Survivor (17 page)

When the bar became crowded later, they
left and walked around the West End. Morgan showed her the Windmill
Theatre, with its daring showgirl dancers, Tin Pan
Alley, where musicians went to buy sheet music, and so many theatres in which famous
actors and actresses were starring. He was his old self again, interesting and fun
to be with.

He stopped to kiss her so many times in
dark little alleys, pressing himself up hard against her in a way she found
thrilling, but also a bit frightening, because she was afraid he might try to drag
her off somewhere.

And yet, at ten o’clock, when she
said she ought to go home, he seemed absolutely fine about it.

‘We’ll walk down to Green
Park station,’ he said. ‘You can catch the tube home to St John’s
Wood from there, and I can go to Bethnal Green. Unless you want me to come the whole
way with you?’

She was touched that he was prepared to
do that, but said she was fine to go home alone. The last thing she wanted was Noah
or Lisette spotting her with him before she’d had a chance to admit where
she’d really been today.

‘Just a few more kisses,’
Morgan said as they got to Green Park, and he drew her into the park instead of the
tube station.

Holding her hand, he led her over to the
bushes at the side of the Ritz Hotel. The dining room in the hotel was lit by huge
chandeliers. There were big mirrors on the walls, crystal glasses and silver on the
tables, and the whole place seemed to shine and twinkle.

‘Look at all those toffs,’
Morgan said, indicating the diners in evening dress. ‘One of these days, Mari,
we’ll stay there. I bet the bedrooms are out of this world.’

They stood with their arms around each
other’s waists, looking at the people in the dining room for a few moments.
The women wore elegant evening dresses and beautiful
jewellery, and the men looked distinguished in their
dinner jackets and bow ties.

‘You’ll look very handsome
in a dinner jacket,’ she said. ‘But I think to eat and sleep in there
would take more money than we’re ever likely to have.’

Morgan turned to kiss her, gathering her
into his arms. As he kissed her, he moved her closer to a huge tree by the
hotel’s dining-room windows. His kisses were thrilling, but all at once
Mariette had a creepy feeling. He had manoeuvred her out of sight of anyone walking
in the park, but they were in full view of anyone looking out of the hotel
windows.

No one was looking out – they were too
intent on conversation and enjoying their dinner – but, all the same, Mariette felt
it was Morgan’s way of making a statement. He might not be able to afford to
eat or stay in the Ritz, but he could have his way with a girl right outside the
window.

She tried to disengage herself from his
lips so she could say she wanted to move away, but he held her all the tighter. His
hand was under her dress, groping into her knickers, and all at once she realized
that he really did intend to have his way with her, whether she was willing or
not.

Shocked, she managed to get her hands on
his shoulders and push him away enough to stop the kiss. ‘I must go now,
Morgan,’ she said, hoping he would say something which would prove she’d
been wrong about his intentions.

‘Not yet, I’m going to fuck
you first.’

Appalled that he would use that ugly
word, she tried to push him away more forcefully. ‘I don’t want this,
it’s not right,’ she said.

‘You thought it was just fine on
the ship, and it’s the very same cock,’ he said, putting his hand down
to his fly and unbuttoning it.

An image of the humiliation she’d
suffered with Sam came
into her mind.
‘I said no,’ she yelled out, pushing him away with as much force as she
could muster. ‘Stop it.’

‘You don’t mean that. You
love it,’ he said, pushing her back hard against the tree and using the weight
of his body to hold her there.

She saw red. He was not going to treat
her like this. She moved her head, as if to kiss him, and as his lips came close to
hers she opened her mouth and bit down hard on his lip. At the same time, she
brought her knee up swiftly to his groin.

He reeled back, staggering. She’d
drawn blood on his lips.

‘How can you be like this!’
she snarled at him. ‘You call that love?’

She ran for it then. She heard him call
out that he was sorry, but she didn’t stop. The tube entrance was just outside
the gates, and she ran down the steps into the station, rushing to buy a ticket. She
was just going through the barrier to the escalator, biting back tears, when she
heard him call out.

