Sweet Savage Surrender (9 page)

Inside, t
he flames from the fire enhanced a magical a
tmosphere, reflecting
deep blue tones in her long raven
as
she sat next to him upon the  painted  buffalo hide she had brought the day before.  It seemed she was always bringing presents to him.  Generosity was another of her virtues, he thought.  In truth
, she seemed the perfect woman.

John was amazed at her knowledge and understanding.  He sat spell
bound now
as she related to him about one of her grandfather's ceremonies, though his thoughts were more on her than what she was saying.  Every time he was near her
,
his usually logical mind turned to pudding and all he could wonder about was how her skin would feel beneath his hands, how it would be to feel her supple form beneath
him.  As he watched her sensual
lips form the words she was saying, he wanted to kiss her. Her lips had been so sweet against
his own.  So very, very sweet.

Oh, God you tempt me so, Skyraven
, he thought, and yet i
t
would
be impossible for them to stay together.
Deep in his own thoughts
,
John took off his jacket  and began to dress in the shirt his blue-eyed protector had brought,  marveling at the workmanship.  It was soft to his skin and beautifully designed, a souvenir he would keep in memor
y of the time they had shared.

Slowly John's attention turned back to Skyraven's conversation.  She was explaining that the office of chief was not hereditary but that the males of each tribe chose their chief on the
qualities
of bravery, leadership,
unselfishness
and willingness to do
everything
possible for members of the tribe.  A chief could not be deposed unless
the people lost faith in him.

"If your chief is chosen on those merits, than you qualify for chief,"  he said  drawing her head close to his own and laying his
cheek upon hers for a moment.

"Oh, but that could never be"  she
said with a laugh
as she looked deep into his clear blue eyes.  "Women do women's work and men do men's work.  It was meant to be that way from the beginning of time.  But I am pleased that you hav
e found such qualities in me."

Skyraven went on
to tell John that right now a s
un
dance was being performed and that the people would dance all night long in order to put thems
elves in touch with the Great S
pir
i
t.  "I have
hoped
that I  will not be missed tonight.
But
Lone Wolf might
search for me with his eyes."

"Lone Wolf?"  He seemed to recall hearing that name before
, surprised as a
surge
of
jealousy
swept through him.  He knew he had no claim to her
, but
the thought of another man looking at her with the same
longing he felt, bothered him.

"The c
hief's son.  I should have stayed but ..but I wanted to be here with you.  I must return before sunrise, however."   With a sparkle in her eyes she told him about the purpose of the ceremony. "These days of games and eating and young people catching the eye of
their
future husbands or wives will end at sunrise.  Many of the braves will choose their wives bef
ore the  buffalo hunt begins."

"Will choose their wives?"  Again jealousy pricked him.  Even though he knew that once he left they would go their
separate
ways
,
he just couldn't bear to think of her with anyone else. "Are you spoken for?" he asked sof
tly.

His voice sounded so strange, she detected that he was bothered about something. Did he care more about her than  she dared hope?
"No, not yet
,
although I think Lone Wolf, the chief's son has that in mind
,
"
she answered,
cocking  her head to one side as she
smiled broadly. "But if
W
h
ispering
Wind had her
way, that will
never happen
."

"Do you care for Lone Wolf?"   It was a prying question
,
yet his turbulent emotions wrenched the words from him.  He had no claim, he told himself again.  She was merely a very beautiful woman who had saved his life.  She had her own life to live, a life that did not include him.  He had
to get  that through his head.

Skyraven could tell by the look on his face that he did not want her to be interested in
anyone
else.  That greatly pleased her.
She knew that sometimes women played on such feelings for their own gain, but she could not do such a
thing.
“No
, he is my frien
d
," she answered truthfully.  "I grew up with him  and know him well, but I do not love him. I am part white as I already told you.  My father was a white fur trader and although I never knew him, my loyalty is sometimes divided.  Whispering Wind says that because of this Lone Wolf will choose her for wife. Who knows.  I like remaining free but someday  I  will choose."  She measured her words ca
refully, gauging his reactions when she said, “Whispering Wind says it is whispered that when  I decide, I might choose  a white husband."

"A white husband?"
So, she did not oppose the idea. “Would you?”

“If he was not too unpleasing to the eyes.”
  As she spoke
,
she raised her jaw in such a winsome, teasing way that John could not help himself.  He gathered her into his arms in a loving tender embrace, looking deep into her eyes.  The depth of her emotions showed plainly and was
as potent as any aphrodisiac.

