Sweetness (31 page)

“NOOOO, before the interview,” he says with
mock indignation as he puts me in a headlock then gives
me a nuggie. “I told you, you are one of us. I meant it.
You’re like the annoying little sister I never wanted.”
“Gee thanks. But seriously, I will probably be bad
company.”
“If I know anything about girls it’s that they
drown their sorrows in carbs, while us guys drown ours
in booze. So doll, pick your poison. Pizza and ice cream
or whiskey and beer. Ladies choice,” Rocco questions.
When my eyes dart to Justin and Chris, they nod in
approval.
“Fine, booze it is. But I have to get my bag from
the bus.”
“All taken care of. Bags are in the car,” Chris says
matter of factly.
“Really? Then Dom knows where I am going and
he didn’t care?”
“I didn’t ask. He watched me pack your bag and
didn’t say a word. Julie however, did ask and I told her
that we were going to a hotel and that she wasn’t invited.
I didn’t think you wanted to deal with her right now,”
Rocco says as he opens the car door and shoos me in.
The short ride to the hotel was filled with Chris
and Justin telling dirty jokes and Rocco grimacing into
his phone. He silenced it shortly after we left so I
wouldn’t hear it constantly vibrating, but his eyes never
left the screen until we pulled up to the hotel.
The suite that Rocco booked is at a very popular,
Los Angeles hotel. I’m sure it cost a small fortune. It has
two bedrooms, private bathrooms, a living room, a full
kitchen, and a killer media setup. When Rocco checked
us in, the concierge took one look at us and explained
that any damage would be fully accounted for, to which
Rocco’s reply was, “That’s fine. As long as when the
hookers and live animals arrive you point them in our
direction.” I was sure they were going to kick us out right
then and there. But always the adult with these clowns, I
assured him we’re harmless.
“So, this is my first slumber party. What do we do
first? Paint our nails, watch sad movies, shave our legs,
what?” Chris asked as he plopped on the sofa and turned
on the TV.
“You sure you like girls?” Justin asks, earning him
a flipping of the bird.
“You guys do what you want. I am going to hit
the showers. Lets order some food though. I don’t really
want go out but if you what to, feel free. I was serious
when I said I don’t mind being alone.” I was hoping they
would get the hint but as soon as I said food, Rocco was
placing a room service order.
I take my bag into my room and plug in my
charger, to charge my now dead phone. Turning on the
bath and filling the exceptionally large tub, I get a wee bit
excited to actually take a soak. Thank god for little
pleasures like an actual bathtub. That tight, cramped,
little bus is starting to get on my nerves.
As I sink into the hot, bubbly water I start to relax
and think about what I am going to do now that,
Dominic knows the truth about Glen. He can’t possibly
be mad at me, can he? I didn’t do anything wrong. I
know I should have told him, but I wasn’t ready. Justin
thinks Dominic is pissed off because he knew and
Dominic didn’t, but I didn’t tell Justin, he figured it out. I
am not in the wrong here.
And Julie, she better damn well stay clear of me. If
she wants to believe Glen is not a disturbed individual
then that’s on her, but she needs to keep herself in check
with me. I won’t let her talk about me and call me a
whore. It took a long time for me to believe that what
happened wasn’t my fault. No one deserves the torture
that Glen imposed on me. I will be damned if I have
come all this way to have her get me to believe otherwise,
again. I dealt with the pain and agony of walking that
road alone when I was just sixteen. No one to turn to, no
one to hold my hand and tell me it would all be okay. But
now I do. I am not alone any more. I have Wanda, Max,
and even the band in my corner…except Dominic. No
doubt, Julie is filling his head with all kinds of lies about
me by now. Knowing how Dominic always sees the best
in Glen, he will probably believe her, too.
My heart hurts knowing that this may very well
be the end of our story. I don’t know where we go from
here or how we fix this. I just have to keep doing my job
until I go back home and figure my life out. A life,
possibly without Dominic in it.
Could I do that? Could I lose the one man I have
ever loved and just move on? I knew that at one point or
another it would come to this. It would eventually have
to come to an end. I mean, come on, I have a stable job in
New York and he is a rock star that will be on tour most
of the time. It would have never worked out long term. I
love him but I have to realize that this all happened so
fast and it was bound to fizzle when real life set it. We
just got caught up in the moment and rushed this too
quickly? This was just one of those things you tell your
