Sweet Reflection (28 page)

I’m sorry for being such a bitch. Can I explain?

I don’t expect a reply instantly. I clean to stop from clockwatching and just as I finish vacuuming the floor, my phone beeps.

I’m home now if you want to stop by?

Relief washes over me. At least he’ll let me talk to him.

Yes. Be there in ten.

He answers the door wearing his sweats and a smile. I don’t deserve that.

“Hey babe.” He opens the door wider and I feel like I just dreamed up how I reacted last night. There’s no trace of it in his voice, or his body language. He pulls me in closer and kisses me deeply, before pulling back and brushing his lips over mine gently.

I can’t help frowning and watching his moves closely as I follow him into the kitchen. “I feel like I’m in an alternate universe right now. Why are you so chipper with me? Don’t you want to get angry? Shout at me?”

He chuckles, and grabs a beer from the fridge, “Drink?”

“Water please. What are you laughing at?” I feel unsettled as I take the glass off him and follow him to the lounge. He sits down on the corner sofa, leaning back against the cushion, and opens his arms out for me to slide into.

“Babe, I’m not angry. We all let our inner bitch out sometimes. You thought it over and apologised for it. But I would like you to tell me how you’re feeling?”

He’s way too good to me. I act like an asshole and he’s willing to accept a shitty text apology. I even slammed the door in his face. No kiss, no goodbye. I’m doing well, I’m rising up the ranks. Soon I’m gonna be right up there with Dickhead Darren.

“I’m okay now. But coming home to that was horrible. I felt so much guilt. I was out having fun and she was trying to clear up her own sick, but not having enough energy to do it. All I could think was that I should have been there. I shouldn’t have gone out. I’m so sorry, I really am.”

I turn in his arms and he bends his head to kiss me. It’s a sweet, chaste kiss that breathes comfort and protection. “Your first instinct is to help your mum, of course it is. But you have to understand that mine is to support you, Laurel. You take care of her, and I’ll take care of you. That’s how it will work.”

“And who’s going to take care of
you
?”

“You will, by being there for your mum. I want her to get well as much as you do. I’d like to help as much as I can, but I know she wouldn’t have wanted me there last night, and that’s fine. Next time something happens that has you feeling worried or anxious or guilty, just don’t shut me out, tell me so I understand.”

“I will.” I kick my shoes off and pull my feet up on the sofa, feeling my body relax again.

“So, good day?” I ask him and the grin is back.

“Yeah, you could say that. Got some news actually. We have awards in the design business called FX International Interior Design Awards, held in London every year and televised on Sky too. I got a call from them today, the show is in a couple of weeks. I’ve been nominated for Breakthrough Talent of the Year.”

Pride swells inside me and shoots straight to my smile as I throw my arms around him, “That’s so amazing. Congratulations.” He hugs me back tightly.

“Thanks. I won’t win, I’m up against some great people, but it’s nice to just be nominated.”

I roll my eyes and pull away, “You don’t know that. You were nominated so you’ve got as much chance as anyone else. Don’t be so negative.”

“Yes ma’am,” he salutes. “Bossy little thing aren’t you?”

“Damn right, now shut up and kiss me.” He doesn’t need telling twice.

Two weeks ago James gave me the news of his nomination. One week ago, I cancelled on The Shepherd reopening party because I was too tired, and today, the day of the awards, I’m cancelling on him again. Mum came home from work, tired and grumpy. She took one look at me and burst into tears. She’d been brushing her hair and had lost a huge clump from the back. You can’t notice it much, but that didn’t stop it from hitting her hard. She had been prepared for the side effects of chemo from the nurse obviously but the reality is very different. I can’t imagine how it must feel, but she looked so devastated I couldn’t leave her tonight. I don’t think she remembered it was the awards, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was going out. So here I am, with James on his way to pick me up, feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world.

The doorbell rings and my heart starts racing. Opening it slowly, I feel like crying, he looks so happy.