"Oh, Skyraven, do you have any idea what you do to me?"  He buried his face in the
lustro
us
, soft strands of her hair.

"I
t
make
s
your heart beat rapidly," she answered, taking her hand and placing it on his chest. 
"Just as you do to mine."  Taking his hand she placed it lightly on her breast.  "Two hearts that beat in like way.  Though my
heart is at war with my head."

"At war?"

"Remembering the way my white father deserted my mother makes me
afraid...."

"I would never desert you.  Never!"
he said fervently.
  "The spirits
have
brought us together.  This was meant to be.  I love you Skyraven and I
wish that you could be
my wife.  Mine.  Not Lone Wolf's or anyone
else’s
. 
Just mine."

Skyraven opened her eyes wide in amazement
, misunderstanding his words as a proposal
.  This was what she had desired to hear from the moment she had first seen him.  "Yes, yes.  Oh yes!"  She answered throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him closer.  He was right in what he said.  The spirits had brought them together, had led her to him.  Now she understood why.  This was meant to be.  For just a moment she pulled away.  "But first you must bring great gifts to my grandfather.  That is the Arapaho way."  Her grandfather would be apprehensive at first
,
but somehow
she would make him understand.

"Gifts?"  John did not want to offend her by asking if the Indians bought their women in this way
,
so he remained silent on that point.
But if giving gifts meant she would not give herself to anyone else, he would do whatever needed to be done.
"I will.  Many gifts, for you are worth
it.” Somehow he would figure out how to
proceed
after this gift giving. At this moment he
loved having her so close to him.  There was something magnetic abou
t this woman.  She was so child
like in many ways and yet so
knowledgeable
in others.  He could not help himself.  He was drawn to her  as he has never been drawn to any woman before. 

Skyraven began chattering on happily.  "Tomorrow I will take you to my village and let  you meet my grandfather.  Oh, he will like you, I
know he will.  And then....."

"Skyraven.."  He silenced her by putting his finger to her lips.  He hated to put a damper on her enthusiasm but  even her beauty could not make him forget his responsibilities.  "
B
efore we can make any plans
,
I must return to the Fort or I  will be considered absent without
leave, a serious consequence for soldiers."

She recoiled, hearing the words she feared he might say. "But you will come back...."

"I will come back.  It is a promise."   Closing his eyes he contented himself by holding her tightly for a long, long time.  "While I am gone,  I want you to remember that even though we must be separated for a short time
,
I will return for you and will bring as many presents for your grandfather as
I can carry back with me
."  

It was an impulsive statement spoken from his heart and most certainly from his head. Though he was drawn to her, John suddenly wondered what had possessed him to make a promise to return. He really couldn’t make such a promise. No doubt it was because of his jealousy over Lone Wolf. Or the enchantment of the cave. For just a moment as reality invaded his dreams he wished he
could
take the words back, at least until he could think rationally about the subject. Above all, he did not want to hurt her. She had been deserted once by a white man and he didn’t want to
bring her
such hurt again.

John looked down into her face, and in that moment he was lost. She suddenly reminded him of a soft kitten, purring with happiness as she succumbed to the dreams he had
unleashed
. He w
anted to come back yet he could only hope
that it would be a vow he could keep.
             

Chapter Nine

The night breeze was cool,  the small cave  cozy and pleasantly tranq
uil.  John
sat across from Skyraven  watching as she threw some logs onto the fire
.  Just as she nourishes the small blaze so does she kindle emotions in my heart
, he thought, catching a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye
s
.  He had never realized he
could feel such strong emotion.

"A
re you hungry, John Hanlen?" 

"Hungry?" 
He watched her appreciatively, standing
so regal and proud
.
  What would it be like to share his life with such a woman. "Yes, I am."  Though for something other than just food, he thought.  It was her company he welcomed more than the rabbit she was preparing for him.  Just being with her was enjoyable and g
ave him a deep sense of peace.

"The meat should be cooked to tenderness now," she said softly, handing him the meat still on the spit. He took it thoughtfully, cutting it with a kni
fe she had likewise given him.
“Do you like it…..”

"Rabbit is one of my favorites...."  Looking up he caught her eye and smiled his appreciation.  She returned his smile
,
then looked away.  It was as if both of them were still entranced by the embrace they had shared a short time before and afraid to break the spell by conversation.  A fr
agile silence held them bound.

