Tainted (2 page)

Does she even know what she has in front of her?  I can give her anything she wants.  Anything!  I’ve been there for her too.  All these years.  Why does she think I’m such a jerk?  Those other human girls ate it up.  They just swooned at the sappiest or cruelest words as long as I smiled.  They ridiculed me too for giving her too much of my time.  Everyone.  I’m the victim.  She’ll be sorry.  Maybe if I had some time alone with her she’d come around.  That’s it!  But how?

Pike was indignant.  He knew he could get to me, but that would never happen.  He had this idea that he just needs time alone with me and he will have me conquered.  Let me see that he had more to offer. 



Does she even know what she has in front of her?  Whatever she needs, I have more than enough.  For all the years I’ve waited!  Why does she not see that I acted the way I did for her?  Because guardian boy was always there!  Human girls fall for it all, but she didn’t like anything I tried.  She saw it as evil or mean.  If I had some time with her...alone time. 

Kin would not be deterred.  He knew he could take me against my will, but he wanted me with my actual consent.  A generous offer...that he could give and beat out the rest.



I’ve decided hearing the thoughts of men can be harmful to my health.  Both Pike and Kin stay near the court more than away it seems.  Now that I have a closer connection, they don’t seem to hide it as well.  Mostly they let things leak on purpose, but sometimes they forget to filter.

My life is war and peace and love and heartache all mixed into a bowl and packed into a jar labeled
Grace’s Believe It or Not
.  This war between the courts will be bigger than me.  They think I will be the one to save us.  I sincerely hope they are not mistaken.

Love conquers all.  I’d thought long about it since that day in the forest with Ian, the guards, and the goblin attack when leaving Pike’s domain not so long ago.  Ian tried to send his riddled hidden messages to appease my inquiring mind as he often did, but I warranted no answers unless he was willing to explain them. He promised to be more open with details, but was being stubborn about what he called “battle tactics” and other secretive man strategies.  Diplomacy is hard to earn brownie points in as a queen if I don’t know the system.  He says I shouldn’t have to worry about such things.  I had a feeling Ian’s ways differ from his mother’s and the outlying semantics of why they brought me here has to do with the prophecy alone, not ruling a people.  Honestly, I was okay with that.

When my directness didn’t warrant the information I wanted, I went for other unanswered questions.

“The dandelions were never you, were they?”  I asked Ian earlier tonight lying in the middle of the trampoline.
Kin’s doing.  And still doing.  That’s why I asked.

Lying in the bed, still my mind raced as I looked back on the rest of the conversation.  I spread out my even longer than ever before inherited blonde tresses in bad need of a haircut across the pillow and replayed the night in my head.  I wanted my thick hair to freeze up and allow me to tuck it under my neck in speed mode so that it would send chill bumps down my back like Ian’s kisses.  And…it was getting warmer outside and any small cool comfort would feel wonderful to soothe not only my summer warmth but my throbbing head.

Ian and I talked about an array of things as long they didn’t surface around my safety. I’d been allowed to spy only, but not visit at my human home while my parents continued on with their life.  My father still meticulously left everyday in his gray suit and silver gray tie.   My mom still woke every morning to kiss my father goodbye at the car and see him off. 
Sigh.

Ian took me there yesterday morning to gain a small comfort in seeing them when the Nym guards caught sight of Pike sneaking around the edge of the house for which caused a quick retreat.  Pike did say he saw my mom re-salting the windows.  All of them! 

When we returned late in the night to sever the stress of the day on the trampoline, I felt him move closer to me as if needing the same calming reassurance I needed by wrapping ourselves around each other in silence.  I relished in the closeness as I twisted my newest single red rose laced above my ear but worried it was just a ploy to avoid my questions.  When the night ended and not one “battle tactic” question was answered, I knew I was right.

I grunted at the loss and tossed myself onto my stomach.   When I finally closed my eyes and mentally took myself back to my home hoping to find one piece of information that might help Ian or Pike and even me, the queen of the Seelie court as to why Kin would be there, nothing substantially worthwhile came to mind. Other than the obvious, me.  And I wasn't convinced.