‘
Wait,
Mariette!
’

She glanced round to see him coming down
the steps, two at a time, into the station. ‘I didn’t mean it, let me
explain!’ he yelled out.

Tossing her head in defiance, she walked
on swiftly to the escalator.

Yet when he didn’t come running
down after her, contrite and loving, prepared to take her home without any further
funny business, tears welled up in her eyes. What a fool she’d been to think
he loved her. All he wanted was some furtive sex before joining up, and that was so
very humiliating.

Lisette and Noah were in the kitchen
when Mariette opened the front door. Lisette called out to say she was just making
some cocoa. All Mariette wanted to do was go up to her
room and sob out her disappointment at Morgan’s
behaviour. But she knew Lisette and Noah would find it odd, if she didn’t join
them.

As she’d expected, Lisette asked
what she’d done and if she’d had a good time.

‘I told you a fib,’ Mariette
admitted. ‘I didn’t go out with a girlfriend. I met Morgan from the
ship.’ She looked at Noah and explained that Morgan had been the steward who
looked after her in the sickbay when she had an allergic reaction.

‘Why did you lie about it?’
Noah asked. He didn’t sound angry, just puzzled.

‘I thought you wouldn’t
approve,’ she said, hanging her head. ‘But he’s left the ship now
and is enlisting in the army.’

‘Did you like him as much today as
you did on the ship?’ Lisette asked. She was looking hard at Mariette, as if
she suspected something.

‘No, not really.’ Mariette
shook her head. ‘He’s handsome, good company, but he’s not for
me.’

‘A pretty girl of your age should
have lots of admirers, and not take any of them too seriously,’ Noah said with
a broad smile. ‘Speaking of admirers, Gerald telephoned this evening. He wants
to take you to the theatre next week, and he’s going to ring again
tomorrow.’

‘Lovely,’ she said weakly.
‘That will be nice.’

The way she felt now, she didn’t
think she would ever trust another man. But she wasn’t going to say anything
that would make Lisette question her further about Morgan.

Later that night, while Mariette was
sitting at her dressing table and giving her hair the hundred brush strokes
she’d been brought up to believe were necessary for shiny hair, Morgan was
slumped on the front doorstep of the rooming house in Whitechapel.

He hadn’t
been able to go after Mariette because he had to queue for a ticket, and by the time
he’d gone through the barrier she was already on the train going home.
He’d done it all wrong; he might have known that a few months in London with
relatives that were toffs would change her. What on earth possessed him to paw at
her like a bloody savage?

The truth was that he knew, just from
the way she spoke about her life in London, she was never going to settle for
someone like him. He saw the way she looked at those people dining at the Ritz, her
eyes shining like she’d just seen God. It hurt because, on the ship,
she’d looked at him the same way. It wasn’t much of an excuse to come up
with for the way he’d tried to force himself on her, but it was the only one
he could offer. Maybe he’d thought that, if he could arouse her again, that
look would come back into her eyes for him.

He rested his elbows on his knees and
held his head in his hands. The street was still as noisy now, at nearly midnight,
as it was during the day. Drunks were staggering along, shouting to anyone they
passed, and further along the pavement a whole family were sitting out drinking; a
piano jangled from somewhere near, some youths were play-fighting down under the
street light on the corner, and every now and then someone would stick their head
out of a window and shout for someone.

Morgan had always loved this part of
London – he understood the people – but how could he ever have thought Mariette
would like it too?

All she’d see was the squalor,
ignorance, overcrowding and deprivation. She would never see the spirit of the
residents, laugh at their rich sense of humour, or want to make friends with anyone
here.

It was bad
enough to know that Mariette had her heart set on a way of life he could never give
her. But it was far worse to think that her last memory of him would be of how he
had tried to force himself upon her.

He was so ashamed.

