Susan Spencer Paul (8 page)

Alexander made an impatient, irate gesture with his hand. “It is too late to speak of what might have been. We have little choice, either of us, but to accept what is going to be and try to make the best of it. You should be grateful that I’m willing to allow you such freedoms. By all rights, once we are wed, you should be made to live at Gyer, or wherever I please to put you.”

She threw him an angry glare and walked to one of the open windows. “Your kindness overwhelms me, my lord. It is easy for you to speak of what will be. Your life will not change overmuch. You will still have your family, your people. You’ve had a whole lifetime of freedom, already. All I have ever done is dream of it.” Her voice filled with longing. “Now I shall never know it.”

Alexander began to thaw. The sadness in her voice called forth an unwilling response of sympathy in him. He wanted to take her in his arms, comfort her, reassure her that it would not be so bad. He wanted to tell her that he understood how she felt, that he was sorry, that he would take care of her and be gentle with her in every way until she left Gyer. He didn’t seem to be able to find a voice to express these thoughts, however, so he watched in silence as she dropped her head and again fought back tears.

It was a futile struggle and she cried quietly for a minute or two, her shoulders shaking slightly, her hands moving to wipe at her cheeks. And the anger in him continued to melt.

“Lillis—”

“Don’t.” She stopped him. “You have said quite enough, my lord. I thank you. I do not wish to hear more. I understand my circumstances perfectly.” She drew in a shaky breath. “I am a great believer in accepting one’s fate, you know. You could not have picked a better victim for your plan. I’ll not treat you to a fit of hysterics.”

“I will respect your feelings, Lillis of Wellewyn, and I will respect your person. You need have no fear of me. I shall do all that I can to make you comfortable as my wife.”

She nodded mutely.

Alexander felt weary. All the anger had drained out of him. All the coldness had been melted by the gentleness of her. But he felt no regrets. He was the Lord of Gyer. He’d made the right decision.

“Come.” He held out a hand to her. “We shall go and tell those who are in the hall. My people will be glad when they hear the news, and they will cease talk of sharpening the ax. You’ll be well loved, you know, once the dam is torn down.”

Her face held no expression as she walked toward him and placed her hand on his. She stood wooden before him, as if she had no life in her. Alexander didn’t even know he’d lifted his other hand until he saw his fingers stroke her cheek in a gentle caress.

“All will be well, Lillis,” he promised quietly. “All will be well.”

She neither moved nor answered, but only stared at him, her pale face blank of everything save exhaustion. It was a state he was familiar with. As soon as the announcement was made, he thought, leading her toward the great hall, he was going to sleep like a dead man.

“I’
m weary, Willem. Can this not wait till later?”

Willem followed his brother closely up the stairs.

“No, Alex, please let me talk to you. It won’t take long.”

Alexander pushed open his bedchamber door. “Talk, then,” he invited grudgingly, sitting on his bed and pulling off his boots. “But make it quick.”

“Alex,” Willem began carefully, “I have a suggestion that I think might be helpful.”

“Do you?” Alexander raised an eyebrow at him. After all the screaming and yelling he’d just encountered from his relatives about his plans to marry Lillis of Wellewyn, he could only wonder at what kind of idea his brother might have.

Willem nodded and, to Alexander’s surprise, blushed.

“I would like to offer to marry Lillis of Wellewyn myself,” he said. “There is no reason that you should be the one to make the sacrifice. You and Barbara have been betrothed since you were both children, while I’ve no previous attachments to hold me back. The land will come to Gyer no matter which one of us marries Lady Lillis, and it would be better for me to be the one, I think.”

For some reason that he couldn’t understand, Alexander felt like punching Willem squarely on the jaw, regardless of the fact that he knew his brother was only trying to be helpful.

“No,” he said firmly. “I’ll not have you make a sacrifice of yourself for my sake. I’m the one who’ll do the marrying. I am the Lord of Gyer and it is right that I be the one to take the responsibility for my decision in this matter.”

Willem shifted from one foot to the other and studied the floor.

“It wouldn’t exactly be a sacrifice,” he said quietly.

“What?” Alexander was certain he hadn’t heard his brother correctly. His boots dropped to the floor with a loud thunk.

“I said—” Willem looked at him “—it wouldn’t exactly be a sacrifice were I to marry the lady Lillis. I—I find her very attractive and, though I’ve only known her a short time, I think she is a rather admirable female.”

Alexander was so stunned that momentarily he could not think of a single thing to say. Something inside him longed to tell his brother that Lillis of Wellewyn belonged to
him,
and that if Willem wished to keep his head on his shoulders he’d best keep his distance from her.

“Willem,” he said as calmly as he could, “this is going to be a marriage of requirement between Lillis of Wellewyn and myself, not one of truth. I’ve promised her that she may go free once the land has been put legally under my control. Attraction and admiration have nothing do to with the union.”

Willem blushed painfully under his brother’s stern gaze. “I realize that is what you have to offer her, Alex, but I believe I could offer her something more. You know that I am not very...comfortable...with women, but I think she and I could be comfortable together. At least she would have someone to share her life with, instead of having to be alone. I know we don’t love each other. How could we, having so recently met? But I have reason to believe that she might not be adverse to the idea.”

