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Authors: Abigail Gordon

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‘You helped us to get through it, Toby and I. Without you I would have been in despair. I am so sorry I presumed on your good nature by asking you to marry me, Libby. Obviously we aren’t on the same wavelength about that sort of thing and it won’t happen again.’


I would prefer not to talk about that if you don’t mind,’ she said with sudden coolness, stepping out into the darkness. ‘Goodnight.’

He nodded, he’d got the message. After watching her safely cross the distance between their two cottages and close the door behind her, he went in and did the same.

As the week progressed Toby was getting stronger with every day and the three of them going to the bonfire on the Friday evening was becoming a certainty that Libby was looking forward to in one way, but not in another.

She hadn’t forgotten the conversation she’d had with Nathan on the Monday night. How he’d wanted to know how much Ian had meant to her. If she’d known that within seconds of her becoming Ian’s wife Nathan had rushed through the churchyard and onto a passing bus to get away from the scene he’d just witnessed, she might have understood his questioning better, but as it was she’d found it unnerving.

The morning after the bonfire she was going to the island for the long-awaited break that she’d arranged, and on the Thursday night was intending going into the town to do a big shop as there was no way she wanted to be going backwards and forwards between Greystone House and the village or the privacy she was looking forward to would be gone.

She’d arranged to be taken there and brought back the following Saturday by one of her patients who owned a boatyard on the lakeside and also offered transport on the water to anyone requiring it.

‘I’d be obliged if you could take me to the island early Saturday morning before anyone is about,’ she’d asked him. Easygoing Peter Nolan, who saw her from time to time for diabetes checks, had said, ‘Sure, Libby, I’ll take you in the middle of the night if you want, and you can park your car at the yard if you like, so it won’t be on view. But are you sure you’ll be all right out there on your own?’

‘Yes, I’ll be fine,’ she told him. ‘I just want a rest and some privacy.’

‘All right,’ had been the reply. ‘I’ll be waiting for you at crack of dawn on Saturday, and by the way the other day I went for my yearly retinol check that the NHS insist we diabetics have.’

‘And?’ she asked with a smile for the burly boatman.

‘The optician said everything was OK behind my eyes and she’ll be writing to you with the results.’

‘Good. Keep on watching your weight still, won’t you, Peter?’ she reminded him gently.

Whenever anyone at the surgery asked Libby where she was going for the winter break that she was planning she was evasive and Nathan decided that it was because of him. What did she think he was going to do? he thought sombrely. Ask if he could go with her, like some hungry dog begging for a bone?

After her chilly farewell the other night he felt that their relationship was back at square one again and no way was
he
going to ask what her plans were. Sufficient that they were going to spend Friday evening together with Toby, who was counting the hours.

But a week without her was going to be a long one, though he supposed he shouldn’t complain as originally her winter break had been going to be two weeks instead of one.

He didn’t know that quixotically she was desperate to be away from him to sort out her thoughts about the two of them. Ever since the night he’d rung her doorbell to ask if she had any milk to spare for Toby’s drink Nathan had never been far away.

Yet she also felt that a week would be long enough without seeing him, so she’d reduced her winter break to one week instead of two and saved the other one for Christmas.

He’d seen her arrive home with a big shop from one of the supermarkets on the Thursday evening and decided that wherever she was going it would seem that it was self-catering. When he’d told Toby on the Friday that Libby was going on holiday the following week he’d asked with the uncomplicated mind of a child why they weren’t going with her, as to him her presence was now an accepted part of his life.

Toby knew that she loved him just as much as he, Nathan, did, so he would be unhappy too while she was away. He told him gently that it needed two doctors to look after the people of Swallowbrook, especially in winter time, which meant that he was needed at the surgery while she was away and that was why they weren’t going with her.

He wasn’t going to explain to Toby that his father was always available in a staffing shortage, and that it was because Libby wanted some time away from himself that she was taking a break. So to take his young mind off her comings and goings he’d drawn his attention to the bonfire, which was no longer in the future. It was glowing and crackling not far away on the field behind the park.

Practically everyone from the village was there in party mood, but not in party clothes. Strong shoes, warm jackets and woolly hats were setting the dress code for the evening.

