Swords of Waar (26 page)

Lhan raised his hand. “Will you not be missed, my Aldhanan? Such a trip will take more than a moon. Surely the church will begin to wonder if you do not appear in public.”

The Aldhanan looked at Sai and Wen-Jhai. “I will put it about that the wounds I took fighting in Durgallah have sickened me and sent me to my bed, and that my daughter and her consort will rule in my stead until I recover.”

I had to bite the inside of my cheek at that. I mean, Sai and Wen-Jhai were good kids at heart, but they were about as qualified to run a country as I was. It was like giving the keys to Fort Knox to a couple of third graders and telling ’em to keep the bad guys out.

I could see that Lhan felt the same, but with Sai and Wen-Jhai standing right there, what could he say. He just bowed. “Very good, my Aldhanan.”

But Shal-Hau had a question too.

“Forgive me, my Aldhanan, but do you think that in a ship full of sailors and marines there will not be one set of lips that will not slip? Your secret will be out in one stop.”

The Aldhanan smiled. “That is why the secret will not leave this room. Even the captain of our ship will not know who I am. To all but you who hear me now, I will be nothing more than the captain of Aur-Aun’s retinue. You will address me as Captain Zhiu, and you will dispense with all the formalities due an Aldhanan.”

“It won’t be enough.”

At first I didn’t know who’d spoken, but the Aldhanan turned to Aur-Aun. “You still fear I will be recognized?”

The tax man shook his head. “I know we spoke of this before, my Aldhanan, and I will of course obey your commands, but I must speak again.”

Holy shit! I suddenly realized why I hadn’t known who was talking. Aur-Aun was like a Schwartzenegger action figure. He could talk without unclenching his jaw or moving his lips.

“The church is too powerful, my Aldhanan, and too rich. Even the most loyal of your subjects might betray you if the church offered them unlimited amounts of water. Every Dhanan you take into your confidence adds to your risk of betrayal. Someone will speak, and ruin will follow. You must abandon this plan now.”

The Aldhanan put a hand on Aur-Aun’s shoulder. “I thank you for your concern, Aun, but it is precisely because the church inspires such fear that I must do this. And also, thanks to Dhan Lhan-Lar and Mistress Jae-En, we can offer water of our own.”

He motioned to Anan, and the Captain lifted a satchel off his shoulder and opened it up. It was the water tokens! I shot a hard look at Lhan. So he’d donated our honeymoon money to the cause after all. Thanks a bunch, pal.

The tax collector’s eyes bugged out when he saw all the orange glass, but then he shook his head. “It is indeed a fortune, my Aldhanan, but not even a sixtieth of what the church can put on the scales.”

“We must still try. We must break their hold on us, or die.”

Aur-Aun looked like a bullfrog who’d swallowed a football. He was fighting so hard to keep his opinions to himself that he was shaking, but at last he lowered his head. “Then I will die at your side, my Aldhanan. And gladly.”

Wen-Jhai choked up a little at that, and looked at him with glistening eyes. Sai wasn’t so impressed. He shot the guy a dirty look, then looked at the floor. Something going on there?

Shal-Hau broke the moment with a cough. “My apologies, Aldhanan. This is, I think, for the most part a wise and well thought-out plan, but might I ask how you expect the heretic leaders you wish us to meet with to believe we are fellow dissidents when we travel as companions of the Imperial tax collector?”

The Aldhanan smiled. “It is simple. You will tell them you travel under false pretenses, that the Imperial tax collector is unwittingly helping you spread the word.”

Sei-Sien scowled. “But who else travels with the tax collector except his retinue? Will you disguise us as sailors? Some of us have not the correct physique.” He looked at me. “Nor gender.”

“Worry not. We have devised the perfect disguise.”

Oh hell. Not again. What the fuck was with Waarians and their fucking disguises. I couldn’t wait to see what they’d cooked up for me this time—robot? Sack of laundry? Dancing bear?

The Aldhanan grinned. “Mistress Jae-En shall be a priestess of Laef, while Lhan-Lar and two others will be her escorts.”

Sei-Sien had a coughing fit at this, and Shal-Hau and Gaer-Zhau burst out laughing. I shot them a hard look and turned to Lhan. He was as pink as a guy with purple skin can get. He couldn’t look me in the eye.

“What? What are y’all laughing about?”

