Sweet Affection (Truth Book 3) (22 page)

What’s the first thing I need to do other than convince her I’m not a complete ass?

I get out my phone and dial Blake’s number.

“Mate, it’s me. Quick question. How did you know how to propose to Cass? Like, how did you decide where to do it?”

There’s silence at the other end of the line.

“Dude?”

“No fucking way.” His voice is a hushed whisper.

“What?”

I hear him swallow. “You’re really doing it?”

“Yeah.” I grin. What the fuck is his problem?

Nothing but silence again, and just as I’m about to hang the fuck up, he roars with full-blown belly ache laughter that pisses me off.

“What the hell’s so funny?” I frown into the phone.

“You. Oh my God. I never thought I’d see the day. But fuck me, you picked well.”

I smile. “I know. Now, how did you know?”

He stops laughing and his voice turns serious. “I spoke to Julia and asked for her blessing, then just waited for the right time. I was carrying the bloody thing around with me for weeks. But one evening we were in the clearing on York Street, that was kind of our place, and the timing was perfect. You’ll know.”

I digest the information, nodding along even though he can’t see me. He spoke to Cassie’s grandmother, her only living relative beforehand. I should do that. Mike’s not here, but I can talk to Judy.

“Okay, thanks. See you soon.”

“Yeah see ya, oh and J?”

“Mmm?” I reply already half-distracted thinking of the speech I’m going to give to Laurel’s mum.

“I’m really happy for you.”

His voice has gone all soft and sappy, the fucker.

“Thanks.” I grin and hang up, grabbing my keys and practically running out the front door.

“So, what’s going on? Not that I don’t like the unexpected visit, but this isn’t at all like normal. You’re quiet. Too quiet.” Judy crosses her arms in front of her chest and rests her hip against the kitchen counter, eyeing me suspiciously. My hands are shaking, my heart is racing and I so desperately want to do this right, make sure Laurel knows that I’m going to be the man her dad hoped I would be. He trusted me to take care of her. To be her future. If he was here, I’d be speaking to him. But he’s not, and Judy’s the only other person that could even take this place.

I blow out a breath and force with it all the apprehension and tension in my body. Feeling lighter, I move towards Judy, using the few seconds to try and gather my thoughts.

“I need to ask you something, Judy. You know how much Laurel means to me.”

I pause, if only to think about my next sentence and Judy takes the opportunity to scan my face and nod gently.

“She’s amazing. She’s fun, sweet, beautiful, she’s got the biggest heart and I know I could make her happy.”

She nods again. “You do make her happy. I’ve never seen her smile so big. What’s this about, James?”

I see the slight twitch of her lips; she knows. But she won’t make it easy. These Matthews women love their torture. 

“I love her so much. I want her to be my wife.”

Her smirk curves the side of her lips. “Was there a question in there somewhere?”

“Judy, please can I have your blessing to ask Laurel to marry me?”

Shit, I just sounded like a pansy, like I was from the eighteenth century or something.

Will her answer stop me from asking Laurel to marry me?

I think I’d be heartbroken but ultimately it’s up to Laurel. I’d still ask and let her make the decision, but, I want this more than anything. I want her mum’s approval, her faith in the future I can give her. Her eyes are glistening with tears. Happy tears? Or
I’m so mad I’m gonna rip your balls off
tears? ‘Cause I have to say, I like the fact my balls are intact.

There’s a sniffle. A little whimper. She then walks silently over to the paper towels and pulls a huge chunk off.

“You did good James. Mike would be proud you spoke to me. I bet a lot of guys your age wouldn’t bother. Thank you. And of course I give you my blessing.”

Well thank fuck for that. This is really going to happen now. Me, married. That’s some funny shit right there. But I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.

“So, I know you’ll probably want to buy her a ring yourself, and I wouldn’t blame you for that. But I just want to give you another option.” She leaves the room and it takes a minute or two for her to go upstairs then come back down. She comes through the door with a small smile on her lips.

