Sweet Harmonies (33 page)

He pressed the button to end the call and,
far too wired now to ever concentrate on QuickBooks, put his phone
back in his pocket and grabbed his apartment keys, heading up the
stairs to go do the one thing which always, without fail, helped
him sort through things in his head, and put things into
perspective. Play his guitar.

--- ~ ---

Karina dropped into bed that night at eight
pm, exhausted, and closed her eyes. She had woken up at six that
morning, after her amazing wall-and-shower night with Ryan, and
felt inspiration thrumming through her like a current of power. She
had hopped out of bed and literally run down the stairs and into
her studio, where she had been holed up for the past 14 hours.

She hadn't eaten, she hadn't showered, she
hadn't changed her clothes – she was right now falling back to
sleep in the same boxers and tank top combo she had been wearing
when she jolted out of bed that morning.

Now that she had worked through the creative
energy, letting it out by writing and polishing three new songs
that she thought would work really wonderfully on her new project,
the adrenaline which had kept her so alert throughout the entire
day had suddenly fled, and she felt like a marionette whose strings
had suddenly been cut.

As she drifted off, she vaguely realized that
she had been out of touch that day and wondered if anyone had tried
to get a hold of her. Her studio was sound-proofed. She couldn't
hear the doorbell in there, and she hadn't brought her phone in.
The idea had been to shut out the outside world.

The thought occurred to her that she should
probably at least look at the message screen on her phone to see if
anything urgent had come up, but she simply couldn't muster the
will to move her leaden limbs to carry her to the phone and pick it
up, and she certainly didn't have the desire to open her eyes to
look at it.

Just as she was about to drift away entirely,
severing the very last gossamer thread anchoring her to
consciousness and thought, she was startled awake by the ringing of
that infernal doorbell.

She was too tired to even be angry. What she
felt was more like despair, or defeat. She was resigning herself to
the possibility of a life where she might never again get even one
decent night's sleep, uninterrupted by the sound of her own God
damn doorbell.

She blearily opened the door to find Sam and
Lauren on her stoop, smiling. Their smiles faded when they saw
her.

“
Oh, God,” Sam said,
dismayed.

“
What?” Karina asked,
annoyed.

“
You're a hot mess,” said Lauren matter
of factly, “Did you even brush your hair today?”

“
I put it in a ponytail,” was Karina's
defensive reply.

“
Not the same thing,” Lauren said
flatly.

“
Are you...sick? Can we help?” Sam
asked, concerned.

Karina sighed, “Do you two want something?”
she asked crossly.

Sam came into the entryway with Lauren
following, “Okay Miss Sunshine, bite our heads off why don't
you!”

Karina took a deep breath, knowing that the
bulk of her annoyance was coming from exhaustion and not her
friends' actions, and attempted to modulate her tone.

“
Sorry, guys,” she said evenly, “I was
in the studio all day today, I'm exhausted, and I haven't eaten. I
was just about to go to bed. That's why I'm in a shitty mood. Don't
mind me.”

“
Well, then, first things first, let's
get you some soup, or toast or something,” said Lauren, moving into
the kitchen.

At the mention of these specific foods,
Karina's stomach let out a loud growl, and she laughed, “Guess I
can't argue with that. Lead the way.”

Karina started to move into the kitchen, but
Lauren called cheerfully back to her, “We've got things covered in
here, go change clothes and run a brush through your hair. We'll
wait.”

“
You guys act like I was expecting
company or something!” Karina shot back as she trudged back up the
stairs, “Maybe this'll teach you not to just drop by! You never
know when you'll find me unkempt and unbathed!”

“
We'll take our chances,” called Sam
after her.

Karina grinned inwardly. Sam was never going
to agree to stop just dropping by.

When Karina appeared in the kitchen fifteen
minutes later, freshly showered and wearing a pair of soft cotton
stretch pajama pants and a matching t-shirt, she did have to admit
that she felt like a whole new woman.