As Mariette walked back from her final
day at college in early July, carrying her diploma, she felt very dejected. She had
passed her final exams with distinction, but the elation of her achievement was
deflated by knowing she would have to go home to New Zealand now.

War was imminent. Noah had worn a
permanently worried expression for weeks. She’d recently seen him and Lisette
having whispered conversations, which stopped when she came into the room, and she
knew they were talking about getting her a passage home. It was futile to beg them
to let her stay as her parents were insisting she must return home; they had already
met her halfway by allowing her to finish the secretarial course and get her
diploma. But now she had it, she would have to go.

She really didn’t want to leave.
She loved everything about England, and although all the accelerated preparations
for war were scary – barrage balloons appearing up in the sky, more trenches being
dug in the parks, sandbags being stockpiled outside buildings, windows being taped
up and more bomb shelters being built – she still wanted to stay.

It didn’t help that the weather
was hot and sunny, and Rose and her friends were all talking about summer balls,
picnics and open-air concerts. There was an atmosphere of ‘do it now, for
tomorrow may be too late’ in the air; men of twenty and twenty-one had already
been called up, and London was full of men in uniform.

She tried to
think about the positive aspects of going home. But apart from seeing her family,
and swimming and sailing, nothing else sprang to mind. To be stuck on the other side
of the world, twiddling her thumbs while every able-bodied man went off to fight,
was not a pleasing prospect.

She had felt so low immediately after
the incident with Morgan that she might have welcomed going home then, but
she’d put that behind her. He did write to apologize, but the letter was brief
and inarticulate, giving her no real idea of his reasons, that all it did was
confirm how unsuitable he was for her.

That didn’t stop her thinking
about him, though, and wondering why he had suddenly behaved as he did. She wished
she could sit and talk to him face to face, and try to find out.

But, meanwhile, she had Gerald to take
her out. She might not feel anything but friendship towards him, but he was fun,
kind and he was too much of a gentleman to pressure her into more than a goodnight
kiss.

Mariette walked round the side of the
house to go in through the kitchen, then stopped short in astonishment at the sight
in front of her. A long table had been set up for a dinner party on the lawn. It was
laid beautifully, with flowers and dozens of candles. All at once it dawned on her
that it was for her, a surprise leaving party, and this was what Noah and Lisette
had been whispering about recently.

She might not want to go home, but it
was very kind of Noah and Lisette to send her off in style.

Lisette came out of the kitchen, stopped
short and then laughed at Mariette’s stunned expression. ‘Yes, it is for
you, we wanted to celebrate you passing your exams. I have been
praying for warm weather for weeks so we could have it
in the garden, and my prayers have all been answered.’

‘It looks so lovely.’
Mariette’s eyes began to well up; she was so touched that Lisette would
pretend the party was for her exam results, rather than her leaving. ‘Fancy
you doing all this and keeping it secret!’

‘It’s been a
pleasure.’ Lisette came closer to Mariette and wiped her tears away with a
corner of her apron. ‘Let me see your diploma, we must put that up somewhere
so everyone can see it.’

Mariette took it out of the envelope and
handed it to Lisette.

‘Passed with distinction!’
Lisette exclaimed. ‘Noah is going to be so proud of you. But off you go, and
get ready now. You must look your best to greet all the guests. Rose is up there
already.’

At six thirty, Mariette was ready,
wearing her cream lace dress. Rose had pinned her hair up for her and fastened a
couple of pink rosebuds amongst the curls.

‘Papa wanted us down before the
guests arrive so we can have some family moments on our own,’ she said, giving
Mariette’s hair a few little tweaks. ‘I do hope he isn’t going to
say this is a farewell party too, and that he’s going to put you on a ship any
minute. I really don’t want you to go, Mari. I know that’s selfish of
me, when you want to see your family, but it’s been so lovely having you
here.’