grandchildren about one day. Right?
Who am I kidding? I have loved him since the day
I walked into that coffee shop and saw him for the first
time. I loved him when we would look up at the stars
and he would tell me all about his hopes and dreams of
becoming a rock star. I loved him when he would kiss me
against the tree near the school in the middle of the night
while our friends did God knows what in a dirty van.
And I definitely loved him when I saw him again in New
York. This was our second chance, a chance to see if we
could get it right. But I guess love just isn’t enough when
the universe is plotting against you.
I get out of the tub, as the water turns cold. I check
my phone for messages but sadly there are none. I text
Max, telling him I’m fine and at a hotel. I don’t get a
reply from him either. Once I am dressed in yoga pants
and a t-shirt I join the guys for food and booze. Heavier
on the booze.
“So how did you guys all meet? I know what you
tell people in interviews, you grew up together, but
seriously how did the band come together.”
“Well, Dominic and I have known each other since
I moved here when I was seven,” Justin commented.
Rocco chimes in. “Nancy and Jason adopted Chris
and I when I was about twelve. To keep us out of trouble,
Jason insisted we do something constructive with our
time so we all picked an instrument and took lessons.”
“Jason and Nancy?” I question.
“Yea, Dom’s parents. Chris and I were in the same
shitty foster home and one night after I got caught trying
to boost a car, our foster father beat the living shit out of
me. Chris tried to stop him and got his ass kicked, too.
Nancy was the nurse on call at the hospital that night.
She told us she had a son about our age. Once she looked
over our files she saw it was not our first ER visit. A
week or so later she came by the group home we were
transferred to. Dom and Jason came, too. We all hit it off
and they adopted us. Saved our sorry asses from that
shithole. Don’t know where we would be without them.”
“Wow. I didn’t know.” I look over to Christ who
now has his head down picking at the label on his beer.
“They sound like good people.”
“They’re the best,” Chris answered urgently while
taking a long pull of his beer.
I give Chris a tight smile. He is the most timid of
the bunch. I could tell that life did him wrong a time or
two, but I had no idea how bad it was.
Without any more being said about it, we eat junk
food, drink, and watch movies before passing out around
midnight.
The next morning I wake up to a tapping on the
door. “What?” I mumble.
“Wake up sleepy head. We are leaving but you
can stay as long as you want. I booked you a regular
room here if you want to stay, my credit card can’t
handle another night in this suite,” Rocco laughs.
I sit up straight and watch as Rocco sits on the side
of my bed. “Thanks, Roc. I think I will, but I’ll pay for it. I
am going to stay. After the show tomorrow in LA, I will
head out to Bakersfield for the next gig. I’ll be gone
before you guys get there. I think it’s best if we all just
breathe for a bit. Bumbershoot is in three weeks. You
guys don’t have any real appearances until San Francisco
the week before so I will just go on ahead and make sure
everything is set. I really appreciate you all looking after
me, but I need you to focus on the band. That’s what we
are all here for. This is your chance to make it big. I don’t
want Glen, or me, or Dominic, to get in the way of that.
You have all worked too hard to screw it up now.”
Rocco’s expression is unreadable but I know he is
struggling with something. I don’t ask him because I
need him to keep his head in the game and keep
everyone on track while I am not around.
“Thanks, Emma, but can you just come to the
show tonight. You can come after we are on stage and
leave before we are done with our set but…just come see
us. Please, for me,” he asks while giving me sad puppy
dog eyes. It is very odd to see a large bulky man, covered
in piercings and tattoos, looking at me like he is.
“Fine, but just for your set. I really don’t want to
cause a scene. There are no band meet and greets tonight
because it is such a small venue so I can slip in and out.”
“Thanks. Just knowing you will be there is
enough. I really do have to get going but I will see you
later.”
With that the burly, pierced, tattooed drummer
walks out of my room. Chris’s words keep ringing
through my head, “you are one of us.”
Maybe that is why we click so well. Chris, and
Rocco, and I are all survivors. I don’t need to know their
stories to know that life hasn’t been easy for them. But
they did it, just like I did. They proved to the world that
if you come out swinging, it would all be worth it in the
end. Makes me happy that they consider me one of them
now, in more ways then one.