She dropped into one of her kitchen table
chairs and Lauren set a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese
sandwich in front of her. Suddenly, she was ravenous, and she dug
eagerly into the food.

“
God, this is good!” she enthused,
“Thanks, you guys!”

“
It was all Lauren,” Sam admitted,
“While she was making it, I went into your living room to enjoy the
view. Which leads me to my next question...”

“
The flowers?” Karina guessed.“The
flowers,” Sam confirmed, “What is up with all the gigantic flower
arrangements in there? Did somebody die?”

Karina snorted, “Frickin' Kyle Austen Reed.
He's living out some movie in his mind, and he's cast me as the
leading lady.”

“
Have you disabused him of that
notion?” Lauren asked.

This made Karina laugh out loud, “First off,
no, because I never see him. All those flowers are apology flowers
or something, explaining to me how busy he's going to be that day
with all the weirdo personal appearances he keeps scheduling around
town. Then, he'll promise to see me the next day. However, as I
think you can see by the volume of flower arrangements sitting in
my living room, that hasn't happened yet.

Secondly, even if I did try to explain to him
that I don't want to see him anymore, I have serious doubts about
whether or not he would receive that message. Or if he's even
capable of receiving any message that doesn't line up with his view
of his life.

I'm just sort of letting that situation play
out, and hoping he gets distracted by the next shiny object so that
our faux-lationship can just die a natural death,” she
concluded.

“
Likelihood of that?” Lauren
asked.

Karina shrugged, “50/50?” she guessed, “I
honestly have no idea.”

“
What about Ryan?” Sam
asked.

Karina's face lit up involuntarily and before
she even opened her mouth to speak, both of the girls started
laughing.

“
What?” Karina asked.

“
I think we got our answer from the
look on your face,” Sam giggled.

Karina leaned back in her chair, smiling and
happily munching on her grilled cheese sandwich. She tried to think
of the right words to describe what she felt, “I don't know, you
guys. This isn't like anything I've felt before. I mean...it's sort
of like this weird combination of excitement and contentment, you
know? Like...it's thrilling. But at the same time it's safe. When I
see him, I want to rip his clothes off and go crazy. But I also
kind of want to just snuggle and watch a movie, too. I want to say
everything in the world to him all at once, but at the same time, I
just want to be quiet together, too. It's the weirdest thing.”

“
How does he feel?”

Karina shrugged, “I don't know! I mean, I'm
pretty sure the same. I think I can trust what he's telling me.
It's not like he's one of these LA douchebags who'll just say
anything if it furthers their ambitions, either to get ahead in
their career or to get down my pants.”

Sam and Lauren exchanged a look, and Karina's
spidey sense went on high alert.

“
What?” she asked, “What was that
look?”

“
I'm sure it's nothing,” Sam assured
her quickly. Too quickly, Karina thought.

She set her grilled cheese back down on the
plate, filled now with trepidation.

“
Just tell me,” she insisted, somewhat
grimly.

Lauren said, “Look, Karina, I'm sure it
really is no big deal. It's just that we saw Bernie and some other
guy going into Sue Ann's cafe today...”

“
My Bernie?” Karina asked,
surprised.

“
Yeah. So, we figured you were meeting
him there. We went in after them, figuring we'd spy on your meeting
from a nearby table, and hang out to talk to you afterward in case
you needed moral support, like Amanda did for you that
time.”

“
Thanks, guys,” Karina said,
touched.

“
You're welcome! At any rate, they
weren't there to meet you, obviously. And they weren't even there
to eat. They made a beeline straight back to Ryan's office,” Lauren
finished.

“
And stayed there for a half an hour,”
Sam finished.

“
Hmm...” said Karina, considering this
information. She wasn't quite sure what to think.

They were all silent for a moment, and then
Sam asked, “So did you know that Bernie was in town, or that he was
talking to Ryan?”

Karina shook her head silently. “No, but he
mentioned Davis had called him.”

After a moment, Lauren put in gently, “It's
just, Kar, I mean...how sure are you, really, that he's NOT using
you as some sort of stepping stone to a career of his own?”