“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t like it. It won’t upset me.” She hesitantly hands the small velvet box to me and I take it from her with unsteady hands. I snap open the lid, and eyes go wide at the impressive platinum diamond ring sitting in the middle of the cushion.

“Wow.” It’s gorgeous, and I’m sure it’d be just what Laurel would want.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Mike picked it out for me.” Her face just lights up talking about him. She wrings her hands in front of her then rubs a finger over the solid platinum band on her wedding finger.

“I just wear this now. I couldn’t bear to have that on too. It just...cut me every time I looked at it. Reminds me of what I lost. But this...” She gestures to her finger, “This reminds me of what we had. I know it would mean a lot to Laurel, but so would you picking one for her so don’t feel guilty. Just think about it.” She closes the lid and fists her hands over mine.

“I couldn’t ask for a better son-in-law. I’m so happy for both of you.”

“Thanks. But she has to say yes first.” Oh God, the thought of her saying no makes me feel sick.

“You’re worried?” Judy asks, tilting her head to appraise me. Of course I’m worried. I’ve been an absolute ass lately.

“Yeah, I’ve been off recently. I’m not doing this straight away. I’ve got some making up to do first. But I just hope she gives me the chance.”

“I take it that’s about Graham?” It feels good to talk to someone else about this. Especially someone who’s been through the kind of grief that my dad has.

“Hmm, and his soon to be step-son Tyler. Things are strained. And unfortunately I’ve put Laurel in the middle of it.”

“If I know my daughter, she put herself there. She’s always tried to fix things, ever since she was little. She just wants everyone to be happy and get along. I love that innocence about her. But things don’t always work out that way.”

I lean my head back against the cupboard behind me and take a deep breath in. “Was there ever a time, after Mike I mean, that you thought about leaving?”

I glance across at Judy. That’s the most personal question I’ve ever asked her. I feel like a little boy waiting for her response. But now I kind of regret asking the question. If she says yes will I feel like it justifies my dad’s leaving? And if she says no, will I still hold it against him? My frown only deepens the longer I think about what her answer’s going to be.

“I don’t want you to use my answer as a measure on how to deal with your dad. But what I will say, is that no two people deal with grief the same. Some may want to fight against the world on their own, some may run and hide, but until you’re put in the position of losing the one you had imagined spending your whole life with, it’s hard to comment on what you should or shouldn’t do. Everyone has their own way of surviving, because really that’s what you do. It’s what I did for years. It’s only been the last few months, after my surgery, that I feel like I’m actually living. My best advice to you, is to forget the past and concentrate on now. Your dad may not have dealt with things in the
best
way, but he’s only human, and he’s here now. There’s no handbook to life, we learn as we go along.”

My fingers clench tighter round the velvet in my hand. I already don’t want to put it down.

I say goodbye to Judy and let her words roll round my mind, each thought chasing quickly after the next one. I can either hold on to this resentment, which will ruin what I have with Laurel and my dad or I find some way of dealing with it. Some way of accepting that he’s not been the best dad in the world, but he’s not been bad. I know he loved me.
Loves
me. The whole thing was just his way of not getting lost completely. As for Tyler I have no idea to handle that. I guess one day at a time is as best as any.

I throw open the door to my house, chuck my keys on the table in the hall and kick my shoes off into the corner. Taking the stairs two at a time, my heart beats quickly as I try to think of a place I can hide this. Laurel’s been on a cleaning mission lately. No corner has been left untouched. I look around the bedroom. Where the fuck can I put it? My panicked eyes run over the chair, the bed, the wardrobe, the window, the desk. Shit, I’ll try my office. I jog down the hall and as soon as I get in the room, the front door slams shut and heels saunter across the wooden floors downstairs.

My eyes go wide. I shove it in a drawer at the desk and just as I shut it, Laurel fills the door frame, leaning her shoulder against the side. I take a couple of breaths in to try and steady my heart rate and calm the fuck down.

“Hi.” She says apprehensively, and I turn and perch on the edge of the desk.

“Hi.” I give her a small smile back and take in the way she nervously rolls her shoulders, and runs a piece of hair through her fingers.