The members of the event’s committee were in charge of the fireworks and Toby’s eyes were wide as they exploded in brilliant-coloured cascades in the night sky. Above his head Libby and Nathan exchanged smiles at the extent of his wonderment, and Hugo, who was standing nearby with his sister, said that it was only last year that her two girls had been in a similar state of wonder, but tonight they had promoted themselves to helping with the sale of treacle toffee from a nearby stall.

Their mother was chatting to a neighbour who had appeared beside her and Libby said in a low voice, ‘Are things any easier with Patrice? Is she any nearer to accepting Warren’s death?’

He sighed. ‘Sometimes I think she is and then it all goes haywire again, which makes me wonder if she ever will. She hasn’t got your ability to face up to what life hands out to us, Libby.’

She almost laughed. Hugo hadn’t been in Swallowbrook long enough to be aware of how she’d married in haste and repented at leisure, and before that had been in love with the man beside her who had come back into her empty, organised life and turned it upside down.

She didn’t feel as if she was facing up to anything at the moment and when she turned and met Nathan’s dark, inscrutable gaze she wondered what
his
opinion of her was.

Did he think she was a tease who blew hot and cold with him? Or a frigid widow who wasn’t going to thaw out just because there were brief moments of sexual chemistry between them?

He
wasn’t thinking anything of the sort. His thoughts were travelling along different tracks. One of them was the fast line to envy because Libby and Hugo made such an attractive couple, and with the memory surfacing of his inopportune marriage proposal,
also
the other guy didn’t have a ready-made family, like himself.

Another track of thought, which was much more basic, was that the smell of the food on the barbeque was making him feel hungry, and when Toby voiced
his
thoughts by asking, ‘When are we going to have something to eat, Uncle Nathan?’ Libby took the hint and they left Hugo and his sister to carry on doing their own thing.

Unlike previous Bonfire Nights when often rain had sheeted down, the weather was perfect for this one. A winter moon high in the sky was shining down on the scene below, and although the night was chilly, it was warm around the fire and beside the barbeque, and the community spirit that was an essential part of Swallowbrook was giving off a warmth of its own.

As the two doctors and Toby stood amongst the crowd waiting to be served with sausages and beef burgers, followed by parkin and hot drinks, Nathan said, ‘It’s so good to be back. The work in Africa was hard yet very fulfilling and before Toby came into my life I’d thought I might extend my contract, but everything has changed and it is here that I want to be.’

He was giving her a lead, she thought, an opening to say how she felt about that. If it was what
she
would want him to do, yet he shouldn’t need to ask. Did Nathan think she kissed every man who might put his arms around her the way she’d kissed him?

‘Growing up in Swallowbrook would certainly be the best thing for Toby,’ she told him, keeping it impersonal. ‘It was a heavenly place to me when I was young and still is for that matter.’

‘I can remember you when you were small,’ he said, aware that he’d been sidetracked. ‘A chubby little blonde kid with your hair in bunches who always seemed to be tagging along with me and my friends.’

He’d described her exactly, she admitted to herself, and thought how well
she
remembered
him
, dark-eyed, dark-haired, agile leader of the young ones of that time. He used to call her ‘pudding’ and groan when she appeared.

Years later, when she had joined the practice as a slender, dedicated young doctor with the same golden fairness, her attractions had registered with him, but familiarity had made her seem less appealing than she was because to him she’d still been the kid who’d followed him around like a lap dog all that time ago.

It wasn’t until she’d surprised him by turning up at the airport that it had hit him like a sledgehammer with only seconds to spare that he didn’t know the woman that she had become as well as he thought he did, and ever since he’d wanted to put that right.

Reminiscing was the last thing Libby had in mind on this cheerful, noisy night beside the bonfire, so she changed the subject and brought the moment back into the present by asking, ‘So how do you think Toby is doing now that he’s on the mend?’

‘He’s doing well considering what happened, but it will be a long time before I stop having nightmares about it, and will never cease to be thankful that he ate so few of the berries.’

He would have liked to tell her on a lighter note that he’d kept a promise he’d made to Toby when he’d been in hospital and had bought a boat for the three of them, so that they could sail the lake whenever they chose, but felt that when she heard about it Libby might see it as presuming too much, so bringing his attention back to the bonfire, the fireworks and the food he gave himself up to the pleasure of being there with them both.