"Hey babe. You ready to forget the rest of the world for a night?” He says walking through and kissing me soundly on the cheek. “Oh, you’re not dressed yet?”

“I can’t.” I blurt out quickly so I don’t go back on my promise to mum. “I’m so sorry. Mum’s having a really bad day,” I say quietly. She’s upstairs but I don’t want her to hear. “Some hair fell out today, and she cried. A lot. I just want to be here for her tonight. Distract her. I’m so sorry James.”

I see the flash of disappointment on his face before he masks it completely, “Don’t worry, it’s fine. She needs you. I get that.”

“I know I’ve been a crap girlfriend lately. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you I swear. Please, just bear with me.”

James

"Seriously, I'm fine with it. Don't worry, babe. I know exactly what you are going through, don't forget. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

She looks at me sceptically and I know she's thinking of what happened with Darren. Even now, I still struggle with the fact that bastard hurt her, and because of him, she doubts me. I don’t take it personally, I know it’s not me in particular. It’s just men in general.

“Hey,” I say lifting her chin so she looks me straight in the eye. "You own me, Laurel. Other girls have been and gone, but none of them come close to the way you make me feel. Believe me when I say, I’m staying by your side.” She breathes in and out slowly and flicks her eyes over my face as if trying to figure out whether I’m telling the truth. I hope she can see how much I love her. I’ve told her that. But I haven’t said it since that night, I feel it, but I don’t think she’s managed to let herself go and really trust in it yet. But I’m here and I’ll wait as long as she needs. “Capisce?” I say dramatically and place a small kiss on her soft lips.

“Yes James, I get it. I’m not going to be able to get rid of you now.” She breaks out into a smile and nudges me with her arm and I still don’t think she quite believes it but she’s trying, and now it’s down to me to prove myself.

“Exactly. So, where do you want me? I can make some dinner. Has your mum eaten? Or is she not able to hold anything down?” I walk past Laurel and head to the kitchen to get started. At least now I won’t have to practice my gracious losing face. It’s being filmed for Home, a UK T.V channel and practically everyone I know has said they’re going to watch it. I shrug off my jacket and pull my bow tie away, breathing easier with each move. I hate having to wear the stupid penguin suits.

Laurel finally walks in, and goes straight to the back of the chair, picking up my jacket and holding it out.

“What?” I ask when I see her expression harden.

“You’re not missing this because of me. Put it on, and get out of here. You’re going to be late.”

I shake my head and attempt to respond but she holds up a finger to hush me.

“I don’t want to be the reason that you miss out on experiences. I don’t want you to resent me. I’ve been there before and it destroys relationships. You don’t need me. You need to carry on living your life. I won’t be the one to hold you back. You’ll go, and you’ll accept the award and be so fucking happy about it you won’t be able to get the smile off your face.”

She’s staring straight at me, and her lips pressed together in a straight line. This is one of those times when I can’t read her. Am I going to be labelled as a shit if I go, when there’s things I could be doing here to help out? Or is she genuinely okay with me going? She thinks she’s holding me back but the truth is, I don’t want to go on my own. I don’t want to go without her. I don’t want to leave her here to deal with things by herself when I can help and share the workload. But she’s so stubborn, she wouldn’t believe me if I told her. She still bases our relationship on her experience with Dickhead Darren. And he was an immature prick who wasn’t able to deal with real-life shit.

I sigh out loud, and can’t help but smile at her hand that’s still outstretched, clasping the jacket. She moves her arm and waves it in front of me then gestures to the time. I am actually going to be late. I start to grab the jacket, and pause. She lets out a frustrated groan and walks towards me, “James, if you don’t hurry up there’ll be no sex for a week.”
I frown, standing up straighter, giving her my full attention now. She’s playing dirty. Again. She can’t mean it: she wants it just as much as I do.