Everyone thought I was this queen.  The weight of the world on your shoulders is a hard thing to bear and still hold decision making confidence.  I wasn’t ready and I was.   Since following Ian into the Fey world and accepting destiny as the Seelie court queen, I found that life was just as hard in the supposed fairy tale world.  Humans have been misled.

Speaking of misled, Ian explained once that’s how the legends made history explain that the Fey are just thumb size creatures who float around all day and that no human could fathom the idea that a race could have different sizes for different purposes.  Sounds right to me!

“All those times, when my mom, you…looked back out the windows and down the street…is all this what you were seeing?  Fey people everywhere?”  I pointed to the air.

“Mostly I saw Kinsler!  I was only interested in any threats towards you and forever closer than wanted. And some of Kinsler’s minions kept a close eye on you too.    Pike taunted me daily on the cusp of telling you more than you should know. It was an endless battle, but yes they were there every day.  And so was I.” 

Our conversations jumped around just conveying information to and from each other in every subject imaginable.  Like tonight.  Another repeat of the night before. We’d known each other for so long, but still really knew so little.  Maybe he’d watched me for years, invaded my thoughts even, but really, he had no idea how my human
female
mind worked.  That much I figured out as of late.

“I couldn’t get into your house Grace.  Your mom had salt across all the doors and windows.”

“Why?”

He explained the salt tonight.  The Fey can’t cross it.  The drawback, this kept him out as well.  Quite often it was spread across the balcony doors in my bedroom without me knowing it seems, but not always.

“Who is she keeping out now?”

“That’s what I intend to find out.”

Kin.   I saw it in his eyes and the way he lifted his crooked eyebrow just the way I liked. I wondered just how many Fey were in the human world and how many like Kin intending harm. “You once told Pike about invading my dreams.  I’ve been thinking about that.”  I paused with my finger tracing my cheekbone. “Do you know exactly what I dreamed every night?” My eyes drew up in anticipation giving away just
how
much I wanted to know.  I moved back enough to study his face intensely willing him to answer, then crossed my fingers behind my back for extra luck.

He nodded a yes. I was so glad he was telling.

“Do you… already know how they ended?”

He didn’t want to lie to me so his unease was evident.  “Yes!”  He kept his eyes directly on me, no doubt hoping like crazy I wouldn’t be angry.  I sighed just barely knowing he was keeping some part of it to himself.  He deliberated
too
long.  “Did you put them there?” I asked.

“No!”

I didn’t expect that answer.  “Did I?”

“No!”  Certainly didn’t expect that answer.

“I don’t understand.”

“I know,” he sighed evading the truth.  Just like I thought.

“Ian.”

“Pike put the dream there when you were twelve.”

“What?  Why?  How did he—never mind, why?”  The choked sound in my throat broke the words up.

He looked down and mumbled, “He was stopping Kinsler's.  He wanted to put himself into your dreams in hope that you would give him the chance one day to become his—“

“How sick!  And I’m not a dang prize!” I thought first stopping him in mid sentence then I remembered, “But you were in my dream, not him.”

“I made it to him just in time to alter what he’d put in your dream sequence.  I replaced him with me and—“

“You two can create and alter dreams.”  This unnerved me a bit. I kept interrupting him without really meaning to.

“In humans, yes!”  I would probably be disgusted with what all they could do. .

“It is really disturbing to know you knew I was dreaming about you all this time.”

He nodded.

“And you know that, in the dream, someone tried to kill me?  That was Kin, right?”  Because That made sense.   “And I’m guessing, correct me if I’m wrong, that Pike tried to put himself in my dream to keep Kin evil, and he put himself in the dream to save me.”  Butthead Pike! Evil Kin!  Is he really that evil or just manipulative or did Ian and Pike set him up to be that way.  Either way I couldn’t help but let the name catch in my throat every time I said it or even thought it.  It gave me the chills. I was totally getting into a dark black mood of sourness and wanted no part of it.

Nodding seemed to be safe as I fought a smile with my clever detective work.

“And you replaced him with you.”  I didn’t wish to belabor the obvious, but I felt like things were being left unsaid and I needed to clear the air.

