Sweetness (30 page)

The past week on
this bus has been tense to say the least.
The guys have all made Julie feel very welcome and I
have tried to be nice to her; I swear I have, but she is
making this very complicated. She shoots me dirty looks
when no one else is looking, she is cold and snarky when
I do try to talk to her, and she blatantly flirts with
Dominic right in front of me. I have locked myself away
more then usual and worked twice as much to stay out of
her way, but something is going to snap in me soon.
There is only so much of her crap I am willing to take.
Even though she doesn’t know it, we are both in the
same boat when it comes to Glen Maser so it isn’t going
to be much longer before I tell this bitch to lighten the up
on me.

We are parked outside an arena on a Thursday
afternoon and since we made good time and got here a
whole day early the guys have ventured off on their own
for a few hours; leaving Julie and me on the bus…alone.
After about three hours I am still working at the kitchen
table on press releases and updating the band’s social
media sites. It is a hot summer day and the bus door and
windows are open because the air conditioner can’t be on
if the bus is off. Julie hops off her bunk and walks into
the kitchen area throwing open the fridge door and
grabbing a bottle of water before plopping herself on the
couch.

I pay her no mind. That doesn’t seem to settle well
with her.
“So what exactly do you do, Emma.” The way she
asks the question has a condescending undertone.
“Well, I am responsible for the marketing and
promotion of the band, Julie.” It is stifling hot on this bus,
I am PMS, and I am not in the mood for her attitude
today. The guys aren’t here so if she wants to get into it
then I am more than ready. I am not her damn punching
bag.
“Oh yeah. Glen told me your rich daddy got you a
sweet job at his company. Must be nice to be the boss’s
daughter,” she scoffs while looking at me over the top of
her water bottle.
“Glen doesn’t know shit about me and you know
even less so don’t pretend like you do. Yes, I do work for
my father’s company but he doesn’t run the company.
My boss gave me this assignment because he knew I
could handle it. I do a pretty damn good job if I do say so
myself,” I defend, through clenched teeth.
“Yeah, I can hear how good you are at your job,”
she says while air quoting around the word job. “These
walls are pretty thin…ech.”
Is this bitch serious? She knows nothing about me.
I have been as nice to her as I can stomach. If she wants a
standoff, she is going to get one. I lean back in my seat
and cross my arms while glaring back at her.
“What exactly is your problem with me? I have
been nothing but nice to you since you got here. You
have been a bitch to me since you stepped off that plane.”
“My problem with you, Princess, is-“ I stand up
from the table with my hands clenched into fists at my
sides. Just before I make it to where Julie is, she stands
up too, looking like she is ready to throw down if I am.
“Don’t you ever fucking call me that! Do you hear
me? You don’t know a goddammed thing about me, so
don’t ever, ever call me, Princess, again.” I grit through
my teeth while anger pulses through my body. No doubt
she got the term, Princess, from Glen. I am sure he filled
her head with all kinds of lies, but she has no right to
assume she knows what the hell she is talking about.
I am standing toe to toe with her, my back facing
the front of the bus and hers facing the bunks. She has
the nerve to sneer at me while my body shakes with
adrenalin. Even though we are roughly the same height
my anger makes me feel a whole foot taller then her. If
she wants a fight, she got one. I have never been in a
physical fight with a girl before but there is always a first
time for everything.
“Or what? You’ll hit me. Yeah, your fucked up
family is good at that,” she spits back with an angry
smile.
“Again, you don’t know anything about me or my
family, so shut the fuck up. You want to keep your
mouth shut and let Glen use you as a punching bag than
that’s on you. But don’t for one second think that I am
anything like that prick.”
“You’re right. You’re not like him, he is loving and
caring and all he ever wanted was to have someone love
him; to have his family love him. You and your family
tortured him to the point of him breaking. Now I am
stuck loving a man who can’t love back. You broke him,
all of you.”
Ho-ly shit. Seriously. Am I in the fucking Twilight
Zone here?
I stumble a step back realizing that this girl is
crazier than I thought. He must have really done a
number on her sense of reality if she believes the crap
that just flowed out of her mouth. Loving and caring? I
think we are talking about two very different people.
Nervous laughter erupts in my chest and out my mouth
in a rush. The harder I laugh the more visibly pissed Julie
gets.
“Wow, he really has you fooled. You are just as
delusional as he is. Loving and caring? Those words in
the same sentence as Glen’s name are an oxymoron; and
you’re just a moron for believing him? Glen Maser has
never cared about anyone but himself.”
