Sweet as Sin (33 page)

Powerless. That was the word he was looking for. He was powerless in his life for the first time since becoming an adult. Once control slipped, it Inez Kelley

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gathered speed and raced from him like a quarter horse. The harder he tried to grasp onto the reins, the farther away it got until once more he felt like that crying child kneeling on a broomstick, waiting for the pain to hit.

Powerless. He couldn’t prevent what was

happening to Gina and her fear ate at him. He’d promised to take care of her. Even with Pete in her life, he’d always bear that responsibility.

She’d entrusted him with her son and he let Tyler get hurt. His storybook monsters were floundering on some unknown path and someone else wanted to bring his tales to life.

And Livvy. His eyes closed in pain. Livvy was the best and worst thing that had ever happened to him. A man could be content with bread alone if he’d never tasted anything else. But one taste of sugar and John knew he’d never know such

sweetness again.

What was she doing now? She was probably at work. He squeezed his eyes tighter. He knew her.

She’d be worrying about him, wondering why he’d left without a word. She’d already called his cell but he hadn’t answered. Even now, he was hurting her.

There was no doubt in his heart Livvy loved him. And that was what would ultimately hurt her,
how
he would hurt her. As he’d known all along, he could not be what she deserved. That he’d 366

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prolonged the heartache for a taste of heaven was his shame. God forbid there might even be another soul involved now.

He gazed at the painted crucifix. “Take the pain of others to redeem your soul” had been pounded into his head and body with every hurt.

He’d given that notion up years ago. There was no redemption for him. But he could protect Livvy. It meant inflicting some heartache. For each lash that fell on her, he knew he’d feel it ten times harder.

“I have to go.” His abrupt jump to his feet startled the minister and she hurried to follow him to the door.

“John, wait.”

Only manners stopped his feet. Pulling a red ink pen from her blouse pocket, Pastor Standish scribbled on a small square of blank paper from a table holding programs and pamphlets. She handed it to him with a tight squeeze to his fingers.

“I don’t know what you’re looking for but I want to help if I can. If you ever want to talk, call me. My door is always open to you, anytime.”

Tight-lipped, John nodded, shoved the paper in his pocket and walked away.

He needed the practice.

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Answer, damn it.
Livvy snapped the cell closed and frowned.
Where are you, Murphy? What’s
going on in your head?

Dialing the house phone once more and

hearing his voice mail, she growled. She’d left a message on each line and texted him twice. He either hadn’t checked or had no intention of calling her back. The pit in her stomach yawned louder.

She sank into her desk chair and winced. Last night had left her tender but she cherished each ache. Boundaries had been crossed that had nothing to do with their bodies. John had told her he loved her. Now he was going to bolt.

Even if Gina hadn’t warned her, she knew John.

He’d even told her when things got rough in other relationships, he bailed. Well, she wasn’t about to let him bail on her. She wasn’t willing to walk away because he was afraid, and she couldn’t let him walk away. His strength amazed her but he had yet to see how strong she could be.

Love meant standing by someone when they

feared or hurt. He could yell, bang around, say cruel things if he wanted. It didn’t matter. She was sticking to him like white on rice. John was just going to have to get used to the idea. She was standing by his side whether he liked it or not.

“It’s ready.”

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Andros held up the small glass flute. The sparkling amber liquid inside made Jondi’s heart pound in anticipation. It pounded so loudly he missed the sadness in the wizard’s voice.

“Let’s give it to them, then. How long

will it take to work? Will they be better by sunrise?”

“Jondi.” Andros laid his huge hand on

his shoulder and squeezed. Tears filled huge black eyes. “There wasn’t enough.”

“Enough what?”

“The houndspaw. It only blooms one day

a year. Last spring, I picked all I could find.

It wasn’t enough for two doses.”

Jondi stared in terrorized understanding

but his head shook fiercely. “No, you said this was the last chance to save them.”

“It is.” Andros stepped to the window

and filled his lungs with the fading

afternoon wind. “It’s the last chance for one of them. You have to choose, Jondi. Who

gets the potion?”

