Sushi for One? (31 page)

He squeezed tight. Her fingers grew numb, her bones felt as if they’d break, but she didn’t protest. A tear fell down her cheek.

Then she was crying, sobbing, reaching arms around Daddy and burrowing into his shirt like she used to. His hands went around her, and she was held again.

I’m here.

Oh, God. She was so sorry.

THIRTY-SEVEN

L
ex’s foot caught against the side of a cardboard box, and her knee twinged. She hissed against the pain until it dissipated.

She should be looking for housing, not packing her stuff. But she had to keep moving, doing something, so she couldn’t think about what happened.

The doorbell rang. She made her way through the boxes, sliding her feet in small steps.

Trish.

“Can I come in?”

Lex moved aside. “There’s not much room.”

Trish wove her way to the bed and sat down. Lex stood by the door a moment, then followed her to the bed.

Trish chewed the inside of her cheek, kept her head bent. “I’m sorry, Lex.”

Sometime last night, in resting in Jesus’s forgiveness of all her headstrong stupidity, her reasons for being mad at Trish seemed just plain dumb. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. You were right about Kazuo. I let him tell me what to do.”

“He’s gone now. It’s over. Clean slate.”

But Trish started sobbing. “It’s not over. I slept with him.”

Lex jumped. But really, she shouldn’t be surprised. Hadn’t she suspected it, even though she shoved it aside in denial?

“I got drunk one night. And it happened.” Tears rolled off Trish’s nose and dripped onto the sheets.

Lex heard her own breathing in the quiet, heard Trish’s soft weeping. What was she supposed to say? To think?

“I’m so numb.” Trish sniffled. “Shouldn’t I feel something more than this?”

Lex understood numb. “I don’t know.” She stared at her hands.

After a few minutes, Trish rose. “I’ll go.”

“No, don’t go.” Lex reached for her.

“You need someone else with you.”

“I need you.”

“What could I ever do for you?” Trish’s voice broke.

“I love you, Trish.”

Trish’s face crumpled. She dropped back down to the bed, stuffing her head in the covers. She heaved and wailed. Lex touched her head, her shoulder.

It took Trish a long time to calm down. She lay staring at the wall.

“I never thought to ask God about Kazuo.”

“I never thought to ask God about Oliver. I never thought to ask God about anything I did. I just did it. And things got worse and worse.”

The doorbell rang. Trish bolted to her feet, then glanced at the bathroom.

Lex stood. “Go. I’ll get the door.”

She opened it to the sight of the top of a female head and a male chest. She looked down. Oh, Mimi. She looked up. Who was that?

Mimi pushed her way in. “You really need a larger place, Lex.”

“I’ll remember that when I win Publisher’s Clearinghouse.”

Mimi waved a hand, Vanna-like, at her escort. “Ta-daaaaa!”

Lex looked. Trish came out of the bathroom and looked.

“And?”

Mimi huffed. “Doesn’t he look like Oliver?”

Lex shrank back at the name. Trish took a step toward Mimi. “Are you nuts? What are you doing?”

“Grandma saw Lex last night with Oliver. This is Trey, who looks just like him.”

Trey smiled at Lex.

“You want me to take Trey to the wedding next week?”

“Bingo!” Mimi beamed. “Just be a little lovey-dovey with Trey, here, and Grandma won’t cut funding. I mean, that’s the only reason you were after Slimeball in the first place, right?”

Sort of. She’d wanted to conquer her fear, and Oliver had fit everything on her List. But right now, weren’t her volleyball girls all that mattered?

Lex stared at Trey, and the panic whirled like a class-five hurricane in her stomach, clawed up her throat, and squeezed tight. Her hands shook and she grabbed at the wall next to her.

Mimi saw the gesture, and her smile faded.

Lex couldn’t fail her girls. She couldn’t. It would be so easy to just take Trey to the wedding. She could do it. She could hold his hand —

She bit her lip and tasted blood. She screwed her eyes shut. She breathed in through her nose. Exhaled.

“Lex.”

She opened her eyes to look at Trish.

“You don’t have to do it.” Mimi shook her head.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, Mimi. I appreciate — ”

“That’s okay. Trish told me. Don’t force it. It’s okay.” She nodded and then hustled Trey out of the apartment. “It’ll be okay.” They left.

Now Lex had to tell the junior high girls.

She couldn’t do it. She’d had all the practice, and she couldn’t do it.

Lex sat in the parking lot outside the gym in her car — a rental Venus had gotten for her because Lex went back to work next week.

She stared at the closed gym doors.

She’d failed them. Completely.

She couldn’t pray. She had to pray.
God, please.
Wasn’t there something He could do?

Silence. But it seemed a friendlier silence than from the months before.