‘I don’t want to go
either,’ Mariette admitted, touched that Rose felt that way. ‘But
it’s what my parents want. So let’s make the most of tonight as we may
never get the chance again. ’

Down in the drawing room Noah handed
them both a glass of champagne, and they had a little toast to Mariette.
Then Lisette asked Rose to come and
help her in the kitchen. Mariette sensed this was because Noah had something to say
to her, and her heart sank.

‘Lisette thinks I ought to wait
till tomorrow to tell you this,’ he said, looking very serious. ‘But as
I know all your friends will think this party is also a farewell dinner, I felt I
had to tell you now.’

He paused, as if he didn’t know
how to say it. ‘I have been a little blinkered,’ he went on. ‘I
didn’t think there would be any problem getting you home, but it seems almost
all the ships going to New Zealand are now concentrating on carrying cargo, and the
few remaining ones taking passengers are already fully booked. I am so sorry, my
dear, but unless something turns up at the last minute, I think you will have to
stay here.’

Mariette was unable to speak for the
shock.

‘I’ve tried pulling
strings,’ he said, clearly thinking her silence was due to distress.
‘But it’s been to no avail. I feel I have failed you and your parents. I
am so very sorry.’

A bubble of glee burst inside her. She
wanted to hug him, dance around the room with him, tell him it was her dream come
true. But she resisted the temptation. It was more seemly to appear anxious and
disappointed that she wouldn’t see her family in the near future.

She put her hand on his arm.
‘It’s alright, Uncle Noah,’ she assured him. ‘No one
could’ve known what was going to happen. You did your best. And anyway, as I
have an English mother and a French father, maybe it is right that I should stay and
make some contribution to the war effort.’

His frown vanished. ‘That is both
brave and noble, Mari. I must say that none of us wanted to lose you, we’ve
all become so fond of you. But I’m looking into finding a house somewhere
outside London, where you girls will all be safer in an air raid.’

‘Don’t let’s talk about it any more tonight,’ Mariette said.
‘Auntie Lisette has gone to so much trouble, and we must show her how much we
appreciate it.’

It was a wonderful party. Most of the
two dozen or so guests were people Mariette had become friends with through Rose.
They had all been very welcoming when she first arrived in England, including her in
so many outings and parties, and they all said they were delighted she wasn’t
going home so they could have even more fun together. The food was superb, the wine
flowed, and when darkness fell the dozens of candles and the strings of coloured
lights in the bushes made the garden look enchanted.

Mariette found it a little odd that
Jean-Philippe and his wife, Alice, weren’t here. Surely they must have been
invited to a family party? She sensed a bit of a mystery there; she had met them
twice, and only fleetingly, but even in those brief moments she’d felt a
strained atmosphere. Lisette did go on her own sometimes to see her son – just for
lunch, mainly – but she never said anything about the meeting when she came home.
Mariette had asked Rose about it, but she shrugged it off. ‘Jean-Philippe is
an odd fish,’ was all she would say on the subject.

But Mariette’s thoughts about
Jean-Philippe were only passing ones. There were so many people here who she wanted
to chat to, and she was soon busy making arrangements for future outings.

Rose brought out her gramophone and
played some records later. But Mariette held herself back from much of the dancing
and revelry because she wanted to convey to Noah and Lisette that she was a little
shaken by what she’d been told earlier.

Mog had often claimed that Mariette was
devious, but
she’d never quite
grasped what Mog meant. But she knew now. Back home, she had never cared if her
family were cross with her, but as soon as she’d realized England was where
she wanted to stay, she’d gone out of her way to make her hosts love her so
they wouldn’t want to send her home.

She knew it was a bit devious to be
helpful, appreciative, sunny natured and affectionate to suit her own ends. But
then, it wasn’t hard to be that way here because Noah, Lisette and Rose were
such lovely, reasonable people who were intent on giving her a good time.

Maybe she did pile on a little extra
admiration for Rose, to keep her happy, and she certainly never opposed any plans
she made for them both. She went out of her way to spend time with Lisette too,
something Rose didn’t do, and she asked Noah endless questions about his
writing, about English history, or anything else that he cared about.