“Is that so?” Alexander demanded angrily, standing full height. “And what gives you the idea that Lady Lillis might possibly feel that way? Has she said as much to you? Has she?”

“No, Alex, we’ve hardly spoken to each other,” Willem assured him quickly, taking a few prudent steps backward. “We’ve never been alone long enough to be able to do so.” The words came tumbling out. “But she has been pleasant to me, nonetheless, and I’m not nervous with her as I am with other women. I simply think we might suit. Don’t you want to be able to marry Barbara?” he asked with confusion.

Alexander quickly turned away. Barbara! His enchanting little cousin. Wouldn’t he give everything to be able to marry her? Wouldn’t he? All of his life he’d expected to wed her, had grown used to her, and feelings such as that didn’t die easily. Perhaps he didn’t love her as a man should love a wife, but he did care for her, and he certainly found her to be everything a man could want in a wife. Yet a remembrance of her unpleasant behavior that morn flashed through his mind—how expectant he’d been of just such a reaction. Just as quickly he had a vision of Lillis of Wellewyn softly crying and accepting her fate. If the truth were known, he’d wanted to send Barbara away so he wouldn’t have to listen to her wailing, but he’d wanted to hold Lillis of Wellewyn, to comfort her, to let her comfort him in return.

“I’m going to marry Lillis of Wellewyn tomorrow, Willem. I’m sorry if you possess some kind of affection for her, but my decision stands. Now, if you will, I’m very tired.”

Willem was quiet behind him, neither speaking nor moving. A loud, furious knock came at the door, and John Baldwin stormed in without waiting for Alexander’s admittance.

“So!” John shouted furiously, slamming the door behind him. “I’ve come to give justice, Cousin!”

Without warning, the redheaded man launched himself at Alexander, catching him hard across the left cheek with his fist. The blow knocked Alexander back a step or two but did not fell him. Alexander made no move to return the insult, but only fingered his face where the blow had fallen.

“Hello, John,” he greeted, grimacing from the pain. He had to give his cousin his due. For such a small man he had delivered a stinging blow. “I’ve been expecting something like that from you.”

“She’s in her room, crying,” John Baldwin informed him hotly, both fists clenched at his side. “It would have been kinder if you’d simply killed her.”

Alexander had no time for such foolishness. “I’m sorry, John,” he said curtly. “You know I’d never have hurt Barbara could I have avoided doing so. I care for her greatly.”

“You care for her!” John Baldwin was incredulous. “Bastard! You put her aside so that you can marry that whore from Wellewyn, yet still you say you care for her?”

He threw himself at Alexander again, but Alexander deftly caught his two clenched fists and held him back. Willem came from behind to pin John’s arms down. Thus contained, John was forced to give up the assault. He struggled only a moment longer, then wrenched his arms free and glared at Alexander.

“Go on!” Alexander muttered. “I’ll not speak with you when you’re so overset.”

“You don’t care anything about my sister,” John insisted. “She’s devoted most of her life to loving you, yet you destroy her for a piece of land. Well, you may have your land and Lillis of Wellewyn—and welcome to them. Only keep away from Barbara. I mean it.” He left as he had come, and slammed the door behind him just as loudly.

Willem turned wide eyes on his brother. “If you change your mind about my offer, Alex, I’ll be ready. Even to the last minute.”

Alexander shook his head. “I’ll not change my mind. Don’t waste your time waiting.”

Willem left and Alexander finished undressing. He wanted to sleep, to blank his mind from the thoughts that stirred inside him. Instead, he sat on the edge of his bed, naked, and stared at the adjoining door.

She was on the other side. She and her Edyth. He wondered if she was all right, if she was able to rest any more than he. There was a way for him to use that door that she didn’t know about; a pin he could push that would allow him to unlock both bolts from his side. His father had designed it that way so that his mother could never effectively lock herself away, so that he would always have a way to get into her room. Alexander himself would use it if the need ever arose, if Lillis of Wellewyn ever defied him entrance to her chamber once she had become his wife.

Alexander stared at the door a few moments longer, and then he put himself to bed. He was exhausted beyond belief, his thoughts already wandering into dreams the moment he lay down on the soft feather bed. He slept, restlessly, until a servant came to tell him that Father Bartholomew had arrived with the marriage contract.

* * *

Time didn’t have much substance for Lillis after her talk with Alexander of Gyer ended. She had done her best to change his mind, and in the end had been forced to accept the inevitable.

As soon as she accepted her fate she fell into a state of deep despair. She was aware that things were happening, that people were talking, that she herself was moving and living and breathing, but she had no real involvement in any of it.

He had led her into the great hall. Every eye in the room had been upon them. He had made the announcement and those present had reacted. There had been relief on the part of the village leaders, who had originally come to demand her head, Candis and Justin had cheered loudly, the twins had stared openmouthed, Willem had looked unspeakably shocked, Barbara had cried while a man whom Lillis assumed was her brother tried to calm her, and Aunt Leta had fainted dead away.