The fire had burnt itself out, and all that remained were a few glowing embers.

All the food had been cooked and eaten, and as the three of them walked slowly back to the cottages Nathan said, ‘I hope you enjoy your break from the practice, Libby, and also hope that you have given someone details of where you will be staying just in case of any emergencies.’

She shook her head. ‘There is no necessity. I won’t be far away and will be able to get back quickly if the need arises.’

When they were about to separate she bent and hugged Toby with a feeling that she was making a big thing about a few days on her own. There was nothing to say that she wouldn’t be bored out of her mind alone out there on the island, but she needed the respite.

When Nathan had returned to Swallowbrook she had been in a state of joyful amazement. But over recent years she had grown to be wary of life’s twists and turns. If there was one thing she didn’t want any more, it was heartache.

As he watched her holding Toby close, the feeling that she was eager to get away from him was strong, or else why would she not tell him where she would be for the next seven days?

As she straightened up their eyes met and he said coolly, ‘You never used to be so secretive. Is history repeating itself and this time
you
are telling
me
not to wait around?’

It was the first time he’d referred to that since coming back into her life and she replied steadily, ‘Not at all. I wouldn’t presume to think that I am of such importance.’

On that they separated, with Toby waving sleepily as Nathan unlocked the door and ushered him inside, leaving Libby to step into the quiet of Lavender Cottage with the feeling that their relationship had just taken another backward step.

CHAPTER EIGHT

A
LL
was still around the lake as Libby drove to the boatyard the next day in the dark of an early autumn morning. She’d loaded her car the night before with all her requirements for the week ahead while Nathan had been occupied in tucking Toby up for the night, and after a quick breakfast had been ready to leave before there had been any signs of life next door.

Now she was wondering if shutting herself away from Nathan for a week was going to make the confusion of her feelings for him any easier to cope with, but the decision was made. When she arrived Peter Nolan was waiting with the motor of his boat spluttering in the quiet morning and once they were off she didn’t look back.

When she stepped onto the landing stage at the island and felt the peace of the place wrap around her the doubts disappeared. The boatyard owner observed her dubiously and said, ‘Are you sure about this, Libby? It’s a bit remote to be out here on your own.’

‘Yes, I’ll be fine,’ she told him confidently, and on that reassurance he began to unload her belongings off the boat and carry them inside while she explored the house.

It was warm and cosy. The fires might be wood-burning stoves not yet lit, but there was also heating and lighting from the house’s own generator, which was a pleasant surprise.

She was going to love it here, she thought as she went to watch Peter prepare to set off back across the lake, but still uneasy he said, ‘So have I got it right that if folks are curious about where you are, I haven’t got to say?’

‘Yes,’ she assured him, ‘you have got it exactly right.’

‘So you don’t want me to pop across now and then for a cup of tea?’ he said jokingly.

‘Don’t you dare,’ she threatened mildly, ‘I might be tempted to prescribe castor oil the next time you come to see me if you do.’

When he’d gone she unpacked and then cooked herself a hot breakfast on the top of a magnificent stove to make up for the hasty tea and toast she’d had a couple of hours ago, and her first day at Greystone House began to get under way.

It was daylight now and as she explored the house thoroughly she thought how lovely it was in a cool, uncluttered sort of way. All the inside walls were painted white, with curtains and carpets dark gold to match modern furniture of relaxing designs.

Around the house was the lake on all sides and though the island was not large it had lots of trees and bushes with walks amongst them.
This is paradise,
she thought, or would be if she knew what lay ahead in her life. She wondered if the property ever came up for sale.

The village school was visible in the distance with the playground empty because it was Saturday. How were Nathan and Toby going to spend their weekend? she thought, and had to remind herself that she had come to the island to have some time away from them, not to be pining, otherwise the whole purpose of her being there would be wasted.

Her relationship with Nathan had moved along then taken a step back a few times since his return and amongst all the other uncertain thoughts that filled her mind was the memory of how he’d commented that if ever he had any children of his own, Toby would be loved just as much as they were. He’d said it with just a hint of regret, as if a family of his own wasn’t a certainty for a man who already had a child to bring up.