What had begun as a plan to butter them
up became unnecessary as she really did like them a great deal. She had found Noah
to be a fascinating man, and Lisette had hidden depths that she wished she could
delve into and discover her secrets. She would admit that, had she met Rose back
home, she would have cut the girl down to size immediately – because she was
opinionated, a snob and sometimes mean-spirited – but she had other qualities that
more than made up for the irritating things, such as her patience in teaching
Mariette to dance, her sense of fun, and the fact that she was so loyal. She never
told tales, she didn’t belittle Mariette in front of friends, and she was
always supportive.

She was more ashamed of her deviousness
with Gerald. She acted all breathless and happy to see him, pretending his kisses
excited her to maintain his interest, because she liked being wined and dined and
treated like a lady.

She could see
him now, enjoying the party. He was chatting with Rose, Peter and a couple of other
people, but he kept looking around longingly for her with his puppy-dog eyes. He was
a considerate man, so he probably sensed she wanted a bit of time to herself and
would wait for her to go over to him. She liked that about him – in fact, she liked
a great deal about him – but as a friend, nothing more.

She’d become so good at playing
the ideal guest that she found herself becoming the ideal daughter too. When she
spoke to her parents on the telephone, she was always careful to say how much she
missed them, her brothers and Mog. She took an interest in everything they were
doing, knowing all this would convince them she had grown up and become a
responsible person. She only told them news that smacked of culture or education,
such as the plays she’d seen at the theatre, the ballets at Sadler’s
Wells, or her friendships with fellow students at college. She left out the parties
and wilder entertainment.

A few weeks ago, while in Noah’s
study, she’d seen and sneakily read a partly written letter to her parents. He
wrote with warmth and affection about how mature she’d become, how charming
she was to their friends, and how helpful to Lisette. He had broken off at the point
where he said how much they would all miss her when she went home, and she had
wondered if he was considering pleading for her to stay.

If she could just rid herself of
nostalgic thoughts about Morgan, she would claim to be the happiest girl in the
world tonight. She didn’t understand why he kept creeping back into her mind
after the shocking way he’d behaved towards her.

But perhaps it was just as well
he’d shown his true colours because living here in St John’s Wood had
given her a taste for the finer things in life, and he could never have matched it.
Maybe that did make her mercenary, but she couldn’t think
of anything worse than living in a couple of shabby
rooms and wearing the same dress day in and day out, not even if Morgan treated her
like a queen.

‘That’s what I want,’
she thought as she watched Noah and Lisette dancing cheek to cheek. It was obvious
to everyone that theirs was a marriage made in heaven. Even when they had a little
tiff about something, one of them would start to laugh, and suddenly it was all over
and they would be hugging each other. Mariette couldn’t imagine anything or
anybody ever coming between them. Her parents were the same, although her mother was
a lot less docile than Lisette.

She wondered if you knew when
you’d met the right man, from the very first meeting. And if not, how long did
you have to give it to be absolutely certain?

In the weeks that followed her
graduation party, Mariette observed that people had become much more focused on what
was important and what wasn’t. Everyone kept talking about making the most of
everything because they didn’t know what was around the corner, the
implication being that death could snatch them away at any time. It helped that the
weather in July and August was beautiful, with long periods of hot sunshine. Noah
said he’d never before seen so many people picnicking on Hampstead Heath and
swimming in the ponds there.

People were remarkably calm about the
prospect of war, but that could be because they weren’t very well informed and
still imagined it would be averted at the last moment.

Mariette was informed, thanks to Noah.
He had been incensed, back in March, when Hitler sent his troops into
Czechoslovakia. And when Germany and Italy agreed the Pact of Steel, in May,
he’d said no one could possibly claim they hadn’t got aggressive
intentions.

It was his sense
of duty, and the need to keep his finger on the pulse, as he put it, that prompted
Noah to pack Lisette, Rose and Mariette off for a holiday in a cottage near Arundel
at the start of August, while he stayed at home in London.