The Aldhanan harrumphed. “If they find humor in it, Mistress, it is entirely their juvenile natures to blame, not your disguise. Laef is one of the Seven—the Goddess of Fertility, prayed to both by farmers hoping for bountiful crops, and couples hoping for children. More importantly for our purposes, her priestesses often travel with the Imperial tax collectors so that they might have their protection when they collect their own tithes from her outlying shrines. It will therefore be entirely natural for you to travel with us.”

I didn’t get it. It didn’t sound very funny to me, but when I slid a glance over at Shal-Hau, he was still tittering like a schoolgirl. Sei-Sien looked like he’d been kicked in the stomach. Lhan was still red in the face.

“Yeah, okay. So? Am I gonna have to do some kinda funny dance or pretend to be a wise woman or something? What’s the gag?”

The Aldhanan shrugged. “It is a baseless rumor, but priestesses of Laef, because of their connection with fertility, have a certain reputation among the unsophisticated. They believe them to be, how shall I put this….”

I put up a hand. “Don’t bother. I get it. You’re dressing me up as some kind of super hooker.”

The Aldhanan raised his eyebrow. “A-a what, Mistress?”

“A pro, a whore, a prostitute.”

He grimaced. “As I said, the rumors are baseless. The priestesses are highly respected women.”

Shal-Hau burst out laughing again. “They are also rumored to practice fertility rites with their escorts at every opportunity.”

Sei-Sien pounded his leg and stood up. “I—I refuse this disguise! I will not be thought of as the… plaything of some gargantuan love priestess! It is beneath my dignity!”

The Aldhanan shrugged. “Then you need not go. Besides Mistress Jae-En and Lhan-Lar, there is room on board for only two more. The rest of your society will stay behind and spread the word here in Ormolu. I would hope that you send your best orator, he who can stir hearts and minds to action, but you may decide that among yourselves.”

“I will go, for one,” said Shal-Hau, putting a hand to his chest. “I have done naught but sit and talk for too many years. Before I die, I wish for once to act. As to the other…”

He and the other heretics looked at Sei-Sien, who squirmed under their gaze like a three-year-old in church.

“What do you look at? Did I not say I would not go? I will rouse Ormolu, as someone must.”

Gaer-Zhau laughed like a rusty gate. “Come, Sei-Sien. How many times have we heard you say that you wished to bring our message to the rest of Ora? The disparate cells of discontent must unite, you said. A rebellion against the church will not work, you said, unless all rise up as one.”

“Yes, but—but this….”

“This is the most perfect opportunity you will ever be given.” Shal-Hau patted Sei’s arm. “You claim great skills as an orator, pupil. Here is your chance to test them. Here is your chance to shine.”

Sei-Sien opened his mouth like he was going to whine some more, but then he stopped and his eyes went all dreamy and far away. “Yes. Yes. Shine.”

It was like watching Dr. Evil as a teenager, suddenly having the idea that he could be a super villain. Holy crap, Shal-Hau had just created a monster and he didn’t even know it. It made me realize why all revolutions end up being just as bad as the governments they replace. ’Cause guys like Sei-Sien are always at the head of them, and they like hearing the sound of their own voice way too much.

Lhan turned to the Aldhanan. “We have our four, my Aldhanan. We are ready.”

“Excellent.” The Aldhanan clapped his hands like a camp counselor getting everybody out of bed for calisthenics. “Now come. Don your disguises. Aur-Aun’s ship is to sail within the hour.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

SUSPICIONS!

C
onsidering the luck I’d had with disguises on this stupid planet, I was afraid that dressing up like a priestess of Laef was gonna mean climbing into some kinda burlap gunny sack with a Darth Vader helmet stuck on my head. But no, once we split up and the Aldhanan’s maids brought me to some kind of dressing room, they handed me something that actually looked half-human—and all female!

Of course, I still had to get painted up so I didn’t stick out like the big pink freak that I am, but the Aldhanan had thought ahead, and the maids had already whipped up all the fixings they needed to turn me purple. So, after a half-hour getting sluiced and splashed and massaged, I was the color of a ninth-grader’s fingernail polish from head to toe. Even my hair got the treatment—my white-trash red hidden under a coat of goth-chick black. After that came the priestess’s duds, and I have to admit they looked better than anything else I’d worn so far on Waar. The bottom half was the usual loincloth bikini thing in a dark maroon, which the maid said was the Waarian color of love, and which draped all the way to the ground in the front and back. The matching top had long sleeves, but was cropped just under the boobs like those sari tops Indian gals wear, and laced up the front like a ren-faire bustier. It pushed everything up, together and out, which was kinda overkill in my case, but why not? At least nobody would remember my face.