It was Willem who’d taken her to her room, finally, and she had sensed a great deal of sympathy in him. He had squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek, the first time a man other than her father had kissed her at all, and he’d reassured her that everything would be all right. Once she had gone into her bedchamber Edyth had taken charge, caring for her while she was unable to take care of herself.

Somehow she’d found a way to tell Edyth what had happened, and the two of them spent the rest of the day sitting side by side. Edyth had cried and cried. Lillis couldn’t really remember what she had done, other than sit. Alexander of Gyer came later with a priest, and she had mutely signed the marriage contract that was placed in front of her. They had left immediately after.

Had she eaten that day? Or slept that night? She didn’t know. When had the afternoon passed into the night? And when had the night passed into the next day? Before she knew it she was besieged by servants—servants and a subdued Aunt Leta, who had come to prepare her for the wedding.

She had only a vague memory of what preparations took place. She was bathed in water that smelled like lilacs, then dried and perfumed. She was dressed in underclothes of the finest white silk, so different from the plain, rough underclothing she was used to. A surcoat of gold-embroidered purple damask was fitted over these and belted with a gold chain ornamented with rubies and diamonds. Her hair was braided and fashioned atop her head, then covered with white silk. A circlet of gold and rubies was carefully arranged on top.

Edyth cried throughout the whole of it, sitting on the bed and sniffing into her handkerchief.

Sometime later someone came to get them, and Lillis was led down the stairs, into the great hall, and out of the castle to the inner bailey. Who led her, she did not know, though she thought later it might have been Willem. She remembered being greeted outside the chapel by a great throng of people who cheered loudly at her. Inside she remembered seeing only him, Alexander of Gyer, waiting at the start of the long aisle to lead her to the altar.

She repeated her vows dumbly, never able to recall later what she had promised to do and not do. He spoke, as well, looking at her with his beautiful green eyes. He was more handsome than she had remembered, his dark hair brushed smooth, his face cleanly shaven. He clasped her hand tightly throughout the ceremony, as though afraid to let go of her. Afterward, having received the kiss of peace from the priest, he kissed her gently on the lips, the second kiss she had ever received from a man, though the first on her lips. From somewhere close by she heard Barbara wailing loudly, while directly in back of her, Edyth began sniffing again. A slight tremor passed over Alexander’s features when he heard the women crying, and Lillis thought dimly that he mourned the loss of his Barbara. He led her outside then, one arm strong about her waist. The crowd cheered and cheered, and he took her into the castle.

A great feast followed. Her husband escorted her to the long table, set upon a dais at the front of the great hall, seated her in the place of honor and then sat beside her. There was music and feasting; people danced and laughed and ate for many hours. Lillis didn’t recall what she ate, or whether she drank any wine; she was only aware that he held her hand throughout the celebration, sometimes stroking her fingers and sometimes squeezing them. They did not speak to each other at all.

At last Aunt Leta came and, with some of her ladies, took her away from the table and led her upstairs to her chamber.

Edyth was there, pale and still tearful, and rushed to take Lillis’s hands.

“Oh, my dear!”

“Please don’t cry any longer, Edyth,” Lillis murmured, feeling very weary. “It’s all over now.”

“Not yet,” Aunt Leta disagreed, though not unkindly. “There is still the matter of the consummation, and then it shall be over. Come, now—” she waved the four ladies who’d accompanied them toward Lillis “—the Lord of Gyer will be here shortly, and she must be made ready.”

“But—” Lillis felt utterly bewildered as the women began to undress her.

“Hush!” Aunt Leta admonished, removing Lillis’s chain girdle with care. “We’ve no time for talk. Hurry, Jehanne, and unbraid her hair. It must be brushed before we put her to bed.”

“Edyth?” Lillis looked for her maid and found her standing in the shadows, tears pouring out of her eyes as she shook her head with misery.

“Oh, my dear,” Edyth cried. “My poor, sweet lady.”

Aunt Leta made a sound of impatience. “Poor, indeed! Do you suppose my nephew’s going to do anything to her that men haven’t done to their wives since God made Adam?”

The words caused Lillis’s frozen rage to uncoil, and she came to life all at once. With nothing to cover her nakedness but her thin chemise, she pushed the women away.

“No more!” she demanded furiously. “I’ll not be treated in such a manner, as if I were naught but chattel!” With a shaking finger, she pointed to the door. “Leave me at once. All of you, save Edyth.”

“Don’t be a fool!” Aunt Leta snapped. “We’ll not leave until the consummation of the marriage has been witnessed. Are you so ignorant, my girl, that you don’t know this?”

Lillis felt as if the breath had been sucked right out of her and, trembling, backed away from the women until she came up against a wall.

“No,” she whispered in horror. “No, I don’t know... Witness the—?”

“Witness the consummation,” Aunt Leta repeated firmly. “How else is Alexander to gain that land unless the marriage has been legally consummated? And how can he prove it’s been legally consummated unless there are witnesses? Without witnesses your father will have this marriage annulled as quick as this.” She snapped her fingers. “Now, cease this childish behavior and let us put you into the bed, else your lord and his men will find you without, as you are.”