For the past two weeks
I have kept my distance. I am at
the venues before they show up and gone by the time
they arrive, so needless to say my nerves are on edge
tonight. The show tonight is bigger then the others. This
place holds about a thousand people or so. This is the last
show in California before we all head out to, Seattle, on
Monday. After that, I go back to New York. Back
to…hell, I don’t even know what. Since I started at HMA,
I was with Dominic. Work was a distraction until I got to
see him again. With nothing to look forward to now, I
guess work is all I have.

They guys have begged me to come back on the
bus with them but I keep telling them I can’t. Dominic
has called and text me every day, begging for me to talk
to him. I can’t. Hearing him say that we are over would
be the final nail in my coffin. The horrified look on his
face when he found out about, Glen and me, was enough.
Enough for me to know that he will never want me the
same way he did before. I love him, more than words can
say, so to have him look at me as if I disgust him; I just
can’t do it.

I know I was just prolonging the inevitable by
putting him off. But as luck would have it, I don’t have
much choice in the matter now. We will all be at the same
hotel tonight and since this is a bigger venue, I have to
hop up on stage for our usual performance of, Sweetness,
as Justin so callously informed me. I told Justin to have
Julie take my place but he said that Dominic wouldn’t do
it without me. I guess I should be overjoyed that he kept
his promise to never perform my song with anyone else,
but I am scared to death.

Strolling in the backstage door wearing a short,
tight red dress and my black heals, with the skulls on the
back, I’m terrified. Lucky for me I was late enough that
the band was already two songs into the set when I
arrived. I stroll around backstage and stand off to the
side, watching the band perform their hearts out. It has
been two weeks since I’ve seen them play and I am
enjoying watching them play together in perfect
harmony. They certainly are the epitome of performers.

I eye them all like a voyeur. Rocco is sporting a
black and white bandanna around his head while
thumping the drums wildly. Chris is strumming his bass
with his eyes closed, like he’s the only person in the
room. Justin is lost in his riffs while making eyes at the
woman in the crowd and sticking out his tongue
provocatively, and Dom…he’s watching me. My breath
caught at the sight of him wearing a pair of light ripped
jeans, a tight red shirt, and a black leather vest; holding
onto his microphone like it is his last possession in the
world while never taking his eyes off me. I don’t even
think he blinked through the last part of he song.

Tears fill my eyes while I watch him. I missed him
so much these past two weeks. I was finding it hard to
eat or sleep. The nightmares of Glen sneaking into my
room at night, kept me awake. Truth is, I’m scared to be
alone.

As the band starts the next song I feel a single tear
slip out of my eye and down my cheek. I can feel my
resolve to walk away slipping every time our eyes met. I
could see the pain in his eyes and the hurt expression on
his face. I did that. My fucked up life and my stupid
family did that. I quickly wipe away the tear and take a
deep cleansing breath so I’m not a bubbling mess when I
go out on stage.

After a few more songs and a huge knot in my
stomach, it is time for me to join the boys. But this time
its different. As the lights dim there is no box for me to sit
on, only one lonely stool near the mic stand. After all the
guys exited the stage on the opposite side, Justin comes
out with an acoustic guitar and sits on the stool a few feet
away from me. On the darkened stage Justin gives me a
small smile, but says nothing. Is he going to perform
instead of Dominic? Clearly not. He couldn’t. Dominic
wouldn’t let him sing this to me, it means too much to
him. Or at least, I thought it did.

As I step onto the stage the lights go down and a
single spotlight shines on the middle of the stage, just
like it had all the times before. Justin starts playing the
guitar and it takes me a few cords to realize he is not
playing, Sweetness. Its not until Dominic walks out from
behind the black curtain and starts singing that I
recognized the song is, “Marry Me” by Train.