As darkness fell in the late afternoon and the lanterns came on around the lake, she put down the book she’d been reading and thought she was just as uncertain as he was with regard to whether she would ever have children and experience the joys of motherhood.

For her to do so he, Nathan, would have to be their father and the way they were blowing hot and cold with each other was not going to bring that about, yet she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about him no matter how hard she tried not to.

She would have been amazed if she
had
known how he was going to spend his weekend. That after a quiet day for Toby on the Saturday at the end of his first week back at school after the deadly nightshade scare, he had arranged to take him to his father’s on the Sunday morning for the rest of the weekend and pick him up from there for school on Monday.

Once he had dropped him off at the lodge by the river he was going to Peter Nolan’s place to take possession of the boat, so that when Toby came out of school on Monday afternoon the big surprise would be waiting for him at the moorings at the far end of the lake where privately owned boats were kept.

When he’d purchased the boat and been asked what name he would like painted on it, in a crazily insane moment of euphoria he’d said ‘
Pudding
’ and wondered what Libby would think of
that.
Would she understand that it had been chosen in tender humour, or see it as another reminder of how lukewarm had been his interest in her, not just when she’d been small but right up to him going to work abroad?

If she did think that she would be wrong, but she was hardly going to believe that in a matter of seconds at the time of his departure for Africa, he had realised how much she was a part of his life.

On Sunday morning when he went to complete the sale and take the boat out on to the lake, the first thing he saw in the yard was Libby’s car parked in front of the office. He observed it in amazement, thinking that his eyes were deceiving him, but the details on the number plate were correct and when he went into the office and asked what Dr. Hamilton’s car was doing there, Peter Nolan replied evasively that she’d needed somewhere to leave it while she was away and he’d offered to let her use an empty space on the forecourt.

‘But why would she bring it here in the first place?’ he persisted as the other man cast a quick glance in the direction of the island.

‘Ah,’ he breathed as light was beginning to dawn. ‘She wanted you to take her somewhere by boat, didn’t she, but where?’ He looked out onto the lake through the office window. ‘Not the island surely!’

The other man nodded reluctantly and said, ‘I wasn’t happy about leaving Dr. Hamilton there but she insisted she would be fine and it wasn’t for me to argue.’

‘No, of course not,’ he agreed, ‘but what is that place like? Is it fit to live in?’

‘Absolutely,’ was the assurance he was given. ‘It is an elegant, away-from-it-all retreat.’

‘Hmm,’ he murmured doubtfully, and thought he would be getting a close look at it as he sailed the boat past on his way to where he would be keeping it when not in use. Would he be able to resist the temptation to call on the hidden lady of the lake? He doubted it.

Libby and Toby were the two most precious things in his life, the boy because he, Nathan, was the pivot on which his young life revolved, and the woman because of her strength and integrity and the desire she aroused in him.
During the last few years he’d come across women who would have been there in an instant if he’d beckoned. But the one that he had on his mind was for most of the time out of reach because of their quixotic past.

As he set sail the sky was dark above and a strong wind stung his cheeks as the boat ploughed through grey water. The weather was in keeping with the gloom that had settled on him when he’d discovered that it was to the island that Libby had gone in her desire to have some time away from him.

The pleasure of acquiring the boat had been swallowed up by discovering that, but the thought of Toby’s delight when he saw it was still there and he was smiling as
Pudding
cut through the water with a comforting chug.

He was nearing the island and straining to see if there was any sign of her. Smoke was rising from the side of the house and as he drew nearer she was there, stoking a bonfire of loose branches and leaves that had been lying around, and he thought grimly that Libby must be desperate for something to do if she was having to do that to pass the time.

The landing stage for the island was close. Risking a rebuff, he began to pull in beside it and was now near enough for her to hear the noise of the motor above the wind.

She turned sharply and as she did so the long skirt she was wearing wafted onto the fire and a tongue of flame curled upwards from the hem.

‘You’re on fire!’ he shouted, and had never moved so quickly in his life. Leaving the motor running, he jumped over the side of the boat onto the stone landing stage and flung himself at her, beating out the flames with his bare hands.

When he was satisfied they were out he looked down at her sagging in his arms and saw horror and amazement in the eyes looking up into his.

‘Where did you come from?’ she croaked. ‘How did you know I was here?’