“Shut your mouth. You don’t know anything. You
may have Dominic and my brother fooled, but you don’t
fool me. I know you. I know how you tried to seduce
Glen when you were younger, he told me how you
would come onto him-“
“WHAT!!! What the hell did you just say? Is that
what he told you? He actually said that?” My body is
seething with anger. I can’t focus on anything but the
filth that is coming out of her mouth. I can’t believe Glen
would lie and say something like that. On second
thought, yes I can. I can totally believe he would make up
a story like that.
Deluded freak of nature that he is.
“Don’t play innocent. He told me how you used to
parade around trying to screw him and his friends. How
you tried to take advantage of him one night when he
was drunk.”
Her statement, forces every ladylike bone in my
body to disappear. My jaw actually hurts from clenching
it to tight. Standing nose to nose, I know if she says
something ridiculous like that again, I am going to snap.
“You are out of your, God. Damned. Mind? If you
think I would ever let him touch me willingly, you’re just
as fucking crazy as he is. I didn’t try and take advantage
of him when he was drunk. He got drunk after
you
broke
up with him one night, then came home and raped me.
All because he was angry with you! I was a virgin and he
raped
ME
because of
YOU
. I didn’t seduce him. He raped
me, and tortured me for two years. Does that sound like
the loving and caring man you know, because if so, you
are just as mental as he is,” I yell in a rush not realizing
what I just confessed to her. Her eyes widen and focus on
something over my shoulder. I whip around and find
four very shocked men standing behind me on steps.
“Fucking sonuvabitch,” Rocco yells, pushing past
them. I hear him hit the side of the bus, thus forcing
Chris to follow him. Dominic’s shocked eyes lock on
mine. Justin steps between Julie and me, probably trying
to save his sister from the ass whooping she deserves.
“You’re lying. He told me what a lying whore you
are-“ Julie screams as she reaches past Justin to grab at
me but Justin holds her out of arms reach as I try the
same.
“Shut up, Julie. Just shut the hell up. She’s not
lying,” Justin defends. I see Dominic blink for the first
time since my confession. His eyes narrow and look past
me to his best friend.
“How do you know that?” Dominic asks, puffing
up his chest, “You knew all this? You knew about this
and you didn’t say anything to me? The fuck man?”
I can’t be here.
The small space is swallowing me whole.
I can’t breath in here.
Panic.
He knows.
I screwed up.
He knows.
I push past Dominic and out the bus doors. I can
hear Justin screaming my name but I don’t turn back.
Dominic’s yelling at Justin but with the blood rushing to
my head, I can’t hear anything but the wind rushing past
me as I dart off in an unknown direction.
Thank god the venue is deserted except for us and
some roadie vans because everyone in earshot heard that
scene no doubt. I don’t really know where I am going but
I know I need to put as much distance between me and
that bus. I run to a grassy area on the far edge of the
parking lot. The small oasis between the parking lot and
the highway is covered by trees that will hide me.
I fall to the ground, gasping for air as the last ten
minutes of my life play over in my head. He knows. He
knows the truth and he is going to think I am disgusting
and tainted. I am disgusting and tainted. I have to get out
of here. I have to leave and go home. Home, where I’m
safe.
I pull my knees up to my chest and lean against
one of the trees that make the area cooler from the shade.
I reach into my pocket for my phone so I can call Wanda.
She will know what to do. She will help me get through
this. I dial her number and it goes straight to voicemail.
I can’t handle all these emotions. Anger and fear
are just the tip of the iceberg. It is the sudden feeling of
mourning that has me a bubbling mess. Mourning for a
man that I know I’ve lost; for a man that will never want
me now.
“Max.” Yes, Max. He’ll help me.
“Hello, beautiful,” he greets, causing silent tears to
break into full-blown sobs. “Emma, what’s wrong?” His
voiced is laced with panic but I can’t calm down long
enough to speak. “Emma, sweetie, talk to me, what
happened. It will be okay. Whatever it is, you will be
okay.
“H-h-e k-k-knows,” is all I can squeeze out
through my sobs.
“Who knows what? Dominic? Does
he?…About?…Shit. Emma it’s okay. It will be okay, I
promise. Where are you?”
Max’s voice is comforting. I really wish him and
Wanda were here with me. He doesn’t push for answers.
He just keeps telling me that everything will be alright. I
can’t get the image of Dominic’s haunted face out of my
head. He was shocked at this revelation, sure, but there
was something else. I knew once he found out this would
be the end for us. I just didn’t think it would happen so
soon.
“Honey, where are you. Where is Dominic? What
happened?”
“He is on the bus. Julie and I got into and
argument. He heard us fighting and it just slipped out.
