Sweet Temptation (38 page)

“I know Gavin’s away, else I wouldna have come,” Colleen said. There was a desperate quality to her voice. “I have nowhere tae go. He willna live unless ye help him.”

“Then he’ll be getting no more than he deserves,” decreed Betty, who had just reached the hall. The chagrin of having championed Ian in preference to Gavin had caused her to feel very foolish, and she was willing to say just about anything in retribution. “I’ll bet a lot of Frasers are going to look queer, when they learn the rifles his lordship’s men carried were so full of mud they couldn’t have fired a single shot.”

“Let’s get him upstairs,” Sara said, making the only decision she could. She dared not think of what would happen if Ian was still in the house when Gavin returned, but she couldn’t refuse him, not when he was so grievously wounded.

She had regretfully kissed Gavin good-bye less than two hours earlier, but she was still wrapped in an aura of contentment. The past six days had been almost perfect. Gavin had guarded her like a precious jewel, and couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off her. Twice he had traveled back from the far reaches of the estate just to share the noon meal with her, and he hadn’t once missed dinner. He still hadn’t given up on talking some of the clans out of their support of the Stuart prince, but he never stayed away all evening, and he was never too tired to give Sara his undivided and energetic attention when he returned.

Not a day passed that Sara didn’t give thanks for Letty Brown. If she thought she could have gotten away with it, she might even have named her first daughter after her. It scared her to think how close she had come to not speaking to her.

But even with Letty’s help, she hadn’t achieved her ultimate goal: Gavin still hadn’t said that he loved her. But that didn’t bother her very much anymore. He was just about the only person in Scotland who didn’t know he loved her. Feeling secure in his love, Sara was perfectly content to let him discover it for himself.

She was also content to let him remain in ignorance of the fact that she had conceived an heir, a child she was certain would be a son. She wanted him to be able to love this child from the very first moment. But if he couldn’t yet admit that he loved her, how could he love her child?

Sara was also afraid he might see this child as a victory for his father, rather than the fruit of their love. She knew that no matter how much Gavin had learned to trust her, his feelings for his father would never change. She prayed Gavin would come to see his child as a wonderful gift, not as the natural result of a marriage forced upon him specifically for the purpose of producing this child. Just knowing that she was going to have a baby made her happy, and she didn’t want this wonderful experience to be denied Gavin. He had suffered enough already.

She was also a little selfish. She wasn’t sure she was ready to share him with anyone just yet, even his own child. Gavin had opened up so little of himself, still held himself so privately. Sara wanted more time for just the two of them, time when he could slowly lower the barriers he had erected over the years, barriers that kept out his friends as well as his wife.

Not the least of her reasons was her fear that he would stop spending his nights in her bed. Sara could have stood it if he had ceased to make love to her—she wouldn’t have liked it, but she could have stood it—but she was certain Gavin would lock himself in his own room until the child was born. Sara was honest enough to admit that she didn’t want that. She was sure Gavin’s physical desires were stronger than her own, but Letty Brown had been a better teacher than she knew. Sara was not willing to give up Gavin’s embraces until she must.

Seven days later Ian sat up in the bed, as Sara came into the room carrying lint for more bandages. She stopped abruptly.

“I didn’t know you were awake.”

“I asked Colleen not tae tell ye.” Sara’s look asked why. “Ye have avoided me ever since I got here. I had tae think o’ some way tae see ye.”

“After what you did, you ought to be ashamed to look me in the eye.”

“I was willing tae give my life for my prince,” Ian said, pointing to the bandages that still covered his chest and one thigh. “Why should I balk at one little kidnapping?”

“Your
little
kidnapping could have cost Gavin his life. That hound might have killed him, if I hadn’t gone back.”

“Ah well, I hadna intended for Gavin tae receive my letter until I returned. I never thought he would find ye, nor succeed in getting into the house.”

“I don’t find anything laudable in what you did,” Sara said, stubbornly refusing to unbend. “You gave no thought at all to how your actions might injure others.”

“I plead guilty in the name of the Prince,” Ian said with all the old charm Sara remembered. “In my own right, I wouldna risk a hair o’ yer head.”

“That’s a fine thing to say, now that I’m safely rescued, but if Gavin’s horse hadn’t killed that dreadful dog, I could be cold in my grave by now.”

“Sara, ye must believe me when I say I thought ye would be in the house and unharmed the whole while.”

“Well, let’s not talk about it anymore. It won’t do any good. I might as well change your bandages, since I’m here. How are your wounds feeling?”

“Tis still quite stiff I am, but they do no’ pain me so much anymore.”

“I thought you were dead when I saw you on that stretcher, but it was mostly exhaustion and loss of blood. You can go back to the Prince in a day or two.”

“Could it be that ye are anxious tae be rid of me?”

“I admit I’d rather you weren’t here when Gavin gets back. As it is, he’s going to be angry when he finds out I took care of you.”

“Gavin is always letting his anger get in the way of his being able tae see others for what they really are. No wonder he canna see yer worth.”

“Gavin is quite pleased with me,” she replied, determined to hear no criticism of Gavin from anyone.

“But he does no’ appreciate ye as I do, or the Prince,” Ian added, when he saw Sara’s eyes widen in surprise. “He continues tae ask after ye, as does Miss Walkinshaw. She entreats me tae bring ye for a visit.”

“I’m naturally grateful to the Prince for his consideration, and would dearly love to see Miss Walkinshaw again, but it isn’t possible, not with Gavin supporting the King.”