Please do something.
She’d wait for Him to do something. She’d wait for Him, even if He didn’t do something.

Her phone chirped. “Hello?”

“It’s Mimi.”

“What’s up?” Lex started up the car.

“I’ve found housing for you.”

Lex slammed on the brakes. “Really?”

“Yeah . . . with me.”

She wished she could see Mimi’s face, because her voice differed from normal. “In your apartment?”

“No, a few months ago, Mom and Dad got me a condo. My roommate just moved out, and . . . Want to move in?”

“Where do you live?”

“South San Jose.”

It would be a commute, but . . . “How much?”

“Free.”

“Free?”

“It’s . . . kind of a dump. A fixer-upper. If you don’t mind.”

“As long as it’s got a roof and no rats.”

“Oh, yeah, nothing like that. I was going to ask a fix-it guy to room instead, but I know you don’t have anyplace and you’ll be having surgery again soon.”

“Yeah.” Lex had hesitated asking Venus to help her again, taking her away from work.

“Well, I don’t mind taking care of you. And I know you’d be willing to help with renovations once you’re feeling better.”

This whole conversation seemed kind of weird, but hadn’t Lex just been praying? “You’re doing this, why?”

Mimi cleared her throat. Hemmed and hawed a bit. “Well, you need help. I need a roommate. I know you’re strong. You’re the ‘reliable’ cousin, so Mom and Dad won’t freak out if I live with you versus some guy they don’t know. You’re not going to steal my boyfriends. I dunno. Do I need any other reasons?”

“Yeah.”

“How about you score me some sports tickets?”

“I guess I can do that.” She could ask for a few favors from scouts, alumni association reps.

“So we got a deal?”

“When do I move in?”

THIRTY-EIGHT

L
ex fingered the diamond earrings. She hated touching them. They were too delicate for her clumsy fingers. She was more comfortable with a volleyball.

Mom had put these on when she came home to die.

Lex had never worn them, partly for that reason. Mom’s face had been tired. She’d given up. It had been a relief.

Lex never gave up. Mom shouldn’t have either.

She knew it was irrational. Mom hadn’t been able to hold back death. But the earrings reminded her of that moment Mom gave in, gave up.

Lex was giving up too. Giving it into God’s hands.

No joyous peace, no incredible assurance that all would be well. Just calm hope, and a little numbness. Maybe it would work out okay, maybe it wouldn’t. She’d wait and see.

She put on the earrings.

Her bridesmaid dress took a little while to struggle into. The floaty skirt in sickly lavender kept tangling around her clumsy knee, and she couldn’t wear the dyed-to-order pumps unless she wanted to tear the other ACL too.

Lex chucked the shoes into a box and reached for her sneakers. The long skirt hid them. Sort of.

Now, crutches or no?

She glared at the crutches against the wall. They had come out when she was vulnerable and in pain.

But what was the point of being strong, or pretending to be? Lex purposely reached up to finger the earrings. She grabbed her purse and the crutches.

Besides, Mariko would go postal when she saw Lex hobbling down the aisle with them.

She went out to the curb. An SUV parked there, but she didn’t see her dad’s car. Lex was already late. Was he late too?

Wait, she knew that SUV.

Aiden walked around the back side and unlocked the trunk.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m your ride.” He took her crutches and slid them into the back.

“Where’s Dad?”

“Already on his way to the church with Mary.”

Lex couldn’t read Aiden’s bland face. “Why?”

“Why should he wait for you when you’d be late as usual?”

She glared.

He grinned.

Grinned.

“I guess I can handle a change in chauffeurs.”

“Before we go, I have something I should have told you a couple weeks ago.”

“If this is about Ike — ”

“No, but it’s about his church.”

“His church? You hate church.”

“I’ve been going to his church.”

Lex swayed. Aiden leaped at her, but she thrust a hand in his face.

“I’m fine. Repeat what you just said.”

“I’m going to his church.”

“Since when?”

“Since two weeks ago. I’m starting to understand Christ a little more.”

Lex couldn’t speak. She considered trying to say something, but it seemed the information needed time to seep into her consciousness.

Then she realized what she’d put herself through. How her problems could have been solved earlier. Well, maybe. Sort of. Assuming she’d gotten over the whole Ike thing sooner. She was supposed to be happy Aiden had let her make herself miserable over him? “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

He backed up a step, probably because her tone hadn’t exactly been “Welcome to the body of Christ.”

“Why did it matter? You said faith was personal.”

“Personal? Personal? I’ve been chanting to myself, ‘Look, don’t touch. Look, don’t touch.’ And you were — you had — Aargh!”

Aiden looked like he was reconsidering letting a madwoman like her into his vehicle. “Um . . . what do you mean, ‘look, don’t touch’?”

Lex headed for the back of the SUV. “Where are my crutches?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to brain you with one of them.”