“You’re bluffing.” I smirk as I walk round the table and lean down close to her neck. My senses overload with her perfume and the sweet smell shoots straight down to my cock. I need a taste, so my tongue comes out to lick her smooth tanned skin.

“You wouldn’t be able to last without me babe. I make you feel too good.” I’ll give her something, she’s a bloody good actress because when she steps away from me and quirks an eyebrow it really feels like I had no effect on her at all. She’s just gone at my ego with a baseball bat again.

“Silly me. Have I not introduced you to my friend Mr Rabbit yet? He takes awful good care of me when you’re not around.” She smiles and turns towards the door, moving quickly towards it with a hip-shaking, ass jiggling strut that has me launching myself through the hallway and to the front door with lightning speed. There’s no way I’m being replaced by a damn vibrator.

“Let the record show I got here before you.” I shout as she catches up to me, laughing. She helps me into the jacket and tie and gives me a long and thorough kiss before opening the door and shooing me outside.

“I’ll call you after, babe. But ring me if you need anything. Or if Judy needs anything.” If anything happened to Judy and I wasn’t reachable I’d never be able to forgive myself. “I’ll have my phone by me all night, I promise.”

“Thank you, but really we’ll be fine. Don’t worry about us. Enjoy your night.” I nod, and walk away from her, deflating fast like a balloon with each step. I couldn’t care less about this stupid award tonight now. It means nothing in comparison to Laurel. I just want to be there for her. I get in the car and pout like a child the whole way to London. As the glistening lights of the City flash in front of me, the gulf between Laurel and I seems to widen. It feels so far from her and home.

By the time I get there, I’ve already decided to forgo staying at the hotel I’ve got booked and come straight back home. I should be able to get back by midnight. Then I’ll take Laurel out early tomorrow for breakfast. Feeling slightly better, I hand the keys to the valet and walk into Grosvenor House. The stylish lobby and its huge chandeliers grab my attention long enough for a member of staff to ask if I’m okay. He points me in the direction of the Great Hall and I head straight to the bar to get a drink. I’m at a table tonight with a few designers I have collaborated with before so it should be tolerable. Sometime on the way down here I decided that if I’ve got to be here alone, I’ll make the most of it. Networking, contacts and a whole load of schmoozing and inspiration.

“James, nice to see you again.” The sour voice brings a wince to my face, something I need to be careful of given the number of reporters in the room. Of course she doesn’t really think it’s nice to see me again. I’m sure she wishes I’d take a running jump off Tower Bridge. But I plaster a grin on my face through gritted teeth and turn to face Sarah Cooper of Cooper Design. We went to Cambridge together, and both graduated at the top of our class. We’ve been following each other professionally ever since. I land a hotel, she lands a school. She lands an office complex, I land an apartment complex. We’ve always been on the same level but tonight is the decider. We’re both up for Breakthrough Talent of the Year.

“Sarah, great to see you too.” She acknowledges my comment with a nod of the head like she really believes it. Her wavy brown hair is pulled back in a sleek bun and her dark green cocktail dress is as tight as it could ever be, with a long slit up one leg. She’s attractive, there are guys staring at her as we speak, but everything about her is sharp; her look, her clothes, but more dangerous than any of that, her claws. She reminds me of Alex actually. I’ve only ever been with two types of woman before Laurel. The power hungry, cold-hearted women like Sarah and Alex, and the easy, trashy girls like Chrissy. I’m not proud, in fact I’ll go as far as to say I’m completely ashamed of my previous sexual experiences. I’ve had a taste of a sweet, kind, beautiful woman who gives as good as she gets and I will do my damned hardest to treat her in the way she deserves.

“Where is your date tonight then? Don’t tell me you’ve left her somewhere all alone? You really must work on your manners.” She doesn’t even bother trying to mask her patronising tone. She’s a piece of work and I need to get as far away from her as physically possible.

“My girlfriend couldn’t make it tonight but she’ll be watching when it airs.”