I watched him run his fingers through his dark hair and then saw them spiral and spin back down in front of one eye the way it always did.  I was okay with all this dream stuff just not happy that someone or something could have been that invasive into my mind for years.   But it didn’t hurt me, really.  I smiled wanting to hear him say that he’d switched the dream for fear of losing me or some reason like it, but did I really need to hear it.  “I’m okay.  But just to be clear about this, I don’t think even for one second that Pike could have ever been appealing to me, dream or not.”

When Ian’s shoulders fall, all is better. I pulled his arms up to me with the vulnerable shields down appearance that was something Ian had never pulled off until recently worrying briefly if I weakened him by my very presence.  I ask too many questions.  I only meant to create exposure to what comes with this person or being that I is becoming, not add anxiety to his life. 

The air too quiet I added, “I’m really okay, Ian.”

Finally, he spoke away from me.  “I know.  It’s just…I hated keeping that from you for years. I couldn’t tell you things for so long.  Now that you can know, it’s killing me to lose your trust.”  He sounded very honest and frank. I get the “I hold back information for safety reasons” Ian, I just don't like it.

“Trust you.  I completely trust you.  Why would you even think that? Never mind.  Either way, Pike is the dog.  And yes, I understand his motives, but stop thinking what you think I’m thinking because you’re wrong.  Pike’s just pissed I won’t go play in his sandbox.  Well, my sandbox is full.  No room for more than one and he’s already here.” 
You capricious man you!

He cracked an almost nonexistent smile at my analogy. It was just enough of a smile to make me want to throw my arms around him and kiss him, but I temporarily kept my hormones in check. “Anything else from growing up I might not know and we can clear the air completely?”

He withdrew further from me and thought for a second, “I wasn’t skipping classes to gallivant, as you say, around like you thought. Kinsler was right behind you most of the day.  Not scaring you, but he tried to take you more than once.  I couldn’t let my guard down.”

That was ominous.  Why did he want to kidnap me so bad?
“Anything else?”

Before long, I caught something running through my thoughts.  That’s how it works.  These guys interlace their thoughts with another to communicate.  I was the newcomer to it, not them. The weird part was Ian didn’t seem to know he was doing it.  He thought about the coach.  And that he wasn’t there in the last few days of my persuasive nature attacks with my odd magical skills. He pictured something I didn’t recognize that had something to do with coach and Kin, but made a decision to solve this one himself.  Before I could make sense of his garbled thoughts he said aloud,  “No!  That’s it.”

I would analyze the sequence later so I smiled and leaned my forehead onto his. Telling him I could see what he was thinking might make him mad.  Still, I didn’t see how he couldn’t feel himself doing it or know he was.  All the other times with him or others, it seemed to cause a startle in the person. 

Both our heart rates were racing from the infrequent physical contact that we both secretly wanted remedied but still denied ourselves.  I tilted my head just slightly to allow his eyes to see mine, know what I wanted.  With our eyes locked on each other, I eased my lips to brush against his feeling brave for being the initiator.  We both shivered.  He brushed my lip aside and just rested his cheek against mine instead of continuing the kiss.  Bravery was fast becoming my new middle name!  We stayed in that moment until we were both torn from our bliss by my name being whispered in the background.

“Miss Grace.  I hate to interrupt, but there is an emergency.”

Ugh! 
There is always an emergency and only addressed me even though it was Ian who took care of it.
 
I didn’t move, but opened my eyes and leaned my forehead back against his like before. He squeezed my arm as I touched my bracelet making me smile at the reminder.  Ian turned one of my favorite pendants into one when it ripped off on the range practice one morning. 

“Go, my queen.  I will check my guards.”  I was still unaccustomed to this newfound freedom of being so open and sharing the responsibilities with Ian, what few I had.  

More awkward was the little bit of the control I had especially when it came to him.  It seemed I could ask for whatever I wanted and he would grant it but I would never ask.  At least not after I figured he’d not deny me.  This could be disturbing to someone else and easily taken advantage of, but I didn’t want that to ever happen.   

Whatever the guard wanted, it wouldn’t take long and didn’t involve Pike if Ian wasn’t within the request.  So now, I waited for him to dismiss them wanting him to remain in charge and not as my prince.  Not in a marriage sense, well yes that too, but in charge.  He knew what he was doing and knew way more than I did.  Sometimes, I could see that he was letting me lead, but I didn’t want to do anything alone.  It’s together only.