“Let’s try it.”

“No, she’ll know.”

But Aiden headed straight for Grandma, holding court at the far end of the reception hall. “May as well try. Besides, your dad’s there too. He’ll help.”

“Aiden!” Lex hissed and hobbled after him with the crutches.

He looked over his shoulder at her. “Come on.”

Lex caught Trish’s eye across the room and made a
Get-your-butt-over- here-now!
face. Trish got Venus and Jenn’s attention and moved to rendezvous with Aiden and Grandma.

Aiden’s smile transformed him into someone she didn’t know. Since when had he become so charming? “Hi, Grandma.”

“Who are you?” Narrowed kohl-lined eyes, pursed fucschia lips.

“I’m Aiden. I was at the rehearsal dinner last week. I’m Lex’s boyfriend.”

Grandma’s gaze hissed and smoked like mochi rice dumplings burning on a hibachi grill. “No, you weren’t. She brought that other boy.”

“No, Grandma.” Trish brandished her digital camera. “See?” She shoved the tiny screen into Grandma’s face.

Lex peered over Grandma’s shoulder at a candid shot of their table — Mimi, Aiden, Lex, Oliver, Trish.

“See? She’s with that dark-skinned boy.”

“No, Grandma, Oliver was my date.” Trish pressed a button to forward frames. “See?”

A candid shot of Trish standing next to Oliver, waiting in the restaurant foyer. It must have been taken before the bridal party showed up.

Grandma blinked. Then she darted from Trish, to Lex, to Aiden.

“How do I know you’re a boyfriend and not just one of her volleyball friends?”

“Mom, don’t you remember?” Lex’s dad spoke up. “I told you about Lex’s physical therapist a few weeks ago.”

“This is him?”

“Yeah.”

Grandma’s face could only be called pouting. Lex could almost see her brain working to find a loophole.

Lex wasn’t going to let her wiggle out of this. “Grandma, you have to honor our agreement.”

“No, I don’t. You can’t prove he’s your boyfriend.”

Lex crossed her arms. “Then the other cousins won’t even bother trying to find boyfriends.”

“What do you mean?” Grandma’s hands tightened on the arms of her chair.

“They’ll know you’ll reneg if you don’t like who they date. So what’s the use?”

Venus, Jenn, and Trish all crossed their arms and stared Grandma down.

Grandma’s frown deepened, but she threw her hands in the air.

“Fine, fine.”

Lex could breathe again. “Thanks, Grandma.”

“But Grandma’s watching you.” Her eagle eyes sliced into Lex’s.

“And she’s cutting funding if you suddenly break up with him.” She flicked a hand in Aiden’s direction, like waving away a bug.

Aiden lightly circled Lex’s waist, touching her filmy dress instead of pressing against her. “So cynical, Grandma.” He led her away. Her hands, gripping her crutches, started to shake as they walked.

“Here, sit down.” Aiden pulled out a chair from one of the reception tables. Most of the guests gathered around the dance floor, where Mariko waited near the cake table for the cutting.

Aiden sat next to her and didn’t speak. The house lights dimmed, and the DJ started the couple’s first dance.

He’d done it.
God
had done it. Lex followed Mariko’s white gown around the floor. God led, she’d only needed to follow.

“Everyone is welcome to join the happy couple.” The DJ’s smooth voice flowed over the darkened hall.

“Let’s dance.” Aiden stood up and moved in front of her.

“Dance?”

“Let’s move back and forth or side to side gently and rhythmically.”

She laughed. “Dork.” But Lex reached for her crutches, leaning against the table.

“Leave them. I’ll hold you up.”

Dancing. Slowly. Being held. “Um . . . okay.” She stood up.

Aiden didn’t touch her immediately. He came close and looked down at her with eyes glittering like star sapphires. She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder.

His hand cupped the small of her back, softer than the silk of her dress. His fir-musk scent surrounded her. She didn’t even have to think — her back, shoulders, and neck loosened.

It felt odd and yet comfortable being embraced. Aiden wasn’t touching her as much as when he massaged her, but he seemed closer. She liked feeling surrounded by him.

She limped forward a step. His hands tightened, steadying her.

Lex moved her face in close, breathed deep. A cedar-closet scent lingered on his suit jacket. He bent his head, and then his cheek touched hers.

Slightly prickly from a not-so-close shave, but smoother than she expected. His skin felt oilier than hers. How weird. Warm. And oh, his soap-fir-musk filling her pores.

They swayed like that, barely moving, for minutes, hours, days. She leaned back into the strength of his hands at her waist. He cradled her closer to him.

A whisper of breath at her cheek. Skin sliding against skin. Soft lips on the corner of her mouth.

Her heart fluttered.

She turned her head into his kiss.