He knows what happened Max. It’s over. We’re over,” I
mutter as a fresh set of tears builds up in my eyes.
“Is that what he said? He broke up with you
because of this? Fucker.”
“No. He didn’t say anything. I ran off before he
could talk to me, but I saw it in his eyes. He doesn’t love
me. How could he possibly love me now that he knows
how disgusting I am?”
“Emma, where are you? I don’t want you to be
alone. Come home.”
After a long pause something in me clicks. I can’t
go home. I can’t run away from my job, from the band. I
have to see this tour through. I will do what I always do.
Survive. At least until we hit Seattle.
I sniff through the tears and wipe my nose with
the back of my hand. I don’t want Max to worry about
me. It was unfair of me to call him; I need to deal with
my own problems. I am a big girl and I need to handle
this. I have gotten thought worse on my own. I will
myself to hold back the tears. I am in control. I will not let
this control me. “I am in control,” I say to myself silently,
over and over again.
“I’m fine, Max. I am going to go to a hotel or
something tonight and figure out what to do next, but I
can’t leave. I have a job to do. I can’t just quit because
things went bad with Dominic and me. Everyone is
counting on me. I need to see this through.” I state with
as much conviction as I can muster under the
circumstances. I can’t quit now. There is too much riding
on me doing this. I won’t give Gabe the satisfaction of
saying ‘I told you so’.
“Fine, just call me when you settle in to your hotel.
If you need anything I want you to call me right away. I
don’t care what time it is. I will come out to California
and kick his stupid ass myself if I have to. None of this is
your fault so don’t let him make you feel otherwise. You
are strong. You can get through this, I know you can.”
Screeching tires in the distance grabs my attention
and I see a black SUV driving toward me. I immediately
settle back against the tree and pull my feet up into my
chest; trying to make myself as small as possible. I have
no idea who is in the car, but if it’s Dominic I don’t want
to talk to him right now.
“I will Max. I have to go. I will call you later
tonight.”
“Okay. You call me, do you hear me,” he
demands.
“Yes, bye.” I hang up the phone just as the SUV
stops at the edge of the grass and the passenger side door
swings open. Justin pops out and puts his hand on his
brow like a visor to block out the sun. When he spots me
he takes a sigh of relief as I cower in the shadows.
“Jesus, girl. You are like a fucking gazelle. One
second I see you running, then by the time I get off the
bus, you’re gone,” he jokes as he approaches. Justin sits
on the grass next to me and hands me a bottle of water.
When I look up to take it my eyes meet his. He looks off
in the distance to where the bus is still parked. “I’m sorry
about Julie. You didn’t need that.”
“It’s fine. He would have found out eventually.”
“Yea, but that wasn’t the way. I think he is more
pissed that I knew and didn’t tell him. He just slammed
the door to his room and didn’t say a word after you ran
off. Just give him time to absorb it all. He’ll be fine.”
I stand and wipe grass from my butt. “I’m going
to a hotel. I am not staying with you guys. I have caused
enough trouble and there is a lot riding on this promo
tour. You all have worked too hard to have this domestic
bullshit get in the way now.”
Justin bends and lowers his head to meet my eye
line. I look anywhere but at him because I know if I do,
the tears will come again and I need to be strong.
“Emma, Dominic loves you and you love him. You didn’t
do anything wrong, so if he is pissed off at you for this,
then he is not the man I thought he was. You both need
to cool off, then talk this through.”
“I know, and we will. Eventually. But for now, I
am going to a hotel to take a shower and figure out what
to do next. I can fly out ahead, to the next destination or
just meet you in Seattle early since you really don’t need
me for the rest of the Cali stuff. I have some stuff to do
for Bumbershoot so-“
“Don’t leave! Just stay. We will figure something
out. I don’t want you to be alone.”
“Oh, she won’t be alone,” bellows Rocco’s deep
voice from behind the SUV. “I booked a suit at a hotel
nearby. It has two bedrooms so we can all fit. It is too
damn hot to sleep on that bus anyway. If Dom wants to
sulk in there then he can go right ahead, but I’m going to
the hotel.”
Rocco and Chris stand with Justin and I. A small
smile tugs on my lips as these hard ass rockers try to
comfort little ol’ me. It is very nice of him to do that, but
these are Dominic’s friends and bandmates. I don’t want
to cause any friction between them.
“That’s sweet guys really, but I don’t think it’s a
good idea. I don’t want to cause any problems with you
and Dom. I will just get my own room.”
Christ puts his arm around my shoulder and gives
me a sad smile. “Remember what I said last week.”
“You like girls?” I laugh.