But she couldn’t suppress a sigh. As much as she loved Gavin and enjoyed being with him, he was away a lot of the time, and she often found herself longing for company, especially females of her own class. Some of the local women would not visit her because they supported the Prince, and she had long ago reached the limits of Betty’s and Mary’s conversation. If it had not been for visitors coming for musical entertainments or to read an occasional poem, she would have been tempted to sneak off to the Prince’s camp, in spite of Gavin’s disapproval. She had to admit she missed the excitement of the army. It was impossible to be surrounded by five thousand vital men and not be affected by the sheer physical energy of their presence.

But she told herself to be patient. It wouldn’t be long before she would have a family to care for. Her morning sickness was a regular thing now, and there was no question but that she could expect to give birth sometime in the fall. There was nothing in the world like a baby to bring women together, no matter what their political differences.

Ian misinterpreted Sara’s hesitation, and assumed that only persuading was needed to make her change her mind. He had wanted her for himself from the first moment he saw her, and he didn’t intend to allow his friendship for Gavin to stand in his way. If he could just get her away from Gavin, even for a short while, he was sure she would get over her silly infatuation. But Ian was no fool, and he realized he could never cut as handsome a figure as Gavin. Neither could he forget the angry looks the couple had exchanged in Glasgow, nor the uncertainty he had seen in Sara’s eyes when she left with Gavin for Edinburgh.

Ian exerted himself to talk Sara into going to Inverness with him—the Prince had been there for the last month—even if it was only for a short visit, but no matter how often he thought she might be changing her mind, she steadily refused.

“Surely Gavin wouldna forbid ye a short visit.”

“Under the circumstances, I’m sure he would forbid any visit at all. You seem to forget that you have placed him in a difficult position with Cumberland.”

“He is a coarse German lout.”

“Possibly, but he’s still the son of the king and the commander of the army. It’s not easy to ignore a man in such a position.”

“Can ye no’ stop worrying about what Gavin would think and what would be best for Gavin, and think of yerself?” Ian demanded irritably. “Ye sound more like his mistress than his wife.”

“His mistress was a very understanding woman,” Sara answered, remembering Clarice’s challenge to the earl.

“Then forget Gavin
and
his mistress,” Ian snapped. “Think o’ yerself for a change.”

“Sit up so I can remove this bandage from around your chest, and stop trying to talk me into something you know I shouldn’t do,” Sara commanded. “Anything that’s good for Gavin is good for me, too.”

“What has he done tae make ye so loyal? Ye were certainly treated rough in Glasgow.”

“Gavin has had many demons to overcome. He doesn’t think a woman can love him for himself, and he’s still afraid he may be betrayed, just like his mother was.”

“Gavin has no heart tae lose tae a woman,” Ian said impatiently. “I have known him for the best part of twenty years, and excepting his mother, he scorns the lot o’ ye. He’ll keep a mistress—even a woman-hater like Gavin needs the comfort of a woman’s body—but he’ll no’ give ye his trust, nor his heart. He has none tae give.”

“You don’t understand,” Sara began, but Ian cut her off.

“Ye wait until there is a crisis and see if I’m no’ right. No matter what he’s told ye, see if he does no’ turn against ye.”

“I thought you were his friend?”

“I would rather be yer friend.”

“You are my friend. I would never have gotten to Scotland without your help.”

“Then leave Gavin and come away with me.”

Sara was so stunned, all she could think to say was, “But I’m married.”

“It does no’ matter. The Prince is Catholic, and his church does no’ recognize a Protestant marriage.”

“And if he loses?”

“They willna recognize yer marriage in France either.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” asked Sara.

“Never more,” Ian replied. “I’ve loved ye ever since I saw ye in those disgraceful clothes, and ye announced ye were Lady Carlisle and expected to be
protected
rather than assaulted by the Prince’s army.”

“But I didn’t—You knew I was married—Gavin’s your best friend!”

“A man has no best friend when it comes tae women.”

Sara gave herself a mental shake. “You’ve got to stop talking nonsense and let me finish the bandage.”

“I am no’ talking nonsense,” Ian assured her. “I was never more serious in my life. I love ye, Sara, and I want ye tae come away with me.”

Sara could only stare at him. She realized that he really
was
telling the truth, and he
meant
every preposterous word he uttered!

“We can leave now and be in France in two days.”

Sara’s hands stopped in midair. This couldn’t be happening to her. No one, especially Ian, could seriously ask her to leave Gavin. Surely Ian realized how completely she loved her husband and that she would never leave him. She was so bemused, she didn’t stop him when he pulled her face down to his and kissed her hard. She just stood here, too shocked to move. She thought she heard someone in the hall, and the fear that Colleen should catch Ian kissing her brought her out of her trance.

But she didn’t have to pull away. Ian already had. Sara’s failure to respond to his kiss, her wooden acceptance of his lips, told him more clearly than words that his efforts were unavailing.

“Ye do no’ love me.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No. I love my husband.”

“Did you ever?”

“I’ve always loved Gavin.”

Sara couldn’t read Ian’s expression. It seemed to be a mixture of a fatalistic smile and a grimace, but bis eyes were empty. “What has he ever done tae deserve tae have someone like ye tossed into his lap?”

“People aren’t loved according to whether they deserve it or not,” Sara said. “It just happens. It’s not something you can plan.”

“But marriages are.”

“I was more fortunate than most. I loved my husband.”

Ian looked angry, but he wasn’t one to waste time lamenting over a lost gamble, and it wasn’t long before a look of resignation settled over his face. He reached into his coat, pulled out an envelope, and handed it to Sara. “Here. I’ll have no need o’ this. Perhaps ye can find some use for it.”

“What is it?”

“A letter signed by Gavin’s father. I took it from the Prince’s files, in case I might need it tae convince Gavin tae return the rifles, or tae let ye go.”

“The Earl wrote the Prince?”

“I imagine it was in the nature of a hedge, in case the Prince won. This is the only copy.”

“I don’t want it,” Sara protested.