I hardly know her and yet suddenly she has become the most important person in my life
, he thought
.  We're from two different worlds, our customs and people are at variance and ye
t  I feel at ease in her presenc
e, as if it is with her that I was always meant to be.
He pondered the matter over as he ate the moist, succulent meat.  He'd never perceived that he would
have special feelings for
a woman not
of his own kind and yet he did
. There was no turning back
now, though he knew what caring about
this girl would mean.  Ridicule.  Scorn.  There would be difficult times ahead, for her and for him.  Even so
,
he didn't want to change his mind.  He had said he wanted to
come back for her and he had meant every word.

Skyraven's gentle laughter echoed in the cave.  "You eat as if I have starved you."  Without a second thought she gave him her own portion.  When he refused she insisted.  "I have eaten several times today but you only this once.  "Please, take this
,
for I will enjoy seeing your hunger satisfied far more than I
would by  satisfying my own."

"Well......."
he hesitated.
  The dried meat and berries he had eaten earlier were filling but had not completely assuaged his appetite.  As a soldier he was skilled in foraging for his own rations
, but there had little to be found on the ridge.
"Soldie
r," he thought silently, reality suddenly sobering his sense of happiness
.  The thought of  hi
s being a major suddenly sobering
his sense of happiness.  He had an obligation to his commander and the others of his
fellow officers.
  He could not let selfishness justify his betraying his duty, though he desperately w
anted to stay and never leave.

John stared into the fire, feeling depressed by the knowledge that the time had come all too soon. He had to leave.  He had been at the cave for three days and nights, enough time to regain his strength.  He couldn't  in good conscience stay here any longer, even though it would take all of his fortitude to force himself to leave.  Her face would forever be etched in his memory
,
a woman who could walk
proudly beside him,
the woman he'd always dreamed of but now that he had found her he must leave her behind.   It seemed a grave injustice. Tomorrow at the sunrise he would ask Skyraven to show him the trail to the fort
.

Oh, Skyraven
, he thought.  Now he had to sacrifice that pleasure
of her
company
to return to his own people.  At least, however, the promise he had made would bind them until he could return.  That was the only thing that soothed him.  He would come back and when he did he would be
prepared to take her with him.

Skyraven sensed at once that John Hanlen was troubled.  All sorts of thoughts besieged her mind.  Would he come back?  He had said that he would. He wanted to, she could see it in his eyes. But would he?  Perhaps when he left it would be a final goodbye.  For the first time in her life she came close to understanding her mother's turbulent emotions.  She was experiencing similar feelings now. All the pent up resentment she had once felt for her whi
te father began to diminish
a bit.  Perhaps he had meant to return but could not.  Perhaps
,
after all
,
he had loved her mother once.  Was that why  Man Above had chosen a white man to be her mate?  So that she would think upon her father
and mother's love more kindly?

Skyraven thought again about t
he white soldier's
promise to bring back  gifts for her grandfather
and to then take her with him
.
John Hanlen says he
will come back for me,
but will  he once he leaves to join with his own kind?
  She wanted it to be true, wanted to belong to him but reality crowded in on her dreams.
  There was a chance that this c
ould be goodbye.  If that was true then she wanted something to remember.  One night of love to carry her through the rest of he
r days and nights without him.

She wanted to tell him what  it was she wanted
,
but an unusual sense of shyness swept over her.  As she knelt before the fire
,
her heart quickened and her legs suddenly grew weak with a trembling awareness of this man.  She was acutely aware that she and John Hanlen were all alone.  The very thought gave her a warm glow
,
but
she could not bring herself to voice her desires. 

"Tell me about yourself, John Hanlen," she said, suddenly wanting to
leave those thoughts behind.
She knew so little
about him, she realized
, only  that he was a soldier.  "Are there brothers and sisters that once shared yo
ur tepee?"

"Two brothers and one sister, all much younger than myself.  It's been a long time since I have seen them, or my mother and father."  John didn't know what spurred him on to talk about himself, it just started.  Once he began the words poured out.  He told her about his mother and her gentleness, his father's stern, unrelenting way.  He spoke about all the times he had wrestled with his
siblings
,  how  he had always protected his little sister.  He vented his feelings on how the war had devasta
ted all of their lives.