“But I can’t pick one. If only one of them gets the medicine then the other—”

“—will die, yes, I know.” Low and soft,

Andros’s voice held firm awesome power.

“You have to pick which one lives and

which one dies, Jondi. Bound by white

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magic, I cannot knowingly choose death for a living creature. But I can honor your

choice. You must decide. Who gets the

medicine?”

“I can’t pick one. Thorn is part of my

soul and Vory—Andros, Vory has my heart.

How can I choose? Can’t you give each half the dose and keep searching for—?”

“No, Jondi. It’s not strong enough to

divide. Not against Nordrake’s evil. Painful as the choice is, if you don’t make it, they both will die.”

Shaking with fear and pain, Jondi

dropped to his knees by the roaring fire.

How could he pick? Thorn lived in his

every heartbeat, they were closer than any two creatures ever were before. Finding

Vory had been like discovering a hidden

treasure, priceless and life-changing. But could he watch them both die if he did

nothing?

Shadows fell and the fire dimmed.

Battling within himself, he stared at the glow until there was nothing left but embers smoldering on the hearth. Andros never

moved, staring out the window, awaiting the word.

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It came in a hushed wounded whisper,

torn from the depths of pain never before felt by a living being.

“Thorn.” A sob caught and Jondi

swallowed it with a gulp. “Thorn lives.

Vory dies.”

John’s finger hovered over the save option before yanking away. Sparkling on a bed of cream velvet, the engagement ring he’d bought Livvy demanded attention. It sat beside the keyboard, tempting him away from the bitter prose. Like Jondi, he was battling the choice. His cell vibrated with a loud buzz. He ignored it. He had no words for Livvy yet.

He wasn’t stupid. Nor was he blind. He knew exactly what his written words symbolized, what his monsters had been trying to tell him. An angel and a demon soul don’t mix. He didn’t like to hear it but that didn’t make it any less true.

Eyes blurred with his decision, he clicked save forcefully and snapped the jewelry box closed.

The clack was his prison door slamming shut. The blue box dropped into his right-hand drawer and he bowed his head over shaking fists.

“I’m sorry, Liv. I picked the wrong side.” A quiet whisper, no one heard his words but a small blue monster who wept inside him.

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The absolute silence in the house carried a sense of foreboding and Livvy fought off an internal chill as she stepped inside. John’s truck sat outside but she didn’t hear him. In fact, he was so still, she almost walked by him. Seated on the couch, elbows on his knees, he didn’t speak or turn as she moved closer. The ottoman sat just before him and she lowered herself to the cushioned seat, searching his face.

He looked like hell. His clean jaw and damp hair from a recent shower did nothing to hide his exhaustion. Red rimmed his eyes, making the blue almost eerily clear and the black lashes stark and harsh. Haunted shadows vied with pale cheeks, and the grooves around his eyes screamed of no sleep. Even leaning forward, his back was so stiff he looked starched, and his fisted knuckles went from white to red as he clenched and unclenched them.

“We need to talk.” Calm and clear, her voice surprised her. But then she’d been preparing for this battle all day and had scripted several scenarios in her head. John nodded but never raised his eyes to hers.

“Yeah, I guess we do.” His words husked like sandpaper on a rough board. His indrawn breath made his shirt rise but he didn’t speak.

She chose her words with great care. “I know you’re scared. And I understa—”

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“This isn’t working anymore, Liv.” He cut into her words with knife-like precision.

“What’s not working, Murphy?”

“This. Us. Last night just brought home some major differences between us. And I think it’d be best if we just walked away now.”

Livvy smiled sadly. She’d predicted his words almost to the letter but they made her heart stutter.

She tried to take his hand but he pulled away from her. “There are some issues, I agree. But we can work through those.”

His shaking head halted her. “No, we can’t. I don’t want to. We agreed this would last as long as we were both enjoying it, and I’m not anymore.

It’s over.”