Actually, they wouldn’t anyway, ’cause I also wore a headdress and a flimsy pink veil, like a nun and a harem dancer all wrapped up in one—which I guess it what a priestess of Laef was supposed to be, right? The other thing I wore… well, let’s just say I finally figured what to do with Lhan’s balurrah. I tied it around my neck and wore it like a necklace, right in the cleavage where he was sure to look.

And he did. In fact everybody did. Well, Shal-Hau giggled, but everybody else absolutely unhinged their jaws as we all stepped out of our dressing rooms.

Lhan swallowed. “Y-you look… magnificent, Mistress.”

I gave him a look. “Is that some kind of code word for large?”

“Not at all. You—you are the very image of Laef. You—” He saw it, right between my tits, and his face went lavender white. “Is that…?”

I gave him an innocent look. “Is that what?”

He flushed as maroon as he had been white a second before, then turned away. “Nothing, Mistress. Nothing.”

Shal-Hau didn’t seem to have noticed the exchange. He clapped his hands. “You will have men falling over themselves in the streets.”

“Thanks, professor. But, uh, is that a good thing? I’m still six-one. Even with all this on, ain’t people gonna recognize me as ‘The Giantess’ from all the wanted posters?”

Shal-Hau coughed. “It is possible, but priestesses of Laef are known for being… How shall I put this.”

“Fat?”

“Er, strapping, I think, is the word I would have chosen. They are outsize women with outsize appetites. Your height may cause comment, but taken with the rest of your, er, attributes… I… I….”

Fortunately for him, the Aldhanan and Aur-Aun entered just then and said it was time to go, and Sai and Wen-Jhai came to wish us luck and say their goodbyes.

Wen-Jhai gave Lhan and I a hug and a kiss each. There were tears in her eyes. “Bring my father back safely.”

Lhan bowed to her. “We will guard him with our lives.”

Sai gave us a formal bow with crossed wrists. “And protect each other as well. You are both as dear to me as my own heart.”

Lhan and I gave each other uncomfortable looks.

Lhan nodded. “But of course.”

I gave him a little salute. “Sure, bro. And you guys take care of yourselves too. It might get rough here with your dad away.”

Sai raised his chin. “We will be strong. We promise.”

As they went to say goodbye to the Aldhanan and Aur-Aun, I saw Aur-Aun take Wen-Jhai’s hand and kiss it, which Sai didn’t seem to take well at all.

I leaned in to Lhan. “What’s up between Wen-Jhai and old Iron-Jaw over there? Some kind of love triangle thing going on?”

Lhan smiled sadly. “Aur-Aun has been part of the Aldhanan’s household for thirty years, and has known the Aldhanshai since her birth. I believe he has always loved her, and she him, though unfortunately, she loves him as an uncle, while he….”

“Yeah, got it. Though I guess Sai didn’t get the message about the Uncle part.”

Lhan shrugged. “Aur-Aun has known Sai since his birth as well—as Sai’s father has always been at court—and seen him grown from child to… what he is now. He does not think Sai worthy of Wen-Jhai’s hand.”

I looked at Sai, with his long hair and slim hips, looking more like Wen-Jhai’s sister than her husband. “Now that you mention it, I’m kinda surprised the Aldhanan did.”

“He let Wen-Jhai follow her heart.”

I smiled. “He’s a good guy, the Aldhanan.”

“Aye. An Oran gentleman of the finest sort.”

***

An hour later at the Imperial Naval Base, Lhan, Shal-Hau, Sei-Sien and me walked up the gangplank of Aur-Aun’s warship with the Aldhanan and Captain Anan and their men, just as the sun peeked over the mountains to the east, and a chilly morning wind flapped the guide sails on the balloon. We upped anchor soon after, and what a lift off! We seemed to rise up at the same speed as the sun, and got to see it spread its gold and pink and orange all over the roofs of the city below us. It looked like it was pouring honey over the world. Everything glinted and gleamed and looked as fake and pretty as something on TV. The only thing that ruined it was the Tower of Ormolu sticking up out of the middle of the city. Its gigantic shadow cut across all the golden goodness like a big black “Censored” bar across the good parts of a girly mag. Or maybe I was just biased.

When I finally turned around from watching the sun rise I saw that everybody on the deck was staring at me, just like they had in the Aldhanan’s apartments. Being the big pink freak on a planet of shrimpy purple types, I was pretty used to lookee-loos by now, but this was a different kind of staring. Before it had been like, “What
is
that?” This was more like, “Who is
she
?”