“Did you have fun with Jess?” I don’t know why I’m so intent on the small talk because what I should really be doing is getting down on my hands and knees, telling her how fucking sorry I am. I can start with that, but it’s not enough, I need to actually show her this time.

“Not really.”

My eyebrows shoot up.

“Why, what happened?” Maybe they had an argument or something. I can’t read the look in Laurel’s eyes.

“Oh nothing. My mind was just elsewhere.”

“Where was it?”

“Here. With you. Tyler said you thanked him for last night.”

My instinctive reaction is to clench my fists and tighten my jaw so I fight against it, and keep a calm, cool composure. It’s just a text or a phone call. It doesn’t mean anything.

“Yeah. I can’t believe I wasn’t there for you.” I shrug a shoulder. “Just wanted him to know I appreciated it.”

She nods slowly, her eyes shifting from side to side. This is too fucking awkward, I need to make the first move because clearly she’s not quite forgiven me yet.

“Come closer.” I crook my finger. Her eyebrow rises up her forehead. “Please.” I add softly and feel my chest relax when she moves her body forward. The cream coloured sweater she’s wearing is loose and falls even further down her shoulder when she stops abruptly, a few feet away from me. Her chest heaves up and down heavily and I get distracted when she puts her hands in the back pocket of her black jeans. Black tight jeans, that cling to her legs and turn into a way too fucking sexy pair of red stilettos. How could I mess this up? I lift my eyes to meet hers.

Nothing in the world is worth risking this over.

Laurel

I shift onto the other foot uneasily. I know James likes my outfit. That much is obvious from the way his eyes have travelled up and down my body more than once in the last thirty seconds but as he lifts them to meet mine, I can’t look away. I could stare into his eyes all day and still find something new, something I’ve never seen before. Like now, the way his love for me is lightening them to a piercing azure, little black flecks dusting the irises, creating a whirlpool of emotion, just sucking me in. The past week has been one long blur that I just want to forget. I know he’s sorry. He’s told me, he’s shown me by swallowing his pride with Tyler. I’d like them to get on, but they don’t have to. A willingness to be in the same room is a start. Everything else can come later.

I want to be in his arms. Not having our usual connection has been frustrating, it feels like my body’s just begging to feel his against it.

The frustration comes out in the form of a sassy mouth.

“You gonna talk or you just gonna perv on me?” No way I’m making the first move.

The corner of his mouth spikes upwards. “I happen to like pervin’. Could do it all day.” He straightens on the desk, and arrogantly brings his hands up behind his head. His muscles move under his t-shirt, and each of the carefully constructed abs pushes against the soft cotton giving me a view worthy of perving on too. I wet my lips.

“Well sorry, but this body has got a whole load of other things it could be doing right now, so if you’ve finished, I’m going.” I move to walk out the door, but his hands catch me round my waist and I’m being spun into his hard chest before I can take a full step away from him.

He lowers his mouth to my ear. His breath sends a revitalising shiver through every warm, tired aching part of me; each single nerve ending coming alive all at once.

“There’s only one thing this body should be doing now.”

I struggle to breathe as I try and control my body from just melting into his. It’s hard when he’s so…hard. But, I won’t make this easy.

“Mmhm.” I agree with him. “Walking away from you.” I push against him in a futile attempt at giving myself time to recover but it only takes a split second for my back to hit the wall and my arms to be held up above my head with one of his.

“Don’t fight this, Laurel.”

I inwardly groan at the sound of my name seductively teased across his lips. He plays dirty, the ass.

“I can say I’m sorry.” He lowers his voice, his right hand venturing underneath my sweater, caressing the skin at my hip. I feel each stroke emit a throbbing sensation downwards and I can’t even relieve the pressure because his thigh’s stopping me from clenching my legs together.

“But I’ve already said it. I don’t want more words. And I don’t think you do either. Words are too easily said and too quickly forgotten. Let me show you.” His lips brush my outer ear.

“How much I regret how I made you feel.” He places a tender kiss to my neck.