"My grandfather says that war is very bad, that it causes much heartache." She told him that her
grandfather, the
wicasa waken
  had been called by Man Above to serve for his entire life time not just as healer but as a holy man.  "He is  peaceful , not a warrior.  One of his duties is to con
duct the peace pipe ceremony."

John gave a thoughtful nod.  He was very interested in the peace pipe ceremony.  Perhaps Skyraven's grandfather could help bring about peace between the Whites and the Indians at some kind of conference.  Surely his
commanding
General was a reasonable man.  If a solution to this land war could be solved peacefully it would be much the better for both sides involved. Until it was solved he couldn't even  begin to live his own life or concentrate on his future.  Oh how he wanted this beautiful woman beside him  fo
r the rest of their lives.

"I hope when I
come back for you
that your grandfather will not deny me."  He imagined that
the answer was not always yes.

"Because you are
a soldier?"

"Yes.  I hope he understands that although I am a soldier by occupation I too long for peace."  He reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly, as if he never wanted to let her go.  "Just as all Indians are not like the Utes,  not all soldie
rs are alike either."

She smiled.
"I know.  You are
a special man, John Hanlen."

"Love makes me so." 
The word  just slipped out. Did he love her?  Or was it appreciation for her saving his life coupled with desire?

"Yes, love....."  Love, she thought.  The word had a special meaning to her now.  To join with a man meant the right to comfort him, the joy of making love, shielding and protecting him. Skyraven snuggled against him, curled into the crook of his arm.  She was warm and content.  For just a moment it seemed there was nothing beyond the charm
ed circle of their closeness.

"If only we could...."  He broke off, lifting
the dark, glossy mane of hair that lay o
n the back of her neck and moving
it to the side.  It felt clean and soft between his fingers.  On sudden impulse he put a handful of the dark hair to his lips and cherished it, just as he wanted to do to every part of her.  "But until this feeling between the whites and the Indians is settled we c
annot go on with our lives." 

"I must go back to the villa
ge and you to your soldiers."
A poignant loneliness possessed her at the very thought and she turned to look at him.  "And if our two peoples can not live together peacefully
,
then we may
never see each other again."

Her voice sounded so wistful that it tore at his soul.  "Perhaps I can talk to your grandfather about a peaceful settlement of the land situation."  There had to be another way be
sides giving in to brutality. 
Peace, such a precious word.
  And n
ow
,
  since me
eting her
,
it was even more so.

John could resist no longer.  He took both of her soft hands into his own.  The slender fingers offered no resistance as he entwined them with his own as if they were making love.  He  kissed the palm of each hand slowly, lingeringly.  "Peace Skyraven.  We must do what we can to bring about peace so we can be together."  Reaching up, he put his arms around her neck and drew
her down beside him.

She smiled
,
showing her gle
aming, straight white teeth .
"My grandfather will help us."

"I hope to God that he can."  He was suddenly curious about this "wicasa wacan. "Explain more about the ceremony  and your beliefs so that I ca
n understand."

"The peace pipe is our most sacred
possession
.  It is really the heart of all our sacred ceremonies.  The smoke rising represents the v
oice of the people rising from Mother E
arth to Man Above.  The bowl represents man's mouth, the tobacco all living things on earth .  The three foot long pipe stem is the connection
between
the sky and the earth.  The stem is held in the right hand and is passed around in a circle in the direction o
f the sun circling the earth."

"And could
this
peace pipe
ceremony help to bring harmony between
your people and my soldiers?"

"I believe it could
be so.  The spirits want there to be peace or they would never have led me to you."  Her soul knew the gentle power of  love.  His caress upon her was an affirmation of li
fe and contentment.

"I care very deeply for
you,"  he said softly.  There was no doubt in his mind as he looked into the innocent, sincere questioning ey
es looking up at him.   He did have deep feelings for
this beautiful, brav
e young woman
that went beyond his gratitude for having saved his life
.

"And I,
you," she managed to say before his lips were again upon her own , tasting the honey, the sweetness and the softness.  Their lips caught and clung in
kisses of newly discovered passion
.  His lips moved across her mouth with
a feathery lightness
. 

"Skyraven...."  He spoke her name softly, caressingly, then settled himself against the wall of the cave.   Their kisses were tender at first
,
but the burning spark
of their heated feelings for each other burst their passion
into flames.  Desire flooded his mind, obliterating all reason.  He was seized with an excitement that left him
breathing heavily,
yet he was determined to maintain control.  To do otherwise was to take advantage of the
situation and of her trust.