‘Shall we save that for another time?’ he said tersely. ‘Right now we need to go inside and treat any burns we might have.’ His voice got even tighter. ‘What on earth were you doing, having a fire in a gale-force wind?’

She turned her head away and asked in a low voice, ‘Where did you get the boat from?’

‘It’s mine. I’ve bought it. I picked it up from the boatyard an hour ago.’

‘So that’s how you knew I was here. Peter told you.’

‘Not exactly. I saw your car parked there and wormed it out of him. When Toby ate the poisonous berries and was so ill I promised him I’d buy a boat and tomorrow when I pick him up after school he will see that I’ve kept my word. He’s staying at Dad’s place tonight, so I’ve got some time to myself today.’ He looked down at his hands. ‘They’re beginning to blister where I beat out the flames. What about you, Libby?’

She looked down at the charred fabric of the skirt and said, ‘I think you appearing so quickly saved me from anything like that. I’ll go upstairs and strip off shortly but first, Nathan, let me look at your hands.’ As he spread them out in front of him she saw that he wasn’t wrong. The skin was bright red and blisters were appearing.

When she cried out in dismay he said dryly, ‘Don’t fuss, Libby. Do you have your medical bag with you?’

‘Yes,’ she replied as the wind howled around them. ‘I brought it in case of emergencies, but was not expecting anything of this kind. I’ll go and get it.’

He nodded. ‘While you’re doing that I’ll see to things out here before I come inside, such as putting the fire out. I’ve got a bucket on board and with the lake on your doorstep there’s no shortage of water, and then I’ll see to the boat, which is reasonably secure as I flung the loop end of the rope over the mooring post as I jumped onto the landing stage. But the motor needs switching off and the rope tightening until I’m ready to leave. It looks as if it’s going to be a rough night out there.’

When she came back downstairs carrying the bag he was coming in from outside and looking around him with interest. Pointing to a nearby kitchen chair for him to be seated, she thought that his hands must be really painful, but he sat patiently without a murmur while she put dressings on them that were specially for burns and then brought him a glass of water and painkillers.

‘I’m sorry to inflict myself on you like this,’ he said when he’d taken the tablets. ‘I knew you were here, but wasn’t intending calling until I saw you out there stoking the fire. When I saw your skirt was alight I had to do something even though you’d been so secretive about where you were going to spend your break and were so adamant that you wanted to be left alone.

‘I was originally on my way to anchoring the boat at the moorings where I’m going to keep it when not in use. It’s there that Toby will see it for the first time tomorrow after school, so I will be off shortly and once it is secured will take a taxi back to the cottage.’

‘I don’t think so,’ she said gently. ‘Do you honestly expect that I would let you leave here with dressings on your hands and in pain because of me? You must stay the night and if your hands are no better in the morning I’ll fill in for you at the surgery so that Hugo isn’t the only doctor there.’

Dark brows were rising as they were apt to do when he had other ideas to what were being suggested. ‘I’ll accept the offer of a bed for the night,’ he said levelly, ‘but I’ve already butted into your holiday once and if you think I’m going to do it again by letting you stand in for me tomorrow at the practice, you’re wrong, Libby.

‘I’ll have an early breakfast, after which I’ll moor the boat as I intended doing this afternoon, and then go back to Swallowbrook by taxi. Are we agreed on that?’

‘Yes, if you say so,’ she said meekly.

He laughed. ‘No need to sound so placatory. I’m the one who should be using that sort of tone, having broken into your Greystones idyll. I have to admire your taste, this is a beautiful house.’

‘Yes, it is,’ she agreed, looking around her. ‘It would be fantastic as a weekend home for someone.’
Like us, for instance, if only you would say the ‘love’ word and convince me that I won’t ever have my heart broken again.

With those words left unspoken she asked, ‘How long is it since you’ve eaten?’

‘I had breakfast at seven o’clock.’

‘So how about an early lunch?’ she suggested, aware that although the quiet she’d been enjoying had been broken into she didn’t mind in the least. Nathan was there and she was rejoicing inwardly, not just because he’d saved her from being set on fire but because they would have these precious few hours together that might never happen again.

Looking down at the tattered remnants of her skirt, she said, ‘I’ll go up and get changed and then we’ll have some lunch if that is all right with you.’

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