Karina looked out the window, thinking.

“
Pretty sure, I think. I mean, my label
contacted him after they saw the video, and he put off talking to
them until after he'd gotten my take on it. To me, that says he
puts our relationship first, before whatever career gain it could
net him.”

“
Then I'm sure it's nothing,” Sam
concluded.

Karina wished she could be so sure. As much
as she hated to admit it, there was now a little niggling doubt in
the back of her mind. Was Ryan using her?

She hated to think so. She didn't actually
REALLY think so. She just wished that she could be sure.

Chapter
23

After Sam and Lauren left, sleep was the
furthest thing from Karina's mind. She paced around her bedroom,
obsessing about the possibility that Ryan was using her. She
couldn't stop her mind from spinning possible nefarious scenarios,
and then her emotions from reacting as if they were actually
true.

Finally, she realized that she was making
herself crazy. A lifetime of spending her time with people who
couldn't be trusted to give her a straight answer had made her see
manipulation and machinations in every interaction, as if her life
were a series of battles and her acquaintances were all street
corner Machiavellis.

But, Ryan? He wasn't like that. That's one
thing she knew for sure. She just needed to talk to him, to hear
his voice, to ask him what was going on. If she heard his voice,
she would know if he was being straight with her.

She snatched her phone up from the nightstand
and poised to call Ryan. As she swiped her thumb across it to bring
it to life, however, she saw that she had four missed calls.

She smacked her palm to her forehead. Of
course! In the emotional maelstrom she had been enveloped in since
hearing about Bernie's visit to Ryan, she had totally forgotten
that she had been out of touch all day!

She clicked the icon to look at her incoming
calls list, hoping against hope that at least one of the calls was
from Ryan. When she saw the list, she relaxed, breathing out a huge
sigh of relief. Yes. Two of the calls were from Ryan, one was from
Bernie, and one from Davis, the head of her label.

“
See, Karina?” she chided herself,
“Everyone's not plotting against you. Soon you'll be wearing a tin
foil hat!”

She pressed Ryan's name on the call list,
initiating a return call to his number. No answer. She didn't leave
a message, as she wasn't even sure what it was that she wanted to
ask or say. Five minutes passed, and she felt herself getting nuts
again. She placed another call. Again, no answer. She waited ten
minutes, no answer. So she waited fifteen minutes, and again no
answer. She continued this maddening pattern of waiting, calling,
waiting, calling for more than an hour, Ryan never picked up.

God, she wondered frantically, is he mad at
me? Or has he decided he has no further use for me, now that he has
Bernie? WHAT IS GOING ON?

At a loss for what else to do, she continued
calling. The crazy part was everytime she placed a call to him she
really expected that THIS would be the time he would pick up.
Wasn’t that the very definition of insanity, repeating the exact
same behavior and expecting different results?

Realizing even as she did it she was being
completely insane but not able to care that much, she tore off her
pajamas and threw on the first articles of clothing she laid hands
on – a pair of jeans and a long sleeved thermal shirt. She then
quickly slid her feet into the last piece of footwear that she had
tossed into her closet, which was therefore on top of the pile, a
pair of bright red Converse sneakers.

She pounded down the stairs, grabbed her keys
off of the front hall table, and ran out the door, letting it slam
shut behind her. She hurried to her car and jumped in, firing it
off and roaring down the mountain.

She just felt as if she HAD to see Ryan,
right then. Part of her felt as if she were watching herself from
outside her body, making an objective judgment that she was
behaving like a loon. That part also reminded her that she usually
had no patience for, and mocked mercilessly, women who lost their
heads this way over a man.

But not only was Karina not able to summon
the will to let that rational part of her brain take charge of her
actions, she actually had no interest in even trying. In a weird
way, it actually felt sort of liberating to let the nutty,
Ryan-crazed part of her brain take over. It felt honest, at least.
It acknowledged the true strength of her feelings for him.