Even though she’d expected something similar, his words hurt. But she was ready to defend what her heart knew to be true. Gina’s words rang in her ears.
Love him hard, love him harder, stick
like glue.
John was about to see how hard she could love him and how sticky she could be. He was worth it.

John Murphy, meet your match.

“You enjoyed it enough last night.”

His eyes shot to hers. The coldness there shocked her but looking deeper, she could see his pain. It gave her strength. Pain meant he cared.

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“Yeah, I didn’t hear many complaints from you, either. But it doesn’t matter. It’s just not working out. Let it go.”

Cocking one eyebrow, she fixed him with what she hoped was her haughtiest look. “You know, I hate when you say ‘Let it go.’ That means ‘Back off Livvy, I’m slinking into asshole mode and don’t want to talk about it.’”

She knew her tone would infuriate him, push him to the limit, like poking a wounded bear. She wanted that. Once he got rid of all the warring emotions, then he could think clearly.

John leaned back and fixed her with an angry stare. “Good, you get the idea then. Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Liv.”

“Oh no, you don’t get off easy. I’m not

walking away from you, and you’re not walking from me either. Not like this. Not after what you said to me. I love you. You told me you loved me.

And I knew before you ever said it. Don’t try backpedaling now.”

Cruelty glinted in his eyes and he gritted his teeth. A strange satisfied feeling filled her stomach. Gina knew him well. So did she. She could handle this. This was one fight he would not win. And together they would celebrate victory.

“Don’t read too much into it. I hate to bust your bubble but you aren’t the first woman I’ve told that to just to get in their pants.”

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“Hate to bust your bubble, Murphy, but you were already in my pants when you said it. And I don’t believe you for a minute. Nice try though. A for effort. Now, want to talk about the real reason you’re trying to dump me?”

Bolting to his feet, he stalked past her. “Pick an excuse, whichever you want as long as you’re dumped. Just make sure you shut the door when you get out.”

He disappeared down the hall and Livvy

cupped her neck in both hands. Letting him cool down was pointless, he’d already spent nearly a full day running scared. She slapped her hands on her knees and followed him. Loving John Murphy was easy except when it was hard to love John Murphy. But either way, she did.

Throwing clothes in a travel bag, he barely looked at her when she walked into his bedroom.

She watched him move with catlike controlled grace, all sleek lines and menacing power. He made her blood sing.

“Running away from home?”

“I told you I had to go to New York.”

“I thought that was next week.”

“I moved the meeting up. I leave in the

morning.”

She leaned on the wall beside his dresser. He couldn’t stay still, his body trembling with too many emotions, and it heartened her. “Pack away, Inez Kelley

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run all you want, Murphy. I’ll be here when you get back, loving you, waiting to talk.”

A pair of jeans smacked the bag with a loud
thwap.
“You’re going to be a real bitch about this, aren’t you?”

“If that’s what it takes. I love you. Angry, grumpy, laughing or sad, I love you completely.

I’m not willing to let you break us up because you’re afraid of what might be.”

“What ‘might be’ is your problem, not mine.

Get out, Liv.”

Livvy smiled though her heart cringed. “That’s at least one lie, one cruel remark and a handful of dismissals. And yet, I’m still here. Let me know when you’re finished your tantrum so we can really talk.”

That pushed his buttons. He slammed a drawer shut beside her hip, anger pouring off him in waves. White lines formed around his mouth and his dark brows sliced into his face. Part of her heart ached with his misery. The other half urged her to stay strong.

He turned his back to her, his voice calm and stony. “Livvy, please leave. I don’t want you here.

I don’t want you, period, all right? If you want me to be cruel, I can, but I’d really rather not. I thought things would be different, but they aren’t and now I just want out.”

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He was so busy shoving her away he was

ignoring the issues. He continued to pack odds and ends and she racked her brain, trying to find the key to unlock his mind to make him talk to her.

It always came back to one place. Resolution fell on her like a fog, heavy and pressing but unable to be ignored.