hit the off button and chuck it into my handbag.

“I will later. I’m